Bad Stuff in the Good Book Part 2

or "More Verses They Never talk About in Sunday School"

These are some of the Bible verses that skeptics cite in questioning whether the Bible is really the word of God.  Are these valid criticisms?  Just the fact that the Bible contains some objectionable material or records some bad deeds shouldn't in of itself be reason for criticism.  Especially if the bad behavior is condemned by the Bible then that is not a valid criticism at all.  But what about when the objectionable material, the appalling behavior and commands, are committed by the heroes of the Bible?  What about when the bad deeds are done by God's chosen people, and there is absolutely no condemnation?  What about things that- if recorded in any other text but the Bible would be considered evil by virtually everyone- are supposedly commanded by God himself?

Here is a skeptical look at some of the worst parts of the Bible, the ones that for some reason they never read in Sunday school or church: 

The Verses:

Angry that their sister Dinah has been "violated", the sons of Biblical hero and patriarch Jacob kill all the men of a city after tricking them into being circumcised.  They then took their valuables, women, and children as plunder.

Now Dinah, ...  When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and violated her. His heart was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob, and he loved the girl and spoke tenderly to her. And Shechem said to his father Hamor, "Get me this girl as my wife."  When Jacob heard that his daughter Dinah had been defiled, his sons ...  They were filled with grief and fury, because Shechem had done a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob's daughter-a thing that should not be done. But Hamor said to them, "My son Shechem has his heart set on your daughter. Please give her to him as his wife. Intermarry with us; give us your daughters and take our daughters for yourselves.  You can settle among us; the land is open to you. Live in it, trade in it, and acquire property in it." Then Shechem said to Dinah's father and brothers, "Let me find favor in your eyes, and I will give you whatever you ask. Make the price for the bride and the gift I am to bring as great as you like, and I'll pay whatever you ask me. Only give me the girl as my wife." Because their sister Dinah had been defiled, Jacob's sons replied deceitfully as they spoke to Shechem and his father Hamor. They said to them, "We can't do such a thing; we can't give our sister to a man who is not circumcised. That would be a disgrace to us. We will give our consent to you on one condition only: that you become like us by circumcising all your males. Then we will give you our daughters and take your daughters for ourselves. We'll settle among you and become one people with you. But if you will not agree to be circumcised, we'll take our sister and go."  Their proposal seemed good to Hamor and his son Shechem. The young man, who was the most honored of all his father's household, lost no time in doing what they said, because he was delighted with Jacob's daughter. So Hamor and his son Shechem went to the gate of their city to speak to their fellow townsmen.  "These men are friendly toward us," they said. "Let them live in our land and trade in it; the land has plenty of room for them. We can marry their daughters and they can marry ours. But the men will consent to live with us as one people only on the condition that our males be circumcised, as they themselves are. Won't their livestock, their property and all their other animals become ours? So let us give our consent to them, and they will settle among us."  All the men who went out of the city gate agreed with Hamor and his son Shechem, and every male in the city was circumcised.  Three days later, while all of them were still in pain, two of Jacob's sons, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brothers, took their swords and attacked the unsuspecting city, killing every male. They put Hamor and his son Shechem to the sword and took Dinah from Shechem's house and left. The sons of Jacob came upon the dead bodies and looted the city where their sister had been defiled.  They seized their flocks and herds and donkeys and everything else of theirs in the city and out in the fields. They carried off all their wealth and all their women and children, taking as plunder everything in the houses.  Genesis 34:1-29

Shechem seems to have genuinely loved Dinah and wanted to do right by marrying her and paying the bride price.  Though he "violated" or "defiled" her, it doesn't seem that it was a case of rape.  And even if it were, if Jacob's sons had killed Shechem only in revenge, that might be justifiable.  But to kill ALL the men of the city?  In the next verse Jacob does condemn his sons' actions, but he appears to be motivated by self-interest and self-survival rather then any concern for justice.

Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, "You have brought trouble on me by making me a stench to the Canaanites and Perizzites, the people living in this land. We are few in number, and if they join forces against me and attack me, I and my household will be destroyed."  But they replied, "Should he have treated our sister like a prostitute?" Genesis 34:30-31

Doing work on the Sabbath day is a capital offense according to Yahweh, the god of the ancient Hebrews: 

For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD . Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death. Exodus 31:15

Moses assembled the whole Israelite community and said to them, "These are the things the LORD has commanded you to do: For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD . Whoever does any work on it must be put to death. Do not light a fire in any of your dwellings on the Sabbath day." Exodus 35: 1-3

If anyone has any doubt whether he meant it- this should settle it.  God tells Moses they are to stone a man to death merely for picking up sticks on the Sabbath:

While the Israelites were in the desert, a man was found gathering wood on the Sabbath day. Those who found him gathering wood brought him to Moses and Aaron and the whole assembly, and they kept him in custody, because it was not clear what should be done to him. Then the LORD said to Moses, "The man must die. The whole assembly must stone him outside the camp." So the assembly took him outside the camp and stoned him to death, as the LORD commanded Moses. Numbers 15:32-36

According to God, you could take a war captive as a wife if you find a good-looking one.  Women were nothing but part of the spoils of war.  Though I guess it could be viewed as prescribing more humane treatment for the captive.  Instead of  being outright raped per the standard practice of the time she would at least get a month to grieve first before being violated.  But still it doesn't seem too sympathetic to the poor girl who's just watched as her family was brutally killed and her village looted, pillaged, and burned, that she now has no choice but to marry one of the ones that did it!  Oh, that's right, its because her people were so evil worshipping false gods! 

When you go to war against your enemies and the LORD your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife. Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured. After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife. Deuteronomy 21: 10-13

Hey that's not bad, you get to take your pick of the captives.  Since God didn't seem to mind you having multiple wives back then, war must have been a pretty good way to build up a nice-sized harem of beautiful women- God said so!  And besides, if you got tired of her you could just let her go:

If you are not pleased with her, let her go wherever she wishes. You must not sell her or treat her as a slave, since you have dishonored her.  Deuteronomy 21:14

Here we see another case of keeping the girls for yourself as a spoil of war:

Are they not finding and dividing the spoils: a girl or two for each man... Judges 5:30

And of course there is the little episode with the Midianites that the skeptics are always whining about:

Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.  Numbers 31:17-18

Seeking refuge from God's people who had already killed all his troops, Sisera the commander of Canaanite army is deceived into staying at someone's house, only to be killed by having a tent peg driven through his temple.  The Bible says that this was the work of the Lord.  My, the Lord DOES work in mysterious ways!

Then Deborah said to Barak, "Go! This is the day the LORD has given Sisera into your hands. Has not the LORD gone ahead of you?" So Barak went down Mount Tabor, followed by ten thousand men....Jael went out to meet Sisera and said to him, "Come, my Lord , come right in. Don't be afraid." So he entered her tent, and she put a covering over him......But Jael, Heber's wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.  Judges 4: 14, 18, 21

Killing the Midianites yet again (boy, those Midianites must have REALLY been evil!), the Israelites bring the heads of two of the leaders to Gideon.  Hmm.... lovely..... Praise the Lord!

Israelites from Naphtali, Asher and all Manasseh were called out, and they pursued the Midianites. Gideon sent messengers throughout the hill country of Ephraim, saying, "Come down against the Midianites and seize the waters of the Jordan ahead of them as far as Beth Barah."  So all the men of Ephraim were called out and they took the waters of the Jordan as far as Beth Barah. They also captured two of the Midianite leaders, Oreb and Zeeb. They killed Oreb at the rock of Oreb, and Zeeb at the winepress of Zeeb. They pursued the Midianites and brought the heads of Oreb and Zeeb to Gideon, who was by the Jordan.  Judges 7: 23-25

Being filled with the "Holy Spirit" (apparently the Holy Spirit was called the "Spirit of the LORD" back in those days when Jesus was Yahweh), Samson has a temper tantrum and kills thirty men because someone solved his silly riddle:

Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of their belongings and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle. Burning with anger, he went up to his father's house. Judges 14:19

Filled with the Holy Spirit yet again, Samson kills more people (doesn't it seem that whenever the "Spirit of the Lord" came on someone in the Old Testament it was usually right before they went and killed a bunch of people?):

As he approached Lehi, the Philistines came toward him shouting. The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. The ropes on his arms became like charred flax, and the bindings dropped from his hands. Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men.  Judges 15:14-15

In what could be worthy inspiration for fanatical suicide bombers today, God answers Samson's prayer and gives him strength one last time so that he can "martyr" himself by taking down a temple on himself and three thousand people (hmmm, even MORE than died in the World Trade Center attack!).  Don't worry, I'm sure every one of those three thousand were evil and deserved it:

Now the temple was crowded with men and women; all the rulers of the Philistines were there, and on the roof were about three thousand men and women watching Samson perform. Then Samson prayed to the LORD , "O Sovereign LORD , remember me. O God, please strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes." Then Samson reached toward the two central pillars on which the temple stood. Bracing himself against them, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other, Samson said, "Let me die with the Philistines!" Then he pushed with all his might, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus he killed many more when he died than while he lived.  Judges 16: 27-30

Boy, don't try to look in on Yahweh when he's in his box, he gets really pissed! (maybe he was in a bad mood that day):

But God struck down some of the men of Beth Shemesh, putting seventy of them to death because they had looked into the ark of the LORD . The people mourned because of the heavy blow the LORD had dealt them, , and the men of Beth Shemesh asked, "Who can stand in the presence of the LORD , this holy God? To whom will the ark go up from here?" 1 Samuel 6:19-20

The local women sing praises to David, "a man after Yahweh's own heart" (Acts 13:22) because he has killed tens of thousands- very impressive.  Being outdone like this really irks Saul, who's only killed a measly thousands.

When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with tambourines and lutes. As they danced, they sang:

"Saul has slain his thousands,
and David his tens of thousands."

Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. "They have credited David with tens of thousands," he thought, "but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" 1 Samuel 18:6-8

In racking up his score card even more, David, the "man after Yahweh's own heart" kills a couple hundred more and uses their foreskins as a dowry:  (Lovely...... Yahweh DID seem to have a thing about foreskins, didn't he.)

David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins and presented the full number to the king so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.  1 Samuel 18:27

More wonderful deeds of David.  Executing prisoners of war by raffle. Even the horse aren't safe:

David also defeated the Moabites. He made them lie down on the ground and measured them off with a length of cord. Every two lengths of them were put to death, and the third length was allowed to live. So the Moabites became subject to David and brought tribute.  Moreover, David fought Hadadezer son of Rehob, king of Zobah, when he went to restore his control along the Euphrates River. David captured a thousand of his chariots, seven thousand charioteers and twenty thousand foot soldiers. He hamstrung all but a hundred of the chariot horses. 2 Samuel 8:2-4

Happiness is.................. SMASHING BABIES AGAINST ROCKS!! God says so!

O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,
happy is he who repays you
for what you have done to us-
he who seizes your infants
and dashes them against the rocks. Psalm 137:8-9

Is this really the word of God, who loves all children equally without making distinction between Jewish and Babylonian babies?  Or was it simply written by some angry Jewish person after the exile expressing his or her desire for revenge against the Babylonians, which apparently involved taking their babies and dashing them against the rocks?   

This is very interesting.  Yahweh kills one of his own prophets for listening to ANOTHER one of his prophets, who was lying to him.  I guess you just can't trust those prophets of Yahweh.

So the prophet said to him, "Come home with me and eat."  The man of God said, "I cannot turn back and go with you, nor can I eat bread or drink water with you in this place. I have been told by the word of the LORD : 'You must not eat bread or drink water there or return by the way you came.' "  The old prophet answered, "I too am a prophet, as you are. And an angel said to me by the word of the LORD : 'Bring him back with you to your house so that he may eat bread and drink water.' " (But he was lying to him.) So the man of God returned with him and ate and drank in his house.  While they were sitting at the table, the word of the LORD came to the old prophet who had brought him back. He cried out to the man of God who had come from Judah, "This is what the LORD says: 'You have defied the word of the LORD and have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you. You came back and ate bread and drank water in the place where he told you not to eat or drink. Therefore your body will not be buried in the tomb of your fathers.' "  When the man of God had finished eating and drinking, the prophet who had brought him back saddled his donkey for him. As he went on his way, a lion met him on the road and killed him, and his body was thrown down on the road, with both the donkey and the lion standing beside it.  1 Kings 13:15-24

Here is a charming little bit about 42 youths (the KJV says they were "little children") who were killed by God just for making fun of Elisha's bald head! (you wouldn't think a man of God would be so sensitive about such a trivial thing) Boy, don't mess with one of God's prophets!

