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fist fight queen
Tuesday, 25 April 2006
how to save a life.
its been a while. and things are begining to look up.

Posted by anxiety at 5:36 PM EDT
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Friday, 24 March 2006
we're all the same just some more lucky than others
i had started out as someone normal. time progressed and i got worse and eventually caved in. you see me in the halls and i only look at you for a split second because i dont want to see the face you are giving me. just knowing were complete enemies and weve never even talked bothers me enough. the clock just now turned to 11:11 an i wish we could stop this and i wish i could gain my confidence back that i once had. ive lost all my self respect and its all because of a few words that came from people that i have never actually talked to. i promise you im not a mean, horrible person and i never meant to do anything to make you so mad at me. ive been having tears welling in my eyes for the past couple hours because of the things you have said about me. im a really emotional person. theres no denying that. i wish things were different and back to how they used to be. she says "dont worry about it what theyre saying to you is pure bull" but i cant help but believe it because its something they think about me. i dont like knowing that people hate me and i know not everyone is going to like me and im ok with that. but what im not ok with is when people hate me and they dont even know me or what i am about. im a complicated person. im not easy. i know im not the best when it comes to physical appearance. ive realized that years ago. i wear make-up to hide who i am. i wear a lot of eyeliner because it makes me feel pretty even though i know i dont look it. ive tried. and im tired of trying. im going nowhere.

i want to sleep my life away. ive seen what its like being awake now, and its too much for me.

Posted by anxiety at 11:31 PM EST
Updated: Saturday, 25 March 2006 12:15 AM EST
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Saturday, 18 March 2006
you be the drama king, and ill be the fist fight queen
i hate days like this. i havent left my bedroom i nover 24 hours and i havent slept in over 32. everyone on my aim buddylist is boring tonight and the ones i actually like are eiter away or just not on.
my mom is getting worried again because im not eating. youd thing that by now shed realize i do this a lot just out of habit. she needs to stop worrying about me so much because it is pointless.
he doesnt deserve to be so depressed. he has everything that i could ever want and more. i know a lot of shit happens to him and then you hate the assholes pulling rumors out of the back pockets of their jeans left and right and word about him gets spread faster than a forest fire. he never did anything to deserve it. hes only human. i like how people always use being 'only human' as an excuse sometimes. kind of makes you think about what a human really is supposed to be like.
its saturday and i keep thinking its sunday.

Posted by anxiety at 6:43 PM EST
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i dont want yesterdays trash on my front lawn
Mood:  lazy
i dont care what people have to say about me. they could wish death upon me for all i care. but something that does bother me is when people talk shit about me when they dont even know me. you dont know who i am. you dont know what im like. you mean just as much to me as i do to you. which is nothing. dont waste your time talking about me. it will only waste your breath. im not conceited. anyone who actually knows me would know that. i only pretend to have a big ego. too bad you wont even take the time to step out of your little clique of friends to realize that the people you are always talking shit about are the complete opposite of what you think they are like.

welcome to high school.

Posted by anxiety at 3:05 AM EST
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