True Strength

by
Wolfshark

Part Six

WARNING: This chapter includes Spike being whipped by Xander consensually

The next morning, Spike still stuttered a bit when Xander asked his name, but he managed it after a moment. Xander rewarded him with a blowjob.

But the other things that Spike had been doing - the flinching when Xander raised his voice, the instant obedience to anything that he interpreted to be an order, the essential "un-Spikeness" of him, didn't change.

Xander was frustrated. He'd hoped that if he could break that block, the others would fall as well, but it hadn't worked that way. Instead, it almost seemed to have firmed them in place.

The biggest problem was that there was nothing concrete that Xander could point to and say, "This behavior - this is what needs to be changed." Instead, they were all nebulous, attitudes rather than actions. And there wasn't really anything he could do except get Spike to trust him and hope that time would help.

So every time Spike showed the slightest bit of independent thought, he got a reward. Xander felt odd about rewarding someone with sex, but there weren't many other privileges that he could give Spike. He was told - ordered, really - to eat whenever he was hungry. He was allowed to watch TV, play the radio, surf the 'web. Pretty much anything he showed an interest in, he was encouraged to do.

That only left two things - sleeping in Xander's bed with him, and sex, so Xander shamelessly used both to reward Spike every time he did anything worth rewarding.

The sex was amazing, leaving Xander wasted from hormonal overload. Spike wouldn't ever top, even got upset if Xander tried to blow him too often, but would do anything else that Xander suggested.

Xander had had other lovers, but never one that would let him do anything he wanted, and he took shameless advantage of that, He rimmed Spike for hours at a time, fucked him in every position he could think of, received more blow jobs than he could count. But it all was so fucking good, he couldn't even think about stopping.

Spike never stopped him, simply pushing him to bigger and bigger things. Nothing seemed too much, and it all seemed to form a cycle.

Gradually, Spike started making more decisions. Small ones, at first - when he wanted to eat, what clothes he'd wear, what show he wanted to watch. Then he started to take initiative around the house. It could all be fit into a category of serving Xander, but he was doing it without orders and that was all that mattered to him.

The first time that Spike disagreed with Xander - over whether or not he needed new boots - Xander could have thrown a party. Instead, he took Spike to bed.

"Anything you want, baby."

Spike blushed and stammered and looked away. "Whatever you want, sir. Just want to make you feel good."

Xander said, "No, you have it backwards. I want to make you feel good. What do you want that I haven't given you?"

Tugging lightly on Xander, Spike pulled him down into a hungry, desperate kiss. When they broke away, Spike whispered, "Would you please hurt me? I… know you aren't comfortable with it, but I need it. Need the pain to help root me here."

He wanted to argue. He wanted to refuse. But he'd promised, and he'd seen that when he added an edge of pain to their sex, Spike was always more settled for a time. Maybe a larger dose would help get him ready for Xander to go back to work.

So he slid out of the bed and looked around. Since he wasn't exactly into pain, there was a decided lack of anything that would work in the room, except maybe… He picked up his pants and slid the belt free from the loops. "Lie on your stomach."

Spike immediately rolled over, lacing his fingers together behind his neck. Xander paused for a moment, admiring the pale skin and gathering his courage, then brought the belt down with a loud thwack across Spike's ass.

He cried out, and Xander very nearly stopped, but when a pause didn't cause Spike to break position at all, he repeated it.

Gradually, Spike's ass became covered with criss-crossing red marks. The occasional one landed on his back, or his thighs, and those brought even louder cries, and begging for Xander to not stop.

Xander knew he should be ashamed of how hot this was making him - he was beating his lover with a belt, for god's sake - but it was. He grew hard, his breathing harsher. Only when he was covered in sweat and there were welts on Spike's ass did he finally stop, only to have Spike start begging for more.

He was ashamed by being tempted to see how much it would take to make Spike beg for him to stop. The begging was getting to him, though, and he brought the belt back down again and again, until the sudden sight of Spike's blood where one of the welts had broken open made him stop suddenly. Spike still begged and pleaded, but Xander felt vaguely sick and couldn't bring himself to hit Spike again.

Instead, he clambered up on the bed, ordering Spike up on his knees. "Don't come, Spike - gonna fuck you, but don't you dare come."

Spike nodded frantically, his hair flopping in his eyes, and gave a loud moan as Xander slid into his tight ass. He'd long since given up on any sort of preparation, because Spike just begged until he gave up.

Pressing down on Spike's shoulders, he thrust hard, feeling Spike get even tighter around him. There was part of him that hated doing this - that made him feel like it made him no better than those who reduced Spike to this in the first place.

But as Spike cried out and clutched at the blankets, that part of his brain was shut down and he fucked Spike hard, without thinking about anything but how good it felt to be inside him. Within moments, he was coming hard.

When he pulled out, Spike whined low in his throat. He'd been obedient and hadn't come, even though his cock was hard and angry looking. Xander pulled on one shoulder, pulling him over onto his back and slid down his body to suck his cock in deep.

