Top Ten List of Things Doom Hates

10.Goober Grape (Peanut Butter / Jelly Mix)
	Honestly, how lazy are you Americans? In Latveria, we are forced to mix our own sandwich concoction. Doom is still waiting for the bologna/mayonnaise mix or the big bag of chips/salsa. Seriously, are you gonna have your underwear pre-sewn into your pants? I can almost hear you getting fatter.
09. Tiny Little Urinal Walls
	Doom can not use these things. Every time Doom uses them, someone is always eyeing Doom's junk. Good thing Doom sports a cape. These walls block someone's view about as well as Julianne McMahon acts. Oh, sic burn!
08. Bratz Babyz
	These dolls are beyond creepy... not to mention pedophilic. America's teens are dressed like street trash 24/7. Must you start them any earlier?  It just goes to show America's obsession with the mildly cute slash super disturbing.
07. Resurrecting Old Movie Franchises
	Doom does not understand what is goes through filmmaker's brains when they think up this crap. Apparently the love of the almighty dollar blinds them so much they forget about a legacy and decide to put out a sequel to their crowning achievement 20-30 years after its original release. The film is either screwed up by new actors or the original geriatric actors with their adult diapers making their costume all puffy. This is the exact reason the Latverian government is in charge of movie distribution. As far as the Latverian people know, Han shot first... the way it should be.
06. Metal Detectors
	Does Doom need to explain?
05. Alan Thicke
	Your name suggests depth, but your acting has anything but. Doom does however enjoy the theme to The Facts of Life. (For those of you with a life, Alan Thicke wrote it.) You give Doom Growing Pains, Thicke. This picture isn't helping either.
04. High-Fives
	Doom believes that high-fives cause cancer. It is the creator's way of punishing those who disobey the laws of good judgment. There has never been a high-five that was not somewhat awkward. If not for those performing the act, those who watch it.
03. Hang in There Kitty Posters
	Don't get Doom wrong, Doom enjoys an uplifting slogan as much as the next person. Take Latveria's uplifting  slogan for example: Obey Doom and Live. (Catchy, isn't it?) But there are some slogan's that Doom loathes; not just due to their message, but their representation as well. Let's imagine, you're setting in your office, you get this sudden feeling of worthlessness, you plan to take your life by strangling yourself with the fax machine cord, but wait, you see a small helpless kitten dangling over what must be its certain death, and you suddenly feel remarkably better. If that kitten can hang from a rope for what looks like all eternity, I can make it through my day. Problem averted. But what about the kitten? He's still hanging there. Possibly, he has fallen to his death. Who cares? I feel better about myself, right? Doom cares. Doom cares a lot. It is one thing to depend on useless slogans to try an maintain sanity during your useless existence, but it is another to depend on the suffering of others. Why not have a sign with a picture of some sap with a gun to his head with the caption, "Hey, at least your not this guy." Americans are sick.
02. Pennies / Abraham Lincoln
	Ever since Richards pennied Doom's door in college, Doom has loathed this copper plated form of US currency and the bearded do-gooder that graces its facade. Till this day, when presented with a price that is not divisible by five, Doom will round up to the next nickel and allow the peasant to clerk keep the change. Curse you, Abraham Lincoln. You freed the slaves, but where were you when Doom needed to be freed? Holding Doom captive!! (The irony is not lost on Doom.) Doom remained in his dorm from 3-7pm; the exact time of Applebee's Half-off Happy Hour. You made Doom miss half price appetizers, and that is unforgivable, Lincoln. Your death may have temporarily spared you from Doom's wrath, but Richards was not so lucky. (Doom urinated in his ice ray. Suck it, Richards!) Just remember, Doom has a time platform. I'd check your ice, Lincoln.

01. Richards!!!!!

What can Doom say about Richards that has not already been said? Nothing, so Doom will repeat it. Reed has been the biggest dork since Doom and Reed first met in college. I remember it like it was yesterday.......

That was exactly how it happened. Look at Reed's tennis racquet for God's sake. It's a square... just like Richards! Mwah ha ha ha ha. Doom's dorm is set up like a lab and Richards comes in and acts as if he deserves to live there with Doom (Doom in a spiffy Brooks Brothers suit and Reed dressed like Bear Bryant? Insolence). Doom must stop getting upset. Doom fears a tear in Doom's stomach lining is imminent. Where are Doom's Tums?

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