hot damn
Mood:
not sure
Now Playing: mudvayne, falling asleep
Topic: one helluva day
holy hell, im glad today is over. roller coaster ride my ass, i feel like i just got out of an airplane that tried to kill me! got a small ass chewing from mary this morning, wasnt hittin my marks quite right this morning and needed to take five to get some coffee in my system and refocus my mind to the tasks at hand. after that it was a pretty smooth day but i still felt like i was misfiring all day long b/c i couldnt get into the zone as it were. usually i can focus and get into a rhythm and just roll along like nobody's business and roll w/ the punches and give as much as i take, but today i felt like i was being reactive instead of proactive, kinda like i was in a slight haze all day. the attourney thats tryin to collect on an old hospital bill called me at work this morning, right as a customer was walkin up, i barked at her for it and hung up on her until i was able to go on break and call her bak. i gotta make sure to remember to leave myself 100 bucks in my account on the last day of every month for their asses b/c theyr gonna b doing an auto withdrawal once a month for the next six months. im gonna have to start checking my planner more often so i know when to reserve 100 bucks for the attourney to withdraw so that way i dont overdraw my account like i did this week.
lisa told kevin about me and her getting engaged the other night. he's pissed at both of us now. said he hates us and he's gonna bounce out as soon as she gets over this infection. i honestly hope he gets over it. i mean he told me numerous times that if she and him were gonna get bak together theyd have done it by now and truthfully i think he's only mad at us b/c we didnt tell him immediately after we got engaged. i think between that and the fact that he was really hopin that me and her would eventually break up so that he could b w/ her is y he's mad. i cant blame him, if i were in his shoes i'd probably b mad b/c lisa's an amazing woman and im just the lucky bastard that she chose to spend the rest of her life with. it would seem that for once the luck of the irish has decided to grace me.
well i guess thats all for tonite, im gettin sleepy, time for me to strip down and pass out. peace peeps.
roller coaster ride
Mood:
down
Topic: up and down day
well today's been one helluva roller coaster ride...i dont know y either. i havent had a sunday off in almost a year, i should b happy and well rested and feelin good but i dont. lisa and i started planning the wedding today, we're getting married on october 8, 2007, and i cant wait. i picked out her ring today, its a white gold band w/ two small saphires and two small diamonds around a .38 carat heart shaped center diamond. its gonna cost me 1300 dollars and some change, not that i mind, but it kind of bugs me that i wont b able to afford to get her the 1 carat center stone that i want to put in there until after me and her r married. we talked about how we're gonna tell her dad that we're engaged, and we decided that we're gonna wait to tell him until he and i meet in person so that me and her can tell him together. we're sure he'll come around eventually, but im still kind of nervous about it. quite frankly idk if he'll just b upset but happy for us or if he's gonna try to kill me. i just hope that my mom can b happy for us when we tell her, cuz i want my mom to see us get married but i dont want her to b at the ceremony if she's not gonna b happy for us. i guess thats wats eatin me the most. whether my mom approves or not im gonna marry her, i love her and nothing can change my mind. im also afraid that i wont b a good father, i mean i want to b but wat if im too strict or too lenient? i want to raise my children right but i dont even kno where to start. i mean wat if my children dont come to me or lisa w/ theyr problems and it develops into a major clusterfuck where they wind up in jail? or worse wat if they wind up in a bind that i cant get them out of like someone trying to kill them? i just pray that kyle and katie never make the kind of dumbassed decision that puts them in that kind of bind. on the other hand, if they do i hope theyll come to me so i can help get them out of it. i shaved my cock and balls today, shit does look bigger but it itches like crazy, tho masturbation is more fun now, i think ill keep it...well its one in the morning now and i gotta get up in a few hours to go to work. at least im not wakin up at the ass crack of dawn. later.
