Chapter 1

Chapter 1"Taylor where are you going?" a ten-year-old Zac asked his older brother.

"No where Zac, don't worry about." he said going out the front door completely disregarding his younger brother.

"Can I come with you?" he asked as he followed him down the Hanson family driveway.

"No! How many times do I have to, your not cool enough to hang out with me and my friends anymore." he was agitated and it was completely obvious that he wish Zac would just leave him alone.

"I could be cool if you would just give me a chance," he begged. Taylor turned around and glared at his small brother.

"Zac just go home, you'll never be cool enough. Besides, I really just don’t want you to come," he said in a harsh, heartless tone, obviously having no regard for Zac's feelings. Zac just put his head down and watched Taylor walk away never looking back at him.

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He felt there eyes on his body. He felt violated again, even in this mixed up dimension of fantasies and realities. He felt the same violation that had felt during the actual incident. It was as intense as it ever was, as it always was. "I want you to say exactly what I say and I promise it wont hurt you." a chilled voice said in his ear, making his blood run like the frozen depths of the Arctic.

"Please, don’t hurt me...." a voice so small, so tiny, so innocent trailed off, begging.

"Just do as I say and I wont." he felt the chapped, dry hands touch him and his body convulsed with vileness and fear. He remembers the panic flowing through his veins. He could hear his pleads but it was like it wasn’t coming from him, it was something he was hearing, witnessing but couldn’t stop. Then suddenly he felt the cold ground, he felt the pressure on top of him.

"Taylor please...." he sobbed, "Taylor please help me!" he screamed. He fought he pushed.... he wasn't gonna be hurt.... "STOPPPPPPP!"

He opened his eyes......


Zac
I threw my eyes opening as if I was still there. I thought I would find his eyes looking at me from a distance.... but he wasn't, they weren't there. "Zac?" her soft voice whispered in my ear.

There was that hint of alarm in her voice. The one that’s always there after my nightmares or memories I would rather forget, as I prefer to call them. "Yeah, Jo." I said back, not turning to look at her.

Its hard to look at her in the eye, she doesn't understand. She wouldn't understand. "Are you ok? You... you were yelling in your sleep again..." she touched my hair running her small delicate fingers through it.

I wanted to turn to her and tell her. Wanted to look her in the eye and relive that memory... all the memories, but I couldn’t. I could never tell her. What if she didn't understand? What if she didn't except me? What would I do without her? "I'm fine honey. It was just another one of those stupid dreams I have about being shipwrecked on that island." I lied to her. I never lie to her except about this. I have no other option.

She is always so good about this never pushing me to say more then I say. She is just there for me in any way I need her. "Oh ok Zac." I turned to look at her.

Those large strikingly blue eyes were dancing under the moonlight coming in from the window. The color blue of her eyes makes Taylor's look pale. I ran my finger through the dark hair caressing her face. I loved her, I've always loved her. "Don't worry about it Jo Bear," she smiled.

It always made her smile. "I just want to make sure you ok." "Hey, when am I not ok?" she laughed.

She was beautiful when she laughed. I looked over at the clock, four thirty. I sighed. I knew it would be a while before I could sleep again... it always is. I sat up and pulled the covers of my body and quickly reached for a pair of my pajama pants on the floor. "Baby, where are you going?" she asked sitting up covering her bare top with the sheet as if I had never seen her topless before.

"I'm gonna stay up for a while. I'm never able to sleep after those dreams, you know that." I stood up and was walking towards the bedroom door.

I heard the bed move behind me. She was standing at the edge of the bed with her robe wrapped tightly around her body. "Jo Bear what are you doing?"

"Going with you."

"It's early, you really should sleep." I told her.

"I couldn't sleep in this bed without you. Your up so I’m up." she came up next to me and took my hand. Its not as if we hadn't had this converstaion a million times before, but we always have to have it, "Should I get scattagories this time or yahtzee?"

"Scattagories.... I can always beat you at that game early in the morning." I joked. It always took her a little while for her brain to function completely.

"Oh it's on Mr." she said going to get the game from my shelf. I don’t know what I would do with out her.


Isaac

I was sitting on the stool with my acoustic guitar in the studio working on a couple tunes I've had in my head. I was trying to concentrate so I could get all my ideas and thoughts out. 'I'm already there, take a look around...' my ringer sang. I hated it, but she loved that song because it made her think of me. So I let her set it as her ringer. "Hey Babe." I said picking it up, thankful that no one was really around. Boy, do I get it for that song.