Spike was already begging to come as soon as his mouth took him in. Xander worked him till he could no longer speak, just clutch convulsively at his hair and whine. Finally, when Xander didn't think Spike could last another second, he pulled back just enough to say, "Now."

With a scream, Spike came, pumping his hips frantically as Xander swallowed every drop of his offering down.

Xander assuaged his conscience for the whipping he'd given Spike by cuddling him tight, knowing that he couldn't hide his growing affection anymore - that if someone saw him, it would be as clear as a flashing neon light blinking above his head.

But he no longer really cared.

Spike was stiff in his arms at first, whether from the pain of his abused body or out of surprise at the sudden turn around, Xander didn't know. But he ignored it, just holding him even tighter until finally Spike's body started to relax and finally there was a soft purr.

When Xander started back to work, at first he was more than a little reluctant to leave Spike home alone all day long. Not that he was afraid that Spike would do something or get in to something without guidance, but that he'd freak over being left alone or that the soldiers would show up and take Spike when he wasn't there to stop them.

It took a few days to figure out what was happening but it turned out that Spike simply adjusted his sleeping schedule so that he'd be asleep most of the day and awake when Xander got home from work. At first, this fact made Xander uncomfortable, though he wasn't sure why.

He came home a little early one day to discover Spike fighting with the vacuum cleaner in the living room. When he tried to take it away and explain that he didn't expect Spike to clean up after him, he'd fallen to his knees and begged Xander's forgiveness for taking initiative. Xander felt like he was being trapped in a situation where he couldn't win.

Time for another phone call to Giles.

"Xander, I wish I knew what to tell you. We've done some more research into Spike's life and it looks like he was always the beta to another vampire through most of his life - first to Angelus and Darla, then to Drusilla. Even when she was… ill, he yielded to her wishes."

"And when Spike became involved with Buffy, he was usually submissive to her wants and needs, even when it wasn't healthy for him. It sounds to me like he's put you in that position. While it's not good, it is typical for him. I'm not sure there's anything you can do to change it."

Xander sighed. "I just wish he'd do more for himself. I don't want to be in charge of everything he does all the time. He's capable of making his own decisions, or he should be, anyway."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. "I've been meaning to ask you this, Xander. Why are you so determined to return Spike to what he was? Spike was annoying, frustrating, and oh, yes, more than a little evil. You hated him most of the time. Isn't this better?"

"I mean, I'm sure it's very difficult for you. I know you don't want to run someone else's life for them. But Spike is safe in your custody, and this way we don’t have to worry about him turning evil again,"

Xander was shocked speechless for a moment. Then, "Giles! I can't believe that you of all people would advocate treating him like… like he's a dog that needs to have a master. Spike may not be human, and yeah, he may have been evil, but he's still a person. And he has a soul, remember? And he died to save the world. I'd think that buys him some forgiveness."

"I didn't mean, Xander -"

"I know you didn't, Giles. I'm just frustrated and it scares me that I can see where you're right. The problem is it's the same place that the military was 'right' for putting him in this position in the first place."

Giles cleared his throat. "Right. You have a point. It is important to get him to a point where you don't have to make every decision for him, anyway. So, focus on that, and I'll see if I can do any more research to help you."

"Thanks, G-man."

"Don't call me that, Xander."

Xander disconnected the call, and stood staring into space for a while. He was going to have to just keep going as he had and see what happened.

Part Seven

When Xander got home from work the next day, he looked in the kitchen and decided that nothing looked appetizing. The one thing that Spike hadn't taken over was the cooking, and he was just tired after a long day on the site.

There was a local Indian place that served really good curries, and Spike used to love them, so he asked if he was interested in going - he hadn't been out of the house in over a week.

"Sure - it'll be dark soon and I can go a little easier? Or just let me get a blanket."

"Nah, we can wait till dark."

They spent the hour or so curled up on the couch, watching Red Dwarf. Then Xander grabbed his coat and they headed up the street.

Halfway there, Spike started acting really odd - looking around as if he heard something he couldn't explain, features wavering in and out.

Xander chalked it up to a bit of paranoia from being outside for the first time in so long, which was a huge mistake, because as they passed an alley, they were suddenly surrounded by a group of very large guys. Xander thought at first that it was one of the surviving gangs, only to have that dashed when one of them laughed and said, "Look who we have, boys! It's Seventeen and the guy keeping him as a little boytoy."

Shit. Soldiers.

Spike was huddling in on himself, and Xander physically pushed him back into the wall, putting himself between Spike and the GIs. "Hey guys! Something I can do for you?"

"Yeah - you can let us see that receipt. Cause personally, I think it's a forgery, and you shouldn't have our little toy out of his cage."

Xander started frantically patting down his pockets. Spike's receipt - he had to have it. He wouldn't have left the house without it, would he?

Apparently he would.

Fuck.

What was the signature? Tyler, right? When in doubt, bluff. "General Tyler is going to be real pissed if you guys don't leave us alone."

