FADE IN:

EXT. SEMI-ORWELLIAN SOCIETY, ZORRO-STYLE - SYMBOLIC DARK STREET

A HUMAN WITH A COMICAL MASK is exacting vengeance on EVIL AGENTS OF SURVEILLANCE, rescuing NATALIE PORTMAN in the process.

NATALIE PORTMAN

I'm confused; am I supposed to be reasonably afraid after witnessing how you, like a complete nutcase, TOTALLY tore people up, or should I just make fun of your funny outfit?

HUGO WEAVING (OR HIS STUNT)

I sense great potential in your abnormal personality, so observe when I commit an act of terrorism.

He TOTALLY DOES.

EXT. SEMI-ORWELLIAN SOCIETY, TRUMAN-STYLE - EVERYWHERE

HUGO WEAVING (OR HIS STUNT)'S TAPE is TOTALLY played throughout LONDON despite CENSORSHIP; the bored MOVIE AUDIENCE instantly reacts to HUGO'S THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND RIDICULOUSLY ARTICULATED SPEECH.

IMPRESSIONABLE MOVIE AUDIENCE

Please notice how very distinct each and one of us is to each other, even though our reactions are almost exactly the same. It's a good thing that different people have such a unified opinion on something so controversial.

Consequently, they from now on never stop watching TELEVISIONS, because TELEVISIONS are their only path to REALITY.

int. tv station

Meanwhile, IMCOMPETENT COPS are trying to find HUGO in FOG.

COPS

Stupid fog...should've brought basic cop equipment...

Suddenly, HUGO TOTALLY SHREDS DOOMED CHARACTERS. He then again rescues NATALIE, who just happens to be on sight.

INT. HUGO'S SECRET HIDEOUT

HUGO WEAVING (OR HIS STUNT)

I will now exhibit a humorously bizarre degree of benign comicalness to show that behind my creepy mask of a killing machine I'm in fact a really sweet and innocent nice guy. With knives. And stolen books that I will never read.

NATALIE PORTMAN

Then I should just ask mean questions about your motives and approaches, because Director James McTeigue needs someone to ask the questions the audience wants to ask.

She does this.

HUGO WEAVING (OR HIS STUNT)

Now that I have reasons to suspect your loyalty, I will trust you completely so that you can turn your back on me.

EXT. SEMI-ORWELLIAN SOCIETY, MATRIX-STYLE - EVERYWHERE

HUGO goes around and TOTALLY assassinates NUMEROUS DESPICABLE PEOPLE. FLASHBACKS interrupt ever so often to rationalize his absurd philosophy of CAUSALITY and narrate for the INSANELY DENSE PLOT.

HUGO WEAVING (OR HIS STUNT)

It's fortunate that our Surveillance Government is so fucking Self-serving, otherwise the argument against it will be too in-depth.

He then murders DOCTOR SINÉAD CUSACK, who isn't as despicable.

NATALIE PORTMAN

You judge her by her actions instead of her intentions?

HUGO WEAVING (OR HIS STUNT)

Just for the sake of diversity, I, like Sinéad, also justify my means with my end, as the case in which I strive for the greater good by mercilessly slaughtering employees who, just to make a living, work in government buildings.

He rips up more people, makes NATALIE BALD, documents about himself, and TOTALLY EXACTS EXTREME VENGEANCE ON WORTHLESS ASSHOLE TIM PIGOTT-SMITH. NATALIE proceeds to exact vengeance on ENGLISH ARCHITECTURE and blows up PARLIAMENT.

EXT. SEMI-ORWELLIAN SOCIETY, CGI-STYLE - GRAND-SCALE SYMBOLISM

IMPRESSIONABLE MOVIE AUDIENCE

Anarchy! Anarchy! Down with the good-for-nothing Government, because human history doesn't repeatedly prove that tyranny can actually originate from chaos that can be caused by anarchy!

They run off to wear HUGO'S COMICAL MASKS.

NATALIE PORTMAN

Hugo and his stunts are truly in everybody.

To symbolize this, IMPRESSIONABLE MOVIE AUDIENCE takes off their MASKS to reveal DIRECTOR JAMES MCTEIGUE, WRITERS ANDY & LARRY WACHOWSKI and ALL THE CHARACTERS THAT ARE DEAD EXCEPT THOSE KILLED BY HUGO. This is so CONFUSINGLY IN-DEPTH that the REAL AUDIENCE continues to gawk in their seats even after the credits begin to roll.

REAL AUDIENCE

That's it? What happened? I feel like my brain has been pulled out, shoved against the wall, stabbed in shower, drowned, tortured, poisoned, rolled in the rain, shot with holes, slashed to pieces, then squeezed back to my skull on a train full of dynamites.

They EXPLODE and blow up the THEATER, totally exacting vengeance on SELF-IMPORTANT PHILOSOPHICAL FILMS THAT DON'T MAKE MUCH SENSE AS LITERAL STORIES.

END