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A Complete Listing Of Bright Eyes Lyrics


Lifted Or The Story Is In The Soil, Keep Your Ear To The Ground
  1. The Big Picture
  2. Method Acting
  3. False Advertising
  4. You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will
  5. Lover I Don't Have To Love
  6. Bowl Of Oranges
  7. Don't Know When But A Day Is Gonna Come
  8. Nothing Gets Crossed Out
  9. Make War
  10. Waste Of Paint
  11. From A Balance Beam
  12. Laura Laurent
  13. Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love And Be Loved)


There Is No Begining To The Story
  1. From A Balance Beam
  2. Messenger Bird's Song
  3. We Are Free Men
  4. Loose Leaves
  5. Untitled


Motion Sickness 7"
  1. Side A - Motion Sickness
  2. Side B - Soon You Will Be Leaving Your Man


Bright Eyes/Son, Ambulance - Oh Holy Fools Split
  1. Son, Ambulance - Brown Park
  2. Bright Eyes - Going For Gold
  3. Son, Ambulance - The Invention Of Beauty
  4. Bright Eyes - Oh, You Are The Roots That Sleep Beneath My Feet
  5. Son, Ambulance - On The Concourse
  6. Bright Eyes - No Lies, Just Love
  7. Son, Ambulance - Katie Come True
  8. Bright Eyes - Kathy With A K's Song


Don't Be Frightened By The Turning Page
  1. Going For Gold (origianlly on Oh Holy Fools Spilt)
  2. Oh, You Are The Roots That Sleep Beneath My Feet(originally on Oh Holy Fools Spilt)
  3. I Wont Ever Be Happy Again
  4. No Lies, Just Love(originally on Oh Holy Fools Spilt)
  5. Kathy With A K's Song(originally on Oh Holy Fools Spilt)
  6. Mirrors And Fevers


Fevers And Mirrors
  1. A Spindle, A Darkness, A Fever, And A Necklace
  2. A Scale, A Mirror And Those Indifferent Clocks
  3. The Calender Hung Itself
  4. Something Vague
  5. The Movement Of A Hand
  6. Arienette
  7. When The Curious Girl Realizes She Is Under Glass
  8. Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh
  9. The Center Of The World
  10. Sunrise, Sunset
  11. An Attempt To Tip The Scales
  12. A Song To Pass The Time


Lover I Don't Have To Love
  1. Lover I Don't Have To Love
  2. Amy In The White Coat
  3. Out On The Weekend


Drunk Kid Catholic
  1. Drunk Kid Catholic
  2. Happy Birthday To Me
  3. I've Been Eating For You


Every Day And Every Night
  1. A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not
  2. A Perfect Sonnet
  3. On My Way To Work
  4. A New Arrangement
  5. Neely O'Hara


Letting Off The Happiness
  1. If Winter Ends
  2. Padraic My Prince
  3. Contrast And Compare
  4. The City Has Sex
  5. The Difference In The Shades
  6. Touch
  7. June On The West Coast
  8. Pull My Hair
  9. A Poetic Retelling Of An Unfortunate Seduction
  10. Tereza And Thomas


A Collection Of Songs Written And Recorded 1995-1997
  1. The Invisible Gardener
  2. Paitent Hope In New Show
  3. Saturday As Usual
  4. Falling Out Of Love At This Volume
  5. Exaltation On A Cool, Kitchen Floor
  6. The Awful Sweetness Of Escaping Sweet
  7. Puella Quam Amo Est Pulchra
  8. Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night
  9. How Many Lights Do You See?
  10. I Watched You Taking Off
  11. A Celebration Upon Completion
  12. Emily, Sing Something Sweet
  13. All Of The Truth
  14. One Straw (Please)
  15. Lila
  16. A Few Minutes On Friday
  17. Supriya
  18. Solid Jackson
  19. Feb. 15
  20. The 'Feel Good' Revolution