"For that to matter, you're going to have to be able to identify us."

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but you," he pointed at one of the men he remembered from the mall, "You're Georges. And you," pointing at another, "You're Tucker, I believe."

Georges spoke up. "Shit, man - he can ID us. This is a bad idea."

Talky grinned. "Won't matter." He stepped forward and drove his fist into Xander's gut.

All the air driven out of his lungs, Xander tried frantically to recover fast enough to block the next punch. He succeeded well enough that two of the other men moved up and grabbed his arms. Even then, he tried to kick away the man in front, landing at least one good kick to his knee before he muttered something about "Damn demon lovers" and punched Xander again.

More and more of the men piled in as Xander fought to get away, and he managed to hold his own for a few minutes, but eventually, sheer numbers overwhelmed him. And everything went very dark.

When Xander woke up, it was to a shining light in his face. "Son? Son - you okay?"

He was disoriented, trying to remember what had happened and how he got there when he remembered. "Spike?! Where's Spike?" He tried frantically to get to his feet, only to be stopped by the stranger's hand on his shoulder.

"You're badly hurt, son - just sit tight. There's an ambulance on its way."

"No, you don't understand - I have to find Spike. They're going to hurt him." Blinking, he managed to get his eyes to focus, and the first thing he saw was a kindly older face above a minister's collar. "Reverend - I know who did this and they have my friend. I have to stop them."

The face grew fierce. "You aren't in any shape to stop a bunny, much less whoever did this to you. You need to go to the hospital."

"No!" Xander shouted and finally pulled away from the restraining hand, stumbling to his feet. "I have help, I just have to go home and get it."

"Weapons aren't the way to go, son. You should call the police - they'll help you."

Xander started laughing and then couldn't stop, even though it made his already aching ribs hurt even worse. He was still laughing as he started stumbling down the street, with the minister still following.

When Xander got to the house, he turned to the minister. "I promise I'm not going to do anything tonight, Reverend. But you really don't want to be involved in this. I thank you for your help, though."

He was handed a card with the name "Reverend John Irwin" and a phone number. "You just call if there's anything you need from me, son. You might be surprised what an old minister can do."

"I'll do that, sir. But right now I have to find my friend."

Xander picked up the phone as soon as he got into the house, dialing Giles' number in a panic. "Hello?"

"Giles? How soon can you get me a couple of slayers? I need help and I need it now."

"Xander? Calm down and tell me what's going on."

"Giles, I don't have time. The military has taken Spike and they didn't do it officially. If I want a chance in hell of getting him back instead of a pile of dust, I need some slayers and I need them as fast as I can get them."

"All right - let me see. I don't have any trained in California, but I have a couple in Vancouver and one in Seattle - if we work fast, I can get them on flights that will have them to you by morning."

"Do we have anyone in California?"

"Let me see what I can do, Xander. You need to just stay calm and let me work, all right?"

"Just… hurry, Giles."

"I will." Then Xander was listening to a dial tone.

Within twenty minutes, though, he was taking one call after another as various Slayers called in with flight details and pick up information. Within an hour, he had promises of the Vancouver slayers arriving by midnight, with the Seattle slayer an hour behind them.

And within ninety minutes, Giles was calling back with a list of possible locations to look for the soldiers.

Standing outside security, Xander held up a sign with his own name on it - no point in advertising that he was picking up four girls more than he needed to.

The Vancouver slayers arrived together. Quite the mismatched set, the first one introduced herself in a straightforward manner as Kristin. About 5'8" and solidly built, she had an air of "This is a job - let's do it."

The second was Leslie, who reminded Xander almost painfully of Willow in high school. Slender and shy, she didn't look big enough to squish a fly, much less hunt vampires night after night.

Joann was tiny and the youngest - if she was fifteen, Xander would be shocked. Smiling easily, she was brown haired and soft spoken.

As the three girls went to get their luggage, chatting amicably, Xander glanced at his watch. He was getting more and more worried about Spike - god only knew what the soldiers were doing with him right now. The one thing that Xander was sure of was that whatever it was, it wasn't good.

Finally, the last slayer arrived. Tanya was a petite, with short blonde hair. She smiled easily and immediately fit herself in with the other girls. If Leslie reminded him of Willow, then Tanya reminded him of Buffy.

Returning to the car, Xander got out the list of locations and the map that he'd already drawn up. "Okay, girls. They're humans, so that restricts what we can do. Besides which, Spike's a vampire, so we need to have this done before dawn. He's already been in their custody for six hours, and I don't want him there a second longer than we can prevent."

Tanya and Leslie just nodded, while Joann agreed and Kristin made a face. "Is there a problem?"

"Just don't understand why we're saving a vampire, Mr. Harris. Mr. Giles said I have to help you, but he didn't tell me why."

Xander pulled over and looked Kristin dead in the face. "Spike has done more to save the world than you ever will. He's earned our help a hundred times over. If you can't handle that, then I'll take you right back to the airport."

