Not too often is there a school as unrelentingly
ridiculous as Otsego High School. I’m not too sure
about what goes on at most of the other schools in this
area, but I’m certain OHS would reign as supreme in the Kingdom of Asinine. The rules, attitude, and
execution are all over-the-top ridiculous. Hypocrisy
and egotism are a mainstay, education
takes backseat to sports, creativity is a sin, and
negativity is a plague. This "school" shapes us into
mindless drones who are drained of free thought
and leave with less than what they came in with, unless
you count a general hatred towards the world as any reward.
Let’s begin - vademecum.
Ideals
Our school has some of the most dumbfounded,
shallow rules and regulations in
existence. Instead of trying to understand and empathize us they instead are quick to cast upon their judgment and punish us for minuscule lapses of character. In reality, however, they too are at fault from time to time. What was that called?...Oh, right. That’s being human.
To those that make up the board of education at good ol’ OHS, finding downright stupid ways to make our daily school lives as annoying as can be is a pass time that they seem to enjoy quuuuite a bit. Hellbent, you may even say. “You’re late you say? Har har! A tardy this is called. Pretentious namesakes aside, if you get three of these, you’re subject to ridiculous punishment.” They say this verbatim in the handbook or planner or whatever the hell you call it. Look it up. They like to call it The Bible. Self-righteous bastards. Three tardies....wow. I was late my junior year 4 times in a semester. The first 3 I obtained I was rewarded with the very fair “campus beautification”. Where do they come up with these names? Why not call the “school” a facilitated education....facility, you douchebags? “Hey, I drove my gas operated movement machine today.” God forbid you call it a car. Anyways, campus beautification is basically a giant waste of time. I walked around with my designated spray bottle and handy-dandy roll of paper towel to wash windows. Instead I just walked around and listened to the very enlightening conversations of potheads that get this punishment so much that they are on friendly terms with the lady who is responsible for conducting it. If that isn’t the definition of the word “loser” then I don’t know what is. Maybe “someone that makes an entire website devoted to slandering their high school.” But that’s neither here nor there. It is over there, however, so I shall continue. So now we get to my fourth tardy. Gasp. I am a deviant aren’t I? Now instead of handling this with a mature attitude filled with reasoning and understanding, I am given a condescending attitude with a figurative “Fuck you”. I talked to our clearly-astrophysicist-major-in-college vice principal. He asks me why I was tardy “so many” times. So I explain to him that the roads have been bad and that my car has been trouble starting. This is obviously my fault. Every time you are late in the morning, they tell you that you should wake up earlier. How about we start later when it’s not -4 degrees in the morning? Wow, that would make sense. Anyways, I am (justly) rewarded with another punishment. One of grand jackassery. What a waste of time. I explain, he controls, I am gagged with a gnarled edumacated cock and sent on my little fucking way. My punishment: in-house suspension. In short, you sit in a little room all day with about 2 hours work and nothing else. You can’t sleep, talk, move around, or blink. As boredom consumes your mind and hatred fills your thoughts, the day creeps by as slowly as it possibly could. It was easily the most boring thing I have ever done. School in general is bad. It tops that. By ten, nay, twelve. Way to go, you elitist pricks. Make a dampened prison and call it good because you’re too damn lazy to listen. As opposed to doing your job that might require you to not be a lazy lump of shit, instead, you gotta play Tetris on your cell phone full of the numbers of people that despise who you are and what you stand for because you are and always will be a dull-headed boorish moron, right? Or is it the fact that you’ve realized your life failures and choose to take it out on people you feel superior to because you wear a suit and tie to work to hide the fact that you haven’t sustained an erection with a woman your age in over 4 years because you like to watch small children bathe? Either way, you suck. You’re the kind of people who sat during the entire length of The Simpsons Mr. X episode wondering who Mr. X actually was. I also find it funny how there are all those signs against apathy hanging all over the school when you’re the most apathetic of them all. Too lazy to listen, act, or even give a damn. Hypocrisy is never fun. Except for you guys, apparently. You can’t affect me though. I’m the opposite. I care so much that I took time out of my busy schedule to write about how much of a failure the whole system is. I rule.