Lifted Or The Story Is In The Soil, Keep Your Ear To The Ground


The Big Picture
The picture is far too big to look at kid. Your eyes won't open wide enough and you are constantly surrounded by that swirling stream of what is and what was. Well, we've all made our predictions but the truth still isn't out. So if you want to see the future, go stare into a cloud. And keep trying to find your way out of that maze of memories. It all sort of looks familiar, but then you get up close and it's different. clearly. Each time you turn a corner, you are right back to where you were and your only hope is that forgetting might make a door appear. Is it your fear of being buried that makes you so afraid to speak? An avalanche of opinions like the one that feel that I am now underneath. It was my voice that moved the first rock and I would do it all again. So, I mean, it's cool if you keep quiet, but I like singing. So I'll be holding my note and stomping and strumming and feeling so very lucky. There is nothing I know except that this lifetime is just one moment and wishing will just leave me empty. So you can try and live in darkness but you will never shake the light. It will greet you every morning and make you more aware with its absence at night, when you are wrapped up in your blanket baby, that comfortable cocoon. But I have seen the day of your awakening boy and it's coming soon. So go ahead and loose yourself in liquor and you can praise the clouded mind but it isn't what you are thinking it's the course of history, your position in line. You are just a piece of the puzzle so I think you had better find your place. And don't go blaming your knowledge on some fruit you ate. Because there has been a great deal of discussion, yes, about the properties of man. Animal or angel? You were carved from bone, but your heart it's just sand. And the wind is going to scatter it and cover everything with love. So if it makes you happy, keep kneeling Mama, but I am standing up. Because this veil, it has been lifted. My eyes are wet with clarity. I have been a witness of such wonders. Oh, I have searched for them all across this country but I think I'll be returning now to the town where I was born. And I understand you must keep moving friend, but I am heading home. I'm gonna follow the road and let the scenery sweeping by easily enter my body. I'll send you all this message in code, under ground, over mountains, through forests, deserts and cities. All across the electric wire, it's a baited line. The hook is in deep boys, there is no more time. So you can struggle in the water and be too stubborn to die, or you could just let go and be lifted to the sky.
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Method Acting
There is no beginning to the story. A bookshelf sinks into the sand and a language learned and forgot, in turn, is studied once again. It's a shocking bit of footage viewed from a shitty TV screen. You can squint through snowy static to make out the meaning. Just keep on stretching the antennae, hoping that it will come clear. We need some reception, a higher message, just tell us what to fear. Because I don't know what tomorrow brings. It is alive with such possibilities. All I know is I feel better when I sing. Burdens are lifted from me, that is my voice rising! So Michael, please keep the tape rolling. Boys keep strumming those guitars. We need a record of our failures. We must document out love. I have sat too long in my silence. I have grown too old in my pain. To shed this skin, be born again, it starts with an ending. So thank you friends for the time we shared. My love stays with you like sunlight and air. Oh how I truly wish I could keep hanging around here but my joy is covering me. Soon, I will disappear. It's not a movie, no private screening. This method acting, well, I call that living. It's like a fountain, a door has been opened. We have a problem with no solution but to love and to be loved. So, I've made peace with the falling leaves. I see their same fate in my own body. But I won't be afraid when I am awoken from this dream and returned to that which gave birth to me. And the story goes on and on and on and on...
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False Advertising
On a string I was held. The way that I move, can you tell? My actions are orchestrated from above. So I swing and I sway. Wave my hand. Kick my leg. And it is always right with the music. "Until all that swinging starts to make you sick" For a song I was bought. Now I lie when I talk with a careful eye on the cue card. Onto a stage, I was pushed with my sorrow well rehearsed. So give me all your pity and your money. Now. "We used to think that sound was something pure" If I could act like this was my real life and not some cage where I've been placed, then, I could tell you the truth like I used to and not be afraid of sounding fake. Now all that anyone is listening for are the mistakes. In a house, by myself, I hear the ice start to melt and watch rooftops weep for the sunlight. And I know what must change. Fuck my face. Fuck my name. They are brief and false advertisements for a soul I don't have. Something true I have lacked and spent my whole life trying to make up for. But I found in a song and in the people I love. They will lift me up out of darkness. Now my door stands open. I am inviting everyone in. We will drink. We will laugh until the morning comes. That is what we are going to do.
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You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will
You say that I treat you like a book on a shelf. I don't take you out that often because I now that I completed you and that is why you are here. That is the reason why you stay here. How awful you must feel. You said you would be my dream. I could have you every night and if, by morning, I had forgotten you, well, no big deal, it would be all right because you are the reoccurring kind. You are the reoccurring kind. You never leave my mind. Are you the love of my lifetime? Because there have been times I have had my doubts. We were just kids when I first kissed you in the attic of my parents house, and I wish we were there now. It took so long to figure out what this book has been about. Now I write when I'm away letters that you never read. You said go to explore those other women, the geography of their bodies but there is just one map you'll need. You are a boomerang. You see. You will return to me. You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. Because if you don't, then this book is all lies. If you don't, then my plans would be all ruined. If you don't, I'll start drinking like the way I drank before. And I just wont have a future anymore.
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Lover I Don't Have To Love
I picked you out Of a crowd to talk to you Said I liked your shoes You said thanks can I follow you? So it's up the stairs And out of view No prying eyes I poured some wine I asked your name you asked the time Well it's two o'clock Yeah the club is closed we're up the block Your hands on me Pressing hard against your jeans Your tongue in my mouth Trying to keep the words from coming out You didn't care to know Who else may have been here before I want a lover I don't have to love I want a girl who's to sad to give a fuck Where's the kid with the chemicals? I thought he said he'd meet us here but I'm not sure I got the money if you got the time He said it feels good I said I'll give it a try Then my mind went dark We both forgot where your car was parked Let's just take the train I'll meet up with the band in the morning Bad actors with bad habits Some sad singers They just play tragic Now the phone's ringing And the band's leaving Let's just keep touching Let's just keep keep singing I want a lover I don't have to love I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk Where's the kid with the chemicals I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full I need some meaning I can memorize The kind I have always seems to slip my mind But you but you You write such pretty words But life's no story book Love is an excuse to get hurt And to hurt Do you like to hurt? 'Cause I do I do I do This didn't hurt me Didn't hurt me Oh this hurt me
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Bowl Of Oranges
The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open. Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been. So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets. But everything seemed different and completely new to me. The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body. And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet. I came up a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said "(I am terribly sorry but) there is nothing I can do for you (that) you can't do for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure of it. Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile." So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself. It is best to compose a poem, an honest longing or simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing... Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. And we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve of Love's uneven remainder. But if the world could remain in a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the beauty. Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.
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Don't Know When But A Day Is Gonna Come
Is it true what I heard about the Son of God? Did he come to save? Did he come at all? And if I dried his feet, with my dirty hair, would he make me clean again? They say they don't know when but a day is gonna come, when there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun. It will just go back to the way it was before. I knew a lovely girl, with such pretty pride, and every man wanted her, and so did I. So did I. But she up and died in a fit of vanity. Now men with purple hearts, carry silver guns. And they will kill a man for what his father has done. But what my father did, you know it don't mean shit. I'm not him. So you think I need some discipline, well, I had my share. I have been sent to my room. I've been sat in a chair. And I held my tongue. I didn't plug my ears. No, I got a good talking to. And now I don't know why, but I still try to smile when they talk at me like I'm just a child. Well, I'm not a child. No, I am much younger than that. And now I have read some books and have grown quite brave. If only I could just speak up I think I would say that there is no truth. There is only you and what you make the truth. So I will just sing my song and I'll pass a hat. Then I'll leave your town and never look back. No, I don't look back because the road is clear and laid out ahead of me. I'll get home and meet my friends at our favorite bar. We'll get some lighter heads for our heavy hearts. And we will share a drink. Yeah we will share our fears and they will know how I love them. They will know how I love. They will know how I love them. I am nothing without their love. I don't know when but a day is gonna come when there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun. It will all go black. It will all go back to the way it is supposed to be. Is it true what I heard about the Son of God? Did he die for us? Did he die at all? And if I sold my soul for a bag of gold, which one of us would be the foolish one? Which one of us would be the fool? Which one of us would be the foolish one? Which one of us would be the fool? Could you please start explaining? You know, I need some understanding. I could do good with some explaining. You know. I want to understand.
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Nothing Gets Crossed Out
The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts. My head is a carousel of pictures. The spinning never stops. I just want someone to walk in front and I'll follow the leader. Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush. I started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs. I almost forgot who I was, but came to my senses. Now I try to be assertive. I'm making plans. I want to rise to the occasion, yeah, meet all of their demands. But all I do is just lay in bed and hide under the covers. I know I should be brave but I'm just afraid of all this change. It's hard to focus through all this doubt. I keep making "To Do" lists but nothing ever gets crossed out. Even working on the record seems pointless now. When the world ends, who's gonna hear it? But I try and take some comfort in written words, yeah Tim I heard your album and it's better than good. When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together. Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by...all those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting out time. Remember all those songs and the way we smiled in those basements made of music. But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought. So when I'm lost in a crows, I hope that you'll pick me out. Oh, how I long to be found. The grass grew high. I laid down. Now, wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand. I have been laying so low don't want to lay here no more. I But if everything that happens is supposed to be and it is predetermined, you can't change your destiny. Then I guess I'll just keep moving and someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going.
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Make War
Our love is dead but without limit, like the surface of the moon or the land between here and the mountains. It is not these hiding places that have keep us innocent but the way you taught me to just let it all go by. So we have learned to be as faithless, stand behind the bulletproof glass, exchanging our affections through a drawer. It was always horribly convenient and happening too fast. You should count your change before you are even out the door. Yes, you should but please... Return, return to the person that you were. And I will do the same because it is too hard to belong to someone who is gone. My compass spins. The wilderness remains. Once too often, I have retreated into the depths of my despair. I built a barricade to block you on the road. But standing there with all of my possessions, piled higher than a house, I felt closer to you than you ever could have known. So let these tiny acts of charity become common ground of which to build a monument to commemorate our time. And though, you say, you've found another who will surely speed you on your way, don't let the forest grow over that you came there by. But you will, so... Hurry up and run to the one that you love. And blind him with your kindness. And he will make war, old war, on who you were before. And he'll claim all that has spoiled your heart. Well, now, I tell myself I've mended under these patches of blue sky. There are still a few holes that let in a little rain. So it is crying on my shingles. My floorboards moan under my feet. The refrigerator is whining, so I've got reason to complain. But I am not gonna bless you with such compliments, some degrading psalm of praise, like the kind that converted you to me so long ago. Because the truth is that gossip is as good as gospel in this town. You can save face but you won't ever save your soul. And that's a fact. Hurry up and run to the one that you love. And tie him in you likeness, And he'll become, become the prisoner I was. And know all that has spoiled your heart.
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Waste Of Paint
I have a friend, he is made mostly of pain. He wakes up, drives to work, and then straight back home again. He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper. I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover. And I tried to tell him he had a sense of color and composition so magnificent. And he said "Thank you, please but your flattery is truly not becoming me. Your eyes are poor. You are blind. You see, no beauty could have come from me. I am a waste of breath, of space, of time." I knew a woman, she was dignified and true. Her love for her man was one of her many virtues. Until one day, she found out that he had lied and decided the rest of her life, from that point on would be a lie. But she was grateful for everything that had happened. And she was anxious for all that would come next. But then she wept. What did you expect? In that big, old house with all those cars she kept. "Oh!" and "such is life," she often said. With one day leading her to the next, you get a little closer to your death, which was fine with her. She never got upset and with all the days she may have left, she would never clean another mess or fold his shirts or look her best. She was free to waste away alone. Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove. And this cop pulled him off to the side of the road. And he said, "Officer! Officer! You have got the wrong man. No, no, I'm a student of medicine, the son of a banker, you don't understand!" The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful. And you carelessness, it is something awful. And no, I can't just let you go. And though your father's name is known, your decisions are yours alone. You are nothing but a stepping stone on a path to debt, to loss, to shame." The last few months I have been living with this couple. Yeah, you know, the kind that buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle. I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us. And they still do me. I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy. Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery, where you can scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry", just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky. So I have been hanging out down by the train's depot. No, I don't ride. I just sit and watch the people there. They remind me of wind up cars in motion. The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions. And I want to scream out that it is all nonsense. And that their lives are one track, and can't they see how it is all pointless? But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak and suddenly it is clear to see that it is not them but me, who has lost my self-identity. As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry, like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve. And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me. And everything I have is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time. Sometimes I park my car down my the cathedral, where floodlights point up at the steeples. Choir practice is filling up with people. I hear the sound escaping as an echo. Sloping off the ceiling at an angle. When voices blend they sound like angels. I hope there is still some room left in the middle. But when I lift my voice up now to reach them. The range is too high, way up in heaven. So I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoe and start walking off. And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God and I have no faith but it is all I want, to be loved ad believe in my soul.
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From A Balance Beam
There is a man holding a megaphone, so he must have been the voice of God. The bystanders claimed they saw angels flying up and down the block. Well, they must have been attached to wires. I saw one laying in the lawn with a broken arm, so I called 911. So that is one less founded opinion. One more cause for a dispute. So the street filled, like a basin, up with cameras and their crews and they washed away the rumors leaving just the concrete truth. It was a spectacle. No, I mean a miracle. So then I fell like that girl from a balance beam. A gymnasium of eyes were all holding on to me. I lifted one foot to cross the other and I felt myself slipping. It was a small mistake. Sometimes that is all it takes. Now I'm staring at my wrist, hoping that the timing is right. When the planes will align. There will be no planets to align. Just the carcass of the sun and those little painted marbles spinning endless through an endless black sky. (and so it never started and it will never stop just like I am and you are) It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub I baptized myself in change. And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been. I emerged to find the parallels were fewer. I was cleansed. I looked in the mirror and someone new was there. Still, I was as helpless as a chess piece when I was lifted up by someone's hand and delivered from the corner my enemies had got me in. But in all of my salvation I still felt imprisoned inside that holding cell that is myself. So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key as it turns in the lock and the guard will say to me, "Oh my patient prisoner you have waited for this day and finally you are free! You are free! You are freezing." Now I'm staring at the sun, waiting for it to explode. Because a day is gonna come, don't know when but it will come and then we will finally know the way out of here. And I will throw away this wrinkled map and my chart of stars and compass, cracked. And I'll climb out that tree all wet with sap to avoid the hungry beasts below. I'll cut out my love's tongue and sing of a graveyard gray and a garden green and then we won't have to worry no more. No we won't ever worry again about how this song or story ends about how this song and story will end.
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Laura Laurent
Laura, are you still living there on your estate of sorrow? You used to leave it occasionally. Now, you don't even bother to ride that commuter train west to Chicago, to stroll through the greenery, in the park, past the statues. How their eyes seemed to follow you like a hated addiction. Their beauty carved out of absolutes that you could never claim, or even envision. Laura you were the saddest song in the shape of a woman. I thought you were beautiful, but I wept with your movements. I hope you are laughing now from that place of the carpet where we shared a sleeping bag, in your sisters apartment. Oh how she would worry so, you know, I was just a stranger. But she asked me to care for you. That is what she did and I went and betrayed her. But do you know we are in high demand, Laura, us people who suffer? Because we don't take to arguing and we are quick to surrender. Well, I think I would call tonight if I still had your number. Your thoughts have always laid close to mine. We were both skipping supper. But you should never be embarrassed by your trouble with living. Because it is the ones with the sorest throats, Laura, who have done the most singing. Everybody! La La La La La La La La La Lah...
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Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love And Be Loved)
The animals laugh from the dark of the wilderness. A baby cried hard in an apartment complex, as I pass a car buried under the influence. The city is driving me out of my mind. I have seen a child is caught in the sad trap of gravity. He falls from the lowest branch of the apple tree and lands in the grass and weeps for his dignity. Next time he will not aim so high. Yeah, next time, neither will I. A mother takes loans out, sends her kids off to colleges. Her family is reduced to names on a shopping list. Meanwhile, a coroner kneels beneath a great, wooden crucifix. He know that there are worse things than being alone. I have learned to retreat at the first sign of danger. I mean, why wait around, if it's just to surrender? Ambition, I have found, can only lead to failure. I do not read the reviews. No, I am not singing for you. I stood dropping a coin into the pit of a well. And I would throw my whole billfold if I thought it would help. With all these wishes I make, I should by something great, at least a telephone call home. My teachers, they built the retaining wall memory, all those multiple choices I answered so quickly. And I got my grades back and forgot just as easily, but as least I got an A. So I don't have them to blame. I should stop pointing fingers; reserve my judgment of all those public action figures, the cowboy president. So loud behind the bullhorn so proud they can't admit when they have made a mistake. While poison ink spews from a speechwriter's pen, he knows that he doesn't have to say it, so it don't bother him. "Honesty" "Accuracy" are really just "Popular Opinion." And the approval rating is high, so someone is going to die. ABC, NBC, CBS: Bullshit. They give us fact or fiction? I guess an even split. And each new act of war is tonight's entertainment. We are still the pawns in their game. As they take an eye for an eye until no one can see, we must stumble blindly forward, repeating history. Well, I guess that we all fit into your slogan on the fast food marquee: Red blooded, White skinned oh and the Blues. I got the Blues! I got the Blues! That's me! That's me! Well, I awoke in relief. My sheets and tubes were all tangled weak from whiskey and pills, in a Chicago hospital. My father was there, in a chair, by the window, staring so far away. I tried talking, just whispered, "...so sorry...so selfish..." He stopped me and said, "Child I love you regardless and there is nothing you could do that would ever change this. I'm not angry. It happens. You just can't do it again." So now I try to keep up, I have been exchanging my currency. While a million objects pass through my periphery. So now I am rubbing my eyes because they are starting to bother me. I have been staring too long at the screen. But where was it when I first heard the sound of brutality? It came to my ears in the goddamn loveliest melody. How grateful I was them to be part of the mystery, to love and be loved. Let's just hope that is enough.
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There Is No Begining To The Story