good several days for a change, hooah
Mood:
crushed out
Now Playing: disturbed, prayer
Topic: another day in paradise
well, another day on the books, im still alive and kicking, my boss still hasnt canned me, tho he did cut my hours back, and me and lisa made it another day w/o fighting. i think me and her r making real progress w/ our relationship, and if i have to wait two years for her to decide that she's ready to move in together, then so be it. i just wish kevin would stand aside and quit makin moves on her. i understand that kevin wants to b w/ her to have a real family but he's gotta realize that lisa's my gf and she's my gf b/c she decided that she wanted to b w/ me. i just hate to think wat would happen if me and her broke up again. bein w/ her has made me realize how badly i want kids of my own like...NOW, lol. and while having the lack of aggravation that kevin causes me would b preferable, i guess he'll bak off when me and her move in together. at least i hope he will. cuz when i move in w/ her he's gonna have to start sleepin on the couch cuz me and her r gonna b cuddlin and doin shit together alot. at least i hope we will b. i want to b able to take her to the movies, or out to a romantic dinner w/o kevin bein like "i wanna come" cuz that just wouldnt b right. the point of a date is so that u and ur date spend time together and get to enjoy a romantic nite together. not so that the third wheel can b like "oh baby, u so hot, me dumbass caveman, y u wit him? i bonk u on pussy, u suppose to come to my cave now". i know i have a long wait ahead of me b4 she's ready to move in w/ me, but i just hope that he starts giving us our privacy when that happens. i know he's the twins' father and i kno i gotta deal w/ that but for fuck's sake would it b so fucking hard for him to bak the fuck off and stop makin a move on my girl?! i mean, sure, if i were in his shoes i'd want to b w/ lisa too, but i was raised differently, so i wouldnt b makin a move on her unless she was single, long distance relationship or not b/c it was her decision who she's gonna b w/. im lucky that i came out ahead tho. im not complainin that im w/ her im just bitchin about kevin's little stunts b/c he knows that in the past if he kept it up long enough it'd irritate the hell outta me to the point that itd drive a wedge between me and lisa just so that he could have her. he's come a long way from the immature child he was when she got pregnant, but he still has much to learn about respecting another man and his woman. idk if he respects me or not, but i wish he'd put a little more effort into it even tho it sux cuz i bit the bullet when she was w/ him trying to figure out which of us she wanted to b w/ more, and she chose me. im just rambling on now about the same shit over and over, so i think imma just shut my damned yap b4 i go too far. besides, the porno site is callin my name and my dick is startin to tingle. late!
new day
Mood:
crushed out
Now Playing: metallica , st. anger
Topic: new record w/ lisa
well me and lisa r doing good, we made it thru the day today w/o having ne big fights, even tho we had one or two spats where she got mad for a few minutes. i love her so much, i just cant get over it. i never thot that i'd ever find neone in my life that would love me and stay faithful to me but she's proved me wrong. its so amazing, the way it feels when im w/ her. she makes every nerve ending on my body come alive w/ happiness and i can tell that if i play my cards right, that thats the way itll b for the rest of my life. i never want it to end, i wish me and her could stay young forever in perfect health and just spend every waking moment together w/o a worry in the world. of course if that were to happen we'd never b able to have kids together, and she wouldnt b too happy about that cuz that would mean that the twins wouldnt exist either, but u know wat i mean. baby kyle slept all day in his crib but only b/c he was so worn out from being awake all nite last nite. i wish i could see them, or even have a picture of them to look at. i kno theyr beautiful but i've never seen them so idk xactly wat they look like. theyll have some baby brothers and sisters soon enough tho b/c i want a boy and a girl of my own w/ lisa....i just hope that they come out lookin like theyr mamma cuz im one ugly assed s.o.b. if u ask me. i also hope they get their mother's eyes, cuz i'd feel bad if they had bad eyesite b/c of me. u kno, alot of ppl dont understand it, but this long distance relationship thing can b a good thing from time to time if u find the right person. lisa and i werent looking to fall in love when we met, and now look at us, im not the pick of the litter, and yet i wound up falling in love w/ the hottest woman i've ever laid eyes on. if she were to walk into my store w/o me knowing her, i'd barely say hello to her b/c i'd think she's way outta my league. im gonna make sure i dont screw things up w/ her tho cuz i dont ever want to lose her. i lost her once for a long time and its been one helluva roller coaster ride since then but im so happy that i have her that im starting to learn when to keep my big mouth shut and when to say just the right thing, (yes ladies its true, we men can learn, im proof of that). i wish i could synchronize my schedule more closely w/ hers tho, cuz she hates that i close all the time and by the time i get home its close to 11 pm her time. i hate it too but for a different reason and no matter wat i do ill still have the same problem: the closer the end of my shift gets, the more antsy i get b/c i want to clock out and run home so i can talk to her and spend time w/ her. im losin sleep over it cuz my mind worries, "wat if she comes online while im asleep? i dont want to miss her if that happens". last nite i actually made it thru the nite w/o a nitemare. instead i dreamed that me and her were cuddling and watching a movie...it was one of those super realistic dreams that u enjoy so much that u dont want to wake up. then of course me being me, i realized that it was just that, a dream and woke up...it was another three and a half hours of waiting b4 she came online, and ill tell u, i had some misgivings about making it thru the whole day w/ her but i actually did it. today was the first day off that ive actually enjoyed in a long time, and it was all b/c of her. she doesnt want to get married, ever, and that sort of bugs me but im not gonna let it drive me away from her b/c idk if i could go on w/o her... especially over something as stupid as that. when u get right down to it, living w/ someone u love is pretty much the same as bein married to them. u still celebrate ur anniversaries, birthdays , and holidays together, and in the eyes of the lord, ur probably married if u truly love the person. i mean wat is a marriage ceremony neway? if u wanna get technical about it, its just another xcuse for ppl to get together, party, and get drunk b4 staggering bak to their homes and waking up the next day w/ a killer hangover (personally i dont think i could stand being around that many drunk ppl). well tomorrow's a new day and my ass is seizing up, so its time for me to get to steppin. peace.
