SELFDESTRUCT MODE #1
inside this tiny smile was an imperfection
does it matter if a glass fist opens or not?
does it matter if I have anything inside either?
I want to close up again and never return
was their a prepose to my life beyond this point
lick the wound and maybe you'll feel good soon
you were dissed with what was once a passionate kiss
something old you use to miss
the male of the species sure do make a mess of things
a large list of mistakes that don't work today
people get use to so many stupid old tired out trends
but they contine to bend for what they want
having things replaces self estem
is that the cycle of things to come
did you jump to the chance to have one
I'm tired of being the one that you pile things up on
beneith the ground is where you are
get use to that fact your going to be alone
even though there's so many other people around
SELFDESTRUCT MODE #2
beginnings a internal meltdown
finding a place the calm down
tell me it's all ok
now I know your lying to me
white and red leaking out my heart
find some paper to write down your thoughts
trying to keep the rage at bay
emotions trapped inside this cage
hold on and some day I might find faith
probily not in this life time
maybe in another life time
tell yourself these things to get by today
tomorrow is just a few hours away
make a new promise to yourself again
maybe you will keep it this time
resolve to not to care at all
why should I get attached to anything or anyone else?
prepare to care even less in the near future
SELFDESTRUCT MODE #3
I'm so dead inside it would be stupid to just cry
put your problems in ball and throw them all at the sky
I feel like I'm just wasting time on caring about others
why bother getting upset at all?
the cave sure looks invitting but I can't find a bolder big enough to
close myself in
hold on to the candle but don't light it
burn the bible instead for your so called sins
you can't answer anyone's questions without pulling that damn book out
I want you to answer me with what's in your heart
then maybe I might respect you
past down the hate and repeat what was done before
the trees were cut down so you could build more
the money was printed for you to buy more shit you don't need
these little ones were born with barcodes on their heads
some with no names with just numbers on their wrists
so programmed that you can't see a foot in front of your face
maybe my mircochip is malfuntioning
it sure is easier to get by with a little bit of ignorance
forget your resolve
forget you ever existed
SELFDESTRUCT MODE #4
an undetermine amount of time was spent
I don't know what it all meant
rage builds inside this glass case
when it explodes it will hurt alot of people around me
will they heal like I thought I once would?
will more scars form out of little cuts and jabs to my ego?
you can only take so many cuts this time
the knife is not sharp enough to do too much damage
closing up will help protect you from breaking down more
but now you have to know how much is too much
where do you draw the line before you don't return to reality?
I've become unsure of how far I have to go to find a balence
I guess I will have to do this alone
which way down the road is the path I have to take to feel in control?
why don't you take a pill and go to sleep for awhile longer
awake one day and feel refreshed with a new outlook on life
maybe something's wrong with me because I don't see it that way
or maybe someday I'll see things differently
SELFDESTRUCT MODE #5
must put down the knife and move on
little stabs and scars form out of repression
put your mind where mine is now
the dark rooms filled with nothing but rage
the anger has taken control
the weight on my heart is crushing me from within
I know I'm caving in
the only way it stops is when I dissconnect completely
the void is consuming me
sometimes I'd rather not feel anything
the emptiness will take control if I let it
where will I be then and who will save me from this abyss of suffering?
trapped within this pity maze trying to get out in one piece
goddamn it, I should feel good about myself
I'm trying to save myself without a god
where was he when I fell?
do others care if I'm lost in my thoughts?
on the ground with my bleeding knees
I feel myself drifting away
why pray to anything?
why pray for anything?
you will never get any results that way
I should stop feeling sorry for myself
I need to grow up and deal with it
it sure is hard to get out of this box
filled with black fluid and it's drowning me
all I want to do is just breathe
all I want to do is live without this sliver in the back of my head killing me
weighing me down causing me to fill with rage
I'm tired of suficating on my regrets and insecurities
SELFDESTRUCT MODE #6
what I say is not complaining because it had to be said
what comes out of my mouth is what was on my mind at time
I don't care if it's not the right time for me to get this shit off my chest
if you don't want to listen, then be my guest
I noice your reaction when we kissed
was there real passion behind the mist
feeling lost when your not missed
standing next you and I thought we clicked
behind your clouded eyes when you told me you loved me
was it just something you said with hi or good bye
were we just wasting our time?
does your heart hurt just like mine?
SELFDESTRUCT MODE #7
you do one thing but think another
do your actions speak louder than words?
my thoughts are aimless and unbound
is it time to turn around and see what is really there?
your actions speak devious thoughts
is it alot?
is your love for me enough?
is mine either?
did you get caught in a time with an indifferent thought?
are you within reach of my quest for happiness?
blood is trapped inside my heart
nowhere to go but but backwards
within this maze of pain trying to regain my sanity
are these insecurities begining to engolf my heart?
more than just a path of sorrow under a vail of so called truths
more than just a spec of dust in the vacume of my mind
there's has to be more than this emptiness I feel most of the time
SELFDESTRUCT MODE #8
my mind plays games and you weren't invited either
do you really think your in control of your mind?
my mind is in control of nothing
programmed by the media to think I want more bullshit
programmed by my parents to think I want a family with family values
fuck it, think for yourselves instead
everything's so fuckin' outdated
unprogram your mind
trapped in a lie
past down to keep you in line
within a hive put there to get you thur this bullshit life
your no different then the rest of the stupid motherfuckers out there
getting in my way and wasting my time
SELFDESTRUCT MODE #9
I was born pretty much dead
I lie awake in bed
why end it now?
how can I gain satisfaction thur my own death?
a corward takes he's own life but I'd rather take yours
on second thought maybe I should just keep you alive instead
just barely because if your gone I can't tortore you
where's the self gradifacation then?
life is all about personal gain, isn't it?
getting what the other person has or doesn't have
you try to be selfless but in return your doing it for yourselves
donate money or time to hopeless causes
what a fuckin' waste of time?
I have to get my fix somewhere or somehow
or I'll lose what mind I have
you try to care about others but in return once again maybe you'll care about yourself too
building estem on others
building estem on having things
when their all gone you'll crumble within
where are you then?
there has to be something inside to keep you functioning
how can I gain control?
that the self gradification I desire
I want to own mind
maybe someday thur that I might have a meaningful life
SELFDESTRUCT MODE final
Pick your thoughts and believe it or not
Pen to paper and the ink sure was fresh
Look deep into your the eyes and see past your lies
Which archtype are you and what is your sign?
I'm begining to understand why you treat me the way you do
I try to be myself but it isn't what you want me to act like at this partular time
Would you rather I hold back and not be myself so you can feel better
I just can't relax or take an easy
Why can't you accept me the way I am?
Did you ever really let me in?
I can't reach a balence or win with anyone
I feel unbalenced and lost again
Unconfritable within my own skin
Why not be selfish and give in?
This fasoat is wearing thin and so is my patience
SELFDESTRUCT MODE poems written by Mike Davey
Copyrighted: Mike Davey 2005 All Rights Reserved