jessica part.1
Mood:  down
Jessica you are still prolly the only one from that part of my life i would still try and keep an open relationship with and go out with. Simply because you have made a great contribution to me through that year (well half), almost like an angel on your shoulder. You prolly with out even knowing it made me get over Tina, my dream recollection of my nightmarish childhood, and most of all my self.
Over the period i was gone from Dakota you non stop ran through my mind image after image after image,you were there but you were gone. after the realization of me never seeing you again by staying on the computer all day and night waiting for you to come on. After about 1 or 2 months i had a horrible reality to face, it was that i lost you forever. It sent me into turmoil cause at the time i was not as wise to problems as i am today. I didn't want to face it, so i went into depression got drunk every chance i could Bacardi 151 was my fav. choice. Then you come online, i was sent into a shock like yes finally i can see her again! But no reality once again destroyed my fantasy image of life.
Most of the time i talked to you i was drunk or buzzed, depressed or happy,sad or joking which i feel made me lose you even more. 1 month or 2 passed no sign of you i was still drinking my sorrows away. You came online once again aimed me at the same time i was involved with my ex-girlfriend Asia and had i love you Asia in my profile. Now i will never forget what came next you asked me who's Asia i told you, you asked me if she was Asian i laughed and said no she was black.
Then i never heard from you again. A couple months later i soon started to face reality and began a metamorphosis to who i am today.

Philosophy
I have always had an interest in philosophy but it wasn't until about a year ago that i experienced a new birth in it. It help make since of the world, of the people in the world. I get to look at seemingly easy to answer questions and find that an answer only leads to more questions. Through this i have discovered many things about my relationship with people from my past, my self. I know now that people who where once considered friends are not anymore, and that i saw my mistakes my failures clearly. I now embrace these failures and have become a new person with new morals and a few new principles but a definite change in the way i look at the world and how it works.
Up until now when people told me you'd be lucky to count how many true friends you had on one hand i thought that to be idiotic. I always thought me and my friends at least my inner circle of friends would continue being friends forever. Now i understand that to be premature and irrational. I ask question's everyday and it always ceases's to amaze me what answer's i get. I always ask people seemingly easy question's until they answer than a question as easy as whats normal or what's a friend turns into a 5 hour long philosophical discussion.
I guess what I'm saying is i understand things more clearly now as ever but still know nothing on how the universe works other than on impossibilities , contradictions and cause and effect.

The first love
Mood:  down
My first love. Tina.

You i love to this day, not nearly as much as previously but you will always have a place in my heart. Joyfulness and happiness is what i experienced as soon as i saw you. I thought you were so beautiful. I remember the first day we met, it was in Aaron's's basement when you liked him. I knew that day i loved you.
I embarrassed myself and you by not showing you the affection you needed no you deserved. I was just so intimated by your glowing beauty. I have never before saw this only read about it in Greek and roman mythology. I just couldn't believe it that a goddess was interested in me. So for that i am so sorry.
When you broke up with me i experienced deep pain, it drove me almost to the end. But luckily i had good friends in Aaron's and Jason. I feel so stupid for my behavior during that period. I am so sorry to everyone who was around me at that time and i am so much more sorry to you Tina.
I then found out we were in the same team in school so i tried so hard to impress you but failed miserably. Then lost sight of you forever but as long as i breathe you will always be cared for in my heart.

best friend
to my best friend Aaron,

You were always a good friend, always there to help. Never really thinking of yourself just evryone else. But what if we were never really friends at all? but acquaints. If we were really as close as we thought , we wouldn't be so distant. I hold dear all the memory's but friendship wasn't the reality. Not with me. I want to thank you for helping me find my path to salvation, you helped me more than you know. You helped me into who i am today. You helped me become strong principled and driven. so thank you and i hope you do well in your band. So goodbye and good luck.

Sincerely yours,
Acquaint

im sorry
Mood:  down
I'm so sorry to all of those i done wrong to. Just know it was not intentional i do not wish harm on none of you. I reminisce alot about how it used to be, hanging out with Aaron, goining out with Tina, losing Tina, and myself, finding Jessica, and a new me. but just as quick as she came she left. Well i left. Against my will of course i would never leave you Jessica i love you! i was lied to deceived and i fell for it. In which leaving you, and I'm so sorry. I have no idea if you feel the same about it or not i just loved you so much. I tried to talk to you in the hallway before class, I could have talked to you in the hallway! I failed, and for that I'm sorry. I wrote two notes to you explaining the situation but yet i fell asleep again failing!I awoke to the evil and the notes gone thinking they gave them to you as they were properly addressed. I failed you and myself for that i am sorry.....

one last goodbye
Mood:  not sure
I thought it to be good to have the first entry explain the title and the purpose of this website/blog. I don't care if anyone see's it, although if certain people would i would be honored. This is saying goodbye to my old friends whom of which i will never see nor talk to again. This is a type of closier to me. To be able to talk to them through this rather than in person. I would rather talk in person but not everything goes according to plan. I will only present the first names of my once close friends and dearest companions when i speak of them. My name shall remain unknown but known at the same time to the few people i wish to read this. So now it begins.