The Other Odd Couple

(Brian’s Complaint and Addie’s Defense)

Addie, you’re nothing but
A thief
And a liar. You
Amoral little bitch,
Always looking for a way to make money.                                                                                                                                                                                    5
Always at my expense, no less!

Dumb sucker, you made me out to be.
Don’t look at me like some little saint! Haven’t you
Done enough damage?
Don’t do crap that’ll screw me over!                                                                                                                                                                                            10
Dummy is not written on my forehead! I started out as a

Dorky boy.
Did you have to go and make it worse for me?
Do you hate me or something?
Did you have to dupe me into giving you a ride                                                                                                                                                                          15
Down town and trick me into hiding you from the cops?

I don’t get you at all.
I should have known this was a snare!
I was never gifted with
Instinct. Otherwise,                                                                                                                                                                                                                     20
I would have left your lying little ass along the road!

Everyone now thinks I’m a loser!
Even Allison Thatcher, my crush, won’t look at me now!
Every chance I had with her, you assassinated!
Every day, I wonder about you!                                                                                                                                                                                                  25

Brian, you sad, sad little clown!
Bitching, like a little girl?
Be a man!
Big pathetic baby!
Being one is not cool!                                                                                                                                                                                                                 30

Run away from the cops, that much is true.
Ran straight to the highway, because I had
Ripped off a female biker gang—almost. My poor Uncle
Rich would be ashamed of me with my latest blunder!
Rich, I am so sorry!                                                                                                                                                                                                                     35

I managed to get away from the police almost by pixie dust.
I still needed to hide from them though.
It was lucky that
I was hitchhiking along the road when you found me, Brian.
I just got into your car and plotted my escape from there.                                                                                                                                                          40

Allison Thatcher never really liked you in the first place. She
Always thought you were a loser.
All women believe that
About all men, can’t you see? I would know, I
Am a girl!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     45

Now, I didn’t mean to fully drag you into my mess, Brian.
Nothing personal, really!
Nothing against you, just had to get away. You’re a
Nice guy, Brian! I just
Needed to escape. (Am I off the hook now?)                                                                                                                                                                              50