The Entourage Superfan: Funniest Quotes


Entourage is of course a comedy show, so I thought I would include this stuff on the site! Here are some of the most memorable and funniest lines the guys have spat out throughout the series! They may not be so funny or make much sense if you haven't seen the show and are without the context, but fans should recognize these quotes and remember their humor.

Funniest Quotes of Entourage!
Quote
Said By
Said To
Episode
"That Rogaine, that shit's lookin' gold baby."
Drama
The Guys
Entourage (Pilot)
"Could you get laid without Vince, that's the question."
"Do I give a fuck? That's the answer."
Eric, Turtle
Eachother
Entourage (Pilot)
"I liked it, but you still read it."
"Nope."
"You're kidding me, right?"
"I didn't even know who the killer was until I saw the fuckin' thing."
Eric, Vince
Eachother
Entourage (Pilot)
"I'll listen, that's what good actors do E, they listen. Right Johnny?"
"...What?"
Vince, Drama
E
Entourage (Pilot)
"Hey! They drive that way in Tiananmen Square bitch?!"
Ari
Random Driver
Entourage (Pilot)
"What is this, Sweet Sixteen? This is my career, let Eric handle it."
Vince
Drama
Entourage (Pilot)
"You read the new republic?."
"Uh, I've heard of it."
"Well I was reading that and it's interesting because what it says is that, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"
Ari, Eric
Eachother
Entourage (Pilot)
"He's my agent, you can't go around threatening people E. We're not back in high school."
"He called me pizza boy!"
"Well you were the night manager at S'barros, weren't you?"
Vince, Eric
Eachother
Entourage (Pilot)
"Fuckin' prick called you a thesbian."
Turtle
Vince
The Review
"It's the girl's first day, you really need to be an asshole?"
"You order something unusual, people never forget you."
"Ooh, I think E's got somethin' for that Emily."
"Yeah, seriously, because I'm always orderin' weird shit and now all of the sudden it's become a problem?"
Eric, Drama, Turtle
Eachother
The Review
"Don't fuckin' mention that review again, alright?"
"I'm not."
"You wanna hug it out?"
"Not really."
"Let's hug it out bitch."
Ari, Eric
Eachother
The Review
"$320,000, but if you sign a picture for my daughter, I'll give it to you for 319."
"How much if he bangs his daughter?"
Rolls Dealer, Turtle
Dealer to Vince, Turtle to Drama
The Review
"$2500 a month his brother spends on vitamin supplements. Nobody could take that many supplemants and still fuckin' live! Turtle has got a $1500 a month cellphone bill. You can get an unlimited plan for $200, get him an unlimited plan!"
"I'll get him free weekends."
Marvin, Eric
Vince
The Review
"I can't, I don't drink, I'm sorry."
[Downs shot of liquor]
"Mmm...I do drink."
Jimmy Kimmel
The Guys
Talk Show
"I thought he quit?"
"Cigarettes, not pussy."
Turtle, Drama
Eachother
Talk Show
"Ready in 5."
"We need 10!"
Kimmel Crewgirl, Sarah Foster
Eachother
Talk Show
"I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to ask you not to hold hands, the FCC says no over displays of affection."
"Uh oh, we just had sex about 5 minutes ago."
Jimmy Kimmel, Vince
Eachother
Talk Show
"He's fuckin' a guy (about Drama), you're gettin' asked out like a little bitch, I'd say it's a very big deal."
"Touche, douche bag."
Turtle, Drama
The Guys
Date Night
"So Turtle, how'd you guys meet?"
"Uh, J-Date."
"Isn't that for Jews?"
"So?"
"She's wearin' a cross."
"She's reformed, uh, put your hands up, give her a hand everybody!"
Tanya, Turtle, Drama
Eachother
Date Night
"I think I want you to be my first."
"Really?"
"Yeah, but you're realy gonna have to work for it."
"Work? Come on, I got into this business so I don't have to work."
Justine, Vince
Eachother
Date Night
"How'd she look? Good enough to eat I bet."
"Yeah."
"Too bad Vince can't eat animal products anymore."
Turtle, Eric, Drama
Eachother
The Script and the Sherpa
"What the fuck are we doing here man?. I'm on Atkins, I need protein."
"Come on Ari, there's plenty of protein at Mudbeans."
"No, no, I'm talking about real protein, like man protein. You know from the flesh of slaughtered animals. I wanna have warpaint on, I want blood dripping, that's what I need."
Ari, Fiona
Eachother
The Script and the Sherpa
"Meat is murder."
"Even broccoli screams when you rip it from the ground."
Vince, Ari
Eachother
The Script and the Sherpa
"What the fuck's a sherpa?"
Turtle
Fiona, Drama
The Script and the Sherpa
"When's the next season of Viking Quest dude?"
"We got cancelled 7 years ago."
The Sherpa, Drama
Eachother
The Script and the Sherpa
"Alright E, don't freak alright? I love her, I wanna marry her."
[E gets a very shocked and worried look on his face]
"Haha, no, I'm fucking with you, relax."
Vince
Eric
The Script and the Sherpa
"That's chilling. I just got offered a job."
"Nice buddy, what for?"
"Yeah, as a fuckin' waiter."
I don't know Drama, that's a laot of responsibility, maybe you should try out busboy first!"
"Eat shit Turtle."
