Summary: After the Buffy Bot is destroyed, Buffy visits Spike, but what if it wasn't really Buffy? I've read countless fics where Buffy and Willow take Xander's love for Spike badly and decided to write one where they know from the start, just to see if I could.

Warning: As most of you know I don't really keep up on the series and so I might have gotten things wrong because all I saw was a clip of the scene between Buffy and Spike at the very end. So just consider this AU 'k? ^_^V

Archive: 'Course! Just tell me and link back to my page ne?

C&C? please? Por favor? Seivousplait? Onegai? I can't spell them all but you get the gist of it.

Anything For You

by
Raihne

Part One

Xander clenched his teeth and wiped his eyes with one harsh swipe. It wasn't supposed to hurt this bad! Spike was a soulless monster and he wasn't supposed to give a damn how he felt but. . . I should have just let things be. I should have just let it go. Should have. God I give myself great advice if I'd ever listen don't I.

Three sets of worried eyes blinked up at him from the foot of the bed. "He made daddy cry again Yrral."

"Why are you sad Xan-daddy?"

Chocolate eyes shook with suppressed tears and Xander shook his head. "It's nothing guys. Did you have a bad dream?"

They answered all three at the same time. "Yes."

He smiled his best 'I'm not hurting so bad' smile and lifted the blankets, "Come on then."

Surrounded with love, Xander felt like nothing mattered but the three demons who called him daddy. But there was always a platinum blond shadow hanging in his heart. I really should have left it alone.

"Daddy."

"Hm Ssol?"

"Sleep." The little silver demon ordered.

Xander grinned, "Yes sir!"

Essej blinked at his brothers and cuddled closer to his daddy. He made daddy sad again.

~~Flashback~~

"A Buffy Bot?" Xander watched incredulous as Buffy glared at her friends and announced she was going over to kick Spike's ass for that.

"Wait, Buffy!"

She turned with a glare that left the minute she saw her friend's heartbroken face. The funny, loyal boy had come out as gay to them all a long time before. Anya didn't care, she just wanted her orgasms, so she helped him keep up his mask for the rest of the world. This wasn't the rest of the world though, this was their small, family-like group. And they all knew just where the chocolate eyed boy's feeling lay.

"Xander. . ." Willow began but Buffy cut her off.

"I can't let the blond menace get away with this just because you LIKE him Xander! It was disgusting! Imagine what he must have 'done' to that thing, I. . ." She caught her thoughtless words back as Xander's face crumbled before her eyes. "I mean. . ."

"Let me go."

"It wouldn't be. . ."

"Willow can zap me. I'll go as you. Please Buffy."

Willow closed her eyes and nodded and Buffy frowned, hurting for the friend she'd come to care for like a brother.

It didn't take much. A glamour to hide his appearance, a potion to cover his scent, and an auditory spell to create Buffy's voice. He walked to Spike's crypt in a haze. What to say, what would he do?

Buffy and Willow watched their comrade go with equal heartaches for him. "Why Spike?" The slayer whispered. "Why couldn't he have liked any other boy in Sunnydale?"

"You don't choose who you love."

"I wish. . ."

Willow nodded and bowed her head. "Me too."

Xander checked that the glamour was in place and slowly opened the crypt door. His heart was racing and he swallowed back tears at Spike's battered form so cold and still on the slate bed on the center. Buffy Bot, think Buffy Bot. . . "Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds!" God I wish I could take them for you. Spike. . .

The Bleached blond moaned and rolled into a sitting position offering Xander a good look at his clear blue eyes. He was honest now. No masks. Why would he wear them here? It was just him and his robot. "Yeah." His voice was so tired Xander had to fight to just stand and watch. "I feel real sexy."

Spike.

"Where've ya been?"

"I fell down and got confused." Xander nodded and put on a serious face. I've been confused since I met you. "Willow fixed me. She's Gay!"

The vampire looked confused now and Xander wished to god that he could take that look away and give Spike all of the answers he needed. Wasn't going to happen. If wishes were horse demons I'd be trampled or something like that.

