OUR FINAL DANCE
IS IT FOR ME
TO REALLY UNDERSTAND ?
OR
EVEN BEGIN TO TRY TO KNOW
WHY MY PATH LED
TO SO MANY A SPIRIT
WHOSE DANCE
WAS COMING TO AN END
HERE BENEATH THE STARS ?
I HAVE BEEN BLEST
BY HAVING
LIFE BORN INTO MY HANDS
AND
I HAVE WATCHED
IN HELPLESS ABANDON
AS A ONCE SHINING SPIRIT
WAS LIFTED INTO THE HEAVENS
AWAY
FROM THIS EARTHLY HOME.
YEARS PASSED
AS SITUATION AFTER SITUATION
PRESENTED ITSELF TO ME;
AND IN DESPAIR
I WOULD SURRENDER
MY WEARY BODY,
MIND AND SOUL
TO OVERWHELMING
DESPAIR AND PAIN .
WHY HAD I BEEN CHOSEN
AS I ENTITLED MYSELF
" THE ANGEL OF DEATH" ?
WHAT WAS THIS LESSON
I HAD YET TO LEARN?
THE TEST OF MY SPIRIT?
SURELY I WOULD NOT SURVIVE
THIS ENDLESS VIGIL
THAT I STOOD WITH DEATH.
DEATH
WHO ALWAYS
WAS THE SILENT VICTOR.
IT SEEMED
THAT WHENEVER
DEATHS SHADOW
PRESENTED ITSELF ,
A SHRIEKING SCREAM
IN THE CORE OF MY BEING
DEMANDED MY PRESENCE
FOR THOSE FINAL MOMENTS.
FOR THAT MAN,
WOMAN,
CHILD,
SON,
FATHER OR DAUGHTER.
AND
IN THOSE MOMENTS,
THEY WHERE
" MY FRIEND".
ALWAYS THE SAME
YET ALWAYS SO DIFFERENT .
THE FEAR
OF THE FINAL DANCE
FINALLY ENDING.
THE FEAR
OF LETTING GO
OF THIS FAMILIAR PLACE.
FEAR OF LEAVING
SO MANY LOVED ONES BEHIND.
FEAR OF POSSIBLE NOTHINGNESS.
EVERY NEW JOURNEY
AWAY
FROM ALL WE KNOW AND LOVE
IS TERRIFYING.
ITS ONLY WHEN
YOU HAVE SOMEONE
TO TAKE YOUR HAND,
AND
MAKE EVEN A PART
OF THE JOURNEY WITH YOU,
THAT FEAR CAN BE REPLACED
WITH EXCITED ANTICIPATION.
MANY NIGHTS
I HAVE WEPT IN DESPAIR
AT MY VERY OWN
HELPLESSNESS.
I CAN REMEMBER
MY AUNT LAY DYING
FROM A VERY LONG ILLNESS.
SHE WAS TERRIFIED OF DEATH.
I REMEMBER
SITTING NEXT TO HER BED
AS SHE LAY IN THE HOSPITAL.
SHE SEEMED TO APPEAR AS A SMALL CHILD;
WITH HUGE INNOCENT AND FRIGHTENED EYES.
I WOULD
BRUSH HER HAIR AWAY
FROM HER HER FEVERED HEAD.
SITTING VIGIL FOR HOURS
WAITING FOR "DEFEAT"......
EVEN AS I WRITE THIS WORD
I FEEL THE ANGER AND RAGE
THAT IT INVOKES IN MY BEING.
THE EVENING THAT " AUNT KAT" DIED,
I REMEMBER
THAT EVER FAMILIAR FEELING OF URGENCY.
I RAN TO THE TELEPHONE AND CALLED THE HOSPITAL
ONLY TO HEAR
WHAT MY SPIRIT ALREADY HAD KNOWN:
IT WAS TIME....
MY AUNT
WAS
" DANCING HER FINAL AND GRANDEST DANCE"
FROM THIS WORLD.
IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IN ONE HAZY BLINK...
I WAS STANDING AT HER HOSPITAL BED.
WITH HER HAND HELD TIGHTLY IN MINE;
THE WORDS FOUND THEIR WAY
FROM MY HEART TO HER SPIRIT.
IT WAS THEN
THAT I WAS ABLE TO SPEAK THE WORDS
THAT MY VERY SOUL KNEW TO BE TRUTH.
