Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Spander
Summary: It was like being taken over. Pinned to the spiritual floor and left to watch as your body performed without you.
Notes: For spander132, in which the mood is - that's right! - nervous. This contains Hyena!Xander.
Nervous
by
frk_werewolf
It was like being taken over. Pinned to the spiritual floor and left to watch as your body performed without you. That was the only way Spike could describe it, and in all honesty it made him unsure of himself. He was used to his emotions being out of control at times. Love and anger were things he never felt the need to hold back. Possessiveness? It was a force that could keep you standing in a fight. Emotions could aide you in everything, if you knew how to wield them to your liking.
Except nervousness. It was the thing that tore you up from the inside. It was what took hold of you and refused to let go. It made your insides shake and your hands tremble. It made humans sweat and vampires claw at their own flesh.
Needless to say, Spike doesn't enjoy the feeling. He never did, and never would. And yet the one thing that caused him to feel that way now was standing before him. Xander Harris, once a worthless donut boy, had gone to great measures. Greater than anything Spike thought the boy capable of. Xander had voluntarily went and got himself possessed good and proper. The fact that he had been possessed by the hyena once before only made Spike even more at unease.
Spike blamed the Slayer and her merry band of followers. Too long did they over look the abilities Xander offered them. Too long did they ignore that it was Xander that held them together. So Xander decided to get himself an upgrade. Spike didn't know the real reasoning behind it, and he didn't want to know.
He never expected this. For Xander to get an animal prowling within, well, that wasn't too surprising. The boy had always had a pack mentality, which Spike had often found comforting. To know that someone out there was willing to die for their pack's safety? It was something Spike could relate to. The instinct. The smells. The desire. Spike felt and knew it all. Perhaps that was why Xander had come to him.
Spike didn't want to fool himself, however. There were only two reasons Xander would show up at his crypt. One, to eliminate the dominate being that threatened his pack. And two, to take him as a mate. Spike wasn't shocked by either. He was, again, nervous. In all honesty, he could handle both. He could handle Xander fighting him, knowing that while Xander was quick and strong, he didn't have over a hundred years of experience under his belt. He could also handle being the mate of Xander Harris.
Perhaps it was that acceptance that made him stand there like a pole, stiff and unwavering. He was on the verge of shaking, like a frightened lamb. With all that was holy and not-so-holy, Spike was happy Angel wasn't here to see this. That would be the breaking point right there. To know that someone, whom he once cared about the opinion of, saw him looking so weak and so... God damn nervous!
And then Xander was stepping forward, teeth bared and eyes glowing like lanterns in the night. It's so unnatural, and yet so fitting that Spike can't imagine Xander any other way. A part of him, that still holds onto his human self, feels ashamed at the fact that this boy it twisting him so. Spike wanted to step closer to that warm, growling, body. But he couldn't even move, no matter how hard he tried.
Shivers ran down his spine when Xander finally draws close. It's like looking into the eyes of a powerful beast, something that Spike hadn't been forced to do since... Well, he can't really remember. He's murdered humans. Killed demons. But never has he been approached by such pure force and passion, all mixed in with this speckle of lust that has him closing his eyes so he can simply feel.
Xander is saying something, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that the words are muddled and slightly slurred, as though Xander really doesn't remember how to talk. It doesn't matter that the green glow won't go away and Spike kind of misses those chocolate orbs that were able to convey every bloody emotion the boy had. Doesn't matter that the body that Spike once believed to be weak and gangly is a mass of strong muscles. Not overly built but it's enough to give you a sense of security if those arms were to hold you. It doesn't matter that Spike has a sudden desire to be held.
It doesn't matter because Spike is nervous and if he tried anything, he would completely fuck it up. Royally so. Spike can't describe it. All this? Simply words, because Spike doesn't know what could convey the meaning behind this moment. A moment where Xander's truly invading his space and he so badly wants to push him away, pull him close, pin him down, or simply strip him naked. All of it. None of it. Pure confusion, and yet through all of this thinking Xander is there. Staring at him like he's a dessert, waiting to be eaten.
And a part of him wanted that. A part wanted to submit. Another would kill for that body to press against his own in a seductive dance of limbs and pleasure. So many parts, all one vampire. And Spike can't explain which he wants to follow. It doesn't matter anyway, because Xander is suddenly there and in charge. Body against body. Breath and against a mouth that pants despite there being no need for air. Strong hands clasping his shoulders. And lips. Lips of honey. Lips of blood. Is there really a difference? Xander has them both.
Nervous. The word can't describe what Spike is feeling. Every inch of him is on fire. Every pore is begging to be touched. And he wants. God, he wants more. He never knew he could want so much, but vampires are gluttons by nature and surely this makes sense. Xander seems capable of giving Spike everything he's ever desired. And Spike no longer cares. It doesn't matter. If Xander wants him, he can have him.
The End
