I wrote this when I was just starting to go out with a guy who had been my best friend for 2 years. I was so happy, and I had dumped my abusive ex-boyfriend because I realized I wanted/deserved more. It was like I was finally free, and even though this "good" guy and I aren't together anymore, this poem still makes me really happy.
you don't have to even try
i sit here and ponder why
why this is perfect, why i'm content
why things i should, i can't regret
why it turned out to be this way
why my morals began to stray
for some reason i'm not dead anymore
old love is an endless chore
all i seem to need is you
confusing, this, but happy too
settling deep into this new contentment
never questioning if you meant it
knowing it's true is stronger than any words could ever say
i now know, not all is always destined to fray
old lies mingle with false trust
i was the object of your lust
(so was she, but this is me)
ecstatic to be alive again
close my eyes and count to ten
you are the reason i'm not dead anymore
...and it all happened when i shut the door.
~*~October 18, 2000~*~
September 22, 1999
Sept. 22, 1999
Sept. 22, 1999
This is it
I taste it
I feel it
I don’t know but I can guess
It’s painless,
eternal
powerful
endless sleep
saving me from life’s constant
aching
twisting
wishing
hoping
I hope it’s better
Anything would be better
Than the surreal
World of life
Where each day
Cuts a little deeper
In your forearm
Each word’s echo
Lasts a little longer
Almost as if
It knows it will be over soon
And wants to be remembered
The stinging
The ringing
The fire
Burning my heart
To nothing
I don’t care anymore
I am numb
To physical pain
But the emotional pain
Comes down on me
Like pouring rain
My soul is dead
I am halfway there
The one I love
Doesn’t seem to care
Desperately trying to hold onto the edge
Trying to stay alive
Trying not to give in to
Temptation
October 4, 1999