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD . Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.  2 Kings 2:23-24

In all those arguments between the Yahweh worshippers and Baal worshippers over who's god was the REAL god, does the following give us a glimpse of how the arguments were REALLY settled- by the sword?  (just like most arguments over religion have been settled throughout history):

Now summon all the prophets of Baal, all his ministers and all his priests. See that no one is missing, because I am going to hold a great sacrifice for Baal. Anyone who fails to come will no longer live." But Jehu was acting deceptively in order to destroy the ministers of Baal.  Jehu said, "Call an assembly in honor of Baal." So they proclaimed it. Then he sent word throughout Israel, and all the ministers of Baal came; not one stayed away. They crowded into the temple of Baal until it was full from one end to the other. And Jehu said to the keeper of the wardrobe, "Bring robes for all the ministers of Baal." So he brought out robes for them.  Then Jehu and Jehonadab son of Recab went into the temple of Baal. Jehu said to the ministers of Baal, "Look around and see that no servants of the LORD are here with you-only ministers of Baal." So they went in to make sacrifices and burnt offerings. Now Jehu had posted eighty men outside with this warning: "If one of you lets any of the men I am placing in your hands escape, it will be your life for his life."  As soon as Jehu had finished making the burnt offering, he ordered the guards and officers: "Go in and kill them; let no one escape." So they cut them down with the sword. The guards and officers threw the bodies out and then entered the inner shrine of the temple of Baal. They brought the sacred stone out of the temple of Baal and burned it. They demolished the sacred stone of Baal and tore down the temple of Baal, and people have used it for a latrine to this day.  2 Kings 10:19-27

Here's another case of the Yahweh worshippers killing off the competition.  But this time, Yahweh himself said to do it.  At least that's what Ezekiel or whoever wrote this claimed, and I don't think there was anyone left who might have said otherwise!

Now the glory of the God of Israel went up from above the cherubim, where it had been, and moved to the threshold of the temple. Then the LORD called to the man clothed in linen who had the writing kit at his side and said to him, "Go throughout the city of Jerusalem and put a mark on the foreheads of those who grieve and lament over all the detestable things that are done in it."  As I listened, he said to the others, "Follow him through the city and kill, without showing pity or compassion. Slaughter old men, young men and maidens, women and children, but do not touch anyone who has the mark. Begin at my sanctuary." So they began with the elders who were in front of the temple.  Ezekiel 9:3-6

And here's yet another little ditty of Yahweh's worshippers killing off the competition.  But first, they have a little let's-see-who's-god-is-the-REAL-god contest.  Of course, the Yahweh worshippers win when he gives a wondrous sign by sending down fire to burn up their sacrifice.  At least that's what happened according to the Yahweh worshippers that wrote the story.  I guess there wasn't anybody to dispute it since all the Baal worshippers were promptly slaughtered:

Then Elijah said to them, "I am the only one of the LORD's prophets left, but Baal has four hundred and fifty prophets. Get two bulls for us. Let them choose one for themselves, and let them cut it into pieces and put it on the wood but not set fire to it. I will prepare the other bull and put it on the wood but not set fire to it. Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the LORD . The god who answers by fire-he is God."........ Then they called on the name of Baal from morning till noon. "O Baal, answer us!" they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they danced around the altar they had made.  At noon Elijah began to taunt them. "Shout louder!" he said. "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened." So they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed. Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice. But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention.  Then Elijah said to all the people, "Come here to me." They came to him, and he repaired the altar of the LORD , which was in ruins..... At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: "O LORD , God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O LORD , answer me, so these people will know that you, O LORD , are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again."  Then the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.  When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The LORD -he is God! The LORD -he is God!"  Then Elijah commanded them, "Seize the prophets of Baal. Don't let anyone get away!" They seized them, and Elijah had them brought down to the Kishon Valley and slaughtered there.  1 Kings 18:22-40

It says that all the people fell prostrate and cried "The LORD- he is God!".  Would that not have included ANY of the prophets of Baal?  Does it make any sense that after worshipping a non-existent god all their lives, a god who never answers, never appears, and suddenly they see with their own eyes such a wondrous, divine miracle from the REAL GOD OF THE UNIVERSE, that NONE of the 450 prophets wouldn't have also fallen prostrate and cried "The Lord- he is God!  Let us worship him also"?? I guess they weren't given much of a chance, were they?  And why is it that God didn't mind directly demonstrating his presence back then, but now he just doesn't do that?  Why can't believers today summon him to provide proof of his presence, just as was done back then?  "It doesn't work that way", they say, "he wants people to have faith", "he doesn't want to interfere with people's free will not to believe", they say. So today he stays hidden?  Surely he is a god?  Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling? Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened? But still there is no response, no one answers?  Hmm, maybe Baal stayed hidden back then because HE wanted people to have faith?

