Good Bye World, Until We Meet Again
I have nothing to write
My mind has gone blank
In my endeavored plight
I'm just a label and rank
The philosophers are in the past
All the others are dying
I knew what I knew wouldn’t last
And I knew you would give into crying
I fade into your hot ashes
The tears of your smoke
And I watch as my mind crashes
When on your poison, you choke
My eyes used to shimmer
And my fire had once burned
The flame is much dimmer
And now my heart has learned
So good bye to my words
Good bye to the genius of the bright
Good bye to you with your drugs as your sword
Good bye to my spirit, my hearts candle, the light
I do hate you but in a unusual way
That I would not strive or wish your life to decay.
It is only that you are to be less then me,
And I must hate you because of society.
I don't hate you but I'll fall if I do not.
I'd show the truth if I knew the truth would be bought,
But alone I cannot have love in my ways
For if I do not hate it's my end I dismay…
I struggle to respect you though it I can't show.
Then I try to ignore you and wish you would go.
Yet, when you smile at me with your loving eye
I feel my regret that I did not even try…
Yet, with all my endeavor I can't change a thing
Because when in my presence no hate do you bring
For I do hate hating and I wish it could end.
I hate without hating when I must hate a friend.
She hides in her destruction
But her white skin always bleeds through
She paints over her instruction
As if there’s no sky but the birds still flew
And her light makes the stars seem to fade to blue
Who knew?
She hides in her freedom
She flying but with no place to go
But’s she is content to even have some
When freedom, some are content not to know
And then she finds her place and her light glows
Who knows?
She hides in her beauty
But she paints over what is inside
She says "They won’t understand when they know me"
Her beauty is the reason she hides
And then she fades and her light seems to subside
Who tried?
You killed a mother, now her children are destitute.
You killed another, but a nation still remains mute.
You felt her blood on your hands; you caused her strife.
You destroyed a link in the delicate chain of life.
Now creatures are starving, the ones that fed of her kind
You, their predator, now starve. How could you be so blind?
As you stare at the mothers head mounted on your wall
Remember, because you took her life, you will soon fall.
In the fortitude of hush
Away from the abysmal place
Only I can hear the utter silence
Of a dying race
Eaten by homelessness
Labeled with disgrace
Stripped by fraud adherence
Pelted by our ruling mace
In this abysmal place
Where every creature is dying
Only you can hear its speaking,
Its equivocal lying
In the fortitude of hush
Where there is every being
Where you can hear the silence saying
Just let your spirit sing
I am afraid of you
Of what things you will say
I'm afraid of rejection
Or the price I will pay
I'm afraid of your judgement
For it is not benign
I'm afraid of opinion
When yours doesn't match mine
Your power has made you feared
But when it's gone I'll see
That I should not fear you
You already fear me
I Dreamt That I Was Walking Naked In The Snow
I dreamt that I was walking naked in the snow
And every ethereal flake had a celestial glow
I walked to a cliff and put my body to the stone
And I sensed you were bellow me but I still felt all alone
Then I felt myself sliding, shimmying closer to my demise
But the snow just kept descending like dying fireflies
It dusted my blanched skin, sharing its pallid reverie
The wind made it seem a writhing hand as it shifted the debris
That drew my breath away, scraping it from the lung
And took from it every decaying note, my concealed song sung
Then I recalled who I was, who I had always been
And to my languored eye, the snow was obscure upon my skin
I felt myself recoiling until I could not perceive the cleft
Thought I sensed you were bellow me, I realized you had left
The light of ethereal flakes become a suffocated glitter
And the wind discarded the notes and exhaled them with a pitter
I hadn’t known it all before, the beauty of their stellar beams
Was inside me, that of my own, until I walked naked in my dreams
My heart, on fire, eats me away.
I feel empty and my blood runs cold.
I feel as if I could die today.
I'm alone, and it makes me feel old.
Near you, my breath is heavy and hot.
My face is ruby with desire.
Your eyes, to me, are like blue zealots,
But I'm feeling so old it's dire.
I dream of your kisses in my mind,
But they will never belong to me.
If your heart cupid's arrow could find,
Feeling old wouldn't be my decree,
But your heart already has a keeper.
Now, I'm so old I walk with the reaper.