"Will fixed you?"

Xander's heart ached at the familiar nick name coming from Spike's lips. It hadn't even been intended, just came out. Like he was really part of their family.

"I thought they'd melt you into scrap."

He kept innocent eyes on Spike as his thoughts were in turmoil. I didn't want to kill your robot. If it made you happy I would have let you use it. You can use me, if it makes you happy. "They were confused too." Buffy Bot think Buffy Bot "Do you wanna ravage me now?" Please?

The vampire didn't meet his gaze as he replied, "Give us a minute. Got some bones that need mending."

Spike. I'll take your pain. Please let me take your pain from you. I can't stand it when you look so sad! "Why did you let that Glory hurt you?"

"She wanted to know who the key was."

Xander's heart bled and he spun around without thinking, "Well I can tell her and then you won't have to. . ."

"No!"

That keening plea stopped his hurt anger and the disguised boy turned back to the one he loved so secretly as the blond began coughing from the strain of his earlier plea.

"You can't ever" Their eye met and the human fought to keep his blank and robotic. "Glory never finds out."

"Why?" He asked even if he knew why, and each emotion filled word Spike uttered through his split and bleeding lips sent needles of pain into his heart. Spike was talking with the love Xander had pleaded with the Gods to turn his way. Love for Buffy. And Spike was hurting from it so much! Well I'm Buffy now. I can help him this time.

Before he could think about it, Xander bit his lips to make them more full and feminine and leaned forward. The meeting of his lips to Spike's was brief and as full of pain for Xander as it was pleasure for Spike. He pulled back, hiding his pain and saw the confusion on Spike's chiseled features. and you'll never know that was from me. You'll have gotten your kiss and that's that. Buffy kissed you. Be happy now. I need to know you're ok.

"And my robot?"

Xander tossed out the first explanation for the thing's demise he could think of, Buffy's voice grating on his nerves. If only he could hate her for the pain she put Spike through. Then he heard Spike's labored breath and realized how harsh he'd been. He couldn't let Spike hurt. Couldn't.

The boy walked back up to the vampire and met his eyes, "What you did for me. . . and Dawn. . ." And what I feel for you "That was real."

Spike looked at the glamoured boy in quiet question but the pain was eased. That was why he'd said what he did.

"I won't forget it."

~~End Flashback~~

Now Xander had to live with that. With a little taste of what he wanted and needed so badly and it was killing him!

It had only been a little while since Buffy'd died. Spike was still grieving. He'd been locked in his tomb for so long. . . and Xander couldn't even comfort him because all it had been was an illusion. Buffy had kissed the blond poet. Not him. Buffy. Xander grit his teeth. Do you know how lucky you were? "You had him. If you had wanted him he was right there. Waiting. And I was waiting for him. And now we're both fucked aren't we."

The wind blew in from the open window and suddenly Xander just felt trapped. He had to get out of the house. Away from the walls. He'd left Anya after the kiss. Even if it had been a lie, he had kissed Spike and no one else would ever kiss his lips again unless it was Spike. He didn't want to erase the feeling . . . Gods I'm pathetic. He kissed his children on the forehead and whispered, "You're going to be ok. . . I just can't 'do' this any more."

They remained sleeping softly as he closed the door and walked out into the Sunnydale night. Not safe at all, especially now with Buffy gone, But Xander wasn't looking for 'safe'.

When the demon came out of the shadows he didn't even bother to fight it off. This was best. It would all end once the thing killed him. All end. all end. all. . . a blinding pain ripped through his back and he fell forward. It was going to eat him alive. I'm sorry guys. So sorry. He closed his eyes and let the pain take him into unconsciousness. it was better this way. all end.

When he woke up, Xander realized three things at once. One; he wasn't dead. Dead couldn't hurt like his back did at the moment. Two; he was laying on something hard and cold. Stone. Why was he laying on stone? and Three; This place smelled like Spike. SPIKE?! He surged up and screamed as the wound on his back ripped open again. "SHIT!"

