BINGE BY PAPA ROACHYou better put that down
You better put that down
All I need is a bottle, and I don't need no friends, no
Wallow in my pain, I swallow as I pretend
To act like I'm happy, when I drink till no end, no
I'm losing all my friends, I'm losing in the end
She says:
Behave, little boy, you better sit back down
Till you hold your ground
It's your turn to learn to fight
You better sit back down, till you hold your ground
When I'm sober, life bores me, so I get drunk again
I'm losing all my friends, I'm losing in the end
She says:
Behave, little boy, you better sit back down
Till you hold your ground
It's your turn to learn to fight
You better sit back down, till you hold your ground, yeah
You better sit back down
You better put that down
Put the bottle down, I am on a binge
Behave, little boy, you better sit back down
Till you hold your ground
It's your turn to learn to fight
You better sit back down, till you hold your ground, yeah
I am on a binge, I wish things would change
Wish they'd rearrange, I'm on a binge
I wish things would change, Wish they'd rearrange,
I am on a binge, I'm on a binge, yeah

I sat alone on my bed. i can hear my mom scream. i get so tired of all this. all the time its all shit. i hate it. i know if i don't come out she'll scream more so i leave the room cautiously. im wearing the same clothes from yesterday. i stare at the clock as i pass it. it is almost noon now. and its saturday. mom has already started drinking. "jesus christ" i mutter as i enter the room and smell the horrible stench of beer. there must be at least 30 bottles laying around the living room. i start to pick them up and she screams at me. i stop almost immediately. i slowly bring my gaze up to her eye level. i stare into her blood shot eyes. she screams at me and tells me to go to the store and get her more beer. she hands me a 50$ bill. i have no idea what to do. i grab it and ask her what to get. she tells me to get her something as long as i get the hell out of here. i walk down the hall way, trying to stifle my crying and check on my sister. she's in her room playing with her dolls. i tell her i have to go do something for mom. she says ok and i leave out the door.
I don't know where to go. i walk out and the sun is too bright for my sensitive eyes. and its too hot outside. i'm standing there in a sweater. i dont bother to take it off. I walk down the road. i finally come up to a gas station. i ask them where the beer is cuz i have to get it for my mom. they ask me where my mom is. i reply very sheepishly that she is at home. and i need to bring it to her. the lady was nice she kept me there for a half hour asking me questions. for all she knew is that i was a 10 year old trying to get beer for someone who may not even be my mom. she asks one of the other cashiers to cover for her as she brings me outside and tells me to go home and tell my mom to come back because i am too young to buy the beer. I didn't return with my mom.

Mood:  don't ask
Topic: journal
this is a quote one of my friends sent me. "what nourishes me also destroys me"

untitled
No one can hear your screams
They can't see the pain that's written all over your face
Or the tears that are streaming down your cheeks

Then you start to wonder if your just invisible.
They'll never understand why you push them away
You're only to afraid of hurting them or making them feel your pain.
You shouldn't be alive
So why are you?
You should be in hell being punished
Should you just end your life and spare others the pain and confusion?
Maybe later, but for now I'll just be and drown in my own tears and silent screams.


The Void

This open void stares through me
A glimmer of darkness striding forth
Into this place
An eternal place
Where thoughts are left to gather dust.

I sit in this silent moment
A sweeping change of impending prophecy
Rides across the sand and spirals
Into a storm of confusion.

This world is a mirror, it is not the
Whole
It is not the truth for my empty
Lonely, breathless soul.

The candle burns its endless tune
In a quiet of light that echoes life And yet, I feel lifeless
Without life
Without light.
I feel like the window looking out
To perpetual landscapes of
Inevitable choices and consequences.

I am a shadow flitting from place
To place, moment to moment
With no real roots to call
Home
I am a raindrop falling
Falling on an endless journey

I am the wall taken for granted that's crumbling inside

nothing
Mood:  lazy
Topic: journal
i am really bored right now. i am sitting here updating this everylike 2 minutes. i know it will probably just look retarded when i cant update it like this everyday. uhm today is blah. it raining and im actually wishing for sun. i went to the palace this morning to eat with my grandma and grandpa. my aunt and uncle. the one's im staying with got drunk last nite and we have to stay quiet so they can sleep... yeah. i am excited cuz i get to go to the back to campus next weekend. and i get to see people. yeah. uhm. i'm mad at everyone too not at UB but just in general. i think the music is kinda getting to me. i just feel like whatever. and it doesnt help that i dont want to go back to school on monday. people are making rude comments about something and i almost got into a fight yesterday at school. then theyre making me talk to the school counselor now cuz of what happened last year. even though its it still kinda happening. it sucks. i have to talk to her about my "feelings" its retarded. i am working on getting all my poetry on the web. not all of it just the stuff i care but not too much if people see.well iguess ill talk later. and i actually mean it this time. i hope
-rose(PS Casper loves You!)

life is a journey
like a path
theres some good places
and some bad
but where do you go?
you come up to a landing
theres a choice
a choice between two paths
you know which one is best
but the other is...
there isn't a word to describe it
you can feel it pulling you in
what do you do??
but its too late
your running down this... path...
searching?...
it keeps getting darker
and darker
your lost
you cant turn around
its too late


NOTHING
everytime
like seconds on a clock
it ticks by
and you will never see it again
losing second after second
not living
not in control
not antyhing
it's nothing
but why?
you see the opportunities pass by but yet you stand still
nothing
having all these chances
but nothing
are you afraid?
afraid to move on
afraid of what might happen
you just do nothing

all these times ive been here
all these times ive gotten lost
why do i keep returning
to a place without trust
i see the truth
it lies beneath
no one will guess my true feelings
i just wanna be free
i tried to show you my pain
you didn't even care
you started to scream
Bitch life isn't fair
the words hurt so much
i cried and cried alone
now im sitting here
forced to do it on my own
i know its made me stronger and now im in a better place
and i will always remember
the times we had together
on our special place

poetry 2
pain
its everywhere
the world
what is it?
why is it here?
questions.
endless questions
ruining everything
sometimes it hurts too much
all of the pressure
the pressure to do everything...
Perfect
an unrealistic word
so why is it the only word i know?
hiding the truth
the truth
my mom is/was an alcoholic
i had to take care of everything
all alone
my mom screaming yelling
not knowing what to do
confused
i started to express my pain
but in a twisted way
it confused me
and still i say why?

poetry1
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: poetry
coming out of the sea
new.
fresh.
reborn.
its confusing
poeple everywhere
judging you
you turn back
back to the sea
in fear
you go back
and begin to realize the shocking reality
it didnt cleanse you
you stare into the murky water
you see the cold hard eyes
and you start to wonder
what have i become?
you see the hatred
The fear.
The loneliness.
most of all you see your soul
its damaged.
it will never be the same
so what do you do?
live your life
or
give up?
the choice is up to you
be it good or not



life is a journey
like a path
theres good places
and some bad
but where do you go
you come to a landing
youll have to make a choice
or get nowhere
you know what choice is better
but the other one
theres not a word to describe it.
you can feel it pulling you in
what do you do?
but its too late
your running down the path
searching?
it keeps getting darker
and darker
you cant turn around
its too late