*IM*

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
kill me lol

frowning.smile says:
why kill u?

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
ask alicia

frowning.smile says:
she just messaged me actually...and said u pissed her off

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
it was unintentional, she saw the me that hides behind the lie, it went downhill from there

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
lol

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
you hate me now dont you lol

frowning.smile says:
umm no...i'm kinda just reading the convo u guys had....err

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
lol ida sent it you myself if she hadnt

frowning.smile says:
she is kinda freakin out

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
calm her down

frowning.smile says:
she says you dont understand how much she loves u

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
she doesnt love me

frowning.smile says:
maybe not you...but she loves the idea she has created of u

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
and that idea is a lie, she has to realise that, she cant love me because she doesnt know me

frowning.smile says:
i know..but its real to her...i agree with you though that she needs to realise the truth...

frowning.smile says:
are u going to hurt yourself?

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
probably, i havent felt this in such a long time, too much has happened today, i want to kill.. something, im not sure if its myself, or someone else, or both

frowning.smile says:
i wont tell you not to hurt yourself because i would feel like to much of a hypocrite since i do it too...but i wish you wouldnt say that u wanted to kill yourself =(

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
is it really killing yourself when youre allready dead inside?

frowning.smile says:
i dont really know how to answer that...but i do know that i've felt that way before...

frowning.smile says:
it comes and goes

frowning.smile says:
and if u can deal with it...and let it pass maybe things would be better??

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
things will never be better, it doesnt come and go, its always there, it just chooses when to engulf everything you are, i cant cope anymore, with anything, i never could, im just a brilliant actor, even the ones who saw me fall never saw the truth, sometimes, even i can't see the truth

frowning.smile says:
so what happened to the person that was trying to cheer me up today when he thought i was upset???

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
she got burried in her memories, lost in her dreams, and remembered what she'll never have

frowning.smile says:
what will u never have?

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
a proper life as the woman i am, a single day when im not ridiculed for some reason or another, even my family say stuff, but hey, atleast its to my face. i tell people to ignore what others say, but i shouldnt, im such a fucking hypocrite, i do /everything/ i tell other people not to do, so what good is my advice to anyone

frowning.smile says:
you're not the only person thats ever felt like you do...others have made it work..there is no reason u cant also

frowning.smile says:
and we already established the fact that giving is easier then receiving...your advice to other ppl isnt void just because u dont take it yourself

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
but other people are satisified with the change, and those who arent, kill themselves anyway, i wont be satisfied with th change. and i know alot of people are ridiculed, but the ones who cope are stronger than i am, n the ones who dont... no one hears from them after a while, and yeah well, who'll listen to a hypocrite? whats fucked up is so much goes on behind closed doors, theres so much too me that no one sees, but i forget, im good at forgetting, always have been, so i dont remember why, i all i know is the feeling, and then people think im making it up, because i dont have a reason for feeling this way, so i hide it, i burry it deep inside, untill something like a song, or a bad day, or a bad memory suddnly triggers it, then this happens

frowning.smile says:
how do u know u wont be satisfied until it's happened??maybe it wont be everything you wanted, but maybe it will be enough

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
nothing is ever enough, im too pathetic, i always want more than i can have

frowning.smile says:
if you say you're to pathetic then you're going to be to pathetic...i dont think you're to pathetic but then i guess u can argue that i dont really know u...you're the only person that can make things better...the ppl around you can help..but really its up to you

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
thats the problem, its up to me, and im useless, so how can i fix the problem, the problem that makes me feel useles, so i cant fix it, see catch 22

frowning.smile says:
you try something different...you let ppl help you...you do whatever it takes until you get it right...you don't give up

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
how can i not give up when all anyone makes me feel these days is less than them, even when they dont mean to, even when theyre trying to help

frowning.smile says:
i dont know...i wish i could help though...do i make u feel less???

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
no you.. you make me feel equal

frowning.smile says:
well considering how low down on the scale of humans i consider myself i would say we are both kinda bad off

frowning.smile says:
i'm kidding at this point btw

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
lol, stop it, youre half making me smile, and i cant smile, things are getting even more complicated by the second

frowning.smile says:
i just want you to be ok...you dont have to be perfect or have everything worked out...just be ok

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
i cant be okay, ive got this whole other problem that i cant talk to anyone about, least of all you, and besides why do you care so much? lol

frowning.smile says:
cause u opened the door and let me into a little part of your life...and now that i'v got this far i've invited myself inside and made myself at home

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
lol i said stop it! im laighing now >< i wanna tell you this other thing btw, but i think youl end up hating me, i just cant tell anyone else lol cause everyone else is either a) one of the people involved, or b) sorting out my other problems with me so really could do without me adding more to the pile

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
*laughing

frowning.smile says:
if u told me i wouldnt hate you...if it would help to tell someone u can tell me...but i'm not gonna pressure you to

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
iono its complicated its about my love life

frowning.smile says:
i've seen a few soap operas...i might can help where your love life in concerned lol

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
lol okay well, i do love alicia i can gauruntee that, but 1) she doesnt love me, she loves a lie, 2) i dont want to be with her, i cant explain it, but its just one of those things, it just wouldnt feel right, but i dont want/know how to tell her cause i dont want to hurt her n 3) theres this other person... well i have crushes on a few people, i always do lol but theres this other person that i think i love, and i do want to be with

frowning.smile says:
first of all dont worry about alicia...just tell her and let her down slow..i've known her for only a few months but there have been several breakups...she bounces back ^^

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
lol i had noticed, but app im diff lol and, thats only a third of the problem, theres still 1) how to stop myself falling for everyone who treats me a certain way (like a damn puppy >< lol) and 2) the other girl... there a whole thing with her aswell..

frowning.smile says:
i dont see where falling for several ppl is a problem lol i have had crushes on lots of ppl before too...and (here is the part where its easier to give advice then take it yourself) this other girl, just tell her..i would rather be rejected and know for sure then never to have tried and always wonder...if that makes sense

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
lol its a problem when they flirt with me, im easy to control n i could end up cheating or ffooling around on anyone im with, and i know but its not that simple lol shall i tell you the whole story behind the other girl??

frowning.smile says:
i'm not sure i can stay much longer = / but i do want to know...if you're willing to share

frowning.smile says:
crap actually i'm being told to get off here again ...now ...lol

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
lol okies.. what if i write it in an email n you can read it as soon as you get on tomorrow?

frowning.smile says:
ok that will work

Shakes, Tears And Tears... All I've Become Is Shakes, Tears And Tears says:
okies, thank you for this shugah *hugs* speak soon yeah xx

frowning.smile says:
*hugs* ^^ umm i would say goodnight but...since i'm a genius i know its 5:30 there sooo talk to you soon <3