And Now For Something Completely Different
by
Saber ShadowKitten
33 Swim Lessons
Friday, September 1, 2000
Thursday bled into Friday with little conversation between the men, but with a comfortable quiet
that came from spending inordinate amounts of time together on the road. They didn't need to fill
the silence with meaningless chatter. They were content to sit side-by-side and listen to the world
turn.
Friday was blisteringly hot and, after lathering up heavily with sunscreen, Xander ducked into the
always-cool Pacific ocean with a sigh. He was glad such a big body of water couldn't conduct the
electricity coursing through him in a way that would cause any damage to the marine life, and his
own messed up system protected himself from electrocution. He floated for awhile, far enough out
that the cresting waves didn't disturb him. He let his thoughts drift like his body on the water, not
concentrating on any one thing.
Eventually, he uprighted himself and, careful not to lose his sunglasses, swam towards shore, his
powerful strokes easily eating the distance the ocean had carried him. When he touched bottom, he
stood and walked toward Spike, who was sitting in a few inches of water and looking out over the
ocean, a white figure against the white sand and white surf, as if someone forgot to color in the
world.
Xander flopped into the sand beside the blond, sending up a small spray of water. "Did you eat like
I told you to?"
"Yes," Spike replied. He gave Xander a sidelong glance. "You shouldn't go out so far."
"In the water?" Xander said. "Why not? I can swim."
"I can't."
Surprised, Xander said, "But you're old."
"And you're ugly," Spike countered flatly.
Xander rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. "I meant -- comma -- that you've been around for a
long while. It's just surprising that you didn't learn how to swim."
"Killing was more my idea of fun, Xander, not splashing around in a giant kiddie pool," Spike said
pointedly.
"Okay. Yeah. I can see that." Xander tentatively put his hand on Spike's wrist and, once he was
sure he wasn't going to electrocute the vampire, stood and tugged Spike to his feet. "C'mon, I'll
teach you the basics."
The blond resisted Xander pulling him further into the ocean. "Why? I've got on this long without
knowing how t'swim."
"But you never know, we might go on a cruise on board a ship called the Titanic, and we saw how
that movie ended," Xander said.
"I somehow doubt that," Spike said, still resisting.
Xander gave him a suddenly understanding look. "Spike, are you afraid of the water?"
"No!" Spike glared at Xander, but shortly wilted under Xander's continued stare. "I'm, uh, just not
too fond of the undertow."
Xander grinned knowingly. "All the more reason to learn how to swim. In case you ever fall into
the undertow."
Spike's glare returned, but he allowed Xander to pull him into the ocean. Xander's hold on the
vampire's wrist became Spike's death-grip on Xander's hand somewhere between the ocean's foam
caressing their feet and where they'd stopped in the waist-high salt water. Xander was highly
amused, though he tried not to let it show. A vampire afraid of the water -- correction, the
undertow -- was a novelty in Xander's book.
"Doesn't the water feel good?" Xander asked, dipping slightly into the cool water.
"It's wet," Spike said, his voice tight.
Spike's hand trembled in Xander's, and Xander immediately felt badly. He wanted to teach the
blond to swim, not terrify him. It took a lot of trust for Spike to even allow Xander to drag him into
the water when he was clearly afraid, and violating that trust would be not very nice. As much as
Xander didn't like the vampire, he would never purposely terrorize Spike, not after the loyalty
Spike had shown over time.
"I won't let go, Spike," Xander said, his tone quiet and serious.
Spike looked at Xander a moment, nodded, and slowly exhaled the breath he didn't need but held
anyway. "What do you want me to do?"
"Get wetter," Xander replied, lightly splashing the vampire with his free hand. He received a glare
and a face full of water in response.
Laughing, the impromptu swim lesson got underway. Not once did Xander break his word, keeping
a hand on Spike at all times while they were in the water. Xander taught Spike emergency floating
once he managed to convince the blond to put his face in the water.
Breaking only to reapply sunscreen every so often, they stayed in the water the rest of the hot afternoon.
34 Undertow
Friday, September 1, 2000
"Well, well, well, looky here," drawled a tall, bulked-up male to his similar-looking friends. "We
found ourselves a couple of fags polluting our beach."
Spike looked at the four men standing on the beach as he and Xander emerged from the ocean. In
warning to play along, he felt Xander squeeze his hand -- the boy had not let go, as promised,
allowing Spike to somewhat overcome his fear of the... undertow.
"Fags, huh?" Xander scratched his chin with his other hand and glanced unconcernedly at Spike. "I
guess I'm one of those from time to time. What about you?"
"When I have an itch," Spike confirmed. Xander was taunting the four gay-bashing jocks, which
took balls, considering he and Spike were both naked and holding hands. Spike was impressed.
"Your kind make me sick," the jock spat. His friends nodded and punched their fists in agreement.
"Then this should make you puke up your mama's juices," Xander said in an exaggerated western
drawl.
Then, Spike was suddenly being kissed.