From A Balance Beam
There is a man holding a megaphone, so he must have been the voice of God. The bystanders claimed they saw angels flying up and down the block. Well, they must have been attached to wires. I saw one laying in the lawn with a broken arm, so I called 911. So that is one less founded opinion. One more cause for a dispute. So the street filled, like a basin, up with cameras and their crews and they washed away the rumors leaving just the concrete truth. It was a spectacle. No, I mean a miracle. So then I fell like that girl from a balance beam. A gymnasium of eyes were all holding on to me. I lifted one foot to cross the other and I felt myself slipping. It was a small mistake. Sometimes that is all it takes. Now I'm staring at my wrist, hoping that the timing is right. When the planes will align. There will be no planets to align. Just the carcass of the sun and those little painted marbles spinning endless through an endless black sky. (and so it never started and it will never stop just like I am and you are) It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub I baptized myself in change. And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been. I emerged to find the parallels were fewer. I was cleansed. I looked in the mirror and someone new was there. Still, I was as helpless as a chess piece when I was lifted up by someone's hand and delivered from the corner my enemies had got me in. But in all of my salvation I still felt imprisoned inside that holding cell that is myself. So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key as it turns in the lock and the guard will say to me, "Oh my patient prisoner you have waited for this day and finally you are free! You are free! You are freezing." Now I'm staring at the sun, waiting for it to explode. Because a day is gonna come, don't know when but it will come and then we will finally know the way out of here. And I will throw away this wrinkled map and my chart of stars and compass, cracked. And I'll climb out that tree all wet with sap to avoid the hungry beasts below. I'll cut out my love's tongue and sing of a graveyard gray and a garden green and then we won't have to worry no more. No we won't ever worry again about how this song or story ends about how this song and story will end.
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Messanger Bird's Song
the kitchen is cold
but the coffee is warm
and the suns coming up
the day has just begun
and your already bored.
bored of cheering me up
bored of calming me down
bored of drying my eyes
but there once was a time when you were the one.
you were the blue of the sky
you came after the storm
you were the switch on the wall
in the dark of the hall
im still fumbling for
cuz im lost in the black
i dont know where I am.
arms strecthed out in front
im calling your name
just as loud as I can
I know theres words that we will never speak
and the questions cant be answered easily
but I wanted to be easy so
nod your head if the plans have change
shake it, love, they stayed the same
smile at me and I will stay
start to cry and I'll go away
just please dont leave me guessing.
so you made me come
then you sent me away
like a messenger bird
so I circled the earth
blown away in the wind
but I always returned
with some new little song
some sad story to tell
of a breif love affair
with a girl I compared to you and she failed
you said you dont want me to beg
then you said get down on your knees
cuz you knew that I would
if I do any good satisfying your needs.
and I know all about those things we cannot speak
and just so you know well they dont bother me
so you dont have to be worried
just nod your head if the plans have changed
shake it, love, if they stayed the same
smile at me and I will stay
start to cry and I'll go away
just please dont keep me waiting
just nod your head if your mind's been changed
shake it, love, if some hope remains
just say the word and of course ill stay
roll your eyes and Ill go away
just please dont leave me guessing.
just please dont keep me waiting
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We Are Free Men
Well, the future spills its intangibles
An unknown set of variables
A path that spliten infinitely up ahead
So tell me what's the use to pick and choose
From what you should or shouldn't do?
That's time spent better sleeping in your bed
Or wide awake in a shopping mall, trying clothes on from off of the wall
Yeah, anything to entertain yourself
'Cause a costume can be comfortable
It can make you feel more beautiful
It can even make you look like someone else
But it's still you, so there's nothing you can do
Like a bad habit, the one you couldn't kick, there it always is
And it's nothing that no doctor's gonna fix
They pat your back bruised with their accolades
And all four walls are a trophy case
But that doesn't make it any less of a cage
But you can make it all less difficult
By embracing the ephemeral
Then you'd never have to worry or explain
'Cause if it's really all just physical, then my memory's immaterial
So why then do I remember you at all?
But I do, I do, my friend, I seen your face
We shared a cup, I know the taste
Its sweetness is relentless on my lips
So help me drink in everything that is
Like a freed convict, drunk on redemption
From the way I've been
But I swear this time, that things will be different
Well, right and wrong, they have never been that far apart
For those who'd write that sentence where you hang
We will be lifted up from all of this
Yeah, we will transcend the insignificance of our existence
Yeah, your body's gone, but angel, you will live
Yeah your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone
Now your bodyís gone but angel you will live
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Loose Leaves
there are stories in the soil, loose leaves cover the ground
there's volumes in the forest, no one reads out loud
if i could take them down off of that mountain shelf
we used to climb but no one tries to go up that far now yeah
we're all too busy working, entertaining ourselves
forty hours television and prescription pills
well i take two a day to make my brain behave
it never does but who's to say at least my doctor gets paid
so that's fine, yeah come by we'll take the afternoon off
we can kiss and undress or if you want just talk
cause i've got nothing real, just empty space to fill
and you're my girl i like your style just imagine all the time we could kill
and time's not poison but once you drink it all you'll die
so let's just sip it real slow
yeah we can nurse it all night
try to believe that once it's gone
we'll pour another round and come back to life
come right back
i guess i'm moving faster now or that's what they said
and though some days still take forever i can't disagree
because it seems to me that i wake up and sleep
look in the mirror have no idea what happened in between
but i remember counting days down 'til the year could be done
so i could scatter all my notebooks on the prep school lawn
and disappear again into a summer's bliss
of staying out sleeping in and getting drunk with my friends
that's gone and i know that it won't ever come back
i accept i won't cling to what i had in the past
but life's a slippery slope, regret's the steepest hill
hope for the best, plan for the worst and maybe wind up somewhere
in the middle
and i'm not saying that i know what i want
but i know what i don't, don't want to rot in my room
and never know what could have been
believe what everyone else tells me is true
yeah, they say 'true'
that's what they say

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Untitled
Lovers turn into monsters at the loss of all affection
Almost like it was the affection that kept them from being monsters
And I could have used some warning
I was on that porch all morning
Smoking cigarettes and sinking deeper into doubt
Could it be I am mistaken, have I stolen somebodyís baby?
Is it possible for two people to need the same thing?
It's just the lines, they get so blurry
Between what is once, and now required
And I don't know on which side his heart falls
But I know where mine is buried
And it's so far from any wanting
Yeah, it needs this to keep beating
It won't go on without it
If I'm still weighed down with subtleties
Then I'll just come right out and say
That I think that I deserve her
More than anyone deserves anything
Maybe I am selfish, but there is no way to share this
Thereís not enough to go around, I donít care who else gets hurt
But Iím still sick with empathy because I was stood in his place
I spent a year quietly dying while you let go and ignored her
And Iím sure that there are reasons for everything that happens
And absence leads to adoration, yeah itís nobodyís fault
But now there is no way to change this
So I just photographed and framed it
And itís hanging in a hallway
That we have no right to walk back down
But I hope that he feels better but Iím sick of all the drama
I canít stand to see her crying, I just want this shit to end
And I want a place to hang out where a record playerís playing
And thereís a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with her

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Motion Sickness


Soon You Will Be Leaving Your Man
He always gets so mad at things you laugh at.
"Don't get so worked up," you'd say, but on the
back deck you admit that you haven't felt much
like laughing lately anyway. And so I say, "that
could change."

I noticed how you waste no time making your way
across the room. You leave a wake of tounges
still waving after you. And it isn't no coincidence
where you finally choose to stand. I guess
soon you will be leaving your man.

It's a sweet smile and then a denial. Hey, you
are just trying to be nice. But there is a meaning
to every fleeting action you unconsciously
decide. The clocks they chime. Now it's time.

I know you try and play it cool but there are
some thoughts you just can't hide. Only in your
closest friends do you confide. The way you say
you'll be seeing me, oh like it's so offhand. I
guess soon you will be leaving your man.

You stare at me so boldly now. You have no lack
of confidence. It's just those lessons on subtlety
you missed. I know you dream of saving me
like i'm some plane that you could land. But
when you fly you will be leaving your man.

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motionSickness
There is nothing for which i am responsible
Just this baggage that I keep carrying on as if
I had someone.

OK, maybe there is a woman somewhere who's still
thinking of me or a girl with coal black hair
who's haunted in her dreams.
But what they've seen, well, it wasn't me.
It was just some lie that they slept beside.
I kept this from then but i can't keep this from you.

So will you look for me in that strange, bright place.
Where the statues bloom in the park.
They don't need no rain.

Becasue how I ever got you I have no idea.
It's like some secret door, well it just appeared.
So, no matter what I do from now on with my time,
you will always stay here in my mind.
I am certian of this and I am not certian of anything.

So I want to get myself attached to something bolted down.
So that these winds of circumstances won't keep
blowing me around.
From when I land to when i leave
there is enough time to sleep and sing.
I keep running when all I want is to lay motionless.

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Bright Eyes/Son, Ambulance Split


Going For Gold
There's a voice on the phone
telling what had happened
some kind of confusion
more like a disaster
and it wondered how you were left unaffected
but you had no knowledge
no the chemicals covered you
and so a jury was formed
as more liquor was poured
no need for conviction
they're not thirsting for justice
butI slept with the lies
I keep inside my head
I found out I was guilty
I found out I was guilty
but I won't be around for the sentencing
cause I'm leaving
on the next airplane
and though I know that my actions are impossible to justify
they seem adequite to fill up my time
and if I could talk to myself like I was someone else
then maybe I could take your advice
and I wouldn't act like such an asshole all the time

there's a film on the wall
makes the people look small
who are sitting beside it
all consumed in the drama
they must return to their lives
once the hero has died
they will drive to the office
stopping somewhere for coffee
where the folk singers, poets, and playwrites convene
dispinsing their wisdom
oh dear amateur orator
they will detail their pain
in some standard refrain
they will recite their sadness
like it's some kind of contest
well if it is
I think I am winning it
all beaming with confidence
as I make my final lap
the gold medal gleams
so hang it around my neck
cause I am deserving it
the champion of idiots

but a kid carries his Walkman on that long bus ride to omaha
I know a girl who cries when she practices violin
cause each note sounds so pure
it just cuts into her
and then the melody comes pouring out her eyes
now to me everything else it just sounds like a lie.
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Oh, You Are The Roots That Sleep Beneath My Feet
I met you through a common friend
in the attic of my parents house
and though I didn't know it then
I soon was finding out
you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet
and hold the earth in place
each time a faucet opens
words are spoken
the water runs away
and I hear your name
no, nothing has changed

there was this book I read and loved
the story of a ship
who sailed around the world and found
that nothing else exists
beyond his own two sails
and wooden shell
and what is held within
all else is sure to pass
we clutch and grasp
and debate what's truly permanent
but when the wind starts to shift
there's no argument

I sing and drink and sleep on floors
and try hard not to be annoyed
by all these people worrying about me
so when I'm suffering through some awful drive
you occasionally cross my mind
it's my hidden hope that you are still among them
well are you?

Oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet
and hold the earth in place
each time a curtain opens
sunlight pours in
a lifetime melts away
and we share a name
on some picturesque grave
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No Lies, Just Love
It was in the march of the winter I turned 17
that I bought those things
I thought I would need
and I wrote a letter to my family
said it's not your fault
and you've been good to me
just lately I've been feeling
like I don't belong
like the ground's not mine to walk upon
and I've heard that music
echo through the house
where my grandmother drank
by herself
and I sat watching a flower
as it was withering
I was embarrased by it's honesty
so I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
not this fucking wreck
that's taken it's place

so please forgive what I have done
no you can't stay mad at the setting sun
we all get tired I mean eventually
there's nothing left to do but sleep

but spring came bearing sunlight
those persuasive rays
so I gave myself a few more days
my salvation it came, quite suddenly
when Justin spoke very plainly
he said "Of course it's your decision,
but just so you know,
if you decide to leave,
soon I will follow"

I wrote this for a baby
who has yet to be born
my brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
cause it's cold out here
and it'll be quite a shock
to breathe this air
to discover loss
so I'd like to make some changes
before you arive
so when your new eyes meet mine
they won't see no lies
just love.
just love.
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Kathy With A K's Song
Love is real
it is not
just in novels or the movies
it is fact
and it is standing here right in front of you
so if you open your eyes
what a sweet discovery
there is hope, there is joy, and there is acceptance
so now let all the light that collects on your plants
keep you warm
make you smile
and I will be there with this pen in my hand to record
all the while
you'll be laughing so loud
that the house would shake with sound
and everything would be as new as the day it was found.

Love is real
it is not just in long distance commercials
or something that you thought you felt back in high school
so I will turn
black and white
become that horoscope you're reading
it predicts something good is on it's way
and then I'll send you the world green and blue
in a box in the mail
you can open it up
hold it right in your hand and be glad that it's there
and be glad that you're there
you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie
and suddenly it's not so hard to say you're allright.

Love is real
it is not
just in poetry and stories
it is truth
and it will follow you
everywhere you go from now on
so if you would just cast off your doubt
then your lips would answer for you
oh my darling, when you smile
it is like a song
and I can hear it now.
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Don't Be Frightened Of Turning The Page


Going For Gold
There's a voice on the phone
telling what had happened
some kind of confusion
more like a disaster
and it wondered how you were left unaffected
but you had no knowledge
no the chemicals covered you
and so a jury was formed
as more liquor was poured
no need for conviction
they're not thirsting for justice
butI slept with the lies
I keep inside my head
I found out I was guilty
I found out I was guilty
but I won't be around for the sentencing
cause I'm leaving
on the next airplane
and though I know that my actions are impossible to justify
they seem adequite to fill up my time
and if I could talk to myself like I was someone else
then maybe I could take your advice
and I wouldn't act like such an asshole all the time

there's a film on the wall
makes the people look small
who are sitting beside it
all consumed in the drama
they must return to their lives
once the hero has died
they will drive to the office
stopping somewhere for coffee
where the folk singers, poets, and playwrites convene
dispinsing their wisdom
oh dear amateur orator
they will detail their pain
in some standard refrain
they will recite their sadness
like it's some kind of contest
well if it is
I think I am winning it
all beaming with confidence
as I make my final lap
the gold medal gleams
so hang it around my neck
cause I am deserving it
the champion of idiots

but a kid carries his Walkman on that long bus ride to omaha
I know a girl who cries when she practices violin
cause each note sounds so pure
it just cuts into her
and then the melody comes pouring out her eyes
now to me everything else it just sounds like a lie.
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Oh, You Are The Roots That Sleep Beneath My Feet
I met you through a common friend
in the attic of my parents house
and though I didn't know it then
I soon was finding out
you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet
and hold the earth in place
each time a faucet opens
words are spoken
the water runs away
and I hear your name
no, nothing has changed

there was this book I read and loved
the story of a ship
who sailed around the world and found
that nothing else exists
beyond his own two sails
and wooden shell
and what is held within
all else is sure to pass
we clutch and grasp
and debate what's truly permanent
but when the wind starts to shift
there's no argument

I sing and drink and sleep on floors
and try hard not to be annoyed
by all these people worrying about me
so when I'm suffering through some awful drive
you occasionally cross my mind
it's my hidden hope that you are still among them
well are you?

Oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet
and hold the earth in place
each time a curtain opens
sunlight pours in
a lifetime melts away
and we share a name
on some picturesque grave
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I Won't Ever Be Happy Again
Well morning came
And it dressed the sky
In a lovely yellow gown
Now the shops they are
All opening
In that narrow hallway of downtown
Filled with people who
Are shopping for
Their lovers and their friends
Saying they won't ever be lonely again
Well a forest fenced
becomes backyards
Like songs are born from sound
And the apple fell
And it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground
So, I mean, here we go
But there ain't no escape
No, these streets they're just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Well, it seems you too
See a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You'd never understand The motion of a hand waving you goodbye
"Bye bye"
But as the story goes
or it is often told
A new day will arise
And all the dance halls will
Be full of skeletons
That are coming back to life
And on a grassy hill
the lion will
lay down with the lamb
And I won't ever be lonely again
No, no, no, no, no
But until that time
I think I had better find
some disbelief to suspend
Cause I don't want to feel like this again
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No Lies, Just Love
It was in the march of the winter I turned 17
that I bought those things
I thought I would need
and I wrote a letter to my family
said it's not your fault
and you've been good to me
just lately I've been feeling
like I don't belong
like the ground's not mine to walk upon
and I've heard that music
echo through the house
where my grandmother drank
by herself
and I sat watching a flower
as it was withering
I was embarrased by it's honesty
so I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
not this fucking wreck
that's taken it's place

so please forgive what I have done
no you can't stay mad at the setting sun
we all get tired I mean eventually
there's nothing left to do but sleep

but spring came bearing sunlight
those persuasive rays
so I gave myself a few more days
my salvation it came, quite suddenly
when Justin spoke very plainly
he said "Of course it's your decision,
but just so you know,
if you decide to leave,
soon I will follow"

I wrote this for a baby
who has yet to be born
my brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
cause it's cold out here
and it'll be quite a shock
to breathe this air
to discover loss
so I'd like to make some changes
before you arive
so when your new eyes meet mine
they won't see no lies
just love.
just love.
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Kathy With A K's Song
Love is real
it is not
just in novels or the movies
it is fact
and it is standing here right in front of you
so if you open your eyes
what a sweet discovery
there is hope, there is joy, and there is acceptance
so now let all the light that collects on your plants
keep you warm
make you smile
and I will be there with this pen in my hand to record
all the while
you'll be laughing so loud
that the house would shake with sound
and everything would be as new as the day it was found.

Love is real
it is not just in long distance commercials
or something that you thought you felt back in high school
so I will turn
black and white
become that horoscope you're reading
it predicts something good is on it's way
and then I'll send you the world green and blue
in a box in the mail
you can open it up
hold it right in your hand and be glad that it's there
and be glad that you're there
you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie
and suddenly it's not so hard to say you're allright.

Love is real
it is not
just in poetry and stories
it is truth
and it will follow you
everywhere you go from now on
so if you would just cast off your doubt
then your lips would answer for you
oh my darling, when you smile
it is like a song
and I can hear it now.
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Mirrors And Fevers
I was cold in a dream
somewhere close to the surface
Between the ice and the stream
there is three inches of air
So I swam towards the light
I let my breath get there first
When I opened my eyes
I saw myself in the mirror
And I knew I would do like my father has done
Yes, we will never break from these chains
Your life is gonna course like a history book
Don't be frightened of turning the page
Cause it's is all the same
It will always be the same
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Fevers And Mirrors


A Spindle, A Darkness, A Fever, And A Necklace
You turn on a spindle. You are so much looser now but youíre not explaining how you gained such new repose. I touch the clasp of your locket, with its picture held, some secret you wouldnít tell but let it choke your neck. So we imagine a darkness where all shapes divide, solids changing into light, with a burst of heat so bright. Well fine, donít you do what I want you to. Donít degrade yourself the way I do because you donít depend on all the shit that I use to make my moods improve. Near a sea of pianos, there were waves of chords that crashed against the shore in one huge and pointless roar. And there were girls bringing water, like a dream they came to cure the fever of my brain, and soothe my burning throat. And they made me a necklace, hanging beads of sweat on a string of my regrets, and placed it round my neck and they were singing, Donít you do what youíve wanted to. Yeah, donít destroy yourself like those cowards do and maybe the sun keeps coming up because it has gotten used to you and your constant need for proof.
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A Scale, A Mirror And Those Indifferent Clocks
Here is a scale. Weigh it out and you will find, easily, more than sufficient doubt that these colors you see were picked in advance by some careful hand with an absolute concept of beauty. They are smeared and these blurs come in random order to color the eyes of your former lovers. Hers were green like July except when she cried they were red. Now I know a disease that these Doctors canít treat. You contract it the day you accept all you see is a mirror and a mirror is all it can be. A reflection of something weíre missing. And language just happened, it was never planned, and itís inadequate to describe where I am in the room of my house where the light has never been waiting for this day to end. And these clocks keep unwinding and completely ignore everything that we hate or adore. Once the page of a calendar is turned itís no more. So tell me then, what was it for? Oh tell me, what was it for?
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The Calander Hung Itself
Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head? And does he sing to you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall? Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes? Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you. Does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched and does he cry through broken sentences like I love you far too much? Does he lay awake listening to your breath? Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes. Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor? For every speck of tile there are a thousand more that you wonít ever see but most hold inside yourself eternally. I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death. In every city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest. I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her. She had eyes bright enough to burn me. They reminded me of yours. In a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed. And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands. And it stretched for centuries to a diary entryís end where I wrote, You make me happy when the skies are gray You make me happy the skies are gray and gray and gray. Well the clockís heart it hangs inside its open chest with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself but I will not weep for those dying days. For all the ones who have left there are a few that stayed. And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.
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Something Vague
Now and then it seems worse than it is, but mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in the air while you climb up the stairs to that coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in your chair, brush the snow from your hair and drink the cold away. You are not really sure what you are doing this for but you need something to fill up the days. A few more hours. There is a dream in my brain that just wonít go away. It has been stuck there since it came a few nights ago Iím standing on a bridge in the town where I lived as a kid with my mom and my brothers. And then the bridge disappears and Iím standing on air with nothing holding me. And I hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark, for all those staring eyes to see, like the ones weíve wished on. But now Iím confused. Is this death really you? Do these dreams have any meaning? No. No, I think it is more like a ghost that has been following us both. Something vague that we are not seeing, something more like a feeling.
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The Movement Of A Hand
You follow the footsteps echoes leading down a hall to a room. There is music playing tiny bells with moving parts. Here the shadows make things ugly, an effect quite undesirable. The bold and yellow daylight grows like ivy across the wall and bounces off of the painted porcelain, tiny dancing doll. Her body spins, as she pirouettes again, the world suddenly seems small. On an off white, subtle morning you stretch your legs in the front seat. The road has made a vacuum where our voices used to be. And you lay your head onto my shoulder, pour like water over me. So if I just exist for the next ten minutes of this drive that would be fine. And all the trees that line this curb would be rejoicing and alive. Soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving you good-bye.
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Arienette
The fragile keep secrets, gathered in pockets, and they will sell them for nothing a cheap watch or locket that kind of gold washes off. The sad at like lepers, they stick to the shadows and long to ring bells of warning to tell of their coming so that the pure can shut their doors. The angry are animals senseless and savage. They act without order in logical lapses, they stain their mouths with blood. So take my hand, this barren land is alive tonight. The corn has grown stalks that form a wall that hides. The wind carries sounds that I canít see from beyond that line. Then the stalks begin to sway oh stay with me Arienette until the wolves are away. The wicked are vultures, they bake in the canyons. They circle in sunlight and wait for their victims to collapse and call to them. The desperate are water. They will run down forever and soak into silence to just end up together in some dark and distant place. So donít leave me here with only mirrors watching me. This house it holds nothing but the memories. And the moon it leaves silver but never sleep. And then the silver turns to gray so stay with me Arienette until the wolves are away.
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When The Curious Girl Is Under The Glass
Tomorrow when I wake up Iím finding my brother and making him take me back down to the water. That lake where we sailed and laughed with our father. I will not desert him. I will not desert him. No matter how I may wish for a coffin so clean or these trees to undress all their leaves onto me. I put my face in the dirt and then finally I see the sky that has been avoiding me. I started this letter Iím going to send it to Ruba. It will be blessed by her eyes on the gulf coast of Florida. With her feet in the sand and one hand on her swimsuit, she will recite the prayer of my pen. Saying, ..time take us forward. Relief from this longing, they can land that plane on my heart I donít care just give me November, the warmth of a whisper in the freezing darkness of my room. But no matter what I would do in an attempt to replace. All the pills that I take trying to balance my brain. I have seen the curious girl with that look on her face. So surprised she stares out form her display case.
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Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh
The phone slips from a loose grip. Words were missed then some apology like I didnít want to tell you this itís just some guys she has been hanging out with oh I donít know the past couple of weeks I guess. Thank you and hang up the phone. Let the funeral start. Hear the casket close. Letís pin split-black ribbon onto your overcoat. Still laughter pours from under doors in this house. I donít understand that sound no more. It seems artificial like a T.V. set. Haligh, Haligh, Haligh, Haligh this weight it must be satisfied. You offer only one reply. You know not what you do. But you tear and tear your hair from roots. From that same head you have twice removed a lock of hair you said would prove our love would never die. Well ha ha ha. But I remember everything the words we spoke on freezing South street. And all those morning watching you get ready for school. You combed your hair inside that mirror. The one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears. Something about those bright colors always made you feel better. So now we speak with ruined tongues and the words we say arenítí meant for anyone. Itís just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance, but there was once you said you hated my suffering and you understood and youíd take care of me. You would always be there, well where are you now? Haligh, Haligh, Haligh, Haligh, the plans were never finalized but left to hang like yarn and twice dangling before my eyes. As you tear and tear your hair from roots, from that same head that you have twice removed a lock of hair you said would prove that our love would never die. As I sing and sing of awful things, the pleasure that my sadness brings as my fingers press onto the strings you get another clumsy chord. Haligh, Haligh, an awful lie. This weight will now be satisfied. I will give you only one reply, I know not who I am but I talk in the mirror to the stranger that appears. Our conversations are circles and always one sided, nothing is clear. Except we keep coming back to this meaning that I lack. He says the choices were given and now I must live them or just not live, but do you want that?
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The Center Of The World
At the center of the world there is a statue of a girl.
She is standing near a well with a bucket bare and dry.
I went and looked her in the eyes and she turned me into sand.
This clumsy form that I despise scattered easy in her hand.
And it came to rest upon a beach, with a million others there.
We sat and waited for the sea to stretch out
so that we could disappear into the endlessness of blue,
into the horror of the truth.
We are far less than we knew.
Yes, we are far less than we knew
but we knew what we could taste.
Girls found honey to drench our hands.
Men cut marble to mark our graves.
Saying that we will need something to remind us
of all the sweetness that has passed through us
(fresh sangria and lemon tea).
The priests dressed children for a choir
(white-robed small voices praise Him)
but found no joy in what was sung.
The funeral had begun in the middle of the day
when you drive home to your place from that job that makes you sleep
back to the thoughts that keep you awake long after
night has come to claim any light
that still remains in the corner of the frame that you put around her face.
Two pills just werenítí enough.
The alarm clock is going off but you are not waking up.
This isnít happening. It is.
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Sunrise, Sunset
Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly go the days.
Sunrise, sunset.
You wake up, then you undress.
It always is the same.
A sunrise and a sunset.
You are lying while you confess, keep trying to explain.
The sunrise and the sun sets you realize
and then you forget what you have been trying to retain.
But everybody knows that it is all about the things
that get stuck inside of your head,
like the songs your roommate sings
or a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed.
She raised her hands in the air and asked you,
When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
Because you have changed.
Yeah, you have changed.
Sunrise, sunset.
You are hopeful and then you regret.
The circle never breaks.
With each sunrise and sunset there is a change of heart or address.
Is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
You are manic or youíre depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?
Itís a sunrise and sunset, your lover is an actress.
Did you really think she would stay?
For a sunrise and sunset.
You are either coming or you just left but you are always on the way.
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet.
They are really just the same.
To the sunrise and the sunset.
The master and his servant have exactly the same fate.
Itís a sunrise and a sunset.
From a cradle to a casket.
There ainít no way to escape.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Hold your sadness like a puppet, just keep putting on the play.
But everything you do is leading to the point
where you just wonít know what to do.
And at that moment you may laugh
but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you.
So itís true, the trick is complete.
Now you have become everything you said that you never would be.
Youíre a fool! Youíre a fool!
Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
Go home to your apartment
and put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play.
Sunrise, sunset.
Where are you Arienette?
Where are you Arienette?
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An Attempt To Tip The Scales
Did you expect it all to stop at the wave of your hand?
Like the sun is just going to drop if itís night you demand.
Well, in the dark we are just air so the house might dissolve.
But once we are gone,
who is gonna care if we were ever here at all?
Well, summer is going to come
and itís gonna cloud our eyes again.
There is not need to focus when there is nothing that it worth seeing.
So we trade liquor for blood in an attempt to tip the scales.
I think you lost what you loved in that mess of details.
They seemed so important at the time
but now you canít even recall any of the names, faces, or lines.
It is more the feeling of it all.
Well, winter is going to end
and Iím going to clean these veins again.
So close to dying that I finally can start living.
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A Song To Pass The Time
There is a middle-aged woman she is dragging her feet.
She carries baskets of clothes to a laundromat.
While the Mexican children kick rocks into the street
and they laugh in a language I donít understand.
But I love them.
Why do I love them?
So the neighborhoods dimming I smoke on the porch
watch the people as they pass enclosed inside their cars.
And on their faces just anger or disappointment.
I start wishing there was something I could offer them.
Consolation, what could I offer them?
They are sad in their suburbs robots water the lawn
and everything they touch gets dusted spotless.
And so they start to believe that they havenít touched anything at all.
And the cars in the driveway only multiply.
Well they are lost in their houses.
I've heard them sing in the shower
making speeches to their sister on the telephone.
Saying, You come home.
Woman, you come here.
Donít stay so far away from me.
This weather has me wanting love more tangible.
Something I can hold cause itís getting cold.
Well I say hold up our fist to the flame in the sky
to block out the light that's reaching for our eyes
cause it, cause it would blind us. Yeah, it will blind us.
Well I've locked my actions in the grooves of routine.
So I may never be free of this apathy.
But I wait for a letter that's coming to me.
She sends me pictures of the ocean in an envelope.
So there still is hope.
Yes, I can be healed.
There is someone looking for what I concealed in my secret drawer,
in my pockets deep,
you will find the reasons that I canít sleep and you will still want me.
Will you still want me?
Will you still want me?
Well, I say come for the week.
You can sleep in my bed.
And pass through my life like a dream through my head.
It will, it will be easy. I'll make it easy.
But all I have for the moment is a song to pass the time.
A melody to keep me from worrying.
Oh, some simple progression to keep my fingers busy.
And words that are sure to come back to me and they'll be laughing, and they'll be laughing.
Ha ha ha my mediocrity ha ha ha My mediocrity. They'll be laughing. They'll be laughing,
They'll be laughing
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Lover I Don't Have To Love


Lover I Don't Have To Love
I picked you out Of a crowd to talk to you Said I liked your shoes You said thanks can I follow you? So it's up the stairs And out of view No prying eyes I poured some wine I asked your name you asked the time Well it's two o'clock Yeah the club is closed we're up the block Your hands on me Pressing hard against your jeans Your tongue in my mouth Trying to keep the words from coming out You didn't care to know Who else may have been here before I want a lover I don't have to love I want a girl who's to sad to give a fuck Where's the kid with the chemicals? I thought he said he'd meet us here but I'm not sure I got the money if you got the time He said it feels good I said I'll give it a try Then my mind went dark We both forgot where your car was parked Let's just take the train I'll meet up with the band in the morning Bad actors with bad habits Some sad singers They just play tragic Now the phone's ringing And the band's leaving Let's just keep touching Let's just keep keep singing I want a lover I don't have to love I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk Where's the kid with the chemicals I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full I need some meaning I can memorize The kind I have always seems to slip my mind But you but you You write such pretty words But life's no story book Love is an excuse to get hurt And to hurt Do you like to hurt? 'Cause I do I do I do This didn't hurt me Didn't hurt me Oh this hurt me
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Amy In White Coat
You take your clothes off
Right after school
The TV's on
The flame is blue
And you hope it won't take
All afternoon
The TV's waiting
To talk to you
It's your naked body
On white velour
But there's no feeling
Just weight on you
But you get nauseous now
As he speaks to you
Such proper language
For acts so cruel
He says "we all follow the rules
We can't very well go and break them now can we?
For you, for you, for you..

Your older sisters,
I had them too,
But you're my favorite
You know it's true.
You look like your mother
In that thin disguise
Your parting mouth,
Your shining eyes.
And the way that you hate me
And the length of your hair
It's the reason I make you
It's the bond that we share
Cos you were all trying to endure it
You could easily go and make your own life somewhere
Couldn't you? Couldn't you? Couldn't you, couldn't you, couldn't you, couldn't you, couldn't you?"

With the sun beams bright
You keep your eyes shut
Your alarm clock lies
Get to school on time
But you're a bag of warm fluid
You're the coarse in the class
You walk so near to your locker
You lay so low in the grass
Did you get that coat from the principal?
Did you get that bruise on the bus?
You should wash your hair more
You should look more like us.
But I saw you walking once
Under powder blue skies
You looked cold still
Your collar was high
And I tried to talk to you
But you walked right by
I don't know which I said then,
"Hello" or "Goodbye"
And yet we're all trying to be pure
But it isn't a very easy thing, now is it?
To do, To do, To do, To do, To do, To do
Isn't it, Isn't it, Isn't it, Isn't it, Isn't it, Isn't it, Isn't it, Isn't it?
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Out On The Weekend
Think I'll pack it in
and buy a pick-up
Take it down to L.A.
Find a place to call my own
and try to fix up.
Start a brand new day.
The woman I'm thinking of,
she loved me all up
But I'm so down today
She's so fine, she's in my mind.
I hear her callin'.
See the lonely boy,
out on the weekend
Trying to make it pay.
Can't relate to joy,
he tries to speak and
Can't begin to say.
She got pictures on the wall,
they make me look up
From her big brass bed.
Now I'm running down the road
trying to stay up
Somewhere in her head.
The woman I'm thinking of,
she loved me all up
But I'm so down today
She's so fine she's in my mind.
I hear her callin'.
See the lonely boy,
out on the weekend
Trying to make it pay.
Can't relate to joy,
he tries to speak and
Can't begin to say.
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Drunk Kid Catholic


Drunk Kid Catholic
The drunk kids, the catholics
Theyíre all about the same
Theyíre waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
Well I have been happy the past couple days
Just thinking of the women whoíve taken your place
And every night I think I certaintly won't ever sleep sober or alone
And then suddenly it occurs to me
I've slept alone before you
And so I pour myself the stiffest drink my stomach can stand
And convince myself to lay back down again
Iím gonna lay back down, Iím gonna lay back down again
The drunk kids, the catholics
They're all about the same
Theyíre waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
The drunk kids, the catholics
They're all about the same
Theyíre waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
The drunk kids, the catholics
They're all about the same
Theyíre waiting for something
Hoping to be saved
They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But Iím working all weekend
I need to get paid
They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But Iím working all weekend
I need to get paid
They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But Iím working all weekend
I need to get paid
They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But Iím working all weekend
I need to get paid
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Happy Birthday To Me
All eyes on the calendar
Another year I claim of total indifference
To here, the days pile up
With decisions to be made, I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse
And forget this wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
And I'm sorry about the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing and not wanting to
There are some things you can't fake
I guess that it's typical
To cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs
Of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know
And there below
His frozen face
You wrote the name and that ancient date, that ancient date
And you can't believe that he's really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song and
I'm sorry about the phone call; and waking you.
I know that it is late,
But thank you for talking, because I needed to.
Some things just can't wait.
(Yeah, some things just can't wait)
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I've Been Eating For You
So I'm just the medicine, you take when your sick.
You get well and thats it.
I'm put back on the shelf in your mirror.
And it isn't exceptional the course of our fate.
See poeple love and they hate
And I guess it's just our turn to hate.

Yeah you were just some song I wrote, a poem on a page.
A sculpture made out of clay, desire was the fling.
But now your more of a basketball, boys just pass you around.
Bounce you hard on the ground.
And dribble, and we all get high fives.

And you think I'm an asshole now, well your probably right
Well atleast I'm not blind to the fact, I've been wishing for lies.
Still I hope you get everything that you care to posess
And unbelievable sex with him, or anyone of my friends.

But just dont ask about my appetite
I didnt loose it tonight, it's been gone half my life
It's just I, Ive been eatin for you.
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Every Day And Every Night


A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not
Sitting around, no work today.
Try pacing to keep awake.
Laying around, no school today.
Just drink until the clock has circled all the way.

It's late afternoon, as you walk through the rooms
of a house that is quiet
except for unanswered telephones.
You stand near the sink,
you mix up a drink.
You think you don't want to pass out
where your roommates could find you again.
Stumble 'round the neighboorhod, nothing to do.
You're always looking for something
to sniff smoke or swallow.
Calling over next door, see what they've got.
But you would settle for anything
that would make your brain slow down or
stop this circle of thoughts you chase
before they catch back up with you.
And your parents notice your thinning face,
All the weight you've lost,
All the weight youre losing.
You said "I'm done feeling like a skeleton,
no more sleep walking dead."
You're going to wake from this coma.
You're going to crawl from this bed you've made.
Stop counting on the camera
that hangs around your neck,
cause it will never remember what you choose to forget.

And you try to find one source of light,
try to name one thing you like.
You used to have such a longer list,
And light, you never had to look for it.

But now it's so easy, it's so easy to--
it's so easy, it's so easy to
second guess everything you do
until all you want, all you want is to
finish this half empty glass
before the ice all melts away.
This feeling always used to pass,
seems like it's every day
seems like it's every night now.
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A Perfect Sonnet
Lately I've been wishing I had one desire
Something that would make me never want another
Something that would make it so that nothing matters
All would be clear then

But I guess I'll have to settle for a for a few brief moments
And watch it all dissolve into a single second
And try to write it down into a perfect sonnet
Or one foolish line

Cause that's all that you'll get
So you'll have to accept
You are here and then you're gone

But I believe that lovers should be tied together
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
Left there to drown
Left there to drown in their innocence

But as for me I'm coming to the final chapter
I read all of the pages and there's still no answer
Only all that was before I know must soon come after
That's the only way it can be

So I stand in the sun
And I breathe with my lungs
Trying to spare me the weight of the truth

Saying everything you've ever seen was just a mirror
You've spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever
And laying in a bathtub full of freezing water
Wishing you were a ghost

But once you knew a girl and you named her "Lover"
Danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer
But autumn came, she disappeared, you can't remember
Where she said she was going to

But you know that she's gone
Cause she left you a song
That you don't want to sing

Singing, I believe that lovers should be chained together
Thrown into a fire with their songs and letters
Left there to burn
Left there to burn in their arrogance

But as for me I'm coming to my final failure
I've killed myself with changes trying to make things better
And ended up becoming something other
than what I had planned to be

All right

I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
And laid entwined together on a bed of clovers
Left there to sleep
Left there to dream of their happiness
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On My Way To Work
There's a car parked where the block begins
And these people singing praises
Say it's all because of him
And there's a bird perched on a frayed wet wire
And his voice sings out for a lover
But it's covered by the choir
Of voices reaching way beyond the rafters
With devotion they perform these sacred tasks
They cross themselves and offer up their checkbooks
Slight suffering is not too much to ask
Besides, we all are making money
And we're all fucking alone
And we don't know what we're doing
Maybe just buying us some hope
Because we know that we are lonely
Well, yeah, lonely that's for sure
And the older ones are coughing
Yeah, the older ones they're dying
Maybe we're all dying
I pass a graveyard on my way to work
Today I saw two dozen white roses
on a fresh new mound of dirt
And I wondered about the occupant
When the darkness finally swallowed him
was he calm and content?
Or was he sweating in a struggle to keep breathing
Ripping apart the sheets that dressed his bed
Crying out loud for someone to help him
Then collapsing on his back all pale and dead
Maybe it's me who's this unstable
Always obsessed about the end
Why can't I let what happens happen
And just enjoy the time I spend?
Oh, how I wish it was that easy
But when there is no point to anything
You know it gets a bit confusing
Why it is that I keep going
Why is it that we keep going?
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A New Arrangement
If you could change your days, arranging them in some sweet new sequence
Like any new arrangement's gonna make a difference
Cause it's the moment that you're living in and not the one that follows
That makes this mess you're cleaning in your head
Time still drags you forward, though you keep resisting
You know it's what you leave behind, you'll soon start missing
And the people you once counted on now say it's all depending
On how you act and how you treat yourself
And that's not very well
So baby, when I call for you
I want you to come
Explain yourself to everyone
You nod in an acknowledgement of your frequent mood swings
Yeah, what good's an acknowledgement, it still don't change things
We've tried all forms of encouragement, but it's still no better
You just can't seem to fake or force a smile
Not even a little one
But baby, when I call to you
I want you to come
And lay it out for everyone
Exactly how it was before any of this happened
And why you can't leave it behind
Now don't just, don't just sit there when I call to you
I told you to come and lay it out for
Don't feel awkward
Lay it out for everyone
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Neely O'Hara
In the morning when you throw up water
And your skin, it turns a pale, pale yellow
Well, every day you lose more color
Do you think that someone paints your mirror?
Do you think that someone paints your mirror?

And you think that things sound different
At the time when you speak
There are visions much clearer
Than these blurs that you see

And like Neely O'Hara
You swallow your sleep
And you wake up in the morning to find out
You are not, you are not who, you are not who
You used to be

You don't recognize behavior
Or the spelling of your name
And the shape that's in the mirror
You swear it's not (you swear its not the same) the same

And like Neely O'Hara
You swallow your sleep
And you really can't remember
But you know you are not
Think you are not
No, you are not
who you used to be
Who you used to be, who you used to be
Did you used to be, did you used to be
(No you are not, no you are not)
Who you used to be, who you used to be
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Letting Off The Happiness


If Winter Ends
i dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold, winter set heart.
with heat to melt these frozen tears and burned with reasons
as to carry on.
into these twisted months i plunge without a light to follow
but i swear that i would follow anything
if it would just get me out of here.
and so you get six months to adapt
and then you get two more to leave town.
in the event that we do adapt we still might not want you around.
and i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but i know that that is impossible now.
and so i drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories
because i just canít think anymore about that or about her tonight
i give myself three days to feel better
or i swear i am driving off a fucking cliff
because if i canít make myself feel better
then how can i expect anyone else to give a shit
and i scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere
just get me past this dead and eternal snow
because i swear that i am dying, slowly but its happening
so if there is a perfect spring thatís waiting somewhere
just take me there and lie to me and say itís going to be alright
its going to be alright, yeah you worry too much kid,
its going to be alright
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Padriac My Prince
i had a brother once
he drowned in a bathtub before he had ever learned how to talk
and i donít know what his name was but my mother does
i heard her say it once, padriac my prince i have all but died from the
sheer weight of my shame. you cried but no one came and the water filled your
tiny lungs. appear, my dear, and sing to me. it was six years ago today that
we laid you in your grave, your sweet young skin was shining then too.
and so tonight to celebrate i will poison myself.
another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.
so i close the door and rest my head on the tile floor,
sickness and sleep turning me cold.
i am still not sure, is there some better place i should be heading towards?
where the selfishly sick and self absorbed are welcome.
i saw the future once.
i was drunk in a phone booth.
my eyes were wet and red but i could not tell what was said
and through the screams of the traffic voiced carried saying
i am sorry
on a day so gray its black inside
watching churches on tv
in a coma you donít dream you just hope that someone sits with you
babies turn blue when they are ignored like the sky on summer days
before you turn and walk away it has changed you
so tonight to compensate i will poison myself
another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.
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Contrast And Compare
contrast and compare between the busy ones
and the ones that donít care
until there is no one that you really know
so i drift through these days of appointments and promises made
they will all end up broken and quickly replaced.
weeks are slow, days drag on;
even practice and parties seem long
but i found myself going
i guess thereís nothing to do
oh well
group of kids, line of cars,
more will show up after the bars close
thereís this boredom that drowns everything.
bottles break, music plays, conversations competing for space
i look for a corner or a quieter room
thereís no heat in this house
i canít breath with these words in my mouth
but iím not going to say them
yeah, iíve made that mistake before
on the stairs, she grabs my arm, says whats up,
where you been, is something wrong?
i try to just smile, and say everythingís fine.
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The City Has Sex
the city has sex with itself i suppose
as the concrete collides, the scenery grows
and the lonely once bandaged lay fully exposed
having exposed their wounds for each other
and there is a boy in a basement with a four track machine
heís been strumming and screaming all night, down there
the tape hiss will cover the words that he sings
but then they say itís better to bury your sadness
in a graveyard or garden that waits for the spring to awake from its sleep
and burst into green
and iíve cried and you would think i would better for it
but the sadness just sleeps and it stays in your spine
for the rest of your life
and iíve learned and youíd think iíd be something more now,
but it just goes to show it is not what you know
its what you were thinking at the time.
this feelingís familiar, iíve been here before
in a kitchen this quiet i waited for a sign or just something
that might reassure me of anything close to meaning or motion
(with a reason to move)
i need something i want to be close to
and i scream, but i still donít know why i do it
because the sound never stays it just swells and decays
so what is the point?
why try to fight what is now so certain?
the truth is all that i am is a passing event that will be forgotten.
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The Difference In Shades
now that its june, weíll sleep out in the garden
and if it rains, weíll just sink in to the mud
where it is quiet and much cooler than the house is
and there is no clocks or phones to wake us up
because i have learned that nothing is as pressing
as the one who is pressing would like you to believe
and i am content to walk a little slower
because there is nowhere that i really need to be
i find that life is easier when it is just a blur
with no details to confuse who or what or where i was
so when the ending comes the full regret will be obscure
but these are days we dream about when the sunlight paints us gold
and this apartment could not be prettier as when we danced up there alone
this tv is old, the color is fucked, do you see the
difference in the shades?
but the green is still close to green, my love
and i believe we are the same
and weíll stay like this, all gold and green
the light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen
and if you close your eyes
we will always be the way we were that night
you crawled inside of me
and you slept in my blood the way you sleep now
the quietest hush has consumed this house
and when the doctors are gone and you sweat through the bed
with all these pictures and pills they piled around your head
just rest now, and in a moment you will know everything
was it just a dream?
itís too vague now to recount.
and outline of the one you loved in a life that was not longer will be stands
above you as you sleep
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Touch
touch, lying on the floor
wishing this could last
but knowing that it canít
and soon you will leave
and i will be on the floor,
watching the tv, trying hard to find a reason to move
iím frozen in one place, staring at the screen
listening to the rain falling on the street
some days go on too long
and no one can hang out tonight
here, where the carpet is cool and soft,
underneath the clock i feel my weary heart is put to rest
you gather around your friends
the connection that you feel when the night has not yet died
you are new with a promise of a love
you will probably never find
and touch that you can really feel
the brokenness inside as hope and less collide
now nothing is real
(you are new and near now to someone you used to love
when you were young; when all was gold and you two touched
and felt the flutter underneath your skin. you stood in glowing rooms,
the light dripping from both of you.
and nothing since has felt as radiant or real.)
and there is nothing more i want than just one night
thatís free of doubt and sadness
one night that i can really feel
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June On The West Coast
i spent a week drinking the sunlight of winnetka, california
where they understand the weight of human hearts
you see sorrow gets too heavy and joy it tends to hold you
with the fear that it eventually departs.
and the truth is iíve been dreaming of some tired tranquil place
where the weather wonít get trapped inside my bones
and if all the years of searching find one sympathetic face
then its there i will plant these seeds and make my home
i spent a day dreaming of dying in mesa, arizona
where all the green of life had turned to ash
and i felt i was on fire, with the things i could have told you
i guess i just assumed that you eventually would ask
and i wouldnít have to bring up my so badly broken heart
and all those months i just wanted to sleep
and though spring, it did come slowly, i guess it did its part
my heart has thawed and continues to beat
i visited my brother on the outskirts of olympia
where the forest and the water become one
and we talked about our childhood, like a dream we were convinced of, that
perfect peaceful street where we came from
and i know he heard me strumming all those sad and simple chords
as i sat inside my room so long ago
and it hurts that heís still shaking from those secrets that were told by a
car closed up airtight and a heart turned cold
and i went to san diego
the birthplace of the summer
and watched the ocean dance under the moon
and there was a girl i knew there, one more potential lover
i guess that somethingís got to happen soon
because i know i canít keep living in this dead or dying dream
and as i watched along the beach and drank with her
i thought about my true love, the one i really need
with eyes that burn so bright, they make me pure
they make me pure
they make me pure
i long to be with you
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Pull My Hair
is the passion all gone?
or is it still newly wed?
if all this heat is doing is making us stick to the bed
then there is no life to revive.
but if the hunger is still there, hidden somewhere inside
covered up by the boredom weíve been trying to hide
then dig it up and devour
and it will be more like a song
and less like its math
if you pull on my hair, and bite me like that
and the truth is that i canít hardly wait
and i donít care if we stay up too late
donít answer the phone
donít answer the phone
and it will be more like a song and less like its math
if you pull on my hair and bite me like that
and the truth is that i canít hardly wait
it itches so bad that i canít concentrate
donít answer the phone
donít answer the phone
and it will be more like a song and less like its math
if you pull on hair and bite me like that
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An Poetic Retelling Of An Unfortunate Seduction
the language in the dimmer rooms seems to represent the light source well
how soft they speak and seem to be at peace
with the music and the madness that is pulling me in to this
and the shades of the lamps are woven red
the light, it stains and consecrates
anointing all forgotten forms that swirl and smoke
and haunt this place
the girls in gowns all nurse the dark
pulling it near to their swelling breasts
and watch as it seeps to their hearts
and beats within their virgin chests
and here i know seduction breeds from wanton hearts that would
seduce and grows and spreads its vine
and leaves embracing those who might have moved
but now remain to drink the night from vials black and thick
with intoxicating delights would leave you drunk
inside this dream
and you watch them take the light from you
and you find yourself on a velvet couch
tasting the skin of a foreign girl
her eyes are black and wet like oil
and she ties your hands with a string of pearls
and you tremble like a frightened bird
as she closes in and captures you to place you
in a silver cage deep within her poisoned womb
so once your safe inside, she might let you out
to fly in circles around the room
but its always night and there is no moon
and you wonder if you are still alive
and youíre not sure if you want to be
but you drink her sweat like it was wine
and you lay with her on a bed of blue and its awful sweet
like the fruit she cuts and feeds to you
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Tereza And Thomas
letís sail away past the noise of the bay
letís sail away past the birth and death of the day
letís sail away to where the blues and greens swirl into gray
letís sail away
letís sail away past the cradle of these waves
letís sail away past the tide and its slow decay
letís sail away to where the water goes-some endless open space
letís sail away
take only what you need, my love, and leave the rest behind
donít be afraid of where weíll go, my love
i promise you will be fine
now you are the only one thats mine
letís sail away past the reflections of the light
letís sail away floating weightless through the night
letís sail away like a photograph, fading to all white
itís finally all right
forget all the mistakes my love
they wonít be made again
leave the photos in the drawer, my love
we no longer need them
we both know where weíve been
letís sail away disappearing in a mist
letís sail away with a whisper and a kiss
or vanish from a road somewhere, like tereza and tomas,
suspended in this bliss
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A Collection Of Songs Written And Recorded 1995-1997


Patient Hope In New Snow
the heat comes in distant shifts to fill up my room
it spills out of these ancient vents to meet the new cold
and i lay in my twisted sheets and stare out at the snow
still thinking of the next few months, my cold and lifeless eyes
I've never felt so separate
and then there's you but that's so obvious
it's hopeless and i know this, that's why i can't dream
no desire or circumstance would keep this from me
one by one, to department stores
we walk through the aisles
in a forest of designer clothes, you touch me and smile
and for a moment i could want nothing
your bright eyes burn through my exploding heart
and we stand as the shoppers pass us
and for once i can feel a touch complete
and i need to just be near you and fill these empty eyes
but you start turning as resistance pulls you from my cold and boring life
let's make this easy and let time pass, as devotion dies,
the list goes on and on
i have waited and i will be waiting for the pain to cure the fear
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Saturday As Usual
virginia is almost sleeping
the night is getting older
there is static on the tv
and she's lying on the sofa
the cats crawl over her
jenny is in the garage
she's got the car in neutral
she rolls it out so quietly
it's saturday as usual
it always is
and me I'm in my bedroom drawing in my notebook
because my hand thinks I'm an artist
but my heart knows I'm a poet
It's just words they mean so little to me
i can't seem to deal with total trust
there is something very wrong with me
daddy's in the backyard
his hands are getting dirty
and mom is in the kitchen and her cake says that I'm thirteen
another year
my brother went to college to become a doctor
and if he studies hard enough
he'll end up just like father
who hates his life
and me i'm in the bathroom
crying out my eyelids because it's hard to Be a man
when you are scared like a little kid
the world has become a little too mean
and i can't see the point of patient love
when everyone just wants to get fucked
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Falling Out Of Love At This Volume
tell me what you wanted to hear
let me do the right thing
let me do the wrong thing
and if it's ever this clear
i will only say it once
so turn the amps way up
so you can hear nothing
and if i die tonight then i guess i die tonight
let me go on
just say what you wanted to say
i cannot stand these talks dear
they only get us nowhere
it's never resolved
we only run around
you always say that anyone could be just like me
if it was a different time and a different place to be
you would go on
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Exaltation On A Cool, Kitchen Floor
i wanted to come visit you
waiting in the springtime
when the leaves change
the ground outside is waiting for that
newness that surrounds us
as we dance back through the screen door
in the sunlight of mid-April
but its glow won't stop the smiles
that are spreading on our faces
as we fall down on the kitchen floor
and she is laughing about that she had heard earlier
and i can't help noticing that she is sitting closer to me
than she ever has before
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Awful Sweetness Of Escaping Sweet
we escape from the house
as the day disappears from the sky
into night
we became what we wanted to be
like a dream or a ghost
i collapse out of turn
near a house
lying still in the grass and felt the heat from the ground
rising up to contract and expand like a breathe
we escape from that place
soaked with sweat and the poison we drank
fill the bathtub with ice and hope this fever will break
like a heart
easily
but i do not recall all the words that were formed
on those wire lips as they greeted me
a promise was made without though as the temperature climbed
and i started to sink like the moon
tends to do if you stare at it too long
then you blink and its gone
and we crawl to our sleep with the dawn
i awake in the light feeling hollow and selfishly warm
close the blinds and retreat until what is burning is gone
and it's light is away
then we are back in the dark
chasing nothing through backyards and trees
you ripped your shirt on a fence but it didn't get me
yeah it's fear
it makes you so low
and these creatures look crooked
their shadows cut lines through my face and the concrete is fire
where my bare feet are placed
in a line next to yours
and i guess i'm not sure if it was fear that was born
as those awful eyes made their claim on us
i put my hands on the fence
said your name
and i started to climb
and it must have been sweat but i drank it like wine
it was sweet and my mouth was dry
i heard you scream but i made no reply
i can still taste it now if i try
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Puella Quam Amo Est Pulchra
i had a beautiful, beautiful time
the drives and the talks were amazing
the kind of friend i though i'd never find
i had a beautiful, beautiful time
you have a beautiful, beautiful smile
the way it cuts and collapses on your lips
and when you touch me i shake like a child
it's late i'm afraid you might leave
because sometimes it seems like you still don't believe me
and there's nothing i can do to concentrate
it's so distracting always thinking of you
so i expose and explain and i meant everything that i said
it's moments like this that repeat and replay in my head
when i'm laying in bed
it's a beautiful, beautiful time
as you laugh and roll onto your stomach
the carpet embraces your design
my heart pounds as i lay by your side
because sometimes i find that i am unable to hide all these
feelings that flow
in this basement and in this dim light
you look so beautiful
i'm unsure and unclear with the words that i say
i'm happy when you are near and i wish that forever could stay
just like today
you have beautiful, beautiful eyes
so bright and alive and enchanting
i want to be with you all of the time
it's hopeless but i have to try anyway
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How Many Lights Do You See?
how many lights do you see?
how many lights do you see?
there's one to say that night has come
and there's one that guards this jagged shore
and there's one to call the children home
and there's one to light the path they take
how many lights do you see?
how many lights do you see?
there's one to keep the shadows off
and there's one that tells me she got home
and there's one to read his novel by
and there's one that warms this dreary room
and there's one to watch the baby sleep
and there's one to count the blinking stars
and there's one that i just can't forget
and there's one that i remember too
how many lights do you see?
how many lights do you see?
there's one that waits for closing time
and there's one that gets left on all night
and there's one that marks the western sky
and it shines down on the quiet street
and there's one that floods the darker parts
and there's one that hurts my tired eyes
and there's one that says she's not asleep
and there's one that waits for her to wake
how many lights do you see?
how many lights do you see?
there is one that spills out on the beach
and it sparkles on the jetting rocks
and there is one that waits for tired ships
that sleep within this tired port
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I Watched You Taking Off
meaning is sometimes hard to spot
it begins with the flickering of cigarettes
in the darkness of a dorm room
somewhere in the suffocated mid-west
and if this is real then i was mistaken
and if there is truth then why can't we find it?
beauty comes to those who have been waiting for something
bigger than themselves
this is the sound of the hopeless kids
as they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents
and this is the sound of the hopeless ones
as they stare down at their books
and realize they have been lied to
but if this is real then i was mistaken
and the vision fades as quickly as it came
consistency like that which i have craved
is that people change so unexpectedly
and realization finds you in a drunken airport
some planes depart and others never arrived
so with this in mind i don't plan on waiting
if its time to leave and break these old ties
without something else this vision is fading
but until its gone the pain will make us try
but this is the hope
i have been searching for
as the wings catch the sunlight of this cold Nebraska skyline
this is the dream i am dying in
i will wake to find tomorrow
be content without perfection
but if this is real then i was mistaken
and if the vision is gone then i was not aware
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Celebration Upon Completion
my grandfather's name was moon
because his eyes were bright and round
and no amount of time or liquor could dull them
my grandmother's name was joy
because it spilled out of her heart
and bathed her precious children in its warmth
and there was happiness in life beyond the sorrow
and the pain
but how they ever found it i cannot explain
i guess time has a way of making everything alright
it's just there is not enough of it
and so we drink and we sing and we celebrate
this lie and hope that it will last
morning is here night has passed
my grandfather was a doctor
he cured the sick with his kind hands
and he taught me how to sail and how to feel this way
my grandmother was all sweetness
and when she spoke we all heard bells and
they ran in such a way that we were comforted
and they held on to each other with all the strength they had
and they loved with devotion beyond what i understand
but i guess fear has a way of making sleep unbearable
and the days seem dark and long
but we cry and we dance
and we stumble into love with perfect, awkward grace
the moon is gone and the sun has took its place
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Emily, Sing Something Sweet
Emily, sing something sweet for me
I want to feel the warmth inside your heart

Emily, sing something sweet for me
I need to hear those words out of your mouth

Emily, sing something please
I want to taste the life behind your eyes

Emily, sing something
Something
Something
Sweet
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All Of The Truth
it is not the past few days that have made me feel this way
and it is not the tiny marks of doubt that cover everything i see
it is just the way she looks at me with a love so complete
that i have never seen
and from this grows a strong, undying guilt
the feeling of regret for things i never felt
but oh i wanted to change
and become what she needs
i know what she needs
what i can never be
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One Straw(Please)
and if its true, baby, i'm the one in love with you
and i guess that I've been all my life
and i love and i'm shy
and i love you more than those other guys
its cause you mean the whole world to me
you're exactly what i need
baby, i'm waiting for you to stop shaking
and come closer to me
my love and protection(..?)
my love and devotion
devotion
cover the spread on the beds
and i'm now the one who won your heart
and i hope you'll always be mine
cause my love is for all time(..?)
trust is a virtue
i never desert you
or leave you behind
forever and ever
yeah, we'll be together
together
we'll be
and if its true, baby, i'm the one in love with you
and i swear that i've been all my life
cover the spread on the beds
baby, i'm the one that won your heart
and i know
and if its true
***this song is not written out anywhere, these lyrics are what I hear, the question marks are places where Im not sure if I'm correct, and I apologize for any errors.
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Lila
close your eyes
the dark outside can't hurt you
and i will never desert your bedside
so close them tight
the stars are so glad that they've found you
and on the blankets that surround you
they shine their light
they shine their light
rest your head and i will be watching from the doorway
as you drift into a perfect, peaceful sleep
and morning will come in all its simple glory
and you will find the light
and i will be there
standing in your shadow
knowing that you once were mine
all mine
my baby
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A Few Minutes On Friday
she kills, with foreign films, the emptiness of day to day
and i wait until the weekend comes
so i can clear this uselessness from my brain
i count the days until she arrives
those precious minutes when she is mine
as we walk from my front door to her car
we are so close and alone
but that will disappear in a room filled with the warmth
of others company
there is too much company
i hide my wounded pride and stare off into the other cars
if i could just speak the words to tell her
exactly how i feel
i count the ways that i might say it
but i know that none of them will work because
she won't feel the same
i've come this far
but i can't go through with it because the truth would hurt
too much
this hurts too much
she goes back to the west coast to drink in the sunshine
and i will stay here in these dead plains
and try to make a seed grow
and i would pray for rain
if i thought that that would help
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Supriya
*hush little baby in background*

agony and withdraw disrupt my wellbeing
a voice flooded by the piercing and the sounds of distant lands
silence is my heart
i carry out my cross
while the son suffers away
the clouds reveal the chariots of venus
restrictions of time and space retile
while her bright eyes burn through my exploding heart
and i can see i'm in heaven
with her flesh in my arms
easy the undeniable
the misery of my lack of truth
with the truth of love
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Solid Jackson
she says she's read too many fashion magazine
she's forgotten what real love is like
and as the basement collects more kids off the street
they smoke themselves to death waiting for the band to begin
they have been tuning up there for an hour now
and i don't think i can stand another minute more
but just then the first chord strums
and the drums set in
and i know what i have been waiting around for
because no one's going home until the morning comes
no one's going to sleep until the sun comes up
did you hear those first two songs?
they were fucking tuff
and the band is not going to stop until the cops show up
so hold your applause until the end
and wait for the sadness to set in
because that's the only feeling that's worth it
he say he's done with the pop music scene
there's too many opinions and so few are worth a shit
he has got to learn to act a little more mean
because the mean ones always end up with the record deals
and it is only when i'm angry that i feel complete
when we are screaming at each other is when i am most happy
i hang out with my friends and then i get depressed
and i drink myself to sleep with any strength that is left
and i quit going to church a year ago
and my teachers think that my faith is gone
but i can do with the eucharist because i found god
in a solid jackson song
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Feb. 15
all eyes on the calendar
another year i claim of total indifference
to here the days pile up
with decisions to be made
i'm sure all of them were wrong
into this song, i send myself
and with these drinks i plan to collapse and forget
this wasted year
these wasted years
devoted friends, they disappear
i'm sorry about the phone call and needing you
some decisions you don't make
i guess it's like breathing and not wanting to
there are some things that you can't fake
i guess that it is typical
to cling to memories you'll never get back again
and to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago
or a friend that you used to know
and there, below his frozen face
you wrote the name and that ancient date
and you can't believe he is really gone
when all that's left is a fucking song
i'm sorry about the phone call and waking you
i know that its late
but thank you for talking because i needed to
some things just can't wait
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The 'Feel Good' Revolition
come by when you get off work
i will be sitting around doing nothing
we can wait until the sun goes down
then we will drive off deep into the night
i don't care where we are going
as long as i'm going with you
the summer swells in
with the heat comes a new kind of wanting
cool nights never cooled us off
lay around and wait for something to happen
when it is three lonely figures
a bedroom, a basement, she is scared
which one is sleeping and which one is lying awake?
which one is sleeping and which one is lying about it?
afternoon drags on and on
movie nights that never end
we can hang out all night long
lay in bed and talk to a good friend
because you only get older and you probably forget what it is like
the university is quiet today
we didn't clean
we just talked in the bathroom
the girl always gets in the way
ruined friendships but others replace them
these opinions are poison
i have been drinking them all of my life
i could never replace you
and i could never forget what its like
step out on a moonlit roof
the radio leads a feel good revolution
cigarettes and my closest friends
i tell myself that i have to remember this
i have to remember this
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