Dedicated to Sharra McIntosh
I met reality yesterday
I’ll meet the truth tomorrow
For every cent I spent on lies
From the two I had to borrow
Reality comes nipping at my heels
And the truth is not far behind
They burn at my feet with unrelenting heat
An evaporate my mind
I met reality yesterday
And it brought the truth along
I thought that I could live with lies
But the truth is I was wrong
I want to say something
Please hush the masses
Wait! The words have gone
And fled and I am left for dead
The words I wish to bring
Vanish as time passes
Wait! Here they come again
But I’m alone when I am fain
If only I could sing
like chiming crystal glasses
At me the world would gaze
And I would speak and amaze
I want to say something
But I slip between crevasses
More time, I could not buy it
Now my voice has fallen quiet
If I could be anyone what would I be?
The blind, for the horror they never will see
If I could have anything what would I get?
The chance to let go of every secret
If I could die which way would I go?
Go quick, blind by light or let truth set in slow
I wander into the ebb and the flow of the midnight sky as it manifests amethyst around the burning stars that float in the vast ocean of the heavens like little fish…
I breathe in the perfumes of the exotic trees that look as if they are young maidens swaying their sculpted arms into the violet expansion stretching aloft all abode as if wanting to possess the diamond sequins in the angels' velvet gowns as they fly above the earth…
I feel the mists linger over my skin embracing me, making my skin quiver as if the moisture pours fire into my veins. The mist is glowing with desires of many like the moisture from the lips of a thousand blown kisses never to touch the lips of their passion…
But this night of beauty like a dance in an ocean ball is masked with a thick blanket sealing the pleasure of it from me. Only he could wipe away the haze that thunders over elation, my love, my secret love. If only he knew me like he knows the sun brushing his cheek as the morning swallowed the problems of yesterday or like the familiar scents the gingerly wind bestowed him as it caresses the soft flesh of his neck…
I sit on this night with my love's tender arms enveloping me in his body's inviting warmth as my soul is gnarled into his forever knotted. He kisses my neck so softly the only thing I feel is the sigh of intimacy as he rubs his perfect, unblemished cheek against my cold, rosy cheek of white satin. And at last he whispers "I love you" like the soft hum of the seashells as they murmur the secrets of the ocean yet…
Only if he knew me, he would really be there.
If I Knew It Was Your Last Day
If I knew it was your last day
I would have kissed your lips a hundred times
I would have touched your face and I would say,
"Please forgive me for all of my crimes."
If I knew it was your last hour
I would have kissed your lips until the suns last ray
I would have touched your face until I knew each contour
I would have stood by your side when life started to stray
I could have sketched your smile forever
I could have danced with you one last time
I could have gave you my life when yours was severed
I could have stopped the committance of this crime
I should have treated you with so much care
I should have never let you on your own
Now I am lost with no one, no where
I should have got there before you were gone
I'm half gone
Like a lukewarm drink
And I sink
Like a song
At it's last sad note
I'm half here
Like a sleepy day
And I stay
Like a fear
That you can never denote
I'm half real
Like a painter's dream
But I seem
As I feel
As if I'm genuine
I'm half gone
Like a dying rose
As it goes
I am done
Like a poem's last line
I don't have a color I don't have a race
I don't have a name I don't have a face
I cant' be uplifted, I can't have disgrace
I have no religion; I don't have a place
I'm not a failure; I'm not an ace
I don't go unseen, but I don’t leave a trace
I don't have crudity, yet I don't have grace
I did nothing wrong but I can't plead my case
I'm just a person that's all that I am
I don't have a label; I'm only human
Dedicated to Sharra McIntosh
You star with desolate eyes
Void of the life you lived
And your rosy lips fade and die
Giving every kiss they could give
You hair used to shimmer with stars
Now it hangs vapid in your face
Your voice seems to echo from afar
As though you have gone from this place
Though your hues have been faded by strife
And your vigor soul broken apart
Tough you’re void of your lived life
You’re always alive in my heart
I used to paint pictures of my life in my mind
So vivid, So colorful
And every time with my name each I signed
Adding a piece of my soul
But now the paintbox is desolate and cold
The paintings collecting dust
Their flamboyant frames that were guilded in gold
Are frames now guilded in rust
Now my life is only writing in my mind
So smudged and likewise blemished
And the pen leaks on whatever light I find
Blotting out every wish
The writing that tells of those paintings’ grandeur
That they once streamed of glory
Is now masked by words of a past that’s a blur
Each an inky memory
I am lacking inspiration
But it's beyond reality
It's kind of like a dying nation
A secret kept discreetly
It's kind of like to see the future
But instead you go too far
It's kind of like you bleed and die
But you never really have a scar
It's kind of like the world keeps going
After you are long gone
It's kind of like the end of a story
But just the beginning of another song
Now I look for inspiration
But it's unreachable
Because the world is just so empty
And our lives seem just so full
Another tune, another song
They all sound the same to me
Nothing is reachable
When you are beyond reality
I'm looking for some inspiration
But the world seems a little plain
Even though each thing is different
Everything just seems the same
You know you look for a new tune
But every note has already been sung
Every sound has already been heard
And everything have already been done
What's the point of living life?
