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Information and Links for Tulsa Battered Women
              

 

Domestic Violence Mantras

#1 – Domestic Violence is about power and control over one’s partner - violence and threats of violence are ways abusers use to attain and maintain power

#2 – Battered women stay for all the reasons we stay and also – out of a legitimate fear that if they leave, he will hurt her, their children, himself or other people or things she cares about

#3 – Leaving is dangerous – In the long run, she’s safer having left, but the short run is very dangerous

#4 – The problem definitely isn’t her, it isn’t even him, it is US as the public. Good people do nothing.

#5 – Violence and threats of violence need not be either frequent or severe in order to have a controlling effect.

#6 – Abuse changes everything – Behavior that might be merely obnoxious, or even weird when done by a non-abuser, can be terrifying when done by an abuser.

#7 – Always ask what his behavior means to her.

#8 – He uses what he has and uses what works to maintain the level of control he thinks is appropriate

#9 – What distinguishes abusers from non-abusers is how they think – ENTITLEMENT

#10 – Take care of yourself – Everyone can help with this work – but not everyone is cut out to work directly with victims.

#11 – Eventually most abusers screw up.

#12 – If you care about the children being safe, you must care about their mothers being safe.

#13 – In doing this work, always distinguish between hostile and clueless.

#14 – Never give up or anyone who’s been hostile to abused women.

Copyright – Kate Waits, Professor University of Tulsa Law 2006

 

 

 

 

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