The Inner Workings of My Soul

The Inner Workings of My Soul
I want to make you think,
You know beyond the box?
The one that traps your mind,
Like a rabbit by a fox.

Try and understand,
The words I write are deep,
They are meant to draw you in,
To a world where shadows creep.

When you read the words I write,
I want the wheels to turn,
I want to know where I lead you,
And what I make you learn.

My poems are a part of me,
Each one my mind's own child,
They show you deep into my soul,
Where thoughts run free and wild.

Beyond the darkness of which I write,
A meaning reaches out,
Its meant to reach into your thoughts,
Beyond all fear and doubt.

So enter now this world of mine,
Through all my poetry,
and search your soul, your heart and mind,
For what's beyond the words you see.


I
One Last Question
I suffer from incomprehensible pain,
My soul has been drained from me only fragments remain,
It’s desolate here surrounded by darkness,
Emotions are fear, pain, and distress.
The part that said to love and to care?
It seems as if it is no longer there.
I ask what it is that they’ve ever done,
I ask for examples and find there are none.
It’s cold in here wherever I am,
I’m lost and no one gives a damn.
A name? An oblique,
Get out? I’m too weak.
No motive have I.
One last question: Why?


II
Identity Unknown
Searching for something, some call it a name,
A place to escape from the unleaving pain,
A mask that is there glued into place,
In a spot on your head, some call it a face.
A charade, a farce, a drama, or play,
It never seems to leave, only to stay.
The question is asked and it seeps to the bone,
Of whom do you speak? Identity Unknown.


III
It Does Not
Life in its cycle is droll, to say the least,
The weak kill the weaker in an unending feast.
The dying suffer, none alleviate the pain,
They serve as a battery only there to drain.
The only thing that they’ve really got,
Is one question and answer: does it matter? It does not.


IV
Don’t pull me from my misery,
You were never there before,
I’m not even a mystery,
So sorry that I’m a chore.
If it’s such a problem now,
That I drowned in my own sadness,
It shouldn’t matter how,
So be sure that you don’t stress.
I’m a battle better lost,
Don’t even waste your time,
You’d never pay the cost,
So why bother with this rhyme?
You couldn’t help me don’t you see?
The damage is already done,
So leave me to my misery,
And you go have your fun.


V
What Might Have Been
Life seems to revolve around torture and pain,
And endless struggle only in vain.
We all have a role in life’s twisted race,
The prize in it all is a pain free place,
Still does it matter? None ever do win,
They just sit and ponder what might have been.


VI
Ever So Near
Many live their lives in fear,
Fear of an end ever so near.
It seems as if they have something to lose,
That they have a dilemma which one to choose?
They’re stuck at a crossroad, which way do they turn?
The signs aren’t too clear, oh how to discern?
The path that is right might lead to the end,
A thought that they just can’t comprehend.
So do they choose the one that they know?
The one of the torture and go on with the show?
Or do they choose the one that they fear?
The one where the end is ever so near…


VII
How many times have I sat and thought,
To find a solution of which I’ve found naught.
To problems better left unsaid,
Sought but never to have light shed.
It seems that the answer of which I must find,
Is sealed with a contract one that will bind,
For the only way to get such a thing,
Is the way that only death can bring.


VIII
I thought I’d found the truest thing,
A love that could never fail,
But the only thing your love did bring,
To my life was a living hell.
You offered what was needed to get your precious way,
But I think that you were cheated,
‘Cause my mind did have a say.
The one thing that did matter,
Doesn’t matter anymore,
Because your mask did shatter,
And I see now, that’s for sure.
I have no use for a liar,
Nor one that I can’t trust,
So in that I am higher,
‘Cause I won’t fall for lust.
In this game that you did play,
It seems you may have lost,
‘Cause I’m the one who got my way,
And now you pay the cost.


IX
While Waiting for the Sadness to Fade
Crying out my soul feels trapped,
In a prison constructed of pain,
Enter a territory yet to be mapped,
Made up of all that is woeful and bane.
In my prison I sit and wait,
For a time when my soul is free,
Or perhaps I am too late?
For it is so dark I can not see.
Time passes by and I only hope,
That the pain will pass by too,
While I grasp for some kind of rope,
To find a love that will be true.


X
Tolerated
Stuck in a rut I am emotionally,
It seems no one wants to listen to me.
To bring this to light would be overrated,
So I feel that I am just tolerated.
I am there for others whenever I’m needed,
But I find that my purpose has been defeated.
For whenever I ask for help in return,
They merely reply that it is not their concern.
What do I do when I am passed by?
When I’m swatted away like a pesky fly?
I state that my needs will never be sated,
For I know that I am just tolerated.


XI
Doffing the face that I wore for so long,
Righting my self inflicted wrong,
Starting a life I never knew,
Trying to find my way towards you.
I went on a quest to find my true being,
And a vision of you is what I kept seeing,
I found in you what I had not,
The answers to all that I had sought.
And as my quest comes to an end,
I find that my heart did mend,
And as I look towards you,
I know that this love will be true.