When there's nothing to live for anymore
Except to do what others want
And never do it for what it's for
It's kind of like no inspiration
The world has just run dry and numb
It's kind of like a new sensation
That's over before it's even begun
Now I have some inspiration
I don't know what it is from
It's kind of like a fallen nation
A tragedy know to everyone
I'm the invisible girl. I exist only in your fists and spiteful thoughts.
I only appear when you want to use me
To crush my spirit time and time again
And fill me with your pain.
I'm the invisible girl. I exist only in your malignant eyes and forceful words.
I only appear when you want to abuse me
To vanquish my innocence hour upon hour
And fill yourself with a sense of power.
You're the invisible girl. You exist only in my tears and shaking hands.
You only appear when you want to confuse me
To lift the burden of my soul's capture
And disprove human nature.
Dedicated to: Lindsey Gehring
I had a cup of tea with an invisible man
And he told me of his dreams
He sat staring at me, me staring at him
And it's true nothing is what it seems
And I'd walk in the sun if I knew
That the sun wanted me there
The invisible man says I am tan
If I was only like him I'd be clear
He dreamed of me walking in a field of mud
But still my skin stayed white
I'm almost invisible but in my heart
Something still blocks out the light
I had a cup of tea with an invisible girl
But our conversation felt lonely
Then I looked at my skin and saw nothing
Knowing "she" was really me
I had a cup of tea with an invisible man
And he told me of his dreams
He sat looking through me, me looking through him
And it's true nothing is what it seems
"Silly-feeling, fast-beating heart
You are high in the clouds above"
If only I could say the same
But I have never been in love
"You ruby lips, you will betray
I'm drunken with their bliss"
If only I could say the same
But I have never had a kiss
"You soft embrace, our fingers locked
Our palms burn like summer beach sand"
If only I could say the same
But I have never held a hand
"You broken heart, you foolish thing
Letting me down when push came shove"
If only I could say the same
But I have never been in love
I speak with a different tongue
In a different time
Some place where no one will know me
Where my voice is not a crime
Where my words thicken the air
But pass with no recognition
I feel so innocent here
With no work with a soulless mission
Everyone here will forget me
And most don't know I exist
With a different tongue in a different time
I know I won't be missed
Fragile as a snow blossom with a pale gentle hue
Quiet as a seashell's song or the sky's calming blue
Sweet as a honeysuckle like sparkling sugar
Faded as a forgotten dream but priceless as a star
Eyes seem distant, face seems dead like the depths of the sea
Wisdom yet innocence in her soul that drifts freely
Every wish in her name like sweet utopia
In the desolate night the wind whispers, "Jessica"
I like when the world smiles at me
I like smiling at my shadow too
But my shadow won't smile back
But I do
I like when the world is happy
The smiles lately have grown so few
I'll add to the smiles we lack
Why won't you?
I like when the world frowns sullenly
When the sky seems black not blue
I smile at the world in the gloomy black
Then the world smiles, too
The knot that I tried but I could not knot
Was not a knot knotted easily
The knot kept slipping and would not knot
The knot was knotted difficulty
But, again, the knotted knot would not knot
And would not stay knotted when I tried
Because the knot will not knot with "nots"
Only knots without "nots" can be tied
These are my last words
Like a face in a single light source, you can't see my eyes anymore
Don't analyze these words, they are just my heart
Don't build your life upon them and make them your foundation
Just listen to them whisper like the mountains and let them wash to the ocean like melted snow
Like a broken seashell, no longer will you hear my breath.
