Chapter 4 The pressure is on
There have been many times that she had wished it was over, but
some way or another she finagled a way to keep going, hoping for a
successful ending. She thought she had prepared herself for all the down
grading and discouraging obstacles she would tackle along the way.
Unfortunately, no one can prepare themselves enough for the bumps and
bruises that life can put on ones’ heart.
There were many times when she asked “why?” she had to be where
she was and why her life ended up where it had. I began to realize she was
down on her knees begging for people’s sympathy all along, so that she
would not be so lonely; however, distractions kept her from that
companionship. I decided to find out more about her because I was worried
about her. While searching her room, I found a journal entry that read:
“Mirror, mirror on the wall.....Whose the skinniest of them all?
I know its wrong to blame my situations of other people
but I believe that some other individuals have assisted in the
making of my decisions. During my junior and senior year I began
to become anorexic. My mother is a perfectionist and has
unrealistic expectations of others, including me.
In spite of my many achievements, she made me feel
inadequate, defective, and worthless. In addition
I began to see the world as black and white, with
absolutely no shades of gray. Everything was
either good or bad, a success or failure, fat or thin.
If fat is bad and thin is good, then thinner is better and
thinnest is best. I began to limit my food intake until
I began not to eat anything at all. After losing
some pounds I began to admire the compliments
and attention I had received. I anticipated losing even
more weight not caring if the results left me in a
hospital bed on life support. I was going to be skinny and
liked by others no matter the cost.”