Domestic Violence Mantras
#1 Domestic Violence is about power and control over ones partner - violence and threats of violence are ways abusers use to attain and maintain power
#2 Battered women stay for all the reasons we stay and also out of a legitimate fear that if they leave, he will hurt her, their children, himself or other people or things she cares about
#3 Leaving is dangerous In the long run, shes safer having left, but the short run is very dangerous
#4 The problem definitely isnt her, it isnt even him, it is US as the public. Good people do nothing.
#5 Violence and threats of violence need not be either frequent or severe in order to have a controlling effect.
#6 Abuse changes everything Behavior that might be merely obnoxious, or even weird when done by a non-abuser, can be terrifying when done by an abuser.
#7 Always ask what his behavior means to her.
#8 He uses what he has and uses what works to maintain the level of control he thinks is appropriate
#9 What distinguishes abusers from non-abusers is how they think ENTITLEMENT
#10 Take care of yourself Everyone can help with this work but not everyone is cut out to work directly with victims.
#11 Eventually most abusers screw up.
#12 If you care about the children being safe, you must care about their mothers being safe.
#13 In doing this work, always distinguish between hostile and clueless.
#14 Never give up or anyone whos been hostile to abused women.
Copyright Kate Waits, Professor University of Tulsa Law 2006