tope and my chat
Mood:  sharp
Topic: Tope
gaido_68: ging
gaido_68: ging please talk to me
alimanally1989: no
gaido_68: wat do u mean no?
gaido_68: wat do u mean no?
alimanally1989: NO
gaido_68: u mean theres no chance for us na gyud
alimanally1989:
gaido_68: wala na gyud diay
gaido_68: ok
gaido_68: im going home to san carlos now....
gaido_68: i tried my best
gaido_68: i admitted that i was wrong
gaido_68: bye
alimanally1989: UGH
gaido_68: please talk to me gud
gaido_68: please
gaido_68: do u want me to leave na
alimanally1989: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
alimanally1989: DO YOU JUST WANNA MAKE ME FEEL BAD?
gaido_68: you wont forgive me na gyud
alimanally1989: UGH
gaido_68: please before i go home
gaido_68: please say it to me clearly?
alimanally1989: YOU ARE GETTING ON MY NERVES
alimanally1989: WHAT DO YIOU WANT FROM ME?
gaido_68: JUST PLEASE TELL ME IF YES OR NO.?IF WE HAVE A CHANCE...
alimanally1989: do you want a chance?
gaido_68: YES
alimanally1989: how much and what are you willing to do for it?
gaido_68: its not a question of how much
gaido_68: all that matters is that i love you
gaido_68: and you love me
alimanally1989: how much are you willing to do to get me back
gaido_68: i love you
alimanally1989: answer me
gaido_68: i will love u more
gaido_68: thats my answer
alimanally1989: im proposing a compromise
gaido_68: so its like a contract now
gaido_68: hahaha
alimanally1989: well? are you willing to listen?
gaido_68: yes
alimanally1989: i need trust, if i wanna go out, you dont try to stop me, its my life, if it gets out of hand TRUST that i will call you. and i can go out with my friends by or girl
alimanally1989: well?
gaido_68: ITSU
gaido_68: ITS UR RELATIONSHIP
alimanally1989: nevermind
alimanally1989: just go back to scc
gaido_68: wat do u mean
gaido_68: i mean our
gaido_68: relationship
alimanally1989: i mean NEVERMIND, just GO BACK to SAN CARLOS CiTY
gaido_68: wat did i say
alimanally1989: its your smart ass attitude that even when our relationship is on the line you always have to make a statement
gaido_68: so u mean to say that i shouldnt have a voice in this relationship?
alimanally1989: you should, but to an extent, i.e. knowing when to joke
gaido_68: so its ok with u too that i go out with girls
gaido_68: drinking with them
gaido_68: dancing with them
alimanally1989: I DONT CARE I TRUST YOU
alimanally1989: thats what you nver understood
gaido_68: I KNOW MYSELF
gaido_68: BUT STILL I WONT GO OUT WITH GIRLS
gaido_68: COZ ITS INAPPROPRIATE
alimanally1989: thats good for you, ut i tend to like guys
gaido_68: ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
alimanally1989: they arent flitery and fake, they are real and down to earth
alimanally1989: thats why my friends are guys
alimanally1989: BRB
gaido_68: you didnt even think that they want something else
alimanally1989: YOU DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT HW I FEEL WHEN YOU SAY THAT
alimanally1989: DO YOU THINK THATS THE ONLY REASON I HAVE FRIENDS
alimanally1989: I KNEW THEM B4 I EVEN KNEW YOU WERE ALIVE
alimanally1989: THEY HAVE BEEN LOYAL FRIENDS
alimanally1989: EVER THINK OF THAT
alimanally1989: ?
gaido_68: wat about ur other friends
gaido_68: that u just met
alimanally1989: WHAT ABOUT THEM
gaido_68: especially here in bacolod
alimanally1989: YOU HAVE A ONE TRCK MIND
alimanally1989: THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE
gaido_68: ur last days here in the philippines
alimanally1989: what?
gaido_68: ur responsible y i acted jumpy on ur last days here
gaido_68: if u shouldnt have kiss that guy....
gaido_68: i shouldnt have acted that way...
gaido_68: i gve u mt trust when u said u were just with ur ate kirby..
gaido_68: so u couldnt blame me when i acted that way...
alimanally1989: this is why we cant be together, your inability to olet go of the past
gaido_68: but ur still stuck to the past
gaido_68: u wont give up some things for our relationshipi
alimanally1989: no im trying to set some ground rules for when i go there, thats the FUTURE theres a difference you know
gaido_68: it seems like im the only one whos working on it
alimanally1989: just go back to scc. when i get ther ill ggo to your bhouse and we will try to talk, until then i dont want to talk to you
gaido_68: so wen ur coming here
alimanally1989: you will find out soon enough
gaido_68: r u sure ur dnt have restrictions
alimanally1989: meaning?
gaido_68: forget about it
alimanally1989: what restrictions would i have in the phills
gaido_68: u cant be here if ur alone
alimanally1989: LOL wanna bet?
gaido_68: sure
gaido_68: ur willing to bet?
alimanally1989: you know what, just dont bug me
alimanally1989: just disappear for awhiile
alimanally1989: and leave mje alone
gaido_68: hehehehehe
alimanally1989: ugh
alimanally1989: you are infuriating
gaido_68: ur not allowed man gud
alimanally1989: not allowed to what?
gaido_68: to come here
alimanally1989: your ann asshole wh thinks you know everything but you dont
gaido_68: ull see
gaido_68:
alimanally1989: go to hell
gaido_68: hhhheheeee
gaido_68: thats the spirit
alimanally1989: ooh well then here ill do it again. your overly confident and you have low self esteem.
gaido_68: i have a low self esteem
gaido_68: wait till you see the report
gaido_68: hehehehe
gaido_68: ur restricted here baby
gaido_68:
alimanally1989: haah! and i suppose you did that?
BUZZ!
gaido_68:
alimanally1989: fuck you, your a liar
gaido_68:
gaido_68:
gaido_68:
gaido_68:
gaido_68:
alimanally1989: what is this are you trying to scare me? im an american citizen and i can go to any country i want, iraq proably discluded
gaido_68: yah if ur not an underage teen
gaido_68: tsktsktsk
alimanally1989: oh is thhat what its about? i have news for you, i have relatives there
gaido_68: well thats not enough
gaido_68: if someone reported
alimanally1989: you wouldnt know, your ignorant
gaido_68: hehehe
gaido_68:
alimanally1989: yur so stupid its annoying, ok ill make a bet with you, if i get there, i get to punch you
alimanally1989: deal?
gaido_68: if u tried then ur parents in trouble
alimanally1989: if i punch you
alimanally1989: ?
alimanally1989: hah, they would laugh
gaido_68: wanna bet
gaido_68: ur in the list
gaido_68: ok
gaido_68: just to be honest
gaido_68: i sent an email
gaido_68: to the us embassy
gaido_68: just kidding....
gaido_68: hmmmm
