this is a secret blog.... that none of my friends actually knew of..... it's only in here, i can tell my inner most feelings.....

i decided to leave Calvin.... think it's the best for both of us..... i don't wanna drag anymore.....

i'm not sure.... not sure of my future nowadays.... i want to fulfill my dreams.... but yet i'm so afraid. i'm really quite tired of all this.... i'm tired.... i really want to escape to a place where there's no trouble, no worries. just simply relax and laid back, with nothing to think, nothing to worry. don't know what i'm talking.... sigh.... just simply tired of my situation now.....

Blue feeling.... moody.....
Mood:  blue
damn moody today..... i'm so lost now.... i hate what Calvin is doing to me.... he's such a jerk to make me feel so guilty. hate it so much~~!!!! after being around him this few days, make me realize that i'm not ready to be in a relationship... not even dating.... slowly, i discover.... that i'm actually looking for someone like Kelvin.... i really miss Kelvin so much.... Kelvin is so perfect in my eyes that i can't seem to be able to forget him.... my memories with him is so deep in me that i can never forget. who can be like him? so caring and loving? a very detailed person he is..... it's only after my break up with him that i realize how much i truly love him..... love... it's a very strong word for a relationship which started out to be a short term open relationship. it's a game that doesn't not allow any party to fall in love..... i think i do really love him..... if not for the fact that i 1st get to know Ernest that jerk. sigh.... just feel that i'm more suitable to be single for the time being.....