I was wearing my Onion shirt today hoping for a glean of recognition from my peers. This one guy looked at me and said, "The Onion." in a scoffing voice, rather than "The Onion!" in an awe-struck voice, with echoes of angel singing.

Well, I finished Order of the Phoenix. And I have to hand it to Rowling. She definitely redeemed herself. We've got Cho outta the picture, aptly paired up with Ginny's ex-Matt Corner. Meanwhile, Ginny's still cool, and Harry could not care less about the breakup with Cho! Now, all that needs to happen within the next to books is for Harry to realize how cool Ginny is, but then have this moment of, "Oh no, it's too late!! She doesn't fancy me anymore!" Sheepish, angsty moments ensue, but Ginny saves the day by saying, "Ya silly goose! OF COURSE we can get together!"

No, I don't want a fantasy adventure story. Apparently, all I want is sixth-grade girly fiction.

The thing is though, I really did want the fantasy adventure story. But Rowling had to mess it up and insert that strange Cho side-story. And that was so stupid that that was all I could concentrate on for awhile. If she would've left out all that "coming of age" crap out, I would be perfectly happy with the way the main, conquer-Voldemort story is heading. But no. She had to go there.

Dealing with romantic sup-plots is a fine art, because they need to stay just that--as sub-plots. If done subtly, they're cute, but they shouldn't overshine the main drive of a story. I mean, look what happened with Star Wars Episode II. Made me lose faith in George Lucas all-together because there was too much of the Ani/Padme rompin' going on. Way too much. I mean, I loved the Leia/Han thing because they kept it subtle and didn't make it take over the screen time. It in fact, becomes an intregal part of the story simply because it's subtle. But with Episode II, the love scenes are jammed in our faces, kind of insulting our intelligence. O.K., we get it, they're gonna get together. Now let me see some action sequences!

That's also what made Lord of the Rings a great story. Lovey-dovey side plots are kept to an absolute minimum. You're not doing it for a damn girl, you're doing it to save all of Middle Earth and Elf/Man/Hobbit/etc.-kind. That's what's important.

I'm not saying the Cho thing was overshadowing the entire plot. But man, there were quite a few pages devoted to her. I wonder if Rowling meant for her readers to get annoyed by it. I mean, she never developed the Cho character enough for anyone to get too attached to her. Meanwhile, she's playing up Ginny like no other. I'm just confused that in the midst of making Ginny cool, there were absolutely no hints that a future love would spark between her and Harry. But maybe it's all about pacing. Like, first we have to make Ginny cool, because Harry can't fall in love with her if she's this nervous, speechless, Ron's-little-sister type. Then we have to effectively get Cho out of the picture before anything w/ Harry and Ginny starts, because otherwise, we'll get some kiddies asking, "Hey, whatever happened to that Cho Chang thing?" And we need to supply our young hero with a first, failed love, so in comparison, his love with Ginny will seem all the more MFEO in the end.

But I may be speaking to soon. Let's see what happens in the next book.

6/25/03 CAN'T SPELL CHO WITHOUT 'HO'

Brought to you by the Harry+Ginny Council. Can you blame me? I'm 700 pages in, and Ginny is turning out to be this kick-ass individual--replacement seeker, wise-cracker, bearer of eggs...meanwhile, Harry has to muddle thru all this nonsense with Cho Chang. I swear, could Cho be more stereotypically girly? I pride myself in being less freakishly obsessive and over-analyzing, and here comes Rowling's message: girls are like that. We cry. We snap horribly at nonexistent double entendres. No no. There are some of us out there who can be as one-dimensional as guys. It's a time-saver, really. But now, a whole new generation of guys is going to be persuaded by this book that all girls are complex little flowers.

When is Harry gonna wake up and realize that there's this super-cool Ginny by his side who would not act all girly?

6/23/03 CHO CHANG IS A WHORE

Thus starts my new campaign. I'm about 340 pages into the new Harry Potter book. And I'm mildy disappointed. I feel like I want to take control of J.K. Rowling's head and write the series the way it's friggin' supposed to be written. Ahh, the malady of every fan fic writer's life. I'm not a fan fic writer but...I can imagine.

See, I'm a proponent of what I'll describe as "Harry+Ginny, Ron+Hermione by the end of the series." I'm thinkin', she shouldn't rush it, no no. But eventually, Ron and Hermione's bickering is supposed to simmer down to some sweet sweet lovin', and in the wake of their budding romance, Harry is supposed to wake up and take Ginny Weasley for all she's worth.

It was promising. Rowling was playing up the Ron's-jealous-of-Krum-and-Hermione bit. Harry was innocently having inklings for Cho Chang. But that's O.K. No rush. You can always have a first love and then move on. I was elated with the fact that Ginny gets more of a role in this OOTP, and more of an awesome personality. Just more reason to love her, Harry.

But 340 pages in?? What the hell? Ginny gave up on Harry? And he doesn't even care? Meanwhile, this thing for Cho is growing into a really unhealthy Asian fetish (it's ok, i'm asian).

It is NOT supposed to go this way, Rowling!! Arrghh! You're ruining it! Just friggin' let me do it:

Harry Potter and Somethin' Somethin': Year Six at Hogwarts. Hermione and Ron get together. They hide it from Harry. He finds out, feels slightly abandoned for awhile, but then WAKES UP and falls in love with Ginny. Ron is peeved for a little while, playing the protective older brother role, but then they all just sink into it and gradu-mowate and move into houses next door from each other and live happily ever after.

Oh yeah, Harry somehow defeats Voldemort. Uh, make something up.

