It's a miracle!!!!
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: journal
OMG I Made "A" honor roll.... its a miracle!! OMG i dont know what to do with myself Im so happy.... yeah i might get my gpa up.... that would be cool. ok. yeah

but anyways besides my great thing.... i am at 8 days.... so its a start. if u dont know what it means then ou shouldnt know. so leave me alone. wel tachnically im not at quite 8 days more like none but im not counting the subconcious things i did. im trying. i havent done it deliberatly in a few days....
ok i g2g though. ill be on later.. maybe. check out my MSN sapce the link is somewhere below....

-rose

my test results...
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: journal

borderline


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

i dont wanna sleep
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: journal
I was told a while back that i might have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. i have no clue what these are except the bipolar thing cuz i was on medication for it a while back i stopped taking it after UB got done well but anyways what the hell are these things i am confused i havent even told her the whole story!!! jesus christmas trees!!! am i really that messed up i took a few quizez i put some of them online the results that is yeah its all cool i didn't have school today yeah but its kinda and why. cuz somegirls dad died yeah but i didn't really like her though but i am sorry for her her dad died the same waymine did but at least she knows how he died and didn't just find out like a few months ago while her mom was screaming at her that it was all her fault i think of that day everyday because its all stuck in my memory every fucking day with my mom was hell. there was hardly any good days if there was the bad ones just drown em all out i am like really hyper from taking caffeine pills(my grandma said it was ok, but only one) so i could stay up and finish a paper for english and a 2 liter of mt. dew and im like halfway done but there is an extreme overload of caffeine i gotta go like run around outside but iccant cuz my grandma will get mad because i was outside after dark whatever shes mean anyway. i couldn't even go see my friend until 530 and by then she was leaving to go to her sisters house its alomst 11 and i am supposed to be sleeping now according to my grandma but i have to go now cuz hshes coming!!!

My test results
Mood:  special
Topic: journal

I took the "The Nine Muses" quiz on gURL.com
		My muse is... Calliope Calliope is the patron goddess of epic poetry. She is often depicted holding a writing tablet and wearing a golden crown, for she is the oldest of the muses and their leader. Her name means "The Fair Voiced," but Calliope inspires eloquence in writing. Read more... Who is your muse?

I took the "The Color Personality" quiz on gURL.com
		My personality is... green You're a stable green... According to color psychology, you're persistent and ambitious and could probably have the world in the palm of your hand if you wanted it badly enough. Read more... What color is your personality?

I took the "The Aura Color Personality" quiz on gURL.com
		My aura is... blue Are you blue? No worries--having a blue aura does not condemn one to a life of sorrow. But those with blue auras are some of the most emotional people on the planet. Blues are quite sensitive to other people's feelings... Read more... What color is your aura?

Mood:  not sure
Topic: journal
you know. i kinda feel okay. i had to deal with all the kids at school today... they are all evil. The school is doing a new unit on depression for the middle and high school. they kept messing with me because suposedly i matched all the symptoms and crap it all messed up. theyre calling me psycho and other things that are worse. they said that there was gonna be a school shooting there and i would be the shooter... its all messed up. i know i am like the social outcast and the only friend i have is this one girl courtney and she's in 10th grade so i don't talk to her as much as i usually do... she's dealing with all the crap i am too except people are just evil to her. i totaly got the wrong impression from this school... its all messed up tho. i have been talking to my friend theresa. she's cool. she lives just down the road from my aunts house. I'm all tired from staying up until 2 last nite. then waking up at 6. then i had a v/b game today and i didn't go becuz the stupid teacher wouldn't sign my progress report. yeah... i had to stay home. i missed out on mcdonalds but i did hand out w/ theresa for the whole afternoon until like 730 tonight. i am very tired but i can't sleep. its all weird i suppose i should shut my mouth...