Looking suitably chastened, she said, "Yes, Mr. Harris. I'll do what I can to help."

Studying her face for a long moment, he nodded. "Fine. Let's get going." Looking at the other girls, he only saw impatience, so he joked, "Oh, am I driving?" and pulled back out on to the road, turning right at the next light, making for the first target. Once there, Tanya tried to prevent him from going in. "Sir? Let us do what needs to be done. I promise if Spike's in there we won't let him be hurt."

Xander didn't argue, just silently got out of the car and starting inside without any of the girls. Within seconds, all four had surrounded him and were protecting him. "Sir, I'm sorry. But Mr. Giles was very clear that our first priority is you. Our second is Spike."

He knew better than to argue - years of working with Buffy had taught him that. So he just worked his way up to the entrance of the warehouse, ignoring the girls as far as that was possible when surrounded by a group of very deadly individuals.

Pausing outside the door, he listened carefully. He didn't hear anything, but before he could share this information, Leslie kicked the door in.

Thankfully, the building was empty, other than rats.

"Don't you ever do that again!" he snapped at Leslie.

"But, Mr. Har-" she started.

"If they'd been in here, they could have staked Spike before we could get to them. Like I told Kristin, if you're not here to save him, then you can just go home."

He looked at the girls and sighed. All of them looked upset and angry, and he reminded himself that not one of them was older than eighteen.

"Okay, look. Do any of you have any idea who I am?"

Tanya spoke up. "You're Xander Harris and you used to work with Buffy when she was the only Slayer. According to Mr. Giles, you retired even though they wanted you to work with some of the younger slayers - he said that you have the biggest heart he's ever seen, and that's after years of working under unimaginable circumstances."

Xander blushed. "Giles said that?" he muttered. Then he cleared his throat. "Well, I did work with Buffy for seven years, and on my own for a few years after that. And one thing you learn is that when you're outnumbered, sometimes you have to be subtle, especially if you don't want your target dead."

"We don't kill people, so that narrows our options. We need to make sure that Spike is okay, and that narrows them further. We go slamming in there like an onrushing army, and what's the first thing they do? Kristin?"

The girl snapped to something resembling attention. "They kill Spike."

"Right. Then what do they do? Joann?"

"Um…"

Xander sighed and leaned back against the wall. God, his ribs were killing him. "These are military guys. With guns. What do they do after they kill Spike?"

"They start shooting at us."

"Very good. What that means is that I'm dead in seconds. You guys might survive for a few minutes, but if they manage to take you down alive, you'll be in their hands. Given what they did to Spike, what do you think they'd do to you?"

Now the anger turned to fear and more importantly, thoughtfulness. "Right. So, since we're outnumbered and fighting under restrictions, what do we do?"

Tanya spoke up. "We find a back way and go in quietly."

Xander grinned. Tanya was the slayer from Seattle. "You work by yourself, don't you?"

She grinned back at him. "Yep, when I can slip my watcher."

"You ever meet Buffy? You remind me of her."

Tanya blushed and kicked at the concrete floor.

"Okay, girls. Let's go to the next location and remember, we find a back way and go in quietly, like Tanya said."

Going back to the car, everyone piled in together and Xander consulted his list. It was a warehouse downtown, and Xander wondered. It was in the middle of the highest concentration of people left in the city, and that seemed too unlikely to him. Reviewing the list, he decided that he was going to reorder them. Picking one that was farther out, he went straight there.

Pulling up a half block away, all of them got out of the car. The girls seemed to decide without words to put Leslie at the back this time, and Tanya at the front. When they got to the back door, she listened for a moment and then tilted her head at them, indicating that they should back off.

Moving back, she whispered. "I heard laughter - sounded like a group of men."

Xander looked around. There were no windows at the ground level, but there was one up on the second story. "You girls think you can figure out a way to get up there and take a look inside?"

The girls whispered together for a moment, then built a pyramid, with Joann - the lightest and smallest of the girls - on the top. She peeked in the window, and then grimaced, looking ill.

When they were back on the ground, Xander asked, "What did you see?"

"If it's not them, then they need to be stopped anyway. Group of men - maybe nine or ten - with one in the middle who looks like he's been beat up pretty badly."

Xander swallowed hard. If it was Spike, then they had to -

"Mr. Harris? You should know - he was naked and looked…"

Like he'd been raped was the unspoken part of that sentence.

Xander gave a tight nod. "You see a way in?" he whispered.

Joann nodded. "There's an office or something around the corner. Looks like it may have its own external entrance. They're whooping it up enough in there that they shouldn't hear it open."

The group circled the building, discovering that there wasn't a door but the office had an unlocked window - probably how the soldiers had gotten inside in the first place. The four girls slid inside silently, Leslie staying behind to help Xander get through. He was having trouble because his ribs were really starting to hurt - he suspected that instead of a few bruised ribs, one or two might have been broken.

