The lore that has built up around Phloonins - in both the private and professional domains - is quite staggering. In fact, one might struggle to separate fact from fiction. Here, then, I present a deoconstruction of the phenomenon that is this exceptional man:
Phloonins first became interested in the practice of Hung-Gung Snooleenos at a very early age...if Greegax Lornis is to be believed, that is (1). Regardless, by age 6 he was already capable of defeating boys twice his age. Such an incredible grasp of the dynamics which underpin the complicated technique of Lornos-Kangs had never been known before. By age 15 Phloonins was the undisputed master of his discipline.
Sadly - and as you will no doubt be aware - adverse lifestyle circumstances threatened to undermine Phloonins' phenomenal gift. As luck would have it, though, Krools had arrived back from his expedition to Galeenoolos not but days before Phloonins threatened to career irreconcilably out of control. Hearing of the youngster's difficulties, Krools endeavoured to seek out the gifted tearaway and guide him back to safety. What transpired from here is well-documented; suffice it to say, by his early 20s Phloonins was ready for a triumphant return to the limelight.
So followed the unprecedented run of success which so enraptured the nation. When it ended - some two decades later - Phloonins had accomplished things no one else had ever done before, or is likely to do again. Perhaps the man himself summed it up best, when he said recently: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!" (broadly translatable into: "Kill me! Please, somebody just kill me. I am beyond help."
