U.S.A  HUMOR

Texas

The Wind Sure Does Blow.....
A visitor asked a West Texas cowboy,

"Do you ever get tornadoes out here?"

 The cowboy replied, "Yeah, we had one a while back, but it ran
into a sandstorm outside of town and got ripped to pieces."

 The wind blows so hard out in West Texas

 that at a drive-in theater it once blew
Gene Autry right out of the saddle."

 A visitor to Amarillo asked a local rancher,

"How do you stand the wind blowing every single day?"

The rancher said,

"You just have to get used to it -- learn to lean into it.

In fact, one day last fall the wind stopped blowing all of a sudden, and
all the cattle in the panhandle plumb fell over."

It was so windy the prairie dogs were digging holes 40 feet in the air.

During a period of heavy sandstorms,

a rancher visited his banker and applied for a loan.

The banker warned him,

"I'll have to come out and inspect the property first."

The rancher replied,

 "That won't be necessary. Here it comes now."

POLITICS

Politician: Re-elect me for a second term! In spite of what the House
Ethics Committee investigation concluded, my conscience is clean.

Heckler: Yeah, because in the last six years you never used it!

12-Step Internet Recovery Program:

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper
like I used to, before the Internet.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand
typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan
dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends
and family that are Internet-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the
Internet.

7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling
them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is
necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance
my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed
sometime ... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

Speed

A police officer was investigating an accident on a
two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit
virtually head-on.

One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept
repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the
road!"

After gathering as much information as possible, he
angrily approached the other driver, who was examining
his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old
lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of
the road. Why not?

In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car
and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give
her half of the road --- if she had just let me know
WHICH half she wanted!!!!"

Page Created With Love By

Pam Gallo

2007

Can You Feel Our Hugs