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-Journal- My meds were switched, so now instead of taking 2 Depakote in the morning I'm taking 1 in the morning and 2 at night. And it has made me so fucking sick, I've been throwing up all day. I didnt go to school, I've pretty much been in bed for the past two days...I haven't eaten anything. What would I do w/out these meds to make me better! I used J's report on The Mayor of Casterbridge that he did in '05...I copied about 2/3 of it word for word and added my own random bs to make up the rest. We're betting to see if I can get a higher grade then he did. I was at B's house tonight and he was wearing his taekwondo gi. We went into the kitchen where his grandma was sitting at the table and she looked over at me and said, 'Don't you think he's handsome' It was so funny but I didn't laugh because she was being serious so I just said yes, and B made a face and rolled his eyes...he's really trying hard to change but whatever. Behaviour Management is the most stupid fucking waste of time. We watched a video about positive thinking and good things happening when you think good thoughts... I passed notes back and forth w/Robert through most of it, otherwise I might have just killed myself right there. I told him that Bert is the name of my imaginary hobo and he told me about running away from home for three days...I knew I would like this kid the first time I met him and he was wearing a black wrist band that said 'F U' I've been talking to this girl N on isketch for awhile now, sometimes we stay up and talk early into the morning. I have a lot of fun with her. I think she sees me as just a friend though...she says I might be bi, but I'm on the gayer side of bi. I've been telling her I like girls too!!! I like her. Watching J wash his truck is is very entertaining...watching J wash his truck and bitch at me for not helping, even better! Tonight N told me that she feared she was getting to close to me... Lately I don't even play the game anymore, I just wait for her to get on. I was at B's tonight and they invited me to stay for dinner. For some reason the topic of conversation turned to needles and J was telling us about these new needles he read about that are thinner then regular needles so you can't even feel when you get a shot. Then their grandma starts talking about her doctor visits and how the nurse always has a hard time finding her veins and hurting her...and she said (talking about a male nurse giving her a shot) "This young guy did me last week and whooo" I was literally biting my tongue to keep from laughing, but then I looked up and saw J's face and we both burst out laughing...B was like whats so funny? I think N has quit isketch. She wasn't on last night and again tonight...it really sucks. I wonder if she is avoiding me or did something else happen...I miss her. I was on isketch almost all day talking to N! ...I went to B's and we watched Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. He wasn't as much of a dick as he has been lately so it was fun. It just seems like he goes out of his way to make sure that I know he is straight now... I don't get him. -"He means fruits." XD! We helped B's mom color some easter eggs. I made one with red and black stripes...we decided it was an emo easter egg...B drew a skull on one and thats when his mom said we were done helping. S, Jn, and I kidnapped B tonight from his taekwondo class. We ate and drove around...spied on S's girlfriend because he's stupid...ended back up at T.U. and B showed off by breaking some boards and showing us different patterns. He really is good at it...though we made fun of him mercilessly. B and his parents went to Texas today for competition and testing. B will be a 3rd degree black belt if he passes (which he will). I went to his house before they left to say bye and goodluck...it shocked me that he would hug my bye. I went with J to take his grandma to his uncle's house, she is staying there for the weekend. It was about a four hour drive there and back. He was very excited about it being Friday the 13th and also having the house empty to throw a party. ...I knew almost nobody there, they were all from his school. S came for a little while but didn't stay. We wanted to do shots but only had large plastic cups ...J (being the fucking genius that he is) brought out some of those disposable bathroom cups that were the perfect size and they had spongebob on them!!! I only did two, some people were getting pretty messed up. Outside there were some people sitting in a car smoking something out of a makeshift pipe. Thats the first time I've ever seen anyone do anything more then just pot. Around nine it started to rain and get really stormy outside, several people left. The power went out and almost everyone else left. J had a flash light and we found some red christmas candles that we put on the coffee table and lit. It looked like we were having a seance or were about to do some sacrificing. We were bored and someone suggested we play truth or dare...which basically turned into just dares because nobody picked truth. One of the girls had to flash us which wasn't a very big deal because she kept her bra on and it was dark. Several dares involved taking shots of various gross things. J had to do shots of cheese sauce. When it came to my turn, J dared me to let him pour wax on my chest. It was crazy. The power finally came back on after midnight. I didn't get home until around three. N and I are 'fighting' I think...she asked me what I expected from her. How do you answer something like that? I just want to make her happy. I tell her I love her, and I mean it. I like having someone say they love me again (that isn't family). I don't want to hurt her...it feels like she has done so much for me by just being there. She is a very important person in my life right now. Went with B, Jn and his girlfriend A to see Hot Fuzz. Jn joked that B must be my date...he thought it was a little bit funny. I think he was in a good mood. We sat outside the theater for a long time afterwards and talked. Went to B's house tonight...it was prom but neither of us had any desire to go to it. Didn't do much, played video games...around eleven I was going to leave but we talked to J on the phone and he decided to come home and told us not to go anywhere. After he got there we went to Walmart to buy waffles because J had a craving. He's fucking insane sometimes...I ended up staying at their house all night and falling asleep on the couch after B forced us to watch Zatoichi AGAIN! Thank christ it was the last Behaviour Management class. Robert was so funny because he figured out that the acronym was BM and then he figured out what BM means...so he was going around telling everyone he was happy this was his last BM just to get reactions. Very appropriate since those classes really were a bunch of shit! In a very fucking stupid move, I accidently left hotmail open when I was away from the computer. I think my mom saw it first and then got my step-father to read some of it also. They only saw a few emails because I think hotmail logged itself off and asked for the password...when they called me into the room it was at the log in screen. The worst thing they saw and what they wanted to know about was an email from J. He had mentioned stuff about the party and drinking. He was being very flirtatious in it. He talked about prom night and how he wouldn't mind seeing me lick something sticky off my fingers that wasn't syrup. I was so embarassed and mad. I lied so much, and I'm pretty sure they didn't believe most of my excuses. And now it's just very awkward, and I'm very nervous. I can't stand life sometimes. |