Rating: NC-17 Summary: Songfic to Barenaked Ladies song of the same name
Warnings: Sex, Smoop, and a little angst
Dedication: To Sheepy for being my muse this time around, and for the Xander babble.
Disclaimer: I donít own BNL, Mutant Enemy, Warner Brothers, Fox, UPN, Xander, Spike, Nick Brendan, James Marsters, or anything that any of the above could possibly be affiliated with. Just so all yíall know.

Legend:

Xanderís POV

Spikeís POV


Song Lyrics




Am I The Only One?


by
Robin the Crossover Junkie



Spike doesnít laugh. Well, he does, but not often. Sometimes he does, but itís not much. More of an amused snort. Or an evil chuckle. But when weíre alone, I can get him to laugh. I start off with the classics. A comment on something weíre watching on television. Then I break out the big guns. Iíve trained myself to babble on command, and itís the one thing that makes Spike really, really laugh.

Tonight, weíre watching some gore movie. We watch as the villain stabs his hand through the chest of a random victim and pulls his heart out of his chest. I carefully construct my face into a mask of puzzlement, and wait.

Finally, Spike sighs and turns to me. ďWhat?Ē

ďYou canít put your hand through a guyís chest.Ē

ďYes you can.Ē

ďNo. It just isnít possible.Ē

ďIt is so.Ē

ďNo, Spike, it isnít.Ē

ďIs so! Iíve bloody well done it myself!Ē

ďYeah, but youíre a vampire! Normal humans canít do that!Ē

ďCan so! Xander, you canít argue with me about this.Ē

I barely suppress my grin. Iíve got him, hook, line, and sinker. ďOf course I can argue with you about this. I don't have any experience. Now, if you were asking about chocolate, that I am very experienced in. Chocolate is the best thing to ever hit my taste buds. Yes, even better than that. But if you combine the two, well, that's a new taste sensation. Even better is when I cover you in chocolate and lick it off cause that's better than licking it off my own arm when I spill the fondue and while it's still chocolatey good, since I'm Xander and my tongue is Xander and it's always tasting Xander, I can't differentiate the chocolate from the Xander and therefore I must taste like chocolate.Ē I didnít even have to breathe. This is great. Heís laughing now, laughing so hard tears are streaming down his pale, pale cheeks.

Am I the only one who gets to make you laugh
Laugh until you cry?

Heís laughing now, and itís truly beautiful. Iím grinning at him, and I keep grinning at him until he stops laughing and kisses me passionately. Must have been because I was talking about licking chocolate off him. Weíll have to do that later, because Iím craving it now.

He pushes me back on the sofa until heís lying on top of me, and grinding our hips together. Itís amazing. Either Iím always hard around him and just donít notice, or my cock suddenly surges to life the second he makes that damned hot sound so deep in his throat it sounds like Iím hurting him in all the best ways. Heís thrusting against me, and itís sudden and urgent and fucking mind-blowing.

The bloodís rushing through my veins and all I can think about is his mouth on mine, sucking me dry, and his hips pounding a rhythm against mine. All I can think about is the friction, the pressure, the power in that action, and within minutes Iím gasping and shuddering. He picks up his pace until itís like one motion, not just back and forth, and our mouths break apart as we let out identical strangled howls, and the release is a rushing scream in my ears, and suddenly my jeans are damp and I canít move.

Every time is like the first time with him. I wonder what heíll do when I die? I know itís morbid to think that, but heís immortal whereas Iím not. We have one lifetime together, and living on the Hellmouth, itís going to be a short one. I love him with all my being, but when I die, Iíll never see him again. Even if thereís a heaven, heís a demonÖhis soul wonít go to the same place mine does, unless Iíve fallen from grace by having an abundance of gay sex with my evil vampire boyfriend. Which, now that I think of it, is pretty likely.

Weíve talked about him turning me, but I donít want that. He doesnít want me to be what Iíd turn into, and so far we havenít found any spells that would give me my soul permanently. Eventually, possibly sooner rather than later, Iím going to die, and heís going to have to go on living without me. I donít think I could handle that, living without him. I know people do it all the time. Their lover or spouse dies, and they go on living, but I donít think I could do it. On the one hand, Iím glad itís him and not me, but I donít want him to feel the pain I know Iíd be feeling, so I donít want it for him at all. I donít know how to feel about it.

Am I the only one who asks you to go
Go on without me?



My lovely boy. I nuzzle a little more into his neck, still hot and throbbing from our little impromptu action on the couch. Finally, I have the strength to raise my head, and I look into his eyes, still dark and unfocused. His hairís grown out long again, and itís in his eyes. I love it like that. He needs to keep his hair longer. Makes him look sexy. Sexier. If thatís possible.

I love my boy.

Am I the only one who loves when you leave
Your hair down in front of your eyes?



Still donít know what heís thinking when the wheels are turning. Even now, I can practically hear them chugging away. Heís always babbling in his mind, thinking about things, though I never know what. I know what Iím thinking about though.

Iím thinking about how Iím going to miss this. One day, Xanderís either going to get tired of me and leave, or heís going to die. And I wonder how he thinks Iíll be able to live with that. The second, the bloody fucking second I donít have Xander, Iíll be looking for the nearest wooden object to hurl at my chest. I wonít be able to do anything but put myself out of my misery. Without my lovely Xander, Iíd be nothing. Without him, I was nothing. Xanís my everything, and when heís gone, Iíll be gone too.

And who
Who do you think I am?
And who
Who do you think Iíll be
Without you?



I need him to go on without me, I think. Spike is such a lovely, wonderful being, that knowing there was a world without him in itÖnothing could be worse. Even if I canít be with him, I need to know that someone, somewhere, somewhen, can. Iíd be jealous if I didnít know he loved me enough that a new lover wouldnít make him unlove me. But I know that he needs someone, as surely as he needs me and I need him.

Am I the only one who had to dress you up
To see how you fell down?
Am I the only one who needs you to go
Go on without me?

Heís still thinking, so I kiss him again. I lean back, grinning softly at him. The smile he gives me in return lights up the room, even though itís not a big smile. He reaches a hand up to brush the hair from his eyes, but I snatch his hand and kiss his fingers.

ďLeave it down,Ē I tell him, fire in my voice to match the fire in my loins. ďLike it there.Ē

Xander grins again, and I kiss it because every time he smiles thatís all I want to do. And I donít usually deny myself what I want.

Am I the only one who loves when you leave
Your hair down in front of your eyes?



Heís my everything. Without him, I donít know how I could live my life. Nobody is as perfect and special to me as Spike is. His lips are on mine, and itís heaven, but I need to speak now, so I break the kiss and look up into his blue, blue eyes.

ďLove you. Love you so much I couldnít live without you.Ē

And who
Who do you think I am?
And who
Who do you think Iíll be
Without you?

ďLove you too, pet. Same thing. Couldnít exist without you. Wouldnít want to, either.Ē As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I lean down and kiss him again.

And who
Who do you think I am?
And who
Who do you think Iíll be
Without you?







The End










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