Somehow, throwing out your wife and YOUR VERY OWN CHILDREN, just because they are "foreign", that just doesn't seem to me to be very good "family values", the ones Christians are always talking about, which are supposed to be biblically based:

While Ezra was praying and confessing, weeping and throwing himself down before the house of God, a large crowd of Israelites-men, women and children-gathered around him. They too wept bitterly. Then Shecaniah son of Jehiel, one of the descendants of Elam, said to Ezra, "We have been unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women from the peoples around us. But in spite of this, there is still hope for Israel. Now let us make a covenant before our God to send away all these women and their children, in accordance with the counsel of my lord and of those who fear the commands of our God. Let it be done according to the Law..........Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, "You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel's guilt. Now make confession to the LORD , the God of your fathers, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives."......... Let our officials act for the whole assembly. Then let everyone in our towns who has married a foreign woman come at a set time, along with the elders and judges of each town, until the fierce anger of our God in this matter is turned away from us."  Ezra 10:1-14

Oh sure, I know... Its because these foreign women would entice the Jews into worshipping other gods.  Why, oh why was that always such a problem that the Jews/Israelites could be so easily influenced to worship false gods when THEY alone had the REAL god, the one who actually makes an appearance from time to time? (then, of course, but not now it seems)  Why wasn't the influence the other way around?

Here is a strange little bit.  It seems that after God had harped so much to Moses about everyone being circumcised, Moses neglected to do it to his own son.  This made God mad enough to kill Moses, and only an emergency circumcision by his wife saves him:

At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met {Moses} and was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son's foreskin and touched {Moses'} feet with it."Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me," she said. So the LORD let him alone. (At that time she said "bridegroom of blood," referring to circumcision.)  Exodus 4:24-26

God tells the Aaron to wear bells on his robe so that God will know not to kill him when he approaches the alter:

"The gold bells and the pomegranates are to alternate around the hem of the robe. Aaron must wear it when he ministers. The sound of the bells will be heard when he enters the Holy Place before the LORD and when he comes out, so that he will not die."  Exodus 28:34-35

Cursing one's parents is a capital offense, according to God:

Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.  Exodus 21:17

If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his own head.  Leviticus 20:9

God says to kill anyone who is a witch (KJV) or sorceresses- no "ifs", "ands", or "buts" about it.  He doesn't seem to say how to tell whether someone is or not.  With this simple statement, untold thousands of innocent women in history have suffered horrible deaths after being falsely accused of witchcraft.  Didn't God know that would happen when he gave that command?  If this only applied to the ancient Israelites and not to medieval Europe, then why didn't he say so?

Do not allow a sorceress to live.  Exodus 22:18 NIV Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Exodus 22:18 KJV

A man or woman who is a medium or spiritist among you must be put to death. You are to stone them; their blood will be on their own heads.  Leviticus 20:27

Believers are always claiming that America's laws are based on Judeo-Christian principles.  This is puzzling considering that in America there is freedom of religion, where the Bible says to kill those who worship different gods, or proselytize other religions: 

Whoever sacrifices to any god other than the LORD must be destroyed.  Exodus 22:20

If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, "Let us go and worship other gods" (gods that neither you nor your fathers have known, gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), do not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity. Do not spare him or shield him. You must certainly put him to death. Your hand must be the first in putting him to death, and then the hands of all the people.  Deuteronomy 13:6-9

In America we have freedom of expression also, while the Bible says to kill anyone who "blasphemies".  Of course "blasphemy" is in the eye of the beholder.  If you have the gall to express religious views that are different than mine, then you are spreading lies about God which is blasphemy, since naturally my views are the correct ones.  Untold thousands in history have been cruelly killed for heresy by believing Christians using such Biblical justification.  

