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Disclaimer and FAQ

Disclaimer: All these stories are either mine, or used with implied permission. If you have something you want to have changed, just email me at, and we'll talk it over, take down the story, change your name in the story, etc.

Frequently Asked Questions (if people were to frequently ask me things):

What does DFL stand for?

DFL stands for Dead F***ing Last. It's a term that the cross country team invented to describe one of the rookies. I'll elaborate. My sophomore year a kid (lets call him Peter) joined the team and decided that he didn't really have to practice for a sport that involved 5k runs. Or even get into shape.

So at the first meet, everyone was asking Peter if he wanted to run the course, because it was a tough route for someone's first time. He was fine, didn't think it'd be a problem. What he didn't know was that course starts off with a run across a field, then goes into straight up a hill named "Stairway to Hell". But this information didn't phase Peter, he was going to give it the old college try-while still in high school.

So the race started, and Peter leapt out to a commanding lead. He sprinted across the field, and ran up the Stairway to Hell Hill. At which point he was exhausted, and began to walk. So he walked the rest of that 5k race, and not only did he come in last among the men, but when they ran the women 10 minutes later, they all beat him too. Hence DFL.

Are you the kid in the story?

No, because I didn't join the cross country team until my junior year of high school. I didn't even see the event unfold, I heard it all secondhand.

So why call your website DFL, if you're not the kid in the story?

I actually have had six or seven websites, all called DFL. The first one was kind of a blog thing, and I just liked the ring of DFL. And since then I've always tried to keep with that general theme, because I find my writing is the funniest during that. Or least unfunny.

What happened to the old DFL? Where can I find that?

I kept getting into trouble with the old DFL. One time I wrote about the old student government organization I was in, where I implied that doodling was a better use of my time. Well, the president of SGA read the article, and became self-conscience about it.

Another time I wrote about how much I hated my job, and my supervisor read it, then denied me a promotion. So I'm leaving the old DFL up, but I'm not advertising it anymore. If you know the address, then go for it. If you don't, find someone who does.

You do realize that you're a rip-off of Tucker Max, right? I mean, you both tell stories about your life.

Lets see if you buy this logic: The old DFL was supposed to be a collection of rants and complaints, but somehow it turned into a bunch of writing projects, including stories. And because this website was supposed to be me working towards West of Hudson, it makes sense to write smaller stories.

Also, the structure of the stories is radically different. Tucker's stories are almost always centered around a protagonist who is a role model for guys. My stories are centered around multiple people, and the protagonist is rarely someone to be modeled after. I mean, look at the story with the Dave Matthews concert. Would you really ask me for advice after that?

Why would you write such stories in the first place? Half them you come off as a horrible person.

Two reasons really. First, I like to think of this as a continued story. For instance, my worst day ever isn't all that great of a story, but was a major turning point for me. And if the story paints me in a negative light, then I probably deserved to be seen that way.

Which flows into the second reason: I'm cool with most of my past experiences, so if they show me at my worst, fine. I grew from them...probably. So lets just move on.

Why don you have (story) censored? You tell it all the time in person!

I try to keep it upbeat, and some of the stories are just depressing from any angle. Other stories I've agreed to keep them under wraps. Like the Montreal trip story. Only trip that I've ever been on that actually had a running plot line to it, but in respect to the other on the trip I'm not going to put it up on the web, even though I'll benchmark it.

Why do you use guy's full names, but then only the first letter of girl's?

As a guy, I can usually ballpark what a guy would and would not want to be associated with, and use the real or fake name appropriately. However I have zero idea what a girl would want to be associated with, so instead I decided just to use the first initial as a rule. And if I think that a girl REALLY would not want to be associated, then its not even the real first initial.

The website that talks about inappropriate topics, and even the title of the website contains a vulgarity. So why do you never swear?

Angelfire will kick me off if I swear. Plus I prefer to keep it PG-13.