O.K. We've established that I suck at fan fic. But still. I'm very upset with the way this Cho Chang thing is going. Is Ginny supposed to fade away into the background, right after she proved to really really kick ass? Arrgh!

Authors of series are supposed to deliver. OK? We get really attached to your characters that we want to see them canoodle. It worked for Will and Lyra in His Dark Materials (sucks about that spending the rest of their lives apart thing though). It's working for Bean and Petra (to my knowledge, I'm rounding the last 100 pages of Shadow Puppets). Why can't it happen for Harry and Ginny? Huh? I mean, I'm Asian, and it's really nice to see a home girl represenin', but damn.

6/11/03 NO WAY!! NO WAY!!! NOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, my life is officially complete now. Forget med school. Have you seen today's Onion??? They *weep*, they *sob* they...have revived Britanica Boy! It's a little article aptly named, Remember Me? I'm the kid who had that report due on space. I saw it and I absolutely screamed. I mean, do you understand how the world seems so complete to me now? I write this little piece on Britanica Boy a month ago that a grand total of zero people perused, I make the dear beloved Britanica Boy the unofficial mascot of my website, and now the god of newspapers has an article on him?? It's like, it's like, I'm on the same wavelength as the almighty Onion!! Or, they're on the same wavelength as I!! *Shudder* Oh gees.

O.K., just had to report that. Now I'm gonna actually read the article.

I remember about two years ago (or was it three? God, I'm old.) how proud I was to have figured out how to deck my happy little website out in frames. I mean, I felt like hot stuff, in that I could so expertly follow an html guidebook verbatim. Yay me.

But the time has come (the walrus said) to end the frame fiasco. I mean, sure it's fun to dabble in the html arts, but was it efficient? No, my friends. It most certainly was not. This new web design has the sleek aerodynamics of a young baby seal. Sure, you have to scoll down a bit more to get to the meat, but look ma, NO FRAMES!! WE ARE A LIBERATED FOLK OF THE NON-FRAMED ILK!!

That said...what else can I say? OK, how about this. I'm a 22-year old heterosexual female. So why do I find the band t.A.T.u. really really hot? I find this mildy disturbing, as it clearly points out indescribable flaws in my psyche. The fact that I want to be a teenage russian lesbian. Should raise red flags. I think.

4/-/03 DERN YOU, ROBERT JORDAN!!!

I should have expected it. Eye of the World ends all cliff-hangy, thus forcing the reader to continue reading the Wheel of Time series. But you'd think after getting thru 782 pages, the reader would get the satisfaction of arriving to some sort of closure??!! I don't want to continue the Wheel of Time series!! It entails reading eleven *very* long books. And I'm just not up to it. Oh! But what of Rand, and Perrin, and Egwene? It's far-fetched, but do Perrin and Egwene ever hook up? And what the heck was going on between Lan and Nynaeve??! That was out of freakin' left field. I guess I could consult one of my friends who has read the series, who could happily summarize what has happened. I mean...the alternative is to have my nose buried in one Robert Jordan book after another. It's either that or go to med school. Hmmm. You know they're not even that good? They're just...addicting.

4/27/03 THEY SEE THE PHONE NUMBER!! IF THEY WANT TO, THEY'LL CALL!!!

Once again, x-entertainment has given my memory of my childhood an abrupt jumpstart by providing the old 80's Kid Britannica commercial. Since Matt, guy whom I personally do not know but feel compelled to name because I spend so much time reading his articles, failed to comment on Kid Britannica, I feel the need to do so.

I sooo remember this guy! His dorky blond mullet, his cracking voice, and red shirt tucked into his tight little black pants?! It's amazing that as I kid, I would be able to watch this commercial and take him with all earnest, when the harsh atmosphere of the 00's would proclaim this guy the epitomy of geekdom.

Why is he so angry? Why does his Troy McClure-esque introduction assume we'd remember him as "the kid with the report on space?" Well, much like those ongoing Folgers Coffee commercials, this commercial was the second of a mini-saga. I actually vaguely remember the first commercial. He has this...report...on space.

Well anyway, for his sequel, he comes back with a vengeance. Apparently, with his new set of Encyclopedia Britannica, he is no longer clueless and stupid, but can now make tart quips to the narrator, pinpoint his mandibula, and utter the 80's phrase, "excellent" with a pubescent voice-crack. The narrator conversely takes upon the clueless and stupid role. I dunno, perhaps they were lovers.

It's just incredible what changes in a couple of decades. Viewing this Kid Britanica guy now, he would be the butt of jokes. But if you were a ten year-old viewing the commerical in tail end of The Glory of the 80's (actually, the commercial is dated as 1991, but the era of the 80's was so strong, it bled into the early 90's), man alive, you wanted to be him. OK, maybe no one ever wanted to be him per se, but still, you didn't make fun of him, and you took his sales pitch as legitimate. And who knows, maybe he fooled some kids into worshipping him with his rebel-like pissed-off attitude.

MIND-FRAME OF THE 80'S: Hapless loser with report on space gets set of Britannicas and gains cool points, illustrated by acerbic wit. Mom?? Can I get a set of encyclopedias?

MIND-FRAME OF THE 00'S: Loser loser loser loser loser loser loser.

The times they are the changing. Well, I'll still idolize you, Britanica Boy, as I am oddly drawn to guys who display pissed-off attitudes, and geeks. And baby, you're both of those wrapped into one be-mulleted package! I wonder where that guy is now. Maybe he's Colin Farrell, I didn't take a close look at him.