The girls held a hastily whispered conference, then opened the office door a crack. One look nearly had Xander storming in there, because the bastards had Spike, and were shocking him and laughing as he convulsed.

There didn't seem to be a single inch of his body that wasn't covered in bruises, and from the blood, and the awkward way he was holding himself between convulsions, he'd clearly been raped as well. One of the bastards just then demanded to know what Spike's name was.

"Spike!"

As he was shocked again, Xander swallowed back tears. Even though Xander hadn't been able to stop the bastards from taking him, Spike was holding on to his most important lesson - his name.

The four girls slipped out of the room, and Xander counted to ten, then boldly walked out of the room and into the center of the men.

"You guys really think that I'd let you get away with this?"

Spike looked up, terrified. "Sir! Please, just go."

"You're mine, Spike, and I don't let my things go. Now come over here." Xander hated calling Spike a thing, but he needed everyone's attention locked on him, and Spike was the most likely to hear the girls who were even now sliding around to surround the men.

Spike looked shocked and scared, but he scuttled across the floor to kneel behind Xander. "What? We didn't beat you hard enough earlier?" One of the men growled.

Another held up the remote and pointed it at Spike. Before he could trigger it, though, several things happened. Xander turned and physically shoved Spike backwards, out of the circle of men, as Leslie threw a flying kick that hit the son of a bitch in the back of the head.

As Xander cursed and gasped from the pain in his ribs, the sounds of a huge fight erupted behind him. By the time, he could stand again, half the men were down and out, and the five still on their feet were busy fighting off girls who were both half their size and kicking their asses.

As soon as they were all down, Xander covered his pain and walked casually over to where the remote was lying on the floor. Stomping on it, he shattered it into pieces. Speaking to the two men who were still conscious, though one was clutching his own ribs and the other a broken arm, he said, "You ever come after me or mine again and next time you'll be dead. You got me?"

One of the guys nodded, and Xander faded back to where the girls had gathered around Spike. Nodding to them, Kristin helped Spike climb to his feet, wrapping his duster around him, and held him upright so that they could all back to the door.

As soon as they made it through, both Spike and Xander collapsed.

Part Eight

Xander woke up to Kristin slapping his face lightly and demanding that he open his eyes. "Spike!"

"Mr. Harris, he's gonna be fine, but none of us know where you live! We need you to at least wake up enough to give us directions."

"Oh… uh, give me a second and I can drive."

"Right. Not. If we didn't have Spike in the car the only place we'd be going is the hospital. You must be crazy if you think we're going to let you drive."

Grudgingly, Xander had to admit that she was right. The nagging pain in his chest had blossomed into an agony that no amount of denial was going to change from broken ribs, his head ached, and his whole body felt like it had been used as a punching bag - which it had.

He managed to turn his head enough to see Spike in the backseat, huddled in on himself. He tried to reach out to him, but he was just out of his reach. "Mr. Harris!"

"Oh, yeah." Xander tried to orient himself. "Turn right at the next light."

Gradually, he got them back on roads he recognized, and then back to his house.

When he tried to get out of the car, he was stopped by Kristin, who didn't say anything to him, just hooked her shoulder under his arm and forced him to lean on her. Joann had done the same for Spike, and together they made their way up to the door.

Once through, he finally managed to shake off Kristin and moved over to Spike, who stared at the floor. "Spike? Spike, I'm so proud of you. You did real good, baby."

Spike stayed silent, just flinching away when Xander tried to touch him.

Finally, Xander gave in Kristin's urgings and sat down on the couch. "Mr. Harris, do you have a first aid kit? Your ribs really need to be taped," Joann asked.

"Under the sink in the bathroom. Has anyone looked over Spike?"

"He won't let any of us touch him, Mr. Harris. We've tried."

Looking over, he caught Spike looking at him. "Spike, you'll let the girls look you over and treat your injuries or I'll turn you over my knee, regardless of how badly injured we are."

Spike started, and then nodded, a very small thing.

When Joann pulled the tape tight around his ribs, Xander nearly passed out, but watching to make sure that Spike obeyed made him fight to stay conscious.

Spike's injuries were extensive - bruises, holy water and cross burns, an arm that looked like it had been dislocated, and a broken ankle that somehow he'd managed to walk on.

Kristin and Leslie worked together to treat the worst of the injuries, but both were obviously reluctant to examine Spike's private areas, not that Xander could blame them.

Xander burned with a white hot anger at every new injury they uncovered. This wasn't any sort of training - this was punishment that had him as the direct cause. Had one of the soldiers been in front of him right that second, he would have killed him with his bare hands.

So as to minimize everyone's discomfort, he asked them to help Spike get to the master bedroom, with him hobbling after. He would examine and treat those injuries himself, and he did, wishing that for once he could bring himself to kill a human.

Not that the soldiers qualified anymore as far as Xander was concerned. The damage done to Spike was awful - his cock and balls severely bruised, his ass torn and bleeding. Unfortunately, none of it was anything he could do anything about. Spike would just have to heal on his own.