Anyone who blasphemes the name of the LORD must be put to death. The entire assembly must stone him. Whether an alien or native-born, when he blasphemes the Name, he must be put to death.  Leviticus 24:16

The Bible says that if a man accuses his bride of not being a virgin then her parents have to furnish the "proof" in the form of bloody sheets.  If they cannot furnish the proof the girl is stoned to death!!:

If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," then the girl's father and mother shall bring proof that she was a virgin...... Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, and the elders shall take the man and punish him. They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver..........  If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death....Deuteronomy 22:13-21

No one who is emasculated or has his male organ cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD.  Deuteronomy 23:1 (NASB)

Hmm.... I wonder why all these churches who say they follow the Bible don't have penis checks before they let you go in.

No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the LORD; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the LORD. Deuteronomy 23:2 [A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD (KJV)].

My wife, who is a believing, church-going Christian, is of illegitimate birth since her natural father left her mother before my wife was born and they were never married.  So her church, which supposedly believes the Bible to be the word of God, shouldn't accept her OR my daughters. (Note: instead of "illegitimate birth", some verses translate it as "born of a forbidden marriage (a mixed marriage).  But that is no better, because someone still has no control over the circumstances of their birth, and that says God differentiates among people based on their ethnicity).

The Bible says to cut off a woman's hand without pity if she touches another man's privates while helping her husband in a fight: 

If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.  Deuteronomy 25:11-12

The Bible says that if a man suspect his wife of being unfaithful, she has to pass a test by drinking bitter water with dirt in it.  There seems to be no such test for a man:

... 'If a man's wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him by sleeping with another man..... and if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure-or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure- then he is to take his wife to the priest......Then he shall take some holy water in a clay jar and put some dust from the tabernacle floor into the water...... He shall have the woman drink the bitter water that brings a curse, and this water will enter her and cause bitter suffering. .... If she has defiled herself and been unfaithful to her husband, then when she is made to drink the water that brings a curse, it will go into her and cause bitter suffering; her abdomen will swell and her thigh waste away, and she will become accursed among her people....If, however, the woman has not defiled herself and is free from impurity, she will be cleared of guilt and will be able to have children.... The husband will be innocent of any wrongdoing, but the woman will bear the consequences of her sin.'   Numbers 5:11-31

A charming little assassination story- yet more killing for the Lord, Halleluiah!:

Again the Israelites cried out to the LORD , and he gave them a deliverer-Ehud, a left-handed man, the son of Gera the Benjamite. The Israelites sent him with tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a foot and a half long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing. He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab, who was a very fat man. After Ehud had presented the tribute, he sent on their way the men who had carried it.  At the idols near Gilgal he himself turned back and said, "I have a secret message for you, O king."  The king said, "Quiet!" And all his attendants left him.  Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his summer palace and said, "I have a message from God for you." As the king rose from his seat, Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king's belly.  Even the handle sank in after the blade, which came out his back. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it.  Judges 3:15-22

Still even MORE killing for the Lord:

Jehu said, "Come with me and see my zeal for the LORD ." Then he had him ride along in his chariot.  When Jehu came to Samaria, he killed all who were left there of Ahab's family; he destroyed them, according to the word of the LORD spoken to Elijah.  2 Kings 10:16-17

Thomas Paine said " The two books of Kings... are little more than a history of assassinations, treachery, and wars... Scarcely half their kings died a natural death, and in some instances whole families were destroyed to secure possession to the successor, who, after a few years, and sometimes only a few months, or less, shared the same fate.. "  Hmmm, I wonder what he could have meant?  Let's see:

King Solomon has a couple of rivals to the throne assassinated, one of which was his very own brother:

So King Solomon gave orders to Benaiah son of Jehoiada, and he struck down Adonijah and he died. 1 Kings 2:25

Then the king gave the order to Benaiah son of Jehoiada, and he went out and struck Shimei down and killed him. The kingdom was now firmly established in Solomon's hands. 1 Kings 2:46

A few more assassinations by God's people:

Baasha killed Nadab in the third year of Asa king of Judah and succeeded him as king. 1 Kings 15:28

Zimri came in, struck him down and killed him in the twenty-seventh year of Asa king of Judah. Then he succeeded him as king. 1 Kings 16:10