"Stupid Git! Lay down 'n let it heal! Bloody wanker."

"S. . . spike?"

"What the Hell were you doing?!"

"Uh. . . panicking?" He squeaked, "I'm real good at it."

"I mean with the demon you soddin. . . you weren't even trying!"

"What's it to you? So I wasn't fighting big shit there. Why didn't you just leave me?"

"You're her friend."

Xander flinched, "You really know how to hurt a guy don't you." He stood carefully and hobbled to the door.

"Where do you think yer goin'?"

"Home."

"Ya won't make it half way like that."

"Maybe I don't want to."

"SHIT! What is WITH you?!"

"No one." He deadpanned.

"Wait!"

Xander froze and Spike was silent. "Well?"

"I don't. . ." He lowered his eyes, "I don't want ta be alone."

The human boy felt his heart contract. He knew what it was like to be alone. He would never make Spike go through it when he could help it. But the vampire had no idea what his request would cost Xander.

"Pet?"

He bit his lip and wiped his tears away before turning around. "Sure. Whatever."

Spike couldn't figure the human out. It was like he didn't have anything to live for. What about the Demon bint? or Willow? what about his slayerette duties? The kid was a wreck and yeah the Slayer had died but it wasn't something the whelp would kill himself over.

He'd smelled tears earlier, when he'd asked Xander to stay with him. Sure the human hid them well from another human, but tears had a distinct smell. So why was he cryin'?

He let his pale blue eyes slip over the prostrate form currently on his slab and frowned. This was familiar behavior. This was how he'd behaved when Dru went and left him, minus the spill yer guts and binge part. Thought he got over the slayer long time ago.

The brown hair had grown out a bit over the recent months and hung in Xander's face as his mouth opened in a wide snore. Spike caught himself smiling and clenched his jaw. I do not smile at slab hogging slayer whelps!

"Mmm. love you. wanna cookie? You can share it. If you want it?"

Spike rolled his eyes, the whelp even talked in his sleep? This was just what he needed. "Keep your bloody cookies mate."

"Bloody cookies. Spike'd like those."

"Oh for the love o' . . . don't you ever shut up?!"

"s'rrieeeeeeeee."

The vampire rolled the human over onto his belly and checked his back. It was healing nicely. Kid would be home in no time. Good bloody riddance.

"Spike's sad now Buffy. You went away and made Spike sad. Mad at you."

What is he my protector now? Oh just fan- bloody -tastic that is!

"Don't cry Spike. I'm still here."

Blue eyes closed in pain and Spike fished out a fag and walked out into the night for a spot of peace. Yeah nummy. Yer still here. Till you die too. He crushed the glowing thing to the cement and looked back toward the crypt silently. Never love a human. Break yer 'eart they do. She did. One bloody kiss is all I have.

In the crypt Xander cried in his sleep. "Spike."

Part Two

When Xander woke up, Spike was gone. It was still dark out and the gapping tear along his back wasn't quite so gapping. Gotta get out of here before he comes back. He got his kiss, that's all he has from her, and it wasn't even her. But I can't take it away from him. He only want's Buffy kisses just the same as I only want Spike kisses.

The boy, who was fast becoming a man, got up and pulled his jacket on only to realize there wasn't enough left of it to save. "Shit." He tossed it into the corner and walked out into the night. Even the vampires left him alone this time. His mood was projecting from him like a brick wall. 'Stay away or die!'

Spike was walking back to his crypt with food for the git when he saw the boy leaving. He looked down at the take-out he held and tossed it away. What was I thinking?! Just cause I promised to look after the Nibblet doesn't mean I'm supposed to cosey up to the slayer's minions. He sniffed the air carefully and frowned, Tears again. For a boy raised in a country where men don't cry, he sure does it a lot.

He's defenseless walking back to his place like that. Not even a stake. . . I should follow him, he might get hurt. Spike quickly decided that the only reason he was worried was that Dawn had a crush on the clod and she'd be sad if he got eaten, and he followed him at a safe distance. Staying close until he opened the door to his apartment. The demon bint's smell was nowhere around the place, like she'd rarely if ever, been there. Funny that. Something isn't right here. . .

