4/22/02 HAPPY EARTH DAY. Or, maybe it should be "solemn Earth Day" as we think about the deplorable state of our planet. I had a fourth grade teacher that made us privy to environmental issues--I was actually a militant environmentalist for a year or so...telling my mom not to use detergents with phospho-containing reagents, writing letters to KFC telling them about the evils of styrofoam.
They never wrote back. Sniff.
I sit here with my head phones on, attempting to block out my roommate telling someone new that she's happy 'cause she found a place to stay next year. I'm happy for her, but you know, it's the typical roommate annoyance that since you're around this person so much, you have to hear her tell the same thing to different people 500 billion times. Thus, the headphones. "California...Califooooorniaaa!" Go Phantom Planet.
I found this entire website devoted to the strange search requests that link people to other people's websites. see for yourself. Now I feel less original.
4/14/02 DAMN THE FRENCH. I have certain biases on France, but that's my own problem, which we won't get into...kind of like how I don't eat green M&Ms, even now.
But the thing is, I "cooked" this morning. I don't normally...the means I use to eat consist of mainly punching buttons on the microwave. My actual cooking capacities rarely rise above pasta, and even then, my sauce is derived from a jar. A damn jar I store in my fridge that I can never seem to open when the time calls for it (damn my girly frame! Where are the guys when you need them! Put DOWN the porn and help me open this jar!) So I end up doing dumb things to the jar like heating the lid over the stove hoping physics doesn't fail me (like I failed it--heh heh), or sinking into primitive simian mode by knocking the lid against the counter. All in vain.
The point is that I don't cook. I find it wastes time. I'm a slow eater, but I usually consume the food faster than the time it took me to cook. And it really doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment after I cook. Case in point this morning, with the French toast. This has to be the most overrated food. It's so trivial I almost cried. You beat one egg. You soak your bread in the egg. You throw the bread over the fying pan. And somehow this turns out to be something different from my usual omelette and toast breakfast? I felt like an idiot making it.
4/13/02 HEY YOU GUYS WHO USE NETSCAPE: You're frickin' losers! Every last one of you!!!!! Why don't you get a browser that works for once, huh?
Heh heh. My site can't be seen thru Netscape. This probably due to internal errors in my HTML "coding," or lack thereof. So that's my way of turning around and attacking other people for my own stupidity. You damn morons. If I had any concept of the code at all, instead of running this site thru a plug-and-chug method, I would have the sense to fix this problem. Stupid idiots.
Question of the Day: Do I self-depricate too much? That's a thinker. Better put on "Bohemian Rap City" for this one.
Answer: My self-depricating remarks are equally balanced by my insults of others. Hey, it works for Mike Nelson.
4/6/02 AHH, HUMANITY! Ready to laugh at other people's stupidity? Sure you are! During my search for all-things-Queen on WinMX (I'm going through this...phase) several files showed up entitled, "Bohemian Rap City."
Speaking of my Queen phase...I spent a glorious two months with Under Pressure stuck in my head (much to the dismay of my roommmate, who probably heard me blast this song out a billion times a day), only to have it replaced by Fat-Bottomed Girls. This is the worst song to have in your head. I feel so ashamed because of the content...not being an ample-butted individual myself, it's not really my place to belt out a song about fat-bottomed girls. But it's so darn catchy.
4/3/02 GOOD TIMES.
As a child of the 80's, there are some great movies out there that were a large part in my childhood. We're talking circa 1986 or so. I would have been six, which is about the age when you can start remembering things that you saw. I remember seeing all of these movies on tv with my family. Don't ask me how this is possible; I don't know when the VCR was invented or when the first Blockbuster opened up, or when HBO started. It's all shady territory for me, but let's just say I remember seeing these movies on the tube, and did not start frequenting the movie theater until I was a little older.
It's funny what some other people my age consider a part of their childhood that I don't. For instance, I was never really into Ghostbusters, but I know quite a few people who have this childhood link to that movie. I saw it last year. Was not that great, but I guess I would need that childhood perspective. It's the same with other 80's movies that I have only gotten to see when I was in college: Top Gun. Pretty Woman. The Princess Bride. These mean nothing to me.