AS I WATCHED HER BODY RELAX,
AND HER BREATHING BECOME LESS LABORED,
I EXPLAINED
THAT I WOULD WALK WITH HER TO HEAVENS DOOR.
BUT I COULD NOT YET ENTER INSIDE WITH HER.
IN HINDSIGHT NOW,
THESE WORDS FLOWED FREELY
AS MY OWN MOM
MADE HER JOURNEY TO HEAVEN,
A FEW YEARS LATER .
WHERE DID THESE WORDS
FLOW FROM?
I KNOW THEY COULD
NOT HAVE COME FROM ME.
IT SURELY MUST BE GOD.
DESCRIBING HEAVENS BEAUTY
IN A WAY THAT ONLY
A MERE MORTAL
COULD SPEAK OF HEAVENS BEAUTY.
I PROMISED
THAT I WOULD PLACE HER HAND INTO HER HUSBANDS
WHO WAS WAITING FOR HER.
I ASKED
IF SHE WOULD KISS MY "DADDY" AND TELL HIM I LOVED HIM.
AND
WHEN I KISSED HER GOODBYE,
I ASKED THAT SHE HAVE MY ROOM WAITING FOR ME
WHEN I CAME HOME TOO.
SHE TOOK HER LAST BREATH
STILL HOLDING TIGHTLY TO MY HAND.
A HAZE OF WORDS SPOKEN NOW ESCAPES ME,
YET I DO REMEMBER
TAKING HER HAND FROM MY OWN.
KNOWING SHE WAS NOW SAFE AND UNAFRAID.
ANOTHER SHIMMERING STAR
IN THE HEAVENS....
I BATTLED OVER MY EMOTIONS.
THE NEGATIVE CONNOTATION
OF BEING THIS "ANGEL OF DEATH".
I HATED THIS DANCE !
I RESENTED THESE TESTS.
BECAUSE I WAS SURELY FAILING.
IT TOOK THIS SHORT MESSAGE FROM A FRIEND
TO MAKE ME REALIZE
THAT I HAVE BEEN BLEST.
BLEST WITH A GIFT
THAT ONLY MOST COULD IMAGINE.
WITH HER PERMISSION
I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE THIS NOTE WITH YOU.
IF THESE WORDS
CAN BRING ANY LIGHT
INTO A DARK CORNER OF YOUR HEART,
THEN THESE WORDS
AND THIS STORY
HAS BEEN WORTH EVERY TEAR CRIED.
Dear Pam:
I watched TV today. There was a story about Celine Deon. She
also went through a very similar situation. She said something that You
need to hear. She said that going through what she did was her greatest
gift, because.....She was allowed to Touch Heaven.
Don't you see, Pam. You are Not the Angel of Death that you
seem to think you are. You have been given a gift. A great
gift. By being there when someone dies and being able to lead them
to the gates.... is being given the chance and privilege to touch
heaven. You don't see the true gift you have been given. Rethink your point of
view....You are the lucky one.
Peace out...
J.
I WOULD
JUST LIKE TO END THIS
WITH THE THOUGHT
AND PRAYER
THAT IN EVERY PAIN,
OR LOSS
OR TEAR CRIED,
THERE IS STILL THE JOY OF KNOWING
THAT ONE DAY WE SHALL DANCE AGAIN.
IN THE HEAVENS AMIDST THE STARS.
SO MANY OF US HAVE HAD MORE THEN OUR SHARE OF EXPERIENCES
WITH DEATH.
SOME OF US MORE THEN OTHERS.
TO EXPLAIN WHY
WOULD BE FUTILE.
IS IT
A CURSE OR A GIFT ?
FOR SUCH A LONG
TIME IN THIS LIFE,
I THOUGHT IT A CURSE.
MAYBE THAT'S WHY
GOD IN ALL HIS WISDOM ,
BROUGHT ME CLOSER AND CLOSER
TO IT TIME AFTER TIME.
UNTIL I FINALLY COULD SEE
AND REALIZE THAT
PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW
AND
TAKE A JOURNEY WITH ME TO
http://www.genesisworks.com/heaven.html
Dedicated to My Brother Mark
With ...
LIGHT AND LOVE: PAM
RE EDITED
MIDI: HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT