intensely pirate

her idea affected shoes. went all the way to feet. pioneer, fetishist. convulsive palsy, she had that effect on people. she liked to get all palsy-walsy too. i says to her, "this is just bowling, dear." dear -- one of the most offensive four-letter words available, when used on the unfamiliar.

      the unfamiliar ... who carry guns. (advertise: i am not closely related to your grudges.)

      states which now allow carry permits: Alabama, Alaska, California (those of a "good moral character"), Connecticut, Delaware ("respectable" citizens only), Rhode Island, and Florida, amongst others. (i shoulve listed only the states which dont.) just thought you'd like to be the one who knows.



a comprehensive list of the girls who dont. just knew youd want to know.

      shoes with a narrow affect. quite broad minded for one with feet so thin. a wide range of styles and sizes for you to select from. just come on out and see us at manufactured homes.

      smily faces and wingspread eagles.

      the quarter with the hurricane on the back. a special quarter for each named hurricane.



her idea affected shoes. she also suggested wind farms on pennsylvania avenue and the capitol hill.

      this will likely affect the way you will walk. thank you, doctor. may i have a large tongue depressor to take home?

      the human form. the human body is not, never will be, a zero emission vehicle. reiterated over supper, which he had to sip thru a straw. he threw the crazy straw at her.


entered into evidence: the interesting thing to say.


the human body, wowww, pondered the little crusader. propeller-heads landed everywhere flat. flattened. kate moss is dressed.

      for the occasion.

      for to meet the queen and princess. (i was impressed by the princess's ability to shake off such an adhesive remark.)

      attired for eating a bag of potato chips. leavings.

      moccasin, senseless, rotator cuff, hint, blintz, fortune tent. geoffrey dollars. and for that they made grandma stand in line! she was importune.


      motion senseless. a lotion for that. on the market, at leading retailers, or in a kitchen drawer near you. "the subconscious is a set of drawers. the brain has a long tongue it can stick into them to root out value," said the man in the chin-high waders. he had twice won the platinum plumber's friend. "in my day we were discomfited," adds grandma. she is having grilled cheese.


formula fourteen. el duplicado. locker. voilą spittle chunks. lover is a brand name and not a thing.

      vaginal yeast infection quincy. yippee! get your skates.

      excuse me, can i change here? change here.

      the senate tends to lean. provisions.

      tans on the lawn in midmorn  ceremonies dishonoring a dead man's idears, making of them a model for poo-poo statuary. "we make memories".

      when the president says, "posse" and a sweeping gesture.

      and the wind farm. and the severed cow.

      senators approved the transfer of technologies to kaw, a tiny town in oklahoma today. as the vibratory rate increases, the various continuuii are merging, see the skies! slower, the peoples of zincville and zoe dance in the sunshine with their refrigerator doors flung wide open until they pass away. i make a simple tomato sandwich with mayonnaise. varieties of fishes, too say.

      swimwear is a touchy subject, now i can tell. now we all can tell. all can tell.

      then with a wet noodle. in bed. with six-shooters drawn.

      garth brooks  slow people music

      your pistola permit issued in the state of alabama will be recognized in idaho, indiana, kentucky, and michigan. tennessee recognizes permits from arizona, kentucky and arkansas, but not alabama. degrees of southerner determined by levels of latitude? thickness of crust? breading? you can carry a weapon from arizona to tennessee, but you likely will pass thru arkansas, which does not recognize the permit, while in faraway alaska they generously would. foolishly would. would pretend to. (you might at this point consider tunnelling.)




car 36, car 36. this is 36, go ahead dispatch. is that you, charlie? no. no, this is phil. i am thinking about a change of names. my wife got me one of those books --  baby names. my father was a pit boss. well, car 36, we have a 1224 in progress at the intersection of south lamar and quality control. possible verb-subject disagreement. see the man, 1964 quality. over.

      hello on wheels. hell-o big buttons! silver painted boxes, what happened to. gross-out  recliner. theirs the kind of doggy drinks from the left-open commode. theirs the canary sings loud sailors' songs. the kind of a cat marks the backseat of a car, like teenagers with a six pack do the scenic rock cliffs.

      a countryside of not but impalas. pjs. glutteus minimus tennis shoes. runway denim scares me. someone must have touched my brain with a cotton swab.

      leave the prevaricator alone, honey. leave the leaves behind. leave the honey alone, prevaricator. smarmy nobody! how you insense. tear the tears from her many faces in the hall of mirrors, chewing gum in my hair, which i chew on anyway. dont get smarmy with me!

      hell on wheels.

      hell on toast.

      hell on top of the world. beat me.

      hell on parade.

      being myself full of wine, ... yes. being myself. and full of wine. being myself and being myself and repeating myself and being full of wine. being this, i chose to extemporize before the attention of one of the several bathing beauties between formal contests lounging.

      the others out of earshot.

      for my first part i shall do emerson: "things are flush with the wall, scaly, soap-scummed, depleated, gallionic, but, until they whisper what she says to herself at the moment sleep envelops her smoothed limbs and mannequin anima, they are not yet mass-marketable."

      wait. wait. swallow red wine. reswallow wine combined with bile. ali shariati, for your aural pleasure, missss ... alama! a-la-mah. beautiful, yes indeed!

      oh! oh, my! so right! al-a-bama! better a sash than a sandwich board, i suppose. altho, there is something to be said for mere suggestion, you know, as opposed to the open-faced sandwich, metaphorically speaking. that would make an excellent final round question, dont you think? what's that? no, i dont have a light. you were eliminated this afternoon. so ... yes, to hear that.