You know what Satan thinks? He thinks that dying your hair is awesome. That must be why the never-ending wisdom of the school board chose to ban dying your hair an “unnatural color”, whatever the hell that means. Why is blue or green “unnatural?” Trees are green, the sky is blue. I wonder if the initials to Otsego School Board are an anagram for Ongoing Stupid Bitchery. Probably. They say that weird hair colors/ hair-dos are distractions. ...Umm, no. Who in their right mind sees pink hair and completely focuses all their attention on it? Maybe for like a minute, at most. “Hey, you dyed your hair. It’s silver. Coolbeans.” End of conversation, end of focus derailment. You know what’s really distracting? An unnecessary multi-million dollar building that hides the fact that there is something wrong with the structure, execution, and attitude of the school by making in like all shiny and purdy. All the new gizmos and shit are waaaay more distracting than someone’s fucking hair - it’s kind of there ALL THE TIME. Durrrr, what is thinking and going over our whole process and system of rules and regulations lest we look like ass-swabs?
One last thing I would like to elaborate on: the goddamn, anal forsaken, unholy ground known as our parking lot. Wow, what a pile of stupid, constantly bombarding us with balls of pure concentrated idiocy. I hate the parking lot. The old one we had was just fine. You didn’t have to wait 10 minutes to get in or our of it because of stupid parents that can’t read giant signs that say “Student Drop Off Area, Dipshit.” Instead, they choose to make their own rules. Way to inconvenience my day, prick. You know what might help? Multiple ways of getting into the damn thing. Sure there are two ways. Too bad they end of crossing each other before you get into the actual parking part of it. Genius move, you bigots. Not to mention that most of the brain devoid people at the school can’t figure out the very complex system of right away. I stop first, I go. You stop second, you wait. Gee, isn’t that great. It’s not hard. Hmm...break the system to get home .25 seconds faster or be less of a jackass and obey simple driving manners. The choices are overwhelming. Man, I hate everybody.
Errare humanum est
Sports
Football is the greatest, most important sport ever. Period. In fact, football is so great that it’s ok to spend ridiculous amounts of money that could otherwise be spent helping students learn on trivial things like new jerseys every year and unnecessary new stadium lights. Oh wait, it’s not ok. Nobody watches football. Get bent. Our team sucks anyways. Keep firing coaches though, Otsego, that’ll change everything. Idiots. It’s the people on the team, not the coach. Have you ever heard the attitude of most of the players that are on the team? It’s extremely negative and discouraging. Yet they still find it necessary to boast about being on the team. Yeah, that’s tough. Way to go, champ. Here’s a fact: you suck. Our team loses constancy. While they’re not being asscapes about it, they’re belittling others or getting STDs. I hate to stereotype, but the people on that goddamn team have acted exactly the same every year I’ve been here. Blatant negativity and dick-hole perspectives. Wonder how you lose, bigots.
Don’t let all the hate-talk of the football team wear you out. We’re just picking up the momentum; the Hate Train is still in full motion, baby. Choo, choo, bitches! Next stop, girls sports. I have nothing bad to say about them actually. They don’t hog up a shit load of attention, waste our time with stupid assemblies about how they won conference only held because they bitch and moan about it, and act like snobs. Nope, nothing to say at all. *cough* soccer n’ volleyball *cough* Sorry. It’s the bullshit. Gets me every time.
Most of the other sports are alright. They stay within their bounds financially and with their attitude(s).
Veni, Vidi, Dormivi.
By now you should realize that I’m not very serious about this whole writing thing going on here. I’ll even retract everything I’ve previously said in this writing right now. And by retract, I mean reaffirm. Let’s continue.
Merda taurorum animas conturbit
Grades
I'm not even going to bounce around with clever wordplay, grades are the cause of all that is demoralizing and evil. Grades are not about achieving and understanding, they're all about competition. You're Valedictorian? Congratulations! How does it feel? Good, I hope. Top of the class. Guess you can boast about it now. <----------This is the true meaning of grades: stupid, petty, insignificant competition. If grades did what they were intended for, our society wouldn't be a decaying void spiraling down into it's inevitable corruption.
