Natty, remember when you told me that you feared we were getting to close? I think that's what happened. We've just built up this thing that we have between us so much, and I know that for some time it was really wonderful...but lately it's just been crashing down around us. There have been a lot of mistakes and misunderstandings. A lot of hurt feelings and apologies. I told you before that it seemed like we were in this constant loop. A few days of it being really good and then a few days bad, just to start all over again. Only this time we can't seem to get past the bad. I know neither of us wanted it to turn out this way. I've been thinking a lot (really a lot) about what I should do and it feels very unfair making you wait for me to get over this. I want to try and make it right, but not if it means we're just going to start this cycle over (it's not worth putting ourselves through it again). I've been so upset and mad, and every negative emotion in between. I've cried and cut and worked myself up to the point where I'm ready to say I'm through, just to go back to being confused again. I know you've been hurting too. Do you seriously think we can make this work? I know that it can't always be good. Problems will come and go. We'll fight sometimes, but maybe this time we can handle it better. Do you want to start over?
I'm willing to try again.
***

I don't want you to think that I took everything down to hurt you in some way...it's just that I need a little privacy right now. For a long time you've been the only person that knew the url to the main page. I show people individual pages sometimes but you've had access to everything. I just need a break from that. I just need to be able to post a few things and not worry about what you'll think...I made the site as a personal outlet. I never intended for anyone to see all of it. I promise I'll still share things with you.