Xander used their clasped hands to pull Spike around, snagged the back of the blond's hair with his
other hand, and crushed their mouths together. Spike hadn't expected it, and he was frozen in shock,
eyes wide, as his brain tried to process the fact that Xander was kissing him. Xander. Was.
Kissing. Him. And that wasn't all that was happening.
White-blue bands of electricity began to wrap around them both, forming a cocoon of visible energy.
Spike could feel the bands tingling, but no more than what he normally felt when Xander "pushed"
electricity under Spike's skin. Spike could see that Xander's eyes were open, too, and glowing
brilliant white behind his sunglasses, their mirrored surface doing little to hide the glow. And
although he couldn't see it, Spike could feel tiny bolts of electricity dancing between their mouths as
the kiss went on and on.
If this was what happened every time Xander kissed someone, Spike would have puckered up long
ago.
Before the electric cocoon had fully formed, Xander was abruptly ripped away and flung to the sand
by one of the jocks. Spike blinked dumbly, wondering what just happened, and found himself flying
awkwardly through the air. The jocks were not human, he mentally noted before belly-flopping on
the ocean's surface.
He squealed like a girl, sucking in an oceanful of water as the undertow pulled him beneath the
surface. Panicking, Spike flailed his arms and legs as he was tumbled end over end by the strong
undercurrent. Xander's lessons went right out of his head. He was going to be sucked out to sea,
forever lost, dying from starvation in a weightless, black world. Unless he got lucky and a shark
thought a vampire would make a tasty meal.
Spike felt himself being pulled further and further from shore, and his last rational thought was, that at least he'd gotten one hell of a goodbye kiss.
35 Fishing
Friday, September 1, 2000
It took Xander less than five minutes to deal with the four non-humans. He didn't know, or care,
what species they really were, all sizzled flesh smelled the same. Still, what little time it took was
too much, for Spike had not resurfaced after being thrown into the waves.
Xander knew what panic did to a person pulled under water, whether they were excellent swimmers
or not. Spike's fear of the "undertow" would do nothing to aid him in remembering even the
simplest lessons Xander had taught earlier in the day: relax and let the water take you where it
wanted, for it would spit you out on the surface shortly.
Now, it was all Xander could do not to panic himself as he searched the water for Spike. Although
how does one find a bright white body in a bright white body of water? If Spike was like a normal
vampire, Xander may have had a chance of spotting his black body due to the dead electro-molecules that comprised it. But Spike was enhanced with fully charged electro-molecules, making
him look solid white to Xander while giving him the ability to play in the sun.
"Spike!" Xander called, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify his voice. "Spike! Where
are you?!"
There had to be a way to use his unwanted powers to find Spike, Xander thought. Shocking the
ocean wouldn't do anything other than possibly deep fry the creatures in it, including the vampire.
He'd already established that he couldn't locate Spike by sight. Blindly searching by touch was a
waste of time, considering Spike was lost in an ocean, and there was no answer when he called.
"Think, Xander, think," Xander muttered to himself as he paced the small stretch of beach. "How
can I find him? How does an electrically charged man pull another electrically charged man out of
the drink?"
Xander came up with an idea that probably wouldn't work, but he'd try anyway. He closed his eyes
and concentrated on reversing the electro-molecular polarity of his body, as he'd done while he was
kissing Spike.
Bands of electricity flowed from Xander's body, a physical manifestation of his wild powers. The
blue-white tendrils slid into the water like serpents, searching to wrap around their prey. The
tendrils were controlled mentally by Xander, like the bracelets he would sometimes create around
Spike's wrist. Unlike the visible lightning bolts, which were electro-molecules lighting up in a set
pattern, the bands of electricity came from within Xander's body and were attracted to the most
densely packed electro-molecular object, like a magnet. In this case: Spike.
That was the theory anyway. With Xander's luck, he'd probably pull in a whale.
Xander felt a tug on his electric fishing line, and he made himself stay focused and guide his fish to
shore. He knelt, glowing eyes closed behind his sunglasses, and put his hands, palms up, on the
sand. Something cold, wet, and very still settled on his hands.
Xander opened his eyes. "Shit." The brunette stared down at the lifeless body in front of him as the
bands of electricity began to form a protective visible barrier around them both. Xander pressed his
fingers against Spike's neck, searching for a pulse, then realized what he was doing.
"Vampire, moron," he cursed himself. Spike's features were slack, and Xander wondered if he'd
drowned, which would be odd since vampires didn't breathe. Still, since Xander hadn't any idea
what else to do, he started CPR. After tilting Spike's head back and pinching his nose, Xander
sealed his lips over the soggy blond's and blew twice, ignoring the tiny lightening bolts dancing
between their mouths. Then, Xander crossed his hands over Spike's unbeating heart, centered his
weight, and performed ten compressions. His hands glowed blue-white as he did so, and he knew he
was shocking Spike's heart like a pair of emergency medical shock paddles.
Xander was thinking desperately for something else to try after four more cycles, when Spike
suddenly surged to life, vomiting up blood and seawater. "Oh, thank God," Xander breathed,
turning the blond on his side as he continued to spit up the gallons of ocean he'd swallowed.
