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Have you ever just wanted to start over?


Just some thoughts
Seeing you might care
Or Venting/Bitching to some
Shall be updated...

Tell ya what. You want to know about me.
Here's what I think of myself. Im a hipocrit,lier,asshole,dumbass, you name it. I could give a shit less about myself. I really could. I could care less if I got hit by a truck or shot or stabbed or whatever. I don't care. What I care about is other people. Why? Well I think the reason is because I know im always going to keep on kicking and rolling with the punches. Im a survivor. I've been doing it my entire life starting when I was born. My mentality about my life is Im going to get what I want and no one or nothing will stop me. You could take away everything I own and everything I will ever own and you know what. Would not bother me one bit. Because I'll get it back if I want it that bad. Especially Materials. That is the farthest thing from my mind when I think about myself. You know what I think about. Doing for others. Why? It's what matters most in my life. I don't know maybe because I have seen things different then most people. I have seen people break down because they think they have no one. I have seen people do things because they think they have no one. I wish I could SAY that I'll be there for people but I can't. Why? Well im not one for WORDS!!! Fuck words. People have lied and told me shit that THEY didn't even believe. Fuck that im a person of Action. You can tell me all the bull shit you want to but when it comes down to doing it guess what, Fuck sparing my feelings. It's the one thing I hate most in life. Some more are being lied to, stolen from, and just straight up dissappointed. If your not going to do something don't fucking say your going to do it. If I say im going to do something, you better believe it's in my heart to get it done. I may not always have the knowledge or whatever it takes to do it but My heart is still there. I'll give it my damndest. And I usually don't promise unless It's certain. People and their fucking words make me sick! But I guess that's a part of society. Dont' tell people what you really think because that would hurt their feelings, they may not like you. That's bull if you ask me. True friends tell the truth regardless. And the shitty part about that is Im conditioned with society. So many times I wish that I could just say what I feel but I hold my tonge because people start crying and all that and get sad and think no one cares. Whatever. I want to know exactaly how you feel. Don't give me no bull shit. That's not what im about. Just be honest. Honesty goes alot further in someone's heart then lieing to them. Then they never know the truth and are living a lie most their life. I guess I feel that way because I do like doing for others and giving everything I have so that someone else has a good day. And people let me hurt their feelings without saying I have done so. And then after this hurt keeps happening it just builds up inside them until they no longer like or have respect for me. And that's fucked up if you ask me. I can really say that's me. Being so nice no one want's to think they'll let you down.
And to tell you the truth I often wish something bad happens to me so that I know where I really stand. But then I have to take that wish back because I know if something bad happened to me that so many people would do without because I could not be there for them. And that is my motivation. That is what keeps me going. The fact that I am there for people and they count on me. If I did not have that dream I would be nothing. And that's not a sob story that's the truth. If I was on this planet for myself. I wouldn't be here! That's true in my heart.