But don't forget these words; don't let them slowly evaporate like a water drop. Instead, let them stain the wood.
Don't twist them like the earth and time twist the fallen pines
Don't preach them like a squawking bird but instead let others discover them like a feather you left gnarled in the grass
Like a broken mirror, I am left disoriented and scattered
Don't propose them as something bad but enjoy them, absorb them like the sun, ever present and always there for the taking. But don't wallow in their pleasures, only when the path you walk gets rocky.
Like a thornless rose I'm quickly plucked from life
Most of all not to pervert their significance leave in haste before I speak again
For these are my last words
The Earth is a lawn in a neighborhood
Never is it looked at as a whole, just in sections
And people are like grass
We all are the same in some way
But are different at closer viewing
And just like on Earth
Everyone wants to cut you down
A legend is a place I go
Others make the legends grow
Like fire, legends spread and glow
Until they're burning bright
But I am here to remember
To pursue the glow of the ember
For the listeners will misremember
But legends are a crucial rite
To the world, my small endeavor
To make the legends live forever
Legends will live. I do aver
Legends will live. I do plight
Life is a knot in a golden chain
Loosened at each rising sun
The last breath is blown, the chain slips free
Death beckons, the knot is undone.
Life isn’t blue
Until you finally look at the sky
You grasp at the distance stars
They slip like sands through your hands and you wonder why
Life isn’t blue
Until you finally swim in the sea
You swim forever and search for the end
Only to find it was in your mind and you wonder why it had to be
Dead, withered as a rose
Plucked from nourishment
Put on a pedestal
For a moment of enjoyment
Love, as quickly as it goes
Plucks your heart by accident
Vulnerably cruel
For a lifetime of resentment
Empty, a late flower
Blooming in the snow
Not a breathless moment
Dying, never a chance to grow
Alone, an unheard utter
Blooming ever, never to go
Having a pain less evident
But love hurts more not to know
When I begin to paint my mind is empty as is my canvas
And when I put out my pigments on my pallet they are structured
So fundamental and boring life is in this stage so suppressed
But with a whisk of my brush the equilibrium is ruptured
Streaks and lines, smearing and smudges decide the fate of the picture
And yet in my mind I have not chosen the painting's destiny
The once monotonous paints on my pallet are now a mixture
My hands are covered in paint but I think it looks better on me
Quickly in haste before the paint has dried and is forever still
Before the calamity and chaos die to echoes again
I open my eyes to see what my heart not my sight has painted
To see the portrait of my inspiration, you, my true, close friend
For your face keeps the passion, chaos, what is realities truth
Because like paint on ruff canvas the course of love never runs smooth
Mama said this ain't no place for me.
I can't see why through the smog.
Mama said here ain't safe to be.
Is it because of that drug dog?
Mama said don't be scared no more.
Is she scared of the dark, too?
Mama said, "My time is running poor."
She say "I'se gonna leave you."
Mama said "When you hear the pops
You gonna hafta find you own way."
"Don't be scared of the chalk and cops,
They helpin' me to leave," she say.
Now I'se twenty-three years old,
But will I make it to twenty-four?
Mama, why'd you leave me in your shadow, cold?
Well, I'se a waitin' 'til I'm brought to heav'n's door.
Mama said this ain't no place for me.
I see why now that the smoke is clear.
But mama, you's just as bad as society
'Cos you left me, 'cos you wasn't here.
From the ebony mists
From the gnarled deceit
A man of the rose
No one can defeat
With diamond, mirror eyes
And a heart of dark jade
A powerful love
Never to fade
He brings you to
His dark castle place
He kisses the tears
Off of your face
A strange encounter
I thought to be sure
He was the wicked
Yet he was so pure
I did meet him
In serene light
But when he left
My soul faded to night
Yet, he gave the reason
To make destitute strive
So at his palace gate
I did conclude to arrive
And there I still stay
Greatly secure
He is the passion
He is the cure
Overwhelmingly pale yet of blush color, the satin blanket of the Earth,
Are the petals of a benign, minute marigold
It contains the power in every complex bloom for my soul birth
In every lush stem, an overheard story of elation never told