      anyway, ... may i sit? sure there's room! where would we fall? in the pool! all the better, it's so humid in here. florida, christ. i only eat oranges when i feel like i'm coming down with something. did you hear what duchamp told his wife as she descended the staircase? stop flailing your arms; i'm trying to paint! duchamp died of elimination, did you know that? you did! really?

      yes, when there's that hint of a sore throat. yes, no, cant stand toast then. yes, interesting. but i'm sure guys say that to you all the time! women, too. huh.

      yes, well, i guess i've never tried toast with a menthol, nah. your name is ...? oh, that's right -- miss alabama. nice to make myself acquainted with you. ahhh, dainty but firm! you must play foosball. business major? oh. i see. well, maybe he'll fix you up in something you like.

      no. no, i've used an interior decorator. what's the external equivalent, anyway? a gardener. so right. or a landscaping company. but these days, that could be any guy with a battered pickup, a rake, and a friend who wears a baseball cap. gosh, i need to pee. yes! you're right, the pool is right there.

      what's that? oh, right! the shariati. this is from hajj, by the way, just in case you ever find yourself in a library. here goes:

      "wear the kafan which consists of christo's backfat. you will then be dressed just as everyone on the burgeoning hillocks! form a picture of success in your mind; see the riot squad appear. be a sport and pass the ball. like a lemondrop, put your whole self into my mouth, as is your destiny!" whadda you think, gorgeous? you are still gorgeous, arent you? i cant see. just the glowing ember of your cigarette ... ouch!! egas moniz! bitch!



in arkansas, a person is legally allowed to carry a concealed weapon while on a journey, unless you're under 18 years of age. there is no height requirement.


concealed babies.



the category is: things which can be slathered. the tight-skinned potato. the upbeat. the crying goat. bent horn.

      lay it on me Mu-man: one should not discuss a debt before a sunflower. one should not dress before a tax man. one should not save the highest hosannas for the time after using rubber cement. one is the lonliest number. is a song i cannot stand.

      when full of wine. i cant stand.

      hakkk-tuu! -haynes.

      'nuff said and my bad and better red than farmer tanned. planned parenthood is a wise idea but random encounters with death are what make life seem worth living. scooters racing tricyles. russians humping a line of first ladies.

      poke your nose. lift your lines.

      just sit and talk.




      linda tripp is a toilet face.

      george "jorge" washington i dont know.

      i am not presented live.




cindy crawford is hell on carpet. is velvet beerfroth. is the internet burning a hole in your loins at any hour of the day. we must sleep at night. douse the flames with colas. that's my gang, the colas. we do the drive-by fizz-ups youve always feared would develop during a sporadic cola war.

      my test came back from the lab as positive -- it's the single positive reaction i've ever gotten.

      we have wet noodle and miss alabama who hobbles. also a carl, a karl d., a frieda who acts as befuddled historian -- only knows what she's misread in books and has hysterical pregnancies every time she finds herself standing in an active antpile, walter the smidge who scares the girls and i extend my wings to protect them, camomile, gash the yank, pyoderma kid, and a boy named fob who is twenty-one but has managed to retain the very appealing baby fat around his ears.

      in a dozen baby food food jars wrapped in wax freezer paper. once he tried to freeze his balls. he plays goalie.



shalom, shalom, everybody! let me remind you that the carrot of god thrusts itself deep into the robust mother earth, reaching with its tendrils to satisfy of its needs.



a "good moral character": in particular, those portraying doctors and other do-gooders, such as angels, on television or in the movies. i'm in the movies, i'm in the shower.




was. was the plan to bury area 51 in trash or human excrement? in the backs of our minds. tunnelling, with a gun in a plastic bag.

      was the plan to make jello biafra and sirhan sirhan cellmates? can we make former yugoslavians like each other? by distributing coloring books?

      was the plan to get phyllis diller alone?

      don rickles is a stage name. the chicago bulls.

      this is the land of mesquite and broken bottles. i will foresee. bridges made from two-liter cola bottles. weight limit: three louie andersens.

      forget it, kids, let's go home. poke holes in the walls. fish out the queen roach. teach her tricks. (teach her tricks to our tunneling soldiers. you will eat your dinner and you will like it.)

      patrons infest diners. let's love a thousand pretty women and men who lean on mops while they love thumbs and many kinds of pies.

      let's cut the synthetic fibers of our forefathers. photograph a hundred days of the pittsburg skyline while we hold ghosts hostage in our minds. contests to puke the largest lumps of most everything. when pie crumbs fly by themselves across the desk of the executive....

      administrator. executive. professor. let's. yes let's.

      do the:

            intravenous stasis!

            maudlin anticipator

            coalesced brazilian fabric farmer!

            porto-potty waiting line one-leg twist

            scheduled porcine nephrectomy!

            loving father

            drowning cabal!

            reaching child

            mixed vegetable!

            flame retardant fingerscrawl

            the flimsy!

            backseat melted crayon

            forever special teams!

            supernugget undercharged

            loveable stickershock!

            starving koala in grandma's back yard.



if we feel like it.


tell me, granny, what's the difference? who invented fried chicken? did he have a flag? it was a she? no wonder we've forgotten. you listened to duran duran? only in passing. grandpa was a what?

      got what we've gotten.



our scruffy friends in the corner

Shall we go clubbin' wit'
Mr. Transmission?

hypertextual massage for snailbrains, tennis
stars and mutual friends

the writings of Marcus Gravy