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background noise: sipping beer,
chorus of laughs and belches, general yooper noises
lemmie tell ya dat
and you know it's not so much the heat as it is the gosh darn humidity
you know dat
you know when you sit there in the bed and you're just sweaty you know and
you go to reach for the water on the nightstand and ya slide right out of
bed, and the wife says
"stop making so much noise you're waking me up, go to sleep"
well lemmie tell ya
times like that make me feel like movin up north ya know
good idea
yeah i'd do it too
course then i couldn't watch the Packers ya know, the Packers are
gosh i like the Packers, i'd do anything for the Packers
who can forget Vince Lombardi ya know, back in the glory years, not me boy
ya know
yeah well anyhow
gettin to be that time of year eh?
yeah i'm a deer hunter how do you do
i got this deer huntin rappin tale for you
i'm so excited, it's my favorite time of year
i love to freeze my buns chasin trophy deer
but don't clap your hands to the stompin of the feet
cause ya he's like me he can't keep a steady beat no
i got this great big knife cause the hunting is my life
it's my chance to drink beer and get away from the wife
it's the boys night out acting stupidly
say now baby baby don't you think maybe how bout you and me yeah
well we partied all night never made it to our bunks and
i was sittin in the tree stand on the tree dead drunk
windmill blowin 45, temp thirty below, i was freezin to death, then it started
to snow
so i got down from the tree stand start headin for the truck
and thats when i seen it there, the turdy point buck
the turdy point buck?
turdy point buck (5x)
well he was eight foot tall, weighed twelve thousand pounds, with every step
there was a shakin' on the ground
he was so rutiful so beautiful
strutted right out of my dreams, he was created by God just for outdoor magazines
now i'm not much for thinkin, no i don't do it often
but i had an idea
to put that turdy pointer in his coffin
turdy point buck
hh
turdy point buck
i couldn't get to my grenades
the howitzer was in the shop
my stomache was tied into a monkey knot
ya my only hope was betty lou
she was da one
a combination AK-57 uzzie radar lasar triple barrel double scoped heat-seakin
shotgun
turdy point buck
hh
turdy point buck
turdy point buck
ya dat the women clappin' the the back dere i gotta make dat
well he was comin for me gettin bigger and bigger but my fingers were so frozen
i could not pull the trigger
i kicked off my boots fired with my big toe
i was Dirty Harry, John Wayne, and G.I. Joe
ya dat turday point buck was only 10 feet away
ya still i couldn't seem to hit him and he wouldn't run away
and after 20 minutes when the smoke cleared
there were hunters on the ground and the world's biggest deer
standing tall and proud, he looked at me and yawned (ohhhhhhh dear)
and then a flash of white, and there he was, gone
[cryin and burpin]
well seven men got up and then one fell down
a big lump of blaze orange, shakin on the ground
at first i thought he was one of the boys
but it was a no brother good in law man from illinois
only cheese-heads in here, right boys?
send him back on the next plane ya know
Did ya see the turdy pointer?
Did ya see the turdy pointer?
Did ya see the turdy pointer?
Did ya see the turdy pointer?
as we jumped into da truck
sayin i'm gonna get that turdy point buck
yeah i'm gonna get that turdy point buck
hhh
turdy point buck (5x)
I recall the time
they found those fossilized mosquitoes
And before long, they were cloning DNA
Now I'm being chased by some irate veloceraptors
Well, believe me... this has been one lousy day
Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone shut the fence off in the rain
I admit it's kinda eerie
But this proves my chaos theory
And I don't think I'll be coming back again
On no
I cannot approve of this attraction
'Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad
A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawer
Well, I suppose that proves... they're really not all bad
Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone let T. Rex out of his pen
I'm afraid those things'll harm me
'Cause they sure don't act like Barney
And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend
Oh no
Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
What a crummy weekend this has been
Well, this sure ain't no E-ticket
Think I'll tell them where to stick it
'Cause I'm never coming back this way again
Oh no... oh no
It's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin'
While the air raid sirens blare
It's Christmas at Ground Zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test
Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shoppin'
It's time to face your final destiny
Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath a mushroom cloud
(siren)
You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbin' down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill
Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see the all new
Mutations on New Year's Day
It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe
It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
(siren)
As I
walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plain
But that’s just perfect for an amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I’m milkin’ cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and jacob plows... fool
And I’ve been milkin’ and plowin’ so long that
Even ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I’m a man of the land, I’m into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699
We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
I’ve churned butter once or twice
Living in an amish paradise
It’s hard work and sacrifice
Living in an amish paradise
We sell quilts at a discount price
Living in an amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don’t care, in fact I wish him well
’cause I’ll be laughing my head off when he’s burning in
hell
But I ain’t never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An amish with a ’tude?
You know that’s unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree
I really look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you’ll be bored to tears
We haven’t even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain’t really quaint, so please don’t point and stare
We’re just technologically impaired
There’s no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like robinson caruso
It’s as primitive as can be
We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
We’re just plain and simple guys
Living in an amish paradise
There’s no time for sin and vice
Living in an amish paradise
We don’t fight, we all play nice
Living in an amish paradise
Hitchin’ up the buggy, churnin’ lots of butter
Raised a barn on monday, soon I’ll raise anutter
Think you’re really righteous?
Think you’re pure in heart?
Well, I know I’m a million time as humble as thou art
I’m the pious guy the little amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin’ points for the afterlife
So don’t be vain and don’t be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie
We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
We’re all crazy mennonites
Living in an amish paradise
There’s no cops or traffic lights
Living in an amish paradise
But you’d probably think it bites
Living in an amish paradise
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch!