I even admit shame-facedly that I did not get into Star Wars until high school, circa October of my freshman year. Silver lining though--no one influenced me to do this. I remember seeing The Empire Strikes Back on tv, but not being very interested in it.
But I can tell you about Indiana Jones. I grew UP on Indiana Jones. Err, at least the second and third one. Again, I didn't see Raiders of the Lost Ark until last year, which I LOVED, but I totally remember growing up with Temple of Doom. And because it has this link to my childhood and my family, it's my favorite of the three. I mean, Raiders had the whole boulder scene and the wiping-of-the-chin scene, but Temple of Doom had the monkey brains and the walking thru the corridor CRAWLING with bugs (eww!) and the mining car scene. Not to mention the ripping out of the guy's heart when he's still alive.
And The Last Crusade is also very near and dear to my heart because I actually saw it in a theater, circa 1989, with my uncle and my cousin. Ahhh that was great. You know that part in the end where the idiot picks the wrong grail, and when drinks from it, he starts shriveling up and rotting? That totally creeped my cousin out, who was (and still is) two years older than me. But for me, it was no biggie. I loved that.
When I was home for spring break, they were showing the Indiana Jones movies on the American Movie Classics channel. Which was great because I got to see them again, but kind of depressing because that really dates me.
But what actually pre-dates my viewing of Star Wars is my viewing of Spaceballs. This might be the stupidest movie ever, but because I grew up with it, it's golden. I remember sitting there with my cousins cracking up. I only have vague memories of the plot, but I remember having a really great time.
(some time in march)SUCH IMAGERY! Such Eloquence! I just got done reading another installment of Mike Nelson's Mind over Matters (read: I'm studying for the MCAT), which I briefly explained in my Read, Listen, Watch section. But then I realized that I could be even more frank by epitomizing my enjoyment of the book by one line: that dude cracks my shit up. Now, I must stress that I was not the creator of this line, I got it from an an acquaintance whom I saw last 4th of July at the Taste in Grant Park. So kudos to her, the expression has proved to be very useful. So my heading of "SUCH IMAGERY" really refers to her line. As for Mike Nelson's book, it's just hella funny. And if you laugh at me for saying "hella," let me just say that my roommate says, "hecka."
Speaking of books, the next One Book, One Chicago chosen by our fine Mayor Daly is Elie Weisel's Night. For those who are unfamiliar with the city's great literary plan, One Book, One Chicago is sort of a "reading list" for the entire city to participate in. Sweeping down the Red Line, everyone on the train perusing the same book? Oh it's such a beautiful plan! But what is it with Daly choosing books I read in jr. high? I'm not saying this to imply that the reading level is low or anything, because I believe Night and the previous One Book, One Chicago novel To Kill a Mockingbird are both fantastic. It's just that I'm disappointed that I've read them already. I want to participate in reading a book with my city that I've never read before. Is that too much to ask? Guess I'll have to wait for the next one.
2/23/02 SPITTIN' IMAGE STORIES A-PLENTY.
1. Welch's, the company that brings you a myriad of grape juice varieties, is known to use cute, extroverted little kids in their commercials to exploit their wares. The first kid, or at least the first one since I began noticing the trend, was this cute little guy with a a Southern accent: "When ya needa drink, ya needa drink, see?" Man, I could've bottled up that little guy. But alas, like many a Menudo member, Welch's kids get old, and get replaced. The second kid was this freak blond girl who I didn't care for that much. She was also on Step by Step, which went the way of every show on abc's TGIF lineup (anyone remember Urkel, Boy Meets World, Step by Step, and Sabrina? I think I just gave away what I did on Friday nights. Thank goodness I don't do that anymore! Now that the TGIF lineup has disbanded, I usually spend my nights staring at the wall).
Anyway, the third Welch's grape juice kid is the most important. She's this Asian cutie with bangs. But the most amazing thing is, and I swear in the truest Dave Barry fashion, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP: she is me, fourteen years ago! I looked and acted exactly like that. To the point where whenever her commercials come on, members of my extended family stare at it transfixed, murmuring to each other, "That is soooo Frances!"
So here's my theory. Welch's grape juice stint is just a cover, see? Their real business is time machines. They must've built one and travelled back to 1987 and captured the young version of me. It's the only explanation. In any case, I strongly encourage you all to go out and buy Welch's grape juice products so my younger look-alike can be fed and clothed. Thank you.
