Mood:  down
Topic: poetry/journal
i really dont like this anymore. everything. i feel like crap. im stuck on this messed up world just trying to survive. i just found out i wont be able to see my mom this weekend. it sucks. i really miss her. its driving me crazy not being able to see her. i really dont like it where i am right now. uh, i wrote a poem its:
i hide my feelings
i hide all that i feel
i hide my emotions
i hide all that is real
i put in a smile
its only skin deep
i wear it when im awake
i wear it when i sleep
i need to hide htese feelings
ive always felt inside
they are all so confusing
i just want to hide
i dont want them to know
to know the truth
i do so much to hide it
i feel sometimes i just want to give up
they say its full but there's nothing in my cup
look on the bright side
They say and say
i just wish they'd shut up
and go away
im so tired of hearing
you will go far
ive gone trough things
theyv'e left permanent scars
they believe my masquerade
my endless lies
they think im so perfect
its all a bunch of lies

Well, there it is... well, its mostly about how people think of me at schol. except now some of them are starting to learn the truth. that im not as put together as i seem, like beth prewett, she knows pretty much all of it.its all kinda well. it sometimes scares me. to see all of my sh it and where its leading me to. like how it all happens. and where ill end up. i dont even know if ill live to be 25. when i was 9 i was destined to a short life full of hard times. well, someone told my mom that and i should have killed myself by now so something isnt working right. or maybe. i dont know. lets see here i am almost 15 years old. i am... well, i cant say. i need to go to bed now, my grandma is gettin mad at me