alimanally1989: -sigh- it doesnt matter, you are not affiliated with me in anyway, as far as im concerned your a speck, and i hate you
alimanally1989: we arent friends, your not my bbf
alimanally1989: your just really annoying
alimanally1989: and dfo you think for a second i believed that they would believe you over me?
alimanally1989: is this how you planned to win me over?
alimanally1989: lol
alimanally1989: tsktsktsk
gaido_68: and when ur 18 ur done
gaido_68: u didnt even think about that
gaido_68: why ur parents eagerly wanted you out of there house
gaido_68: or its the other way around
gaido_68: u just dont want to belong with them
gaido_68: u should be thankful to tem
gaido_68: them
gaido_68: ur taking a big risk
alimanally1989: dad said you just want attention
gaido_68: what ever
gaido_68: ull see....
gaido_68: when ur 18 ur done
gaido_68: u dont want to be in a family
gaido_68: u have a family there
gaido_68: but ur leaving them for ur own reasons....
gaido_68: now who is selfish
gaido_68: me or you
gaido_68: ?
alimanally1989: dont tell me hw to treat m y oarents, your a spoiled brat and you wouldnt know anything about how to treat parents, since your 23 and still live with them, you think your life was so bad becoz you sold ice buko when you were a kid? HAH! you think your life is a hell since you left drugs? your just a spoiled brat w ho wants the world t pity hgim, so people wouldnt see you for the worthless peice of trash that you are
gaido_68: im not a trash
gaido_68: im sorrounded by people who loves me...
gaido_68: who cares for me
alimanally1989: oh reakk? well ur rich, what do you expect
gaido_68: hahahah
gaido_68: i have friends coz im true to them
gaido_68: and they are true to me....
gaido_68: they know how to think
gaido_68: THAT THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE BY DRINKING AND HAVING FUN WITH THEM
gaido_68: THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING
gaido_68: BUT U DIDNT NOTICE THAT
alimanally1989: your sad
gaido_68: NO YOUR SAD
gaido_68: UR SPOILED
alimanally1989: you cant even think of something to say your just reapeating my insults
gaido_68: COZ U DONT WANT PEOPLE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO...EVEN THEY MEANT GOOD...
gaido_68: U JUST FOCUSED YOURSELF TO YOU
alimanally1989: your full of lies,
gaido_68: IM NOT
gaido_68: DO U KNOW ITS EASY FOR ME TO LET GO OF YOU
gaido_68: NO ITS NOT
gaido_68: IT SADDENS ME
gaido_68: COZ I WAS PLANNING A FUTURE FOR US THAT WILL MAKE U FOREVER HAPPY
gaido_68: NO MORE SUFFERING
gaido_68: NO MORE CRIES
gaido_68: BUT U WANT TO THROW IT AWAY
gaido_68: IM SURE OF MYSELF
alimanally1989: ok i will goodbye
gaido_68: IM GOOD WITH MY WORDS
gaido_68: I STICK TO MY PROMISES...ESPECIALLY TO THE ONE THAT I LOVE
gaido_68: IF U DONT WANT MY LOVE AND MY FUTURE
gaido_68: THEN THROW IT AWAY
alimanally1989: you dont love me
alimanally1989: and i dont love you anymore we are over
alimanally1989: all you do iks lookj for new waays to piss me off and make me mad
alimanally1989: i found a letter frm my real moom today
alimanally1989: did you care too finds out?
alimanally1989: NO
alimanally1989: all you wanna do is talk aout how bad you feel
alimanally1989: and how miuch your trying to do for us
alimanally1989: but you know whaat? \
alimanally1989: im 16, im not going to be marrying aanyone for at least another 4 years
alimanally1989: do you really care about us?
alimanally1989: then why are you doing this?
gaido_68: I WANTED YOU TO GO TO SCHOOl
alimanally1989: why are you doing everything in your power to make me unhappy
gaido_68: I WANTED YOU TO GO TO SCHOOL
gaido_68: BUT U DONT WANT TOO
gaido_68: ALL U WANTED SINCE THE DAY U COME THERE IS GO BACK HERE
gaido_68: WHICH IS SENSELESS
alimanally1989: i swear on m grandmorther God rest her soul, if im not allowed in the phills, i will ruin your chances of ever going abroad, my dad is a very respected man with a doctorates degree, do you think they iwill believe aa littgle boy like you over him
alimanally1989: hah dream on
gaido_68: im not going there
gaido_68: anymore
alimanally1989: you will b e restricted to the philippines if you ever do anything to jepordize my plans to go there
alimanally1989: dont mess with me pe
gaido_68: im not messing with you
gaido_68: im waking you up
gaido_68: and make u think wats right
gaido_68: why would i mess you uo
gaido_68: why would i mess you up
gaido_68: im not that kind of a person
gaido_68: u know wat
gaido_68: its so hard to reach you
gaido_68: all i ever want is to help you
gaido_68: to better yourself
gaido_68: i know im in nm
gaido_68: i know im in no position doing that
gaido_68: but i care
alimanally1989: your right
gaido_68: but i care
gaido_68: but i care
gaido_68: but i care
gaido_68: but i care
gaido_68: but i care
gaido_68: but i care
gaido_68: but i care
gaido_68: i love you more than myself
alimanally1989: than leave me and my plans alo]ne
alimanally1989: \
gaido_68: u talked alot of the things youve gone in ur life...i know youve been through alot...and by coming here in the philippines wouldnt help a thing...all u need is an education.....becoz without it ur lost..education g
gaido_68: can make ur dreams come true
alimanally1989: your like a brochure
alimanally1989: just leave me alone
alimanally1989: dont bother me
alimanally1989: your just a wannabe
alimanally1989: a poser
alimanally1989: your pathetic
alimanally1989: and always trying to be the "goodguy"
alimanally1989: you try so hard that no one belives you
gaido_68: haha
gaido_68: ur only one who doesnt believe in me
gaido_68: ....
alimanally1989: oki doki then
alimanally1989: why did you want to talk to me today?
gaido_68: its so hard to reach you
gaido_68: open up your mind alice
gaido_68: and the rest will follow
gaido_68: THERES NOTHING PERMANENT IN THIS WORLD
alimanally1989: ill let you know this, im a minor your an adult, all i have to do is tell the embassy that you toook my virginity when i was drunk, and thats it, youll never be allowed to work abroad, dont threaten me pe, dont mess with me, i can and i will ruin you if you cross me and my plans
gaido_68: i have ur diary
gaido_68: and your drug tests
gaido_68: OH GOD
gaido_68: please stop this
alimanally1989: so i did drugs? and? its a part of growing up, itnever hurt aanyone but me
alimanally1989: you did drugs to
alimanally1989: pe, i will, ill just promise yu that if you ever even try to come between me and my plans, i will stop you