"Hi." Rachel said sounding very pirky into the phone, "What are you up?"

"Nothing. Just hanging out here in the studio. Just toying around with the guitar."

"Oh, I didn't catch at a bad time did I?"

"Nah, its fine Rey. Was nothing important, its just me. What's up?" I asked her while placing the guitar on the floor giving her my full attention.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that I was able to get the week-end off, so I will be on the train around six tonight. I can stay till Monday."

"Thats awesome.” I said excitedly, "So what time should I pick you up at the train station?" She sighed on the other end.

"You don't have to meet me there, Isaac. I can get on the subway and get to SoHo by myself." she was always trying to stop me from being so protective but I couldn’t help it. A young beatuiful girl in New York City sometimes isn't the most safe situation and I just want to make sure that she is as safe as possible.

"I know I don’t have to do it, but I want to. Besides, it makes me feel a little better when I know I'll be there." she sighed again only a little louder. She pretended that it annoyed her, but I knew she really liked it and she just didn't want to admit it to me.

"Fine.... So you'll meet me at the train station around seven fifteen?"

"Of course. I will be there waiting." I told her.

"Alright I’ll see you later."

"Bye Baby." I should have said I love you and lately I had really been getting that urge, but I just didn’t think that our relationship was ready for that step. It will be time when it feels right.


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I walked into the large room of the studio. Taylor and Zac were both sitting at their respectable instruments. Taylor looked peeved about something and Zac well, Zac just looked like he was annoyed at the world. "Zac it just doesn't sound right!" Taylor told him.

"I think it sounds perfectly fine Taylor." he snapped back.

All they ever do is fight and it gets under my skin so much, I really am so sick of it. I'm sick of the constant back and forth bull shit between the two of them. "Zac I'm just saying that the beat should go one, two, three and, and. and its sounds like your playing one, two, three, and, four, and." Taylor said deminstrating on invisable drums.

Zac huffed a little and then looked at him with a look of extreme disgust, "Yeah well if you think you can do the beat so much better, then why dont you become the friggin' drummer." he told him, "Actually, you just so wonderful at every fucking thing why don't you be the whole god damb band. What the hell do you need us for?" Zac said with sarcasm dripping off every syllabel, throwing his drums sticks down.

He leaned back and crossed his arms just waiting for Taylor to come back at him. I didn't like where this was going I never do. "Jesus Zac, what the hell is wrong with you. I'm just trying to point out what your doing wrong."

"No, your trying to point out that you think you can do it better." Zac said matter of factly.

"It's called constructive chritasism Zac!" Taylor's voice was raising, "If you can't even take it from me then, how do you expect to work with other artists? To ever be respected in this business?"

"Guys!" I said loudly. I saw the look on Zac's face when Taylor delivered that one and I knew this would be the time for me to break it up.

"Respect? How dare you talk to me about respect! You actually think your respected by your peers. They all see the same thing when they look at you, a wanna be Pretty Boy. Go join a fucking boy band you gay shit cause thats the only people in this business that have any degree of respect for you!" Zac was standing up point right at Taylor from over his drums.

Taylor stood up and had that look that he rarely gets in his eyes. I walked over between the two of them "Both you just shut-up! You guys are acting like assholes! How are old are the two of you again?" I was so friggin' annoyed, this was becoming so common and I could not explain why either of them would act like this.

"You know what Isaac, your right. This is childish. I'm acting on his level!" Zac said walking away from his drum set towards the door to the room. He grabbed his jacket and his keys that were thrown on the chair, "I'm going home." he walked out the door without another look. "Taylor what the hell was that all about?" I asked him shocked.

"I have no idea! All I did was tell him that I didn't think it sounded right and he got his panties all in a knot. Fucking asshole!" Taylor was staring at the door as if Zac was standing there and listening to everything he was saying.

"Tay...." I said, I hated having to play peace maker.

"No, don't you dare tell me that I don't have a right to say something!" I just sighed and sat down on the chair. What the hell was I gonna do... how could we be productive as a band if we had this going on.

"I'm just trying to help Taylor... I just want us to be cool, all of us!"

"Well we ain't cool as long as he is gonna be a little bastard. Ughhhh I need to go for a walk. I'll see you later Ike." he left me alone to massage my forehead. I felt a headache coming on.




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