| You say that I never show my love for you,
but you've never seen me watching the stars and staring at them and thinking of you. And you've never seen me holding you close in the corner of my mind, not for a moment, not for an instant, not for a minute, but a multitude of hours with my cheek against yours and my warmth, your warmth, and our warmth, like an egg inside a womb, and an incubation that rivalled that of the dinosaurs. And you say that I have not had you in my thoughts often enough, and that I was never considerate enough, but that's only because you've never seen the miles that I've sprinted, the sidewalks I've ran across, and the buses I've caught, just to make it to you not-late in a mad blaze of obsession because I wouldn't want you to like me less by even an iota. And you only say that I'm not holding you important because I was ten minutes late,- but what you don't seem to realize, is that just because I don't have room for you in my life doesn't mean that I don't love you; It means that I love you so much that I try to reach beyond my means and my life and even beyond what I can obtain, just to hold you in it. |
Marc (The Lin): ^_^ I see. Interesting. This one's interesting, as the topic seems somewhat more controversial: I'm unsure if I really agree with it. ^_^ But as a poem, it's well written as usual for you. A quesiton, though... why did you break up the initial portion the way you did? Me: *looks* Me: you mean each line? Marc: I do think the second option is better than the first Me: I agree Me: that was a revision on the spot just now Marc: And yes Me: so you mean each line in the first stanza? well let me look closer, but my initial answer is that it's intended as... not a.. well, I guess it's a monologue, with each line as one thing said before a pause Marc: Ah. Me: or each line is one point or something like that Me: in the first stanza Me: the 2nd stanza is more like no real pauses though breaks of a different kind Me: and the 3rd is closer to my typical style/tone Marc: Ah Me: I know that's vague, but that's the level of answer I think you want, right? Marc: Yes. ^_^ I did think that about the third stanza, and the first did seem the most... well, 'odd', so I suppose that's the intended effect hten Me: well, I guess it's not obvious if you're just reading a bunch of my poems, but does it make more sense after knowing the first stanza is like a monologue? Marc: Yes. ^_^ Me: the whole thing is a monologue really, but the first part is talking to her (with points) second part is talking to her (without points, but one epic feeling expression), and the 3rd is sort of...not pining... not complaining.. not woe.. hmm... something like that though.