"Why don't you serve it to me motherfucker?"
Drama, Turtle
Eachother
Busey and the Beach
"Ari, I really don't wanna get in the middle of this."
"You are in the middle of this, whether you like it or not. Okay? You wanna be a hero? You wanna medal or are you a coward? Kock off the hippy shit, strap on a helmet, and start shooting. This is Mulibu Emily, I want you to storm that beach like it's fucking Normandy!"
Emily, Ari
Eachother
Busey and the Beach
"So uh, you like what you're doin', you like bein' a waiter?"
"Yeah asshole, I love serving crabcakes wearin' a fuckin' monkey suit."
Drama, Waiter
Eachother
Busey and the Beach
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I, they just flew in a liver I gotta do the transplant. Where do you think I'm going?"
Mrs. Ari, Ari
Eachother
Busey and the Beach
"You know what other class I took at Harvard? Business Ethics. I don't steal other people's motherfucking clients! But in your case I'm going to make an exception! I'm going to take everyone, your B-level sitcom stars, your reality tv writers, when I'm done with you you're gonna be repping sideshow freaks! You need Jo Jo the dogface bitchboy, call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen stealing fuckface!"
Ari
Josh Weinstein and Partygoers
Busey and the Beach
"He's got a guy blowin' you on page 26!"
"Hehehehe....come on...?"
"I better read it."
"I better read that shit too."
"Who's blowin' him? I hope it's not the part of the bookie, cuz I'm playin' that. That would be awkward."
Eric, Vince, Turtle, Drama
Eachother
The Scene
"I'd take it in the ass for an Oscar."
"You'd take it in the ass for a guest spot on the Hugheleys!"
Drama, Turtle
Eachother
The Scene
"I'm going to the pool Ari, you said no business calls. We had a deal."
"I'm ready to go here, alright? It's like R.Kelly at recess. Honey, honey, what are you doing? Are you kidding me? Baby?!"
Mrs. Ari, Ari
Eachother
The Scene
"Vince, who would you rather bang, Kristen or Emily?"
"Don't answer that Vince."
"Honestly, I kinda like 'em both."
See, you should feel good, movie star Vince Chase would bang both your broads."
"I do, I feel really blessed."
Turtle, Eric, Vince
Eachother
New York
"I know you're excited about this movie, and it's a good little part, but here's the thing, I got you an audition for a guest starring role in a pilot. A pilot that's all but on the air."
"Yeah, what's it called?"
"CSI: Minneapolis. Don Johnson, playing the William Peterson, playing the David Caruso, playing the Gary Sinise role."
Adam Davies, Drama
Eachother
New York
"What wrong with her?"
"From now on, ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants."
"How'd you know that?"
"Cuz I know all. I could have told you this would end badly. Now I gotta fire her so you don't feel weird."
"No, don't fire her."
"Alright, well I'll just sexually harass her 'til she quits."
Eric, Ari
Eachother
New York
"Turtle’s right, E. Let the girl think you’re busy."
"She’s my girlfriend, idiots; I don’t care what she thinks."
Drama, Eric
Eachother
The Boys Are Back In Town
"Vince, I want this guy’s job. He’s sitting on easy street."
"Oh Turtle, please. You’re like a three time lotto winner."
Turtle, Eric
Vince, Eachother
The Boys Are Back In Town
"What’d you fire Emily?"
"I had to E. To make sure you wouldn’t fuck another one of my assistants. You’re not going to try to fuck Lloyd are you?"
Eric, Ari
Eachother
The Boys Are Back In Town
"Adam! You have your own office."
"And you have a smoking hot assistant."
"Yep and it’s all because of this guy."
"Really?"
"No."
Drama, Turtle, Adam Davies
Eachother
The Boys Are Back In Town
"I have a lunch meeting with Dana Gordon."
"Should I be there?"
"Um, no. Unless you want to serve her some Crème Brule or pull up her car or something."
Ari, Eric
Eachother
The Boys Are Back In Town
"It’s kind of emasculating having your kid brother pay for your head shots."
"Oh and what having him pay for the rest of your life is empowering?"
"Vince don’t pay for shit of mine. It’s all on my tab."
Drama, Eric
Eachother
The Boys Are Back In Town
"Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? He’s not even Hispanic."
"Yeah and Hillary Swank has a vagina and she won an Oscar for pretending she had a dick. That’s what actors do they pretend."
Eric, Ari
Eachother
The Boys Are Back In Town
"You’re THE most powerful agent, right?"
"One of the most powerful, yeah."
"No you said when I signed on with you that you were THE most powerful. He said that to you too, right Eric?"
"Yeah a bunch of times."
"Shut the fuck up Eric."
Vince, Ari, Eric
Eachother
The Boys Are Back In Town
"I had an Italian sports car in ninety four, they’re a delight."
"You had a Fiat, Drama."
"Italian nonetheless."
Drama, Turtle
Eachother
My Maserati Does 185
"And you’re sort of invited too, Ari."
"I’d love to come but it’s actually anal sex night at the Gold house. I’m going to go home and punish my wife."
Jaime Pressley, Ari
Eachother
My Maserati Does 185
"Yeah I take care of whatever Vince needs."
"Like a gofer?"
"Na sweetie, it’s more like a manager."
Turtle, some girl
Eachother
My Maserati Does 185