He crept up to the window and listened through the open pane as the boy readied himself for bed.

"Hey guys. Don't worry, I didn't die after all."

pike blinked and leaned closer, over the roof so he could see inside, he didn't smell anyone else with the whelp so who. . .

Xander was sitting on his bed in just his pajama bottoms, while young Garkreshin lizard demons crawled around his lap, shoulders and back. The vampire almost jumped inside to save the fool but stopped when Xander rubbed one on the back lovingly. "I shouldn't have even tried. Sorry if I scared you."

Garkreshin grow up to be just about human size, a little larger than average maybe. Spike ran through all Angelus had taught him about those specific demons, And they don't age like humans, they age twice as fast until puberty when they gain immortality by . . . they drink blood! And the kids need fresh blood too, or they'll die! What is the whelp thinking?! Those things aren't pets! They could kill him when they get older!

Obviously he 'wasn't' thinking because Xander had just calmly offered his arm to the three and each was sucking blood from the limb while they lay in the bed like a mother cat and her kittens. "That's enough now guys. You know I can't give you much after an injury."

"Xan-daddy?" The echoing, purr-like voice of the Garkreshin demons all spoke in tandem and Xander laughed.

"Hm?"

The largest child spoke first. "Don't go away daddy." Spike watched a black tear streak it's scaly silver skin. "We love you. 'We' can be your mates when we grow up. You don't need him."

Him? The whelp has a hard-on for a boy? This is interesting.

"Shh Ssol. I just want to be your daddy, ok? Humans don't take their kids for mates. At least not the good ones." The pain in his voice told stories Spike didn't want to hear. Because he would want to kill then and he wouldn't be able to.

"Why aren't we human too?" The smallest one asked softly, curling closer to his 'daddy's' warmth.

"I told you that story."

The middle sized one looked hopeful, "Tell it again?"

Xander smiled and Spike almost fell off the roof. The smile went all the way to the whelp's eyes! He'd never seen the boy really smile before. He was almost ethereal when he did that.

"Well Buffy and the rest of my pack were hunting one night and she told all of us to split up and cover more ground. I took the graveyard because. . . well just because."

"Because 'he' lives there?"

Xander's smile faded a bit, "shh." He shushed. "I just did."

"ok."

"The graveyard was completely dark. All of the streetlights around it were out and I couldn't see where I was going, but I heard a growlly sound."

"It was mommy!"

"Yeah, Essej, it was your mommy. She was fighting with a really nasty baddie and I slayed it for her but she was really hurt. She wasn't human but I hadn't noticed at first because she looked so close to a human girl. When I saw she wasn't I started to freak but she took my hand and pointed to a tomb really close by. She said something in a weird language and then when I didn't get it, she repeated it in English."

"What did she say daddy?" Ssol pressed.

"She said, 'my pups, my pups need me but I can't stay.'" He whispered and tucked them in warmer next to him and under the covers. "And she told me, 'you save demons, you are friend to me, love my pups for me. Love them like I do. They are good pups. Very good pups."

"And so you found us in the tomb and took us home!"

"Yrral! I want daddy to tell it!"

"You told some too Essej!"

Xander smiled and ran his hands through their hair, "hey now. you each told some ok?"

"Tell us the rest daddy." The little one, Essej, pleaded.

"I brought you back here and kept you safe just like your momma asked me to. I looked in the books Buffy's watcher keeps to figure out what kind of demons you were and I learned your language so I could teach you mine. And I found out what you needed to be healthy."

"But you never told anyone."

"Nope. Never."

"Because Buffy lady might hurt us?"

"No. Buffy lady was a good, good lady. She just wouldn't understand."

"But she understood about 'him'?"

Xander looked close to tears, "Yeah, she did."

"Don't cry daddy."

"We'll be here."

"We wont go away."

"I know babies." Xander hugged them all close to him and closed his eyes, "I know."