Xander tucked Spike up in bed with him, forcing him to accept Xander touching and petting as much as he felt able to. He needed Spike to know that it didn't matter what those bastards had done - he still cared for and loved him.

It took a week for Spike to recover physically from his injuries. When he was finally allowed to get out of bed, he refused to speak to anyone. If Xander or any of the girls looked at him he dropped to his knees, staring at the floor intently.

Xander wanted to fix it, but he had no idea of what to do. Even if he did, teenage slayers surrounded them plus Xander was still too injured to do more that limp between the bed and the bathroom.

Finally, though, the pain in his ribs eased up enough that he could breathe without wanting to whine at the nearest person, and he set about trying to ease Spike.

"Spike?"

He was kneeling in the bedroom, focused on the floor. When Xander spoke, he barely moved, only a minute shifting giving away that he'd heard. "Spike, can you come up here, please?"

He crawled closer to the side of the bed, but didn't come up. When Xander petted the bed again, Spike lifted his head and spoke for the first time in days.

"Sir, you don't have to… I know that you can't want to be near me anymore and while I thank you for letting me have the time to heal, you can send me away now if you want."

"I told you to come up here, Spike. You know I'm not used to being disobeyed." Xander didn't want to take advantage of Spike's training, but he also was tired of Spike thinking he was going to be sent away at any time. "You're not being sent away, and if you say that one more time I'm going to… well, I don't know what I'm going to do but you won't like it, I can guarantee that."

Slowly, Spike came up over the side of the bed and sat in a huddle just out of Xander's easy reach. Carefully leaning forward, he grabbed Spike's arm and tugged till he finally came close enough for Xander to wrap himself around Spike's body. He was stiff and unyielding at first, but when Xander hissed at the pain in ribs, Spike finally unwound enough to let himself be moved.

"Now, you want to tell me what this is all about? Are you mad because I couldn't protect you?"

Spike looked at him, shocked. "No! But I let myself be taken and… used by them, and I don't know why you'd want to touch me after that. I know I wouldn't want to." The tone of his voice was filled with self disgust, so obviously hating himself that Xander's heart twisted.

Xander pulled him in tighter. "Spike, there wasn't anything you could do to stop them, not with that god damned chip in your head. And if you'd tried to fight them anyway, they'd either have hurt you worse or just staked you outright."

Spike shook his head desperately. "I should have let them stake me - should have found a way to make them stake me - before I let them rape me again."

Taking Spike by the chin, Xander made him look in his face. "Spike? I've beaten you with a belt till you bled, fucked you every time I felt like it, pushed you to your knees and taken your mouth. Refused to let you come, done what some people would call torture. I'm no better than they are."

"No! Everything you've done - I've always known that you see me. You've never done anything that I didn't want you to do!"

"Don't punish yourself for surviving, then, baby. I want you with me and if I ever get my hands on those bastards again I'll kill them."

"No, you won't." Spike looked oddly determined. "They're human - I'm not. Don't cross your one line for me."

Xander sighed. "Okay, baby. But you need to know that, human or not, you're worth a million of them, right?"

Burying his face in Xander's shoulder, Spike shook for a long time. As he finally started to calm, Xander kissed him softly. "You're mine, baby. The only way that you're going to be taken from me is for you to decide - with no outside influences - that you don't want to be at my side anymore. And even then, you're going to have to fight me tooth and nail to get me to let go of your leg, got it?"

There might have been the tiniest bit of a smile tugging at the corners of Spike's mouth. "Even if I try to cook dinner again?"

"God forbid!" Xander exclaimed, since the one time Spike had tried, the fire department had nearly had to be called. "Even then. Though I would prefer to eat my food blackened because of seasonings, not because of the way you cooked it."

There was one thing that Xander had meant to do for a long time and this seemed the right time to do it. Opening the nightstand, he pulled out a pair of scissors. Encouraging Spike to bow his head, he carefully slid one part under the collar that he still wore. It took some doing, but eventually he managed to cut through the thick leather.

When he was done, he took the collar and put it in Spike's hand. "You're free, baby. Nobody can make you do anything that you don't want to."

Some of the tension had drained out of Spike, and Xander couldn't help but smile. "Come lie down with me, baby. I've missed sleeping with you."

Spike actually shook his head. "Your ribs aren't healed yet."

Privately hiding his exultation over the argument, as small as it was, Xander settled it by lying down without letting go of Spike, perforce pulling him along unless Spike wanted to take a chance on hurting him, which of course he didn't.

They cuddled together for a long time, breaths mingling and limbs tangled. Eventually, Xander's body showed the effect of being in that close of contact with Spike, but rather than make him feel pressured to do something he might not be ready for, Xander tried to shift backwards, only to be followed closely by Spike.

Spike, for his part, moved forward, apparently wanting no space between the two of them. Finally, he rolled onto his back and pulling Xander into the cradle of his hips. "Want you…"

Xander groaned, wanting nothing more than to bury himself inside Spike's body, but knowing that just because Spike said it didn't mean that he meant it.

