This was very hard for me to write. I don't know why, really, since I am a big believer in marriage and everything it signifies. This was written for [info] mirasol and I hope that you enjoy it, sweetie. It is very much out of style for me. Seriously. Well, actually this is very not serious. But I really liked it, and so I had to post it. Hope you all can forgive me!

Snogs and snuggles for [info] kyrieane, [info] wolfshark and [info] eatenbyweasels. Love you all!

Disclaimer: These pretty toys are not for me. They play only for Joss.

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Written for the Slash Wedding Ficathon for [info] mirasol, who requested either Spike/Xander (preferred) or Spike/Angel, Spike writing a poem as his vows, Willow, Clem, no upset Buffy, and no jealous exes. This turned a bit silly, and I apologize.

Big hugs and thanks go to [info] eatenbyweasels who so graciously lent her talents to Spike’s wedding sonnet!

Wedding Sonnet

Randy Sex Kitten

Spike watched as Xander rolled over, exposing his tanned abdomen to his hungry eyes. “Dammit, Xan! I’m a vampire, not made of stone!” He turned his chair so that he was no longer distracted by his lover’s body and tried to focus on what he was doing.

Xander moaned and shifted again, the blanket now dropping down to expose a line of hair that drew Spike’s attention down, down, down… He shook his head with a growl, collecting his paper and pen and stomping out of the room.

“Bloody pretty boy, flashing me with all that when I should be working. Pretending to be asleep!” The last words were shouted, but futile. Xander’s loud snores filtered down the hallway bringing out the truth of the matter.

Spike sat in an open window, staring off into the distance, forgetting what he was meant to be doing as he contemplated the night.

Xander opened the bedroom door and stretched. “Spike!” he called. Dropping his hand down, he began to scratch and shift his balls around, stopping in the middle of the hallway when he hit that spot and groaned.

After a moment, the sensation passed from pleasure to pain and he straightened, still searching for his love. “Spike?”

A thump from the attic drew his attention and Xander scrambled up the stairs. Spike lay spread-eagled in the middle of the floor, his hand wrapped tightly around a single sheet of paper. He was surrounded by shredded and balled up paper, his ink pen bleeding against his thigh. His flaccid cock was nestled against the opposite thigh, his hair mussed and soft.

Xander licked his lips and moved forward, carefully skirting the piles of crumpled paper, finally stopping at Spike’s feet. He dropped to his knees and reached out a hand to touch pale flesh. The doorbell thwarted him. A last longing look, and Xander was jogging back down the stairs, stopping off only to tug a pair of sweats over his nudity.

At the door he found Willow and Clem waiting to take over. Willow was responsible for insuring that Xander was pampered, petted and abstinent until the ceremony. Clem was there to insure that Xander remained sex-free. His job was to distract Spike.

Xander yawned and waved them in. “Spike’s in the attic,” he told Clem.

“Thanks!” A wave and Clem was off, seeking out the sleeping vampire.

Willow began to bounce and Xander settled in, waiting for babble mode to strike.


The yard was quiet and surprisingly bright. Flowers were draped over everything, the sweet scent of silver roses filtering through the air. Xander jumped when a cool hand grabbed his, and allowed himself to be dragged back inside.

Spike shifted uncomfortably and growled. “I can’t do this, Xan!”

Xander pulled him further away from the door and hissed, “Yes, you can! Willow has been planning this ever since you brought it up!”

“I know!” Spike shouted, quickly ducking his head when Xander frowned. “I know,” he whispered, “But I didn’t know I’d have to write anything! I was a bloody awful poet, love.” His voice became a whine and Xander laughed.

“Well, babe. This was your idea, and we will be going through with it. Suck it up.”

Spike stepped into Xander’s space and nipped at his lips as he spoke. “C’mon, love. Let’s just leave. We can run off to Aruba…”

Xander wrapped his arms around Spike’s shoulders. “No. I know that this is not what we wanted. I know that we had planned on just the moon and us, but Willow found out and this is what happens when Willow finds out stuff like this. Now stop.”

He tugged at Spike’s tie, straightening it before shoving him out before him, and slapping him on the ass. “We will have our own private, romantic moment later. Now go out there and do the social thing.”

Spike looked up at him pleadingly. “What’re you going to do?”

Xander grinned. “Hide in here.” He slammed the door shut, leaving Spike outside.

“Spike! There you are!” A red tornado picked him up and Spike was dragged through the crowd of well wishers that were filling the living room.

“Isn’t this bloody thing supposed to happen outside?” he asked under his breath as he smiled at the v’ngra demon that was leaning against the wall, slime trickling from under her bodice. “Xan is not going to be happy about that.” He nodded toward the puddle of bile that was covering the dining room floor.

“I know that!” Willow hissed out of a phony smile. “But they won’t go out until the ceremony! Hi!” She stepped away from Spike, reaching out to shake hands with a short, dark haired man. “Spike, you remember Jonathan?”

Spike stepped closer and shook Jonathan’s hand, looking around for someone that could save him. At last, Angel stepped out from the shadows and announced, “It’s time.”

The crowd began to murmur and move.

“If you could all step outside please?” Angel caught Spike’s eye and grinned. Spike rolled his eyes and moved over to stand at Angel’s side.

“Did you tell him yet?” Angel whispered.

“No, when was I supposed to do that?”

“Sometime before the wedding maybe?”

“Yeah, right.”

They continued to guide the guests out of the house, helping them find seats. Once everyone was outside, Angel moved to the front of the crowd, clearing his throat for attention.

“Hello, everyone. As you all know, we are gathered here tonight to join William the Bloody,” Angel indicated Spike with a wave of his hand, “and Alexander Harris.” His other hand waved towards the house.

The crowd turned as one and watched as Xander and Willow strode down the aisle. Willow placed Xander’s hand in Spike’s and stepped away, tears filling her eyes.

Angel smiled down at them. “Xander and Spike have decided to write their own vows.”

“Not bloody likely,” Spike muttered under his breath.

“Xander?” Angel prompted.

Xander looked at Spike and smiled.

“Spike, William the Bloody,
I take you to be my mate,
my love for ever and ever.”

Spike continued to look at him expectantly so Xander added, “I’m done.”

Spike scowled and opened his mouth to speak, earning a pinch from Angel. “Spike?” he prompted.

Spike dug through his pockets, pulling out a crinkled sheet of paper and sighed deeply.

“A good job, Xander LaVelle Harris, that

With all my undead heart - and other bits

I love you, cos I feel a proper prat

Announcing it, in front of all these gits.

I take you as my lawful wedded human

To have and hold and cherish is my vow.

Get a move on, Rev! I’ve booked a room an’

Wanna do the having bit right now!

I swear - (Can’t we just get on with the bedding?)

Here, in the sight of God - who *won’t* be thrilled

At undead poofters getting a church wedding.

I won’t have all your friends and family killed.

Giles did explain that Vampire Lore requires

We have to share our humans with our Sires……?”

Spike looked sheepishly at Xander as Xander spun to stare at an evilly smirking Angel. “And with that, I now pronounce you vampire and mate.”

The End

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