All That They Knew

He knew in a million years that it could never happen. He knew he was doomed to live his life without…her. Without her heart, without her loving gaze. He knew that no matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did, she would never love him the way he loved her. He tried not to think about this as he pulled up into his driveway. He knew what he had to do. It was time for him to move on. Time for him to get past this and stop following her around like a lovesick puppy. It was time for him to get a grip and stop acting so damn pathetic. He slowly got out of his old beat up black LeSabre and headed up the driveway and looked up at his home. He would never see it again. The only thing that really made his house stand out from the others was the fact that it had a beach scene painted on the garage door. She had painted it for him.

His heartbeat was so faint and slow that he could have sworn he was dead. Well, he was dead. Dead in a sense that he would never be able to truly live. Not without her. No, he was as good as dead. His heart might as well be ripped out from his chest and thrown out with the garbage.

He went inside and quickly got an old suitcase out of his hall closet. He took it upstairs and started tossing his belongings and clothes into it. He could feel the hot tears in his eyes. No, he wouldn’t cry over her. He had done that too many times now. He knew he would never truly be over her, but at least he wouldn’t cry. Not again. Not ever again.

He had to leave. He just couldn’t stand to be around her anymore. Every time he saw her or smelled her or been near her, he went insane. His whole face would light up when she was around. But that would quickly fade when he realized that she would never feel the same. She was just playing with him. Making him believe that they had a chance. She had actually kissed him. But soon after had dismissed it and had said she had had too much to drink. That was the moment he knew that he couldn’t stay there anymore. He loved her, but she didn’t love him. That thought would haunt him for the rest of his life. He probably would spend many sleepless nights just lying awake, wondering if she missed him.

He knew that he should tell her the real reason he couldn’t stay. He had just told her that he had to leave. No real explanation. But she probably knew what his real reasons were. He knew that he should have told her that she was the reason. That he couldn’t be around her for fear that he would have to touch her. For if he touched her then he knew he would never want to let go. And it was hard enough that they had to work together, but now she was sending him mixed signals and it was just too confusing for him.

Rain began to pound against his window. He went over to it. Looked out at the darkness. He wondered where he would go. Maybe LA. It wasn’t that far away. Less than a day’s drive. Maybe he could head over to his cousin’s house in Las Vegas. All he knew was that he couldn’t stay here. Not while she still lived in the same town. No, he had to get away. Away from her town, away from her pure essence. In the very back of his mind he knew he didn’t want to leave. But if he didn’t, he knew that his pain would only grow. He just couldn’t stand to look at her. He couldn’t look at her and not feel his heart break at the fact she could never love him. He just couldn’t let his heart break again. It had already been shattered beyond repair.

* * *

She was driving. To nowhere in particular. She just needed to clear her head. She found herself in front of a house. A house with a mural painted on the garage door. One that she had been responsible for. She sat in the car, wondering why she had come here. She knew he was probably packing. She started to turn the car around, but found that she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She just couldn’t. But deep within her soul, she knew why she was there. She knew that she had grown fond of him, developed feelings for him. She had just denied it for so many years that it hurt to admit it.

She had been so horrible to him the past year. She was completely repulsed when she found out that he loved her. They had been enemies for so long that she hated him for loving her. It was so much easier and less complicated when they could just argue and banter. He had started to hang around her and her friends much more after that. She didn’t tell him to back off though. She must’ve known back then that she had a soft spot for him.

A short while after his confession, she was in the accident. The accident in which she had nearly lost her life. A car accident. She had been in a coma. And the first person she had seen when her eyes fluttered open was him. Yes, he had stayed by her side throughout the whole ordeal. She awoke to find him sobbing quietly into her pillows. She had placed a thin, white hand over his and he had just jerked his head up, and when he saw her awake, his face went blank, then a look of pure happiness came into his eyes. He had embraced her with such a force that she had to push him off in order to breathe properly. She had been touched that he cared so much, he had been so kind.

After that, they had spent much time together. She learned things about him that she never knew was possible. But yet, after all those hours together, she never told him. She never told him what she knew was true. That she loved him. That she loved him and cared for him and that she would be devastated if he left.

She knew that she had been acting strange around him the last few days. Especially after their kiss. But what scared her the most was the fact that she had kissed him. And she felt something too. The moment she wrapped her arms around him, she could feel the electricity. She had just been so scared to admit to herself that she did in fact love him.

She silently exited the car and walked to his door. She stood there for a second, a sopping wet mess. Then she braced herself and knocked. No answer. She knocked again. Finally, she just got impatient and took out the spare key he had given her. She placed it in the lock and let herself in. As soon as she walked inside, she knew. She knew that he wasn’t there. It was too late, he was already gone. She fell to the floor, not moving from the front hall, and started to cry, cry like she had never cried before. She cried for him, she cried for her, she cried for the love that would never happen. She blamed herself for everything. For him leaving, for this love that remained unspoken. She was to blame, and she knew it. All the love that those two hearts possessed would be wasted. And she knew it.