Shallum son of Jabesh conspired against Zechariah. He attacked him in front of the people, assassinated him and succeeded him as king...  Then Menahem son of Gadi went from Tirzah up to Samaria. He attacked Shallum son of Jabesh in Samaria, assassinated him and succeeded him as king....  One of his chief officers, Pekah son of Remaliah, conspired against him. Taking fifty men of Gilead with him, he assassinated Pekahiah, along with Argob and Arieh, in the citadel of the royal palace at Samaria. So Pekah killed Pekahiah and succeeded him as king"...  Then Hoshea son of Elah conspired against Pekah son of Remaliah. He attacked and assassinated him, and then succeeded him as king in the twentieth year of Jotham son of Uzziah. 2 Kings 15:10, 14, 25, 30

Amon's officials conspired against him and assassinated the king in his palace.  Then the people of the land killed all who had plotted against King Amon, and they made Josiah his son king in his place.  2 Kings 21:23-24

The Apologist's Defense:

The Elisha/bears incident:  The apologists defend this incident in a few ways:

• They weren't children but actually young men even up to 30 years old (they dispute the meaning of the word translated as youths/children, and say that the same word was used for Isaac at the time of his near-sacrifice, and he was obviously a young man).
• Elisha was about the same age/not much older.
• They weren't just harmlessly teasing Elisha. They were mocking, jeering, and scoffing at a man of God, which was tantamount to a public insult of God himself.  They would have known he was a man of God since he had just finished performing a miracle by healing Jericho's well water (2 Kings 2:19-22). 
• In telling Elisha to "go on up" they weren't just telling him to go away, but as a prophet of God that meant to die and go up to God.
• The 42 may not have actually been killed but only mauled or torn by the bears.
• It was God, not Elisha that caused the bears to maul/kill the youths.  This was a judgment from God on unbelievers.
• The apologists portray the incident as basically a  viscous hoard of hoodlums terrorizing the area and directly confronting and threatening a noble man of God.  The Christian Think Tank says this was part of a "mass demonstration", a "direct confrontation between the forces of Baal and a prophet of Yahweh".... "It was a situation of serious public danger, quite as grave as the large youth gangs that roam the ghetto sections of our modern American cities. If these young hoodlums were ranging about in packs of fifty or more, derisive towards respectable adults and ready to mock even a well-known man of God, there is no telling what violence they might have inflicted..."

My take on it:

Sure, there are lots of good parts in the Bible, those are the parts that people always talk about, but they never talk about these.  Just because a man called Jesus came along a few hundred years later and talked about love- does that erase what's in there?  Jesus did refute some of those commands, but then why did Jesus give them in the first place?  (since Jesus is supposed to be God)  To again quote Thomas Paine: " People in general know not what wickedness there is in this pretended word of God. Brought up in habits of superstition, they take it for granted that the Bible is true, and that it is good; they permit themselves not to doubt of it, and they carry the ideas they form of the benevolence of the Almighty to the book which they have been taught to believe was written by his authority."

The Elisha/bears incident: 

• Regarding the age of the "youths".  I don't have the knowledge or the time to research what the original Hebrew meant.  But this is how it is translated in some of the different Bible versions:

  NIV	"youths"
  NASB	"young kids"
  KJV	"little children"
  NKJV	"youths"
  ASV	"young kids"
  YLT	"little youths"
  ESV	"small boys"

So here we have the apologists claiming that they know more than all the scores of (believing) scholars that did the various translations.  But anyway, while it would be worse if they indeed were "little children" or "small boys", its not much better even if they were older youths or teens.  But to say that someone up to 30 years old would have been considered/called a "youth" in a time when people usually didn't live much past their 40s is ridiculous. Note: I have since discovered a page by Ebon, who refutes the Christian Think Tank in claiming that "na'ar", the word used for "children" actually meant young men.  Ebon says: "Note how it says "one of these words" was used to describe people who were not young children. That is correct; the Hebrew noun na'ar is used in the quoted verses, and by itself, clearly means a male between childhood and young adulthood. But what about the other word, the adjective - qatan?  The word translated as "little" in the KJV version of this passage is the Hebrew qatan, meaning "young" or "small". Genesis 22:12, which is used to refer Isaac at the time of the sacrifice, does not use this word. Genesis 37:2, which describes Joseph at 17, does not use it either. Nor does 1 Kings 20:14, which describes men of fighting age. All these verses use only one of the words, na'ar, that was used to describe the children who mocked Elisha; they do not use qatan."  (see here for Ebon's essay)