My apology
Mood:  down
Topic: journal
i didn't realize how mad i was. i shouldnt have written half the stuff i did. i was like just mad at the world yesterday. i really didn't expect to write that much of what i thought sorry if i scared anyone... i don't really care about what i wrote it just the fact that i wrote it and especially on this thing i have here. it just kinda scares me. i just read over it. and im having a hard time getting the changes done and i feel like giving up.
anyways... give me a call or email me... you can reach me @ g_oodc_harlotte@yahoo.com or at my_chmcl_rmnce@hotmail.com. im on messenger on both of them soo...
-rose

more nonsense...
Mood:  not sure
Topic: journal
This is stupid. I can't believe I am even writing this right now, I can't believe anything anymore. Things are going nowhere , my life is going nowhere. Day after day, it's always the same thing. Day after day nothing seems to change. Where is this going to take me? I am putting on this sherade for everyone, I don't feel that anything has a meaning anymore, I don't feel anything good. My days are filled with laughter, smiles... excuses, deep breaths, and constant thoughts about things I really don't want to be thinking about. I feel like I am out of control of my life... like it is all planned out for me and I have no say in which direction I am heading. I break down into tears so much now but everything seems so perfect. Wat the hell is wrong with me? I seem to have the perfect life... but there is so much pressure , so many responsibilites, so many things to live up to. It's starting to seem pointless.I feel that I can’t even turn to my list of alternatives anymore. I am back looking for the “quick fix” and I feel that I have spiraled down the entire ladder I have built for myself. (Hell, maybe I even broke the ladder!) But deep down I know, broken ladders can be fixed and steps can be climbed again, one step at a time, with patience and persevearance. Unfortunately, I can’t find the motivation to take that first step, or pick up that first nail to hammer into the wood, instead of using it gor another purpose. I am so afraid of failure, so afraid of falling again.

Mood:  not sure
Topic: journal
my poetry is on hold for a while... i am too laxy to add more. i had it all on disks but i had to send them to the companies. i shoulda just put them up... anyways. i am bored and i asked my grandma if i could stay home tomorow and she just got mad at me for asking. she thinks im a stupid, naiive little kid. i cant believe her. like oh yeah im gonna get drunk just because i grew up in situations like that. sure. im gonna just go and sell my drugs while she's at work. just cuz she thinks im a psycho. sure. i have problems but nothing like you helped my mom create. you were worse. you know it... i just hate it though. she dosen't trust me she always thinks the worst cuz im already doing bad things. no. i at least try to be a good person i try! she was drinking everyweekend when my mom was growing up. my mom told about you what you used to do to her. how she always felt that she hated you. everything. she was telling a nine year old that she was gonna kill herself because she hated her daughter so much. she screamed it at me. and you wonder why im so messed up? you wonder. why dont you just shut up and leave me alone ill grow up. i know right from wrong!

Mood:  not sure
Topic: journal
well, im kinda bored. again. i went to bemidji and did laundry with my grandma. Then, i had to go dig through my storage and i couldn't find what i was looking for. im supposed to be in my room cleaning but im kinda sick of this place. i miss my mom and i am sad for my lil sis. she didn't even get to see mom. it was her birthday. im sitting here with music blasting not knowing what to do. my grandma is cooking now for my sisters birthday dinner. yeah. i know shes crabby cuz she wants to see her mom really bad. it sucks. yeah anyway. i am like trying to plot something so i can stay home tomorow. i really dont wanna go tomorow. i have to talk to that lady and then i have to deal with lindsey and alicia. yay more joy. and if you don't know what sarcasm is then you gotta get to know me... i know i wont be able to stay home tomorow. my grandma wont let me. its all messed up rite now. lets see here. yeah. i really dont have anything to ssay. im tired form being up half the night and waking up at six. i guess ill talk to you later.
-rose (and casper)

Mood:  don't ask
Topic: journal
this is a quote one of my friends sent me. "what nourishes me also destroys me"

nothing
Mood:  lazy
Topic: journal
i am really bored right now. i am sitting here updating this everylike 2 minutes. i know it will probably just look retarded when i cant update it like this everyday. uhm today is blah. it raining and im actually wishing for sun. i went to the palace this morning to eat with my grandma and grandpa. my aunt and uncle. the one's im staying with got drunk last nite and we have to stay quiet so they can sleep... yeah. i am excited cuz i get to go to the back to campus next weekend. and i get to see people. yeah. uhm. i'm mad at everyone too not at UB but just in general. i think the music is kinda getting to me. i just feel like whatever. and it doesnt help that i dont want to go back to school on monday. people are making rude comments about something and i almost got into a fight yesterday at school. then theyre making me talk to the school counselor now cuz of what happened last year. even though its it still kinda happening. it sucks. i have to talk to her about my "feelings" its retarded. i am working on getting all my poetry on the web. not all of it just the stuff i care but not too much if people see.well iguess ill talk later. and i actually mean it this time. i hope
-rose(PS Casper loves You!)