or not to divorce,
that is the question.
Whether it is better to be married
to one whose mind has split in two
than to have no man at all
that I cannot decide.
What is there of love
when the mind is broken?
Does love exist in chemical mazes
or is the love chemical a token
that transcends all mind hazes?
I cannot resolve this doubt
to satisfy my internal bout.
When for two years
we have barely been as one,
are we still a unity
when one mind
has become divorced from itself?
Is there unity in bipolarity
when oneness of mind
is only achieved with chemical intervention?
And so now, I am split in half.
Loyalty on one side,
self-preservation on the other.
If I remain married,
how much true freedom
do I have to love a man
no longer himself?
Can he, now not himself,
ever really love?
If I divorce,
how much safety do I have
at late 40s dating strangers?
My future either way is compromised:
uncertain in a painful marriage
more uncertain in lonely divorce.
And so I continue to question:
to divorce or not to divorce?
That is the question I must answer.