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Like Mother Like Daughter
Monday, 6 March 2006
I Must Die
Chapter 8 I must die


On the outside Amy was your typical teenage girl. She was in the

popular group, older boys liked her, and she was an honor roll student

that has still manage to stay on the honor roll system even though a

higher education is being sought. She was involved in so many extra

curricular activities that she sometimes lost track of the number of

commitments she had made. She was a very enthusiastic student and

many teachers favored her attitude. An outside would tell her to smile

and not to think about her mom or stress out over school. She was

repeatedly told not to care. Except the problem was that she did care.

She cared about mom leaving and hating her and her boyfriend dumping

her, and not being able to talk to anyone. She cared that her dad was

always working or hunting and that she was always alone. She cared

about everything and felt so alone. On the inside she was tormented by

feelings of angst loneliness and self-loathing. Her mother’s actions

confused her. She was ashamed and humiliated over her breakup with

her boyfriend. In a sense, she felt dead. No one knew that my insides

were rotting away, slowly. She never talked about these feelings with
her friends. Why would she? What would they say? They were too busy

in their own lives with their own relationships.

I unselfishly understand that every teenager has to travel down

what seems like an endless journey to find the route that best fits them.

And as unfair as it seems, some must travel down a road that is a little

more bumpy than others; but mine just felt like a roller coaster. I tried to

convince myself that everything was soon going to be perfect for Amy. I tried to convince her to try not

to dwell on the things lost in the past but look forward to all the new

things the future would hold, and I tried to believe that her struggles

would strengthen her as an individual; but that only lasted a short period

of time.

As the days passed slowly and the months crept by, Amy found herself

obsessing about ways that she could die. She would lay awake at night

thinking of my pain and thinking that there is no way it can get better. She

had nothing to lose nor gain. Thoughts of death suddenly began

controlling her every move, it seemed as if it was a constant battle in her

mind.



Posted by planet/my_book at 1:54 AM EST
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My mother
Chapter 3 Like mother....like daughter


Although I would like to say that the depression began with Amy’s

parents divorce, it began a long time before that. The thought of ‘like

mother....like daughter’: was a very conflicting thought to her. She feared

on a daily basis that she would be just like her mother. Actually I also

believe that it affected her dating experiences in a very negative way. Amy

dreamed of having her mother love her unconditionally; however, she

learned early in her life that it was not that type of love. The bond of the

mother and daughter should be so profound, and so deep and long lasting;

however, her mother was her mother only due to an outcome of biology.

From an early age she would downgrade Amy, making her feel as if she

could never be good enough for anyone, including her very own mother.

With no new familiarity, I am once again in front of the computer;

however, this time with the moping “ please make me sadder” CD playing

in the background.

Posted by planet/my_book at 1:39 AM EST
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