To divorce or not to divorce, that is the question. Whether it is better to be married to one whose mind has split in two than to have no man at all that I cannot decide. What is there of love when the mind is broken? Does love exist in chemical mazes or is the love chemical a token that transcends all mind hazes? I cannot resolve this doubt to satisfy my internal bout. When for two years we have barely been as one, are we still a unity when one mind has become divorced from itself? Is there unity in bipolarity when oneness of mind is only achieved with chemical intervention? And so now, I am split in half. Loyalty on one side, self-preservation on the other. If I remain married, how much true freedom do I have to love a man no longer himself? Can he, now not himself, ever really love? If I divorce, how much safety do I have at late 40s dating strangers? My future either way is compromised: uncertain in a painful marriage more uncertain in lonely divorce. And so I continue to question: to divorce or not to divorce? That is the question I must answer.