happyy birthday dennis
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: family
whats going on? i thought everything had changed, now everyday i just find something new to bitch about, ut i cant help it, no one can help it when they feel sad. i cant keep on doing this, i have been emotionally independant for most of my life, but i dnt want tp be anymore, i want to e free of this pain that i experience everytime i walk into a room with my "mother" in it, i dont knw why she just loves making me feel like shit, if shes not insulting the way i look, shes telling me what a slob i am. i cant take it anymore, my time is ticking away, everseince i was 15 i have lived alone in a city where there were NO boundries. i haave lived a party for most of my teenage years, no one told me what to do, no one controlled me, and now i cant stand the thought of being in a family house anymore, i dont want to be with a family, i know thats a weakness but i cant help it, i thought my life was gonna change, but i came back here and nothing happened, im still the odd all, i cant stand it, sometimes i feel like they dont care whether or not i feel lonely, and honestly i dont think they give a shit.. if they did they would want me to sit by them after dinner, not completely ignore me, my gosh, i dont know what to do anymorfe, thats why im leaving on monday, i have to get away from all of this..i really consider killing myself sometime because of "mom" i dont care anymore though. im not gonna try to impress anyone anymore, i was suicidal when i was 9, now im just trying to get over life, ALIVE. you know, the only thing i ever wanted from her was to be treated like her daughter, even like her son would have done, ut whatever, i give up, im not out to impress anyone anymore, coz
I DONT GIVE A SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how dare he?
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Tope
how dare he make me want him back!! how dare he be sweet kind and caring? how dare he make me need him! he drives me up the wall and i just wanna leave him, ut he always makes me want to come back, i dunno how the hell he does it but he does, i want him so much, but somehoe i get the feeling that he doesnt want me ack, and it just makes me so mad o think that he could do that to me without my permission?? i cant believe he holds any sort of control over me!! i hate him so much, but i want him just as much, im leaving soon to be with him, ugh i hate this