• Regarding the age of Elisha, I have confirmed from the Biblical text that he did live forty-something years after the incident, so he indeed would have been relatively young at the time.  But I don't really see how its all that relevant.
• The rest of the apologist's arguments just seem to be a desperate attempt to "put a spin" on the story to make it as favorable as possible for Elisha.  Their depiction of the event as a vicious gang of thugs accosting a gentle and noble man of God is just not supported by those two little verses.  To get all of that out of so little text takes a lot of imagination, speculation, and wishful thinking.
• Regarding the argument that they would have know he was a man of God/prophet of Yahweh because he had just healed the water well:  The water incident took place at Jericho, while the bears incident took place somewhere along the way to Bethel.  So how were these "youths" supposed to know that this miracle had just taken place several miles away?  Was there a news report on the radio?  And even if there was enough time for them to have heard about it through word of mouth, would such a second-hand report been that spectacular?  It seems that miracles were pretty common back in ancient times, and there were lots of guys roaming around Israel back then claiming to be prophets of Yahweh, or Baal, or various other deities.
• Regarding the apologist's claim that the youths saying to "go on up" didn't mean to get out of there but to "die and go up to heaven" : The only prophet to have actually been taken up to heaven was Elijah, and that happened immediately preceding this bears incident, in the same chapter.  In fact, the chapter mentions that Elijah and Elisha were in the company of fifty other prophets.  So I think its a stretch to claim that going up to heaven was so typical for prophets in those days that telling a prophet to "go on up" was tantamount to threatening his life.

But hey, that's just my take on it.  What do I know?

POINT/COUNTER-POINT

Essays generally on the subject of Bible atrocities and questionable commands.

Bad Stuff in the Good Book Part 3

Note: I originally put this stuff from Genesis into Part 2.  But after adding in all the later stuff, this just didn't seem so bad anymore, so I thought about deleting it.  Instead, I decided to put it here at the end and call it "Part 3". 

Noah gets drunk and is seen rolling around naked by his son Ham.  When Noah finds out, he curses Ham's son Canaan (and seemingly his descendants), when Canaan wasn't even there.  

Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness.  When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, he said,

"Cursed be Canaan!
The lowest of slaves
will he be to his brothers."

He also said,

"Blessed be the LORD , the God of Shem!
May Canaan be the slave of Shem.
May God extend the territory of Japheth ;
may Japheth live in the tents of Shem,
and may Canaan be his slave."
Genesis 19:20-27

To me, this seems to be attempt by the Hebrews to explain and justify the slavery of the Canaanites, with Canaan taken to be the progenitor of the Canaanites see here.

Then there is the much-discussed case of Lot offering his two virgin daughters to a mob to be gang-raped:

Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom-both young and old-surrounded the house. They called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them."  Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said, "No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof."  Genesis 19:4-8

Note: The Bible says that Lot is righteous:

and if he rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the filthy lives of lawless men (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard)  2 Peter 2:7-8

I think what this story might be trying to show is that Lot's devotion to God was so strong that he was willing to sacrifice his daughters in order to protect the angels- in ancient times this might have been seen as commendable.  And if he'd offered to lay down his own life to protect them, or even offered his own rear end to the mob, then that indeed it would be commendable.  But considering that the very FIRST thing that crossed Lot's mind was to offer his daughters to the mob seems rather appalling.  If I were in that situation, to offer my daughters to be gang-raped not only would it NOT be the first thing to cross my mind, it wouldn't even cross my mind at all!  But I suppose I'm just not righteous, I guess.

Bible incest: Sex between Lot and his daughters:

One day the older daughter said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth. Let's get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father."  That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and lay with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.  The next day the older daughter said to the younger, "Last night I lay with my father. Let's get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and lie with him so we can preserve our family line through our father." So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went and lay with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.  So both of Lot's daughters became pregnant by their father.  Genesis 19:31-36

There seems to be some attempt to absolve Lot of guilt by making him so drunk that he was "not aware".  But simple biology requires that a man have at least some interest in the ahem... "matter", or things won't work, will they?  What this actually seems to be is a put-down to the Israelites enemies/rivals, the Moabites and Ammonites, to show that their progenitors were bastards born of incest:

So both of Lot's daughters became pregnant by their father. The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab; he is the father of the Moabites of today. The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites of today. Genesis19:36-38

Note: these Bible verses (unless otherwise noted) are from the New International Version

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

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