2. There's actually a girl at Wash U who looks like me at my present age. After a friend of mine informed me of her existence, I took a trip down to CEC (Center for Engineering Computing? There was a time when I knew what CEC stood for) to check her out. All I know of her is that she's a programmer, and she may be Vietnamese. Now I know what you're thinking, which is something Chris Tucker so eloquently stated in Rush Hour 2: "All y'all look alike!" Which may be true. But in my own opinion, this girl looks very much like me. Maybe she's my twin who is able to program. Upon observing her, I know now why people don't approach me. She's got the same natural expression of cynicism upon her brow, this, "What the hell is the world delving me now?" kind of look. I'd hate me.
3. There's this guy who works at Olin library who looks exactly like my Madison friend. To the point where a year ago, when I first saw him wheeling a book cart in front of me, I almost said my friend's name aloud; I was so confused at why he'd be shelving books at Wash U. Then he got glasses, which makes him look even more like my friend. Oy, the resemblance is uncanny. But library guy is mean though. Last year, I found a wallet in the girls' bathroom. He was working the front desk, so I asked him if there was a lost and found where I could turn the wallet in. He sighed pointedly and said, "I'll take it." so icily, you'd have thought I was giving him the plague. No "Thank you, Frances, you're a wonderful human being." Ugh. Anyway, I go into Olin every morning before my 10 o'clock class to check my (nonexistent) email, and I have the strongest compulsion to stare at the fella and marvel at the resemblance he has to my friend. If he notices, he probably thinks I have the hots for him. I don't, but it's my ultimate fantasy that I remind him of a girl he once new. And every time I come in he'd be like, "That girl sooo looks like Talula." Either that or I hope that he and my CEC-look-alike will find each other fall in love and "hook up," so I know that at least in some other parallel universe, it happened.
2/20/02. SEE THE LAME GREEN PUSH PIN THRU MADISON? THAT'S ME! The campus bookstore has put a map out so people can stick pushpins through the cities they are going to during spring break. On account of my lack of strength, I couldn't seem to get my pin to go through the cardboard backing of the map. This guy witnessing the whole event can vouch for me--I was pathetic. I was this short of knocking the map completely off it's easel and/or knocking everyone else's pin out. So if you go to Wash U and you see a little green pin stuck in sideways thru Madison, that's me!! It's probably fallen out by now though.
But I'm so excited--I get to visit a friend of mine up there! Yay!
ANOTHER LIFT. Seven things I am thankful for:
1. That I have such wonderful, supportive parents who know me more that anyone else does and probably ever will.
2. The unconditional love, tolerance, and forgiveness that my true friends give me.
3. Simpsons/Malcolm in the Middle night, which lets me regain my sanity and wit through humorless weeks down at WashU.
4. The Onion, for the same reasons.
5. Good literature, and the literary moments I get when I’m reading and making connections between books and other books and life. The feeling you get when you’ve found out an author has done something amazing that it makes you want to stand on your bed and proclaim geeky literature major things like, “Ils sont dans le vrai” or, “On and on and on and on!”
6. Good music that can get you through the day.
7. Random acts of kindness and/or humanity. People who talk to me when I’m beginning to believe everyone hates me. Seeing a guy drum out a beat on his steering wheel to his radio in my rear view mirror.
2/15/02 PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. This may seem like stupid common knowledge, but for dweebs like me, it should be said. Before exiting you car 1) check your head lamps. 2) don't leave your map light on. There are only so many chances that the car battery gods give you.
Oh, and if you ever see a car parked on the street with it's head lamps on or the map light inside on and you start to wonder, "What poor fool did that?" it's probably me. Give me a jingle if you ever find a car like that.
2/12/02 AS A WISE MAN ONCE SAID, INGENIUS IDEAS ARE FOR THE TAKING. OK, I made that up. I think I've stolen two things from Wil Wheaton dot net. One is starting off my blog entries with headings. And another, which I have just recently added is the Read, Listen, Watch section to my menu frame. I will rationalize my stealing of this in 500 words or less: 1) He will never ever find me. Even though I was one of the undocumented, early supporters of wilwheaton.net, even back in his geocities days, the WWDN dynasty has grown into a gigantic impersonal entity fueled by a washed-up actor's overblown ego and craploads of freetime. Sadly, my own visits to his site have waned. I dunno, I somehow liked it better when it was a shabby website, and not some million-hit-a-day shrine to him. 2) No one will ever find me. So I steal a Read, Listen, Watch section. Does anyone care? 3) It's less cool. Amazon was not willing to give me their jpg files so I could illustrate bookcovers and dvds. Thus, I'm reduced to text. Why do it then, you ask? Just in case someone out there wants to walk, talk and act like me and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!