XII
Do my words comfort you?
Do they make you feel higher?
Have you felt this way too?
Or shall I call you a liar?
I know what you think,
I’m a psycho aren’t I?
To sit on the brink,
Of the darkness and cry?
Have no pity on me,
I want none of it,
You’re too blind to see,
Past all of life’s shit,
You say you’re so happy,
You’re life is so great,
You think you are free,
From life’s awful fate.
Convince yourself it won’t happen to you,
Live in denial for a bit,
But sooner or later my words shall ring true,
About how I’d warned you of IT.


XIII
What of My Problems?
All of these problems, I didn’t know could exist,
I try to dismiss them but still they persist.
A plague on my mind, they do so annoy,
Their one purpose, me to destroy.
I am not so worthy, why me do they choose?
Well then again maybe they have nothing to lose.
My aggravation mounts, I’m sick of this mess,
That is their victory, for me to confess.
I’ve lost already, without even a fight,
Yet they do not relinquish, no end is in sight.
So I suffer my torment, and I will ‘til I’m dead,
And what of my problems? They are all in my head.


XIV
Lies
You sit and scoff,
My mask I doff,
The end that comes is near.
You believe me not,
As well you ought,
For still you sit in fear.
You rise to leave,
I do perceive,
A pain hid in you eyes.
You stop and ask,
I shed your mask,
It comes from all your lies.


XV
Many Shades of Darkness
You feel betrayed,
Like you’ve been played,
The anger mounts again.
Then you resent,
You did consent,
You think you’ve gone insane.
You begin a search,
Your heart did lurch,
The light comes on inside.
You know what’s real,
Its scared you feel,
To me your warning confide.
You’ve tried your best,
You feel you’ve failed,
To me you will confess.
Repeat this do you,
To find that it’s true,
There’s many shades of darkness.


XVI
The Call for a Stand
Persecuted in hate for our belief in love,
Done so by “divine right” from the “creator above,”
So wrong our beliefs that we die for our “sins,”
Taken from our journey before it begins.
Fear battles strongly with our need to live,
“Knowledge is power” but its not ours to give,
We have little rights in the “land of the free,”
So that “freedom of religion” will never be.
Deceived by the lies that have gone around,
Others’ hate and fear for us is profound,
So now we stand up for ourselves and fight,
We will live in freedom, for that is our right.
So I call on the god and the goddess I praise,
And I call on my sisters an army to raise,
I call on my brothers, my friends and my beaus,
To send forth the truth and enlighten our foes.
We ask for little, a small price to pay,
So that our children will live free one day,
We only want what they’ve already got,
The freedom to choose and not end up shot.


XVII
Amid the confusion of every day life,
Within a world of pain and strife,
A lonely girl writes words very wise,
And tries to distinguish between truth and lies.
She cries the tears of souls long passed,
And feels the pain of the ones harassed,
While wondering if one day she will be,
Someone that is trapped by reality.
Her eyes are the windows to a soul very old,
And speak of a story yet to be told,
Within her heart lie confusion and pain,
For all of her words seem to be in vain.
Questions unanswered amass in her mind,
Answers she has, but can’t seem to find,
In turmoil her being screams and cries out,
Only to be answered by denial and doubt.
So amid the confusion of her own life,
Within a mind of pain and strife,
The lonely girl writes words very wise,
And tries to distinguish between love and demise.


XVIII
There is a message in my eyes,
It tells of all my pain,
It shows the hurt of many lies,
And makes me go insane.
There is no way to help me,
All who’ve tried have lost,
It’s a hopeless battle, see?
And you’re the price it cost.
With eyes wide open, and made anew,
The truth as plain as day,
My life was better when it has you,
But now you’ve gone away.
At night the tears come pouring down,
I can not stem their flow,
My face is set in a permanent frown,
For I had to watch you go.
If I’d known then what I do now know,
I’m sure I’d have told the truth,
Of how hard it was to let you go,
My accident of youth.


XIX
These thoughts won’t stop,
My mind keeps churning,
Inside my soul,
A fire is burning.
Set aflame by my own muse,
I can’t stop writing rhymes,
Its as if its been handed to me,
Through the hands of many times.
Familiar though the words do seem,
Unique they appear to be,
The one thing I can’t figure out,
Is how they flow from me.
My children all of them they are,
Each my own creation,
All of them reach out from me,
And create a new sensation.
How now to stop this maniac urge,
When I love it oh so much,
It drives me on and though it thrives,
With reality I am out of touch.


XX
Many times I have told you,
How much I truly care,
How much I really love you,
And how much I want you there.
Many times I've gazed upon you,
Into your lovely eyes,
Right into the heart of you,
In so deep no word describes.
Many times I've heard you,
Tell me words of love,
Of how much I mean to you,
And how I rival the stars above.
Always I am with you,
Or that is how it seems,
But I cry when I realize you,
Are only with me in my dreams.

Visit my LiveJournal