Being different
Ever since I was little, I knew I was different.
No one told me I was, it wasn't a premonition or anything like that. I just had a feeling that I was different. Like I had a reason for being on this planet. I thought of it as a gift.
Now your probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about, right? Well I'm gay or deformed or clinically insane or anything like that. I'm just simply different. People see me a different way than you see other people. I talk the same, think the same, even act the same. But something in my persona is different.
But as time moved on and I got older, this gift seemed to turn into a curse. Being different seemed to mean being alone. I got used to being alone. Being my own friend, trusting only myself.
As I grew even older, other people started to see that I was different too. Some saw it as a gift as I had in my earlier years, but others had seen as a me being a freak.
Now who are these other people I'm talking about? Well some have been teachers. They either liked me becuz of it or feared me either way I didn't mind. Same with students. My mother though also noticed it. Only, when she noticed it she took it to a whole new perspective. She litterally told me that I was going to save the world.Up until a few days ago, though, I thought of her as crazy. See if she was crazy then that would mean that my step dad is also crazy.
Now, I'm not saying that he isn't but just in this sense he isn't. A few days ago he decided to tell me why exactly he was still around. Not for mom or my little brother, but for me. He said that I was on this Earth for a reason. He said that i have a big part on this Earth and that he had to get me out of the hell whole that I was living in before I met him.
So you see, if teachers and kids and parents and the who ever comes to know me or even have a conversation will see that I really am something different.
Boyfriends/Guys have even said that I have the personality, the body and persona that everyone wants. But because I think of it as a curse I choose not to show it to a lot of people unless its accidental.
Well this concludes my thoughts for tonight, but probably not becuz I have a lot of other things on my mind and I'm not sleeping all that great anymore so I won't say goodbye, instead I'll say be back when another thought comes through my head.

Jonh, Sam and Nate
"Your claimed," John pointed out matter-of-factly. "You are untouchable. It's the Rule." A look of puzzlement came over me. How was I claimed. 'claimed' was never a word anyone considered me to be. Sam just looked over at John and me. You could see it in his light blue eyes that he was in full agreement with John.
The look I shot them both must of been a dirty one because they both looked away from me. "How the hell do you figure?" I snapped in both directions curious to see who would be the one to explain what exactly I had missed. John's pale blue green eyes met mine through his shagged blond hair. He started to pick at the picnic table nervously. The more he picked the more annoyed I became.
Sam continued to look around the commons to see if there was someone he could run off to.
John had seemed to have found the annoyance in this conversation for his anger had started to show through the muscle tension in his semi-defined arms.
"You don't get it. There are rules. Rules that have to be followed. If they're not followed chaos breaks loose. And I'm not really in the mood to deal with chaos right now."
My confusion must've shown in my face because I could feel John's anger and annoyance build up even further. I didn't say anything incase I pissed him off enough to where I wouldn't get anything useful out of him. By not saying anything, gave him the clue that I wanted him to continue.
"Nate claimed you. When you guys got together, he claimed you away from the group." Sam started to squirm from the uncomfortable environment he was somewhat forced to be in.
John turned away from me. I could sense his anger building.
"Claiming. What does it mean? And what do you mean, away from the group?" I asked. My annoyance subsiding and curiosity coming into play.
Sam decided to answer this one. "It means that you can't do anything with the guys in this group. If you do and Nate finds out, then there's a problem. A big problem." I looked over at John who was looking down at his hands. He couldn't look at me.
My curiousity kept growing, "How many?" John and Sam both looked at me puzzled. I elaborated, "Claimed. How many others are claimed?"
John looked back down at his hands. Sam took a deep breath and glanced over at John.
"There isn't anybody else." Said John clearly but quieter then usual. "Your the only one."
I was stunded. Was I hearing them right? "Why was I the only one claimed? There had to be at least one other girl. With all the other guys. There has to be." I said disbelieving John's last statement.
"You were the only one that didn't sleep with the guy you were with. That gives him rights to claim you." In a weird way it was flattering and disgusting to hear that I was the only girl not to sleep with Nate or anybody else. Think of how many other girls.
"Okay so how do I get unclaimed then?" I asked.
"You have to sleep with the one who claimed you," said a voice from behind me that wasn't John's or Sam's. A different voice. I voice that brought terror to some but at one point in my life brought me piece.
Nate.

Poetry Posting
Hello and welcome to Poetry Posting. Here I post poetry and stories that people send me or I create. To send in a piece of writing just send the piece this email address and I will review them and post them. If your piece makes it on my blog I'll notify you via email. Thanx for your coroporation
~Kayla

My deepest feelings
I hate them so much. It's not an anger, it's a pure hate. They call me a failure. They call me a slut. They try to judge sumone they don't have a clue about. Every night I cry. The tears of pain and hatred. And every night I wish and hope for one thing. A person to come into my life that would be there for me. Becuz I wouldn't be able to be there for him. I'm always by everyone's side. I push my feelings out of the way becuz other people's feelings are more important. People say I'm strong. They don't know how weak I really am. I can't tell you how many times I asked why me? I can't tell you how many times I've been let down. But I don't let it stop me. I don't becuz I hope that one day they'll see how I was there for them. How I was always there for them. I ask myself day after day, "When is it my turn?" "When do I get my chance at peace?" Why do I have to be strong when everyone around me is too weak and is entitled? When will this pain go a way? when will this anger, and sadness, and hatred go away? Go away and leave me in peace. When will I take off the mask and show my true self? Show my pain and show my anger. Why do I feel so worthless, yet try so hard? Am I just a natural born failure? Am I not supposed to succeed? I'm tired. I want to go and close my eyes and hope and wish that I never wake up. That life will say , "You've suffered enough." and put me out of my misery. I have nothing to lose, and no allowance to succeed. And I still want to know why it's happening to me.