Will the real Frances Wong please stand up? That reminds me of cool look-alike stories I'd like to write about here. Remind me to do that.
No, the real reason I've added it is because the books, songs, and movies you happen to see at certain times have a profound effect on your mindframe. And since we're constantly listening and watching different moves at a given time, our mindframes are constantly shifting. Thus the best way to share who I really am is share the books, songs and movies that are currently influencing my life.
That's my spiel. It beats reading for my women's studies class.
KEVIN BACON COMMERCIAL NEW YORK DELI?! Latest update on people's google searches that have made them come to my website. I'm a little perplexed with this one because I don't think I have ever used any of those words before, together or separately. Apparently Google is just completely screwing people over now and sending them to my site, no matter what they search for. Kudos to Google--I salute you! Sixty more hits, and I'll meet the 1000th. After four years. And that consists of like, three people visiting my site hundreds of times. Hell, even I've contributed to twenty hits or so. It would've been more, but it's not that great a site.
I feel a little obligated to say that I've seen this commerical. They're making fun of this real New York deli that names their sandwiches after actors by posing the thought of a deli where you really do get to order actors. Ben Stiller's in it. They go, "Can I get a Ben Stiller with bacon?" and then Ben and Kevin Bacon are sitting at a table. It's hilarious. Did I write about this before? It seems like something I'd mention, just for the sake of Ben Stiller, but I have no idea why that would be a target for my website.
Ohh, I get it! November 7th, I quoted Homer Simpson saying, "mmm...unexplained BACON..." and they got BACON from that! Man, am I sorry! These google searches are really crappy. Hmm, they always seem to work for me though. Maybe I'm like, the billionth page listed under the Kevin Bacon search and you've got some desperate loser sitting in front of his computer at 3 am trying every single link, down to the last 'o' in Gooooooooooooooooogle. 'Cause seriously, when I try searching for my own website in google, it never comes up.
2/9/02 "THEY'RE O.R. SCRUBS. O.R. THEY?" Some people make a point of seeing movies directed by a particular person. Like, the Coen brothers. Or the Farrelly brothers. I think I've found my director: Wes Anderson. Rushmore has to be one of my favorite movies. It's unbelievable. I actually saw it after seeing The Royal Tennenbaums, also directed by Wes Anderson, and had no idea of their same-director connection until afterwards. After seeing Rushmore a second time, it's amazing how many glaring similarities between the two movies pop out at you.
The Wilson brothers may also have a hand at this. Owen Wilson co-wrote both movies. And I remembered from seeing Zoolander that I was enjoying his performance in the movie more than Ben Stiller's. He was a lot funnier.
I recommend that everyone sees this movie. If you have to see ONE movie in your life, it's this one. Good actors (with the added bonus of Bill Murray, who is a supreme human being), good soundtrack, and great story, great humor. It's this type of humor that not many people find funny...just look at the fiasco after I saw The Royal Tennenbaums with my friends--they were ready to roast me afterwards because they hated it so much. The nicest comment I got afterwards was, "I was thinking it was going to be funnier." Come on. It was hilarious.
This is why not many people really get my own humor. This is why, when I meet people and start cracking my jokes, they never speak to me again. Nobody loves a funny girl.
2/3/02 GOTTA LOVE GOOGLE. Just watch out though, because your google searches are very much monitered. My website's stat pages just voluntarily give me the phrases that people have used that made them chance upon Fyn's Webpage 'o' Wonders. Case in point, someone (maybe more than one) found me by typing "st. louis sucks" into google. Whoever you are, gentle knight, you are my soulmate. Brush the Sweettarts out of your beard, and you're on!
In light of that, Go Rams.
1/7/02 GONADS AND STRIFE. Friend of mine told me about this. God bless people who have my kind of humor!!