Spike began coughing hard, curling his arms around his waist, the side of his face becoming coated
with white sand. Xander rubbed small circles on the other man's back, murmuring comforting
nonsense words.
When Spike's coughing turned into uncontrolled crying, Xander gathered the blond to him and held tight. "You're okay, Spike... you're safe... I've got you...," Xander cooed softly. "I've got you... you're okay..."
36 Heartbeat
Friday, September 1, 2000
There was a loud pounding in his ears, and Spike could barely hear Xander beneath the sound. He
clung like a limpet to the brunette, his face buried against Xander's neck, sobbing like a little boy.
He knew he should stop crying before his reputation was a total wash, but he just couldn't seem to
do it. He guessed he had reason to cry, one of his few fears had been actualized, but somehow
Xander had saved him from becoming a permanent addition to Davy Jones' locker.
Eventually -- most likely, hours later -- Spike calmed down. The pounding, however, was still
loud in his ears and it felt like his heart was going to explode from his chest, which made no sense
since his heart didn't beat.
Or did it?
Spike pulled away from Xander only far enough to press his hand over his chest. Tear-swollen eyes
grew huge, and he scrabbled for Xander's hand to press against his chest, too. "Do you feel that?"
Spike asked.
"Wow. Yeah." Xander grinned sheepishly. "Oops."
"Oops? What, oops?" Spike said quickly.
"I may have, kind of, jump-started your heart while doing CPR," Xander said. "So: oops."
Spike blinked owlishly. "Does this mean I'm human again?"
"No," Xander replied with a shake of his head. "It means you're a vampire who now happens to
have a heartbeat. In my various studies," he slid into a fake German professor voice, "I haf
conclooded that ze human body -- vich you possess -- has organs vich verk independently from
each uzzer, although conjuctively."
Spike was confused. "What?"
"Your heart can beat on its own without the other organs in your body functioning," Xander
explained. "A vampire's bloodstream is controlled by the demon inhabiting your brain. Now, it'll
also flow because of your beating heart, though oxygenation of the blood cells will not take place."
"Um, right. Okay." Spike was more befuddled than ever. He wrapped his arms around Xander's
waist, tucked his face in Xander's neck again, and closed his eyes, all of which were done without
thought.
Xander's arms came around Spike, one hand resting on his lower back, the other brushing over his
wet hair. "You're safe now, Spike," the brunette said. "No worries."
"Thanks," Spike murmured, nuzzling closer. "Just give me a minute, eh?"
"Take all the time you need," Xander replied softly. "I won't let go."
37 Deja Vu
Chicago World's Fair, 1933
"Don't let go," Spike instructed the brown-haired child clinging to his back. "It's a long way down
if you fall."
The little boy whimpered and held on tighter. Spike adjusted his own hold on the wooden support
beams, and began the journey to the ground.
The Ferris Wheel had closed at sunset, but the operators must have failed to check the seats before
shutting the amusement ride down. Spike had climbed the wheel on a whim, wanting to see the
electric lights that decorated the fair, while Drusilla played on her own.
Spike had found the boy asleep in the highest cart. If Spike hadn't gorged himself earlier on fair
attendees, he'd have gleefully drained the child as a midnight snack. The only reason the young one
hadn't been used in a gravity experiment was because he'd opened his eyes and focused the dark
chocolate orbs on Spike.
Spike had a sense of deja vu and an even stronger feeling to take care of the boy. He should have
questioned his sanity when he'd told the child to climb on his back, but instead he simply climbed
down the Ferris Wheel.
"Don't let go," Spike said again, still piggy-backing the dark-haired child. Spike walked through
the late crowd towards the Administration building, where the police were stationed. He entered the
building through the fancy glass doors and bypassed the complaining persons in the main hall,
who'd had their pockets picked.
"Hey," Spike greeted the harried uniformed man behind a tall oak bench. "You got a lost-n-found
for tykes?"
"William!" a deep voice boomed, causing Spike to spin on his heel. "William Alexander!"
"I'm gonna get a whuppin'," the boy on Spike's back mumbled in his ear.
A barrel of a man rushed over to Spike, his long legs eating the distance quickly. His dark brown
hair stood out every which way, a testimony to worried fingers being dragged through it. Rich
chocolate eyes that matched the boy's reflected anger, fear, and relief.
"William Alexander, where have you been?" the man almost-yelled with a thick English accent.
"Found the sprog on the Ferris Wheel," Spike told him, passing the child to the man, who was
obviously the boy's father. "He was sleeping."
"You had me scared to death, William." The father hugged his son tightly. "You're not going to sit
for a week, I'm going to tan you so hard. I thought you'd been nicked. I'm so bloody angry with
you. Are you hurt?"
Wondering what had gotten into him, Spike went to leave before the family reunion made him sick.
The relieved father stopped him by laying a large hand on his shoulder. "How can I thank you?" the
man asked.
Spike shrugged him off. "None needed." He continued on his way, but his step faltered when he
heard the man speaking to the desk officer.
"I'm Alexander Spike Harris. I reported my child as missing. He's found now."
Next
Index