Obviously, I'm not going to make such a bold remark without proper reasoning. If grades had a bearing on actual intelligence then shouldn’t we be able to grow and learn from our mistakes? When we get tests back how often do we get to correct mistakes? Instead we get red marks and a poor grade (if mistakes were made). No explanation, no learning. Only a sense of frustration and unnecessary stress. The people who get the best grades are usually those who try the hardest by spending a vast majority of their own time studying and doing homework. And when these same people prosper, they are rewarded while the others are left behind with a sense of inferiority. Why should we be forced to spend even more of our time when we spend over 1,000 hours a year in school when we forget most of what we learn? By the time you even study so much for a test that you can get a successful grade, you’re so focused on achieving a letter that helps begin the alphabet than knowing the material. Maybe if things were made interesting and we were rewarded for thinking abstractly, outside the box if you will, then school wouldn’t be such a tedious, mundane task that few get enjoyment from. Idle gossip seems to be a bigger deal than grades and the money we spend on sports is amazing. Maybe we could enforce the fun side of learning and spend more on learning material if we didn’t spend so much on new uniforms for the football team every year. I could be mistaken though, what better way to learn than do the same thing over and over? Read, listen, boredom, test, repeat - how unbearably exciting. Besides, by the time most of us reach high school, we have an idea of what we want to do career-wise down the road or, at least, what we’re interested in. Yet we still have required classes. Hmm...what for? If we’re not interested in the class then why should we be forced to take it? Going into zombie mode for a big chunk of the day gets old, and we should have a bigger list of classes to take and a lesser restraint on what classes we take. Our interests should come before the State’s idea of what qualifications they want for their mindless jobs. Thanks for shoving your hollow agenda down our throats and adding huge piles of stress to most of our lives.
I just find it stupid that we are encouraged to do well academically when it really isn’t stressed all that much. I mean, if grades had any indication of intelligence, wouldn’t grades be weighted? First subject: 4.0 student. Classes taken - Strength and Con (for the fourth time), Art I, Nutrition Ed, and Career Exploration. Second subject: 3.9 student. Classes taken - Calculus, A.P. Biology, A.P. Literature, and Psychology. Valedictorian? Subject 1 of course. They did have the higher GPA after all. *cough* Flawed system *cough*. This may not pertain to only OHS but most of definitely does. I am glad, however, that schools would rather reward us for wasting our time doing homework and studying endlessly for pointless tests rather than actually teaching us and aiding us in retaining that information. And as a side note I would like to make this observation of something that troubles me: some teachers will tell you that you must come in on your own time to talk to them about problems you have with the given subject. This is usually after they have ASSIGNED YOU HOMEWORK - something that requires you to use your own time. Not to mention helping students is IN THEIR JOB DESCRIPTION. I think I’ve proven myself here.
Non Gradus Anus Rodentum
Angryfied
We have some people within OHS that epitomize stupidity and all that it stands for.
Have you ever met a pessimist? Someone who always thinks everything will and does go wrong? Well, people here make pessimism look like happy-go-lucky smiley-grin dance time. They have taken pessimistic views, elevated them, and perfected this as an art. School is already bad enough with it’s swelling monotony, yet here people find in necessary to either treat gossip as a pass time or needless bitching as essential as breathing. I think the town itself has an aura of absolute negativity enveloping it. Everywhere you go in Otsego people seem to be pissed off at something - the weather, other pissed off-ers, the fact most pencils are yellow, that Nickelodeon no longer shows decent cartoons, whatever. I could even go so far as to blame the entirety of the content you’re reading on this very negativity. Hope you brought your swim suit. You can swim in it. I’ve been flipped off for the smallest things. Uh oh! I accidently looked at you. Don’t eat me. People need to calm the hell down. GEEZ. Heh, it’s funny how much people whine here and say they want to leave. They won’t. They’re failures. Haha.
Fama nihil est celerius
Conclusion
Hmmm...This seems to have started to as a hate paper against the school I despise most and turned into a general hate paper against some of America and it’s stupid, narrow-minded views. Try not to lose focus - Otsego is still retarded.
I guess my whole point is that people never look at things in more than one way. They pick one way and just go with it, no matter how maladjusted or pig-headed it is. Don’t know what that means, but by this point you have to agree with my completely logical, non-biased point of view. If not, eat me.
Magister Mundi sum, bitch
- Mr. X
©2007
Those are Latin phrases up there.