Spike pulled back from the window and sat on the roof in thought. The whelp had surprised him. It was hard to surprise a master vampire, but the whelp had done it. Garkreshin demons. He had raised three Garkreshin for almost three years if their size was anything to go by. And they hadn't killed him. They called him 'daddy' for crying out loud! and Xander had called the slayer's minions his pack. A pack he was obviously Alpha male for. And he was in love with a guy, obviously a demon guy who lived in one of SunnyHell's cemeteries. And he smiles like the sunshine.

    The vampire made a decision. Xander was definitely not the lack-a-wit he'd tagged him as. He wanted to know more.

Mmmm. . . Saturday. Xander rolled over in bed and floated in and out of sleep as he woke up slowly, a leisure he didn't normally get with work and the kids and. . . he shot to a sitting position, THE KIDS! Where did they go? Why hadn't they woken him up to say they were hungry?! He stumbled into the living room in a state of panic and his eyes widened at what he found. His beloved children. Essej, Yrral, and Ssol, all gathered around a grinning William the Bloody on the sofa and watching cartoons while they fed off of him hungrily and he drank enough blood to keep feeding them. They had never had such a large meal because Xander couldn't give that much and stay conscious. He felt a little betrayed that they were feeding off of someone else, but more so he was relieved that they were eating so well and it was giving him warm fuzzies to see Spike and his children gathered together like that. Almost like a family.

"Daddy!" The kids jumped up and tackled their father figure to the ground giggling like no demon had ever been raised to do and talking all at once, in perfect tandem, as they tended to do when they got excited.

"Spike came over before the sun came up!" They all said together, "He brought food and nummies for you and he let us drink from him 'cause he can drink more and it was good and we like him you were right daddy can we keep him please?!"

Xander just stared and Spike grinned and helped him up, "Came over ta visit didn't I. The brats were a surprise. Shame on you pet, they're a chip of the ol'. You should bring them to the Watchers and let them meet the 'pack'."

The stare became a grimace and then a glare that bordered on fright, "What did you hear Spike."

"Hear pet? Nothin' much. Lovely tale of woe an' all."

Xander stiffened, "Guys, go into your room."

"Why daddy? What's wrong?"

"Spike and I need to talk is all. Tell ya what, go into my room and you can watch the tv in there ok?"

They nodded and filed passed but Essej stopped at Spike and looked up, "If you hurt daddy we'll kill you. We can do that you know."

"I'm sure ya can pet." Spike grinned and waited until the bedroom door shut, "So, whelp, what's up your. . . erk!" He found himself backed against a wall and held up by his neck. Damn! Construction does a body good! Yum pet.

"You aren't going to use them to threaten me, do you hear me? Threaten me all you want but don't use them. They're as close to family as I've ever had and I love them like they were my own. Hurt them and I'll show you just how 'much' good construction has done me. Understand?" He dropped the stunned vampire and Spike gaped up at him.

"Did I say that out loud? . . . No. . . I know I didn't say it out loud." He stood and faced the boy, "You have quite a few secrets don't you nummy."

"It's the kids." He sat on the couch and waited for Spike to do the same. "Garkreshin demons can give phycic powers to the person they feed off if it's over a long time. I guess it's so they know when to stop."

"Wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done pet. Coulda killed ya."

"They wouldn't. I've raised them for four years now."

"Four?! Then they must 'ave been just born when you. . . 'ow could you keep this a secret?!"

"I'm very good at hiding things Spike." Xander sighed and melted back into the couch. "You aren't going to tell anyone are you?"

Spike grinned, "Nah pet, I like the li'l buggers, but I don't think the Watcher or the witches would 'urt 'em. Might spoil them to death, but they wouldn' 'urt 'em."

"I can't chance it. Not while they're still young."

"They'll be tall as you are soon."

Xander blushed, "But they're still my babies."

The vampire shook his head. The whelp was a treat all right. And whadd'ya know. He hadn't thought of Buffy in almost 12 hours. Maybe he'd found his distraction.