Kyle
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: pain-three days grace
Topic: New Stuff Going On
crapola i was writing this and the browser closed on me........anywho lets try and short hand this. so i met Kyle as planned on wednesday. i thought the meeting went fairly well we talked hung out in my car then made out, while almost getting caught by a father and his 4yo son :-P but i seem to be pretty insecure with myself. when i send a text i expect a return text in either 5 or 10 minutes. anything other is a sign of rejection, especially if i had been recieving texts on a semi regular basis. i act as though nothing phases me but alot does, im just good at not letting it show. newho i sent him a text and have not gotten a reply in an hour, it may just be bad service on one or the others part but im not so sure im convinced with that. this is probably a bad trait, being so worked up about this and all when i just met him and had a few convos with him. but i like him......does that make me justified in my thinking or does that make me more crazy since i have no claim to him(i say claim as if he were something to be possessed but hes not, hes a person and has rights all his own{thats one thing that annoys me about speech, we have to make everything a possession, like sex you had sex, had? its something to be owned its just some thing you do and discard? sex should be an intimate affair but had implies something less hell even make lover is off a little, how do you make something that isnt yoiurs to make love is it just is you can neither create nor destroy love because it is ALWAYS there.}) anywho where was i? i want this to work, i want to go out with him but my own paranoia could be my downfall. i had a dream last night where i was in a public place and there were 7 banana spiders 1 really small, 1 small, 2 medium, 2 large, and 1XL. i killed the really small one and the others were either not moving or climbing the wall thing i was on. i went and interpreted the dreams , the first thing i remembered was my mom saying that spiders in dreams are good luck. then when i got to school i looked it up on the internet and then searched a book. the internet said that killing one was really bad luck and that they usually mean some conflict, or to stay away from something, but if its climbing it means you are on your way to reacvhing a goal......ok so bad luck and reaching goal? that makes sense......={ then the book said that spiders were a way of working through certain thing sin life that may seem tangled or confused. i thought well maybe i shouldnt be pursuing Kyle, maybe hes a bad thing? but what goal am i reaching if not looking for a bf? then while writing this i thought maybe the goal i am to reach is Kyle but the hurdle or confusion is coming from me? what if my own insecurity is what i should be avoiding and just go with the flow? whatever the case this weekend should prove interestuing to say the least.

this weekend
so far nothing has happenedm, if this turns out to be another scenario like Eddie then i give up on going out with ANYBODY, single life isnt so bad right? no one to tie you down i spose.......bullshit id rather be tied down.
Jesse

Not SUre What Im Doing
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Jingles Talking
Topic: New Stuff Going On
Nothing much im leaving school early today to go see Kyle. Hopefully the meeting is good and i get more work done on this blog thing before i leave. Im trying to make a website but that takes time and my willingness to learn the skills necessary to do so. I also think im going to use this site to pour out those things that i keep inside cuz i think one of my friends would find it weird, although i am going to give them this site but its doubtful that theyll use it :-P good eough for now tata