"Don't have to, baby. Can just hold each other for a while…"

Spike wiggled determinately under him, legs spreading even wider. "Want you to make me think of you when I think of sex… not them. None of them. Please?"

Oh, fuck. Spike knew just what to say to make it impossible to say no. "Want you, too, but… can you ride me? Don't think a lot of thrusting would be very good for my ribs right now."

Spike nodded, then moved so fast that Xander could barely feel it as he was flipped over and stripped so skillfully that his ribs never even protested. A few more seconds and Spike was naked as well, and crouching over him.

For long minutes they kissed, losing themselves in each other's mouths. They were so involved, in fact, that they didn't hear the door snick open and didn't realize that they had an audience till there was a small, "Oh, my," from the open doorway.

Spike buried his face back in Xander's neck, while Xander looked over to see Joann at the door. "Um, hi. Could you possibly…"

She blushed hard, but said, "You have a visitor, Mr. Harris."

"Damn. Uh… who is it?"

"A Reverend Irwin…" Joann was now staring fixedly at the wall across from her.

"Shit. Tell him I'll be down in a few minutes." He returned his attention to Spike as the door shut and the girl fled. "Baby - pick this up in a little while?"

Spike chuckled, a warm, rich sound. "Yeah. Maybe we should wait till the baby slayers are in bed, though."

"Gee, you think?" And then both of them were sorting out whose clothes were whose, and dressing quickly. Xander was dressed first and made his way carefully down the hall to the living room where he could hear the girls chattering away.

The older man sat in the living room, smiling benignly at the girls who fluttered around him like birds. When his eyes caught sight of Xander, he smiled even wider. "There you are, son. I wanted to check and see if you were recovered from the other night. I'm sorry if I picked a bad time."

"No, it's fine, Reverend. I'm pretty banged up, but I'm fine. Thank you for trying to help, though."

"Just following a good example, so- " The Reverend stopped speaking suddenly, his mouth hanging open. Xander glanced over his shoulder to see Spike standing in the door, his face frozen. "Spike? You okay?"

"John?"

"William! I didn't think I'd see you again!"

And then the two met in the middle of the room, hugging and pounding each other on the back, while Xander sat by, confused.

Ten minutes later, Xander still sat, no less confused. "So, let me see if I have this straight. When things went all to hell, you were operating as a sort of waystation, trying to get demons and vampires out of the country?"

Reverend Irwin nodded. "Yes. William was one of the last that I tried to help - the fact that he was taken was a big reason that I stopped, in fact. I'd obviously been compromised."

"The part that confuses me is that I can't understand why a minister would be helping at all. I mean, I know that Spike isn't evil anymore, but that doesn't apply to most vampires or demons."

The minister smiled softly. "Judge not, lest ye be judged. As long as they were willing to obey my rules under my roof, I did what I could to help them. And now you know my secret - what I was doing was very, very illegal, and if you tell anyone I could still be arrested even if I'm not doing it anymore."

Xander looked at Spike. He'd tried to help him, even if he'd failed. "I won't say anything. You can count on that." Then he looked at the slayers, who were also looking interested and quiet for the first time in days. "You girls won't say anything, either, will you?"

A chorus of "No, sir" was raised. Reverend Irwin clearly relaxed further.

"You know, enough time has elapsed that they're probably not watching me anymore, William. If you want, I could still get you out of the country."

Xander's first impulse was to forbid it. If Spike left the country, it would be with him, not by himself to god knew where. But he squelched it, knowing that it wasn't fair to Spike. If he wanted to go, then Xander wasn't going to stop him. He just hadn't expected Spike to be given the option to get away from him so soon.

If Spike chose to go, Xander couldn't blame him after everything he'd suffered at the military's hands. But like he'd said earlier, he'd let him go. Might take a crowbar to dislodge him, though.

But Spike just smiled and moved so he was sitting at Xander's feet. "No, I think I'll keep trying here. Worst case, we have an offer to move to Britain that we could take if we need to."

Gaze sharpening, Reverend Irwin looked between the two of them. "Of course. If you change your mind, Xander has my card," was all he said, though.

Xander was relieved - he'd been afraid that it would turn into a much bigger issue, because Spike was making it very clear that he was putting himself second to Xander. And if he were to admit the truth, it would be smarter for them to leave before something else happened. But this was Xander's home, and he couldn't imagine leaving it.

As if Spike could hear his thoughts, he rested his head against Xander's knee briefly, giving him a wordless reassurance that he wasn't leaving. Running his fingers through Spike's hair in silent gratitude, he turned his attention back to the minister, who was rising to his feet.

"Well, son, it's good to see that you're in good hands," he said to Xander, with a mischievous grin to the slayers. "I'm sure these lovely young ladies keep you hopping."

Regardless of what he'd done to help Spike, Xander wasn't willing to give away the girls' secret. "Yes, they do. But they're good kids."