how dare he?
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Tope
how dare he make me want him back!! how dare he be sweet kind and caring? how dare he make me need him! he drives me up the wall and i just wanna leave him, ut he always makes me want to come back, i dunno how the hell he does it but he does, i want him so much, but somehoe i get the feeling that he doesnt want me ack, and it just makes me so mad o think that he could do that to me without my permission?? i cant believe he holds any sort of control over me!! i hate him so much, but i want him just as much, im leaving soon to be with him, ugh i hate this

he's got me
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Tope
well i dunno what to say, he has me, once again, i cant leave him, i want to, but when me calls me and "begs" for me back, i cant help it i fall on my face and i just crack, i dont know why but i think he know what he does to me. He's taking advantage of it though, i have never been not in control ut i think i am right now, and i dnt like the way it feels, i need help. he's infuriating!!! he makes me so mad that my hands shake, but whenever i try to leave, i need him back, it makes me weak i know. and you know whats sad about it? I ALWAYS SAY YES!! i dont know whats wrong with me, i feel like no one has the right to make me this angry and then get away with it but thats just what he does. i hate him so much that i love him and i love him so much that i hate him! i dont know how to feel when im around him, i dont know how to act, even though these things are true, i feel no shame around him. i can be a pig a slob around him, and i dont have to worry about embarassing myself, coz i know that he loves me, ut i hate him, HaHaY!! what to do?

-LALA

20 True Confessions
Mood:  down
1.) I never wanted to be in this family, not even when I had the choice.

2.) I always thought that i was all i ever needed

3.) I was absoloutely right

4.) I never wanted to come back here, not to live with you anyway.

5.) I have always felt unappreciated and underestimated while im with you.

6.) I cry 20x more than you have ever seen

7.) When im up here in my room, "moping" i get so angry that i start to shake and pass out

8.) I'm jealous of my siblings.

9.) I AM treated unfairly and differently than you treat YOUR kids.

10.) I never accepted a family into my heart, until you.

11.) I hate the way i feel around you, like im worthless.

12.) I really hate the fact that im used to it

13.) I never understood why you adopted me if you were just gonna treat me like a maid

14.) I changed in the phills. for the better, however i never let you see that bcoz you would see it as "taming me"

15.) The REAL reason i need to leave here so badly is becoz i cant stand being with a family anymore.

16.) You never could, and never will break me.

17.) I hate you all for being so perfect.

18.) I hate being your only flaw.

19.) i hope you'll e happier when I'm gone.

20.) ...i love you

-LaLa