Reverend Irwin nodded, as if that was the answer he was expecting. Spike got up and showed the man out.

By the time he got back, the four girls had scattered to the four winds, leaving just the two of them alone in the living room. "You think that was deliberate?" Xander asked.

"Yep. Our girls are pretty damn smart, and Joann knows what she interrupted. But they also know - we should talk, sir."

Xander sighed. "Sir" was never good - it always meant that Spike was stressed and reverting to comfortable patterns. He'd never fully regained his memories of Xander from before, and he didn't always remember that Xander hated being called Sir when he was stressed. "Spike, we can talk about anything you want. But please, please call me Xander, okay?"

"Right. Sorry." Spike leaned into his legs, quiet for a moment. Then, without preamble, he said, "You know they're going to keep coming after me."

Resting his head on the back of the sofa, Xander nodded. "Yeah, I know. And next time they won't stop to play. They'll just stake you. If I was smart, I'd send you out with the minister and tell you not to look back."

Spike turned and looked at him. "I wouldn't go unless you ordered me to. You're the only thing keeping the nightmare that the world has become at bay, and I won't leave you."

Part of Xander's heart constricted at that. "Okay, so what do we do?" Well, that was what he meant to say, but he yawned in the middle.

Laughing, Spike stood up. "Well, for right now, you go back to bed. We've bought ourselves some time, anyway."

When they got back to the room, though, Xander pulled Spike down on top of himself. Spike smiled and braced himself on his arms to keep his weight off of Xander's chest. "Something you want?"

Xander pulled Spike's head down so that he could kiss him. When they finally broke apart, Xander grinned and spread his own legs. "Yeah. I want you inside of me."

Spike looked shocked. "No, si - Xander. I can't do that."

Sighing in frustration, Xander hooked his legs around Spike's hips and pulled him down so that he could grind up. "Yes, you can. You've told me over and over that you'll do anything I tell you to. Well, I'm telling you to fuck me - slide your cock inside me and wipe both of our minds of anything but how good it feels to fuck."

Spike whimpered, burying his face in Xander's neck. "Come on, baby. You know you want it." Swallowing back the groan from the pain of his ribs, Xander arched his back and felt Spike's hardness against his. "You're hard and wanting and I'm asking. In a second, I'm going to be begging."

Xander could feel it when Spike stopped fighting it, and then fell upon his mouth hungrily. Their bodies rocking together, breathing getting faster. "Please, Spike. Need it so bad… need to feel you inside me… want it, love it, please…"

With a groan, Spike pulled back and started to strip himself while Xander watched with hungry eyes. When he was fully naked, he paused. "I'm not going to change my mind, Spike. I want you so badly I ache."

Gently, Spike helped undress Xander, and then picked up the lube in hands that shook. Slicking his fingers, he stared deep into Xander's eyes as he slowly slid them behind his balls, pressing one to his entrance.

"Yesss…" Xander hissed, arching his back.

Xander fought to keep his eyes open, to let Spike see the pleasure there. As he was breached slowly, though, his eyes fell shut. Spike's finger moved slowly, too slowly, but Xander was already pressing him for this, he wasn't going to push any harder, so he let Spike take it at his own pace.

One finger became two, and then three. As he was slowly stretched, Xander made no secret of the pleasure he was feeling, wanting Spike to know that he was loving every second of it.

Finally though, Spike asked, "Are you sure, Xander?" as his fingers slowed to a stop. Xander forced his eyes open and looked into Spike's face, with its too large, confused eyes.

"I'm sure, baby. Want you inside of me. Wanna feel it, please?"

As Spike slid his fingers out, Xander spread his legs even wider, mutely begging that Spike hurry. He knelt up, and then there was a broad pressure against Xander's ass. Lifting one leg to rest it against Spike's shoulder, he fought the urge to beg out loud for faster and harder.

Finally, Spike pressed hard enough to breach Xander, sliding all the way in on one smooth stroke. "Yes, yes, yes, yes," chanted Xander as Spike started to move, pressing on his prostate every time he moved.

One of Spike's hands was wrapped around his cock, as he held himself up with the other. The look on his face was best described as bliss mixed with fear, and his eyes never wavered from Xander's.

The pleasure building in Xander was so intense that he could have cried. "God, Spike, feels so fucking good - love it, love it, love you…"

Spike's rhythm stuttered and stopped as he froze. Xander realized then what he'd said. "Yes… love you… please, please don't stop…"

"I… love you too…" Spike whispered, and resumed moving. Each stroke brought Xander closer to coming, and when Spike's hand tightened slightly, that was all it took. Crying out, he came hard, pumping up into the tight fist.

Spike started begging, "Please, oh, please… Sir, please!"

"Now, Spike… now, for god's sake!" Spike's body formed a perfect bow, as he pumped fast and hard into Xander's body.

Finally, Spike collapsed and then rolled off Xander with an apology. Xander murmured, "It's okay, baby," and pulled him close. Curling his body around Spike's smaller one, they both drifted off to sleep.

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