Amanda and Bruce

This page is devoted to a love that was once shared by two people that I feel belong together.

Amanda Lynn Boyd was born on May 17, 1985 in Craven Regional Medical Center, in New Bern, North Carolina. At that time I was 4 years old not having any idea that the events that occured on that day would change my life forever.

I first became aware of Amandas' exhistance on August 1st 2004. I recieved an e-mail from her responding to my personal ad. That begain what i feel is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

We talked, got to know eachother, talked on the phone for hours at a time. It was really great.

We decided to take the next step in our relationship on September 18, 2004. That day was the first day of the rest of my life. I was the happiest man in the world..

Subject matter in this letter may be in the form of a run on sentence, sentence fragment, and just random thoughts, good luck reading it!!!

Hi sweetie. I think its time to time to tell you what is going on in my head. First of all right this moment I am the happiest I think I have ever been in my life. I realized that more when I got home tonight, I got out of my jeep singing, walked up hugged my father and kissed my mom on the cheek, talked to them for a min as they waited for friends to pick them up, and then I went into the house. When I got here, I went to the laundry room and changed to some more comfortable clothes so I could work in comfort…Then, Something I don’t usually do is listen to the radio at home, don’t know why but I just don’t do it, I went into my office, turned on the radio and cranked it, tuned to some good wholesome country music (none of that stuff you hate) and I just started smiling and singing. I don’t usually do that.

Anyways back to what I was saying…. I don’t know what is honestly going on here with us, I don’t know where we are going with this or anything, but there is really something big happening between us it’s just too early to tell. Even though we have not been a couple for very long it feels so right, and it feels you have been a part of my life a lot longer then you have. You have totally changed my life for the better, before I would talk to you on the phone, and it would be nice and all, then I would spend my time in Beaufort or Harkers Island with my friends, and then go home, and the ride home was always sad, unless I was talking to you on the way. But for the most part my life was just a day to day affair with not a whole lot going on. My life started changing the day we went to Jacksonville. On that day, I really really started feeling something happening between us, then Wednesday night at dinner and after, was a night that even made my feelings stronger. Friday, has to be one of the fondest days of my life looking back on it now because that was the first time we ever kissed, and from that kiss on, I knew that we were on our way to something special, learning this continued on into Friday night, Saturday early AM (lol), and Saturday. Saturday may become one of the most important days that ever passed in my life, that was the day we began our journey into the future together, and who knows if that journey will ever end. Our time last night was I would have to say the most magical of all. The time we shared and the things that were said were things that should not have been said or happened this early in the relationship, but with you, time has lost all meaning, sleep has become second to spending time with you, lol. The idea of taking it slow in my book has gone out the window; we are going to go at our own pace, no matter where that takes us. I am not willing to do anything that will hurt our relationship, but has for holding back on falling for each other and whatnot, I am not going to do, and you’re too special to hold anything back from you. I see such a future with us, yes already I see it, and I want that future, I want to have a day every day like we had Friday, and Saturday. That’s what I want out of life, and my policy has always been if you want something out of life, you do whatever you can to get it, because this life is the only one you have, and if you waste time, or make compromises or whatever then your wasting what god gave you, and that’s something I am not willing to do, so if I share something, or express a feeling that is a little too much, the tell me, because I will not hold anything back, I will tell you exactly like I feel, weather it be what I like or don’t like, I just want us to be out in the open, and that way we have a good foundation on making something good come out of this. You’re a very special person, that bring things out of me that I have never seen, you are the best thing that has and probably will ever happen to me in my life, you and this new relationship we have started has fatly become one of the most important things in my life, and I will do anything in my power to keep you happy, and give you exactly what you need in life and in a relationship, because you being happy is what makes me happy. Thank you for messaging me, thank you for your feelings, and thank you for choosing me to be with, I promise I wont let you down or give you any reason to regret it. Have a good evening honey; I’ll talk to you later."

Bruce"

October 17, 2004

"Hi Love,

I hope your night was ok and you got some rest, once you finally got home! Honey, I just am having one of those times where I feel I just need to repeat all those declarations of love that I try to subject you to on a daily basis. I am sitting here at 5:53AM on a Sunday morning and I have been up since you left, I cant get you and the way I feel about you out of my head, your just an amazing person to be around and to have in my life, I have never met anyone quite like you, it’s wonderful how I can sit here at night just full of these feelings that I am feeling…its like a natural high that I just cant get enough of, its love, it’s a love that I have never felt before, I have had a first love, and they say there is no love quite like your first love….but what “they” left out is your second could be your most truest and greatest love. Amanda, there is no one on this earth that makes me feel the way that you do, and that makes me want to plan ahead so soon, I would never imagine I would fall in love as quickly as I have with you, and talk about our future in such detail like I do with you. There is just something about us that clicks like nothing else. I realize we both have pasts that we want to move away from, and that are hard to totally move away from as quickly as we like. I want to assure you that I will always remain true and faithful to you for as long as we are together, no matter how many “women” are around me, or seem to like me, or whatever, you have nothing to worry about, you are my everything, I think about you constantly, your everything that I could want, and you make me as happy as I could ever be, standing there at the mud bog with you, where I have stood alone for so many years just reinforced to me everything that you have brought into my life. I want this feeling to last forever, I want us to last forever, and I promise you that I will do everything I can to keep you happy, to give you or help you get everything that you want in life. I want that for us, I think a life together just makes since. Thank you for everything you do for me and how you make me feel, you are absolutely the best thing that is in my life, and that has ever happened to me. I love you honey, more then you will ever know, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to show you.

Bruce"

These are just examples of how I felt when we first go together.

Our life was great, we worked hard at making eachother happy, we where both in it together, i mean we had issues and we faught, but we both always knew how much we loved eachother...

Then one of the happiest days of my life came... It was a saturday morning and amanda had stayed with me that night. She woke up, I was half way awake, she went to the bathroom, and then came back into my room smiling.. For some reason I knew exactly why she was smiling... I asked her "what! what!" I wanted to hear it from her mouth.. She told me that morning she had taken a pregancy test, and the result was positive. I freaked out, didnt have any clue what to do, after the shock set in, we hugged kissed and held eachother, trying to figure out what in the world we were going to do, it was such a happy day. My life was starting to feel complete, i had a woman that i loved more then anything in the world, and now we had our first child on the way.

As we started to get excited of our new child starting to grow and come into this world, the unthinkable happend. We lost him/her. I dont know what gods idea was, but I just have faith in his decision and hope one day that we will both understand why.

After that, it was tuff, Amanda and I both hurt for a very long time and still do for this day, I think we have both come to terms with the lost, even though we can't understand what happend.

After we lost our child, we had some problems, we were both hurt, didnt know why we got delt the hand we got delt, but we made it through it, together.

In December 2005 shortly after christmas I made the biggest mistake of my life. I left Amanda, not knowing that at the time she was pregnat with our 2nd child. I thought I couldnt be with her anymore, i thought that what we had gone as far as we could because i didnt think that i was happy. I wasnt there for her with our second baby, we lost that one too, but sadly i dont know anything about it becasue i was too selfish to be there. Another huge mistake in my life.

We spend the time apart trying to find our own way, amanda, was hurt, upset, and her heart was ripped out by me...I was trying to force myself to continue without her, try to stop loving her and convience myself that being without here was the way to be, and it couldnt be done.

I realized the only way to continue my life is with her. I love her, i miss her, she is my everything. and i knew that. I was lucky enough for her to take me back, I was happy once again.

We were Bruce and Amanda again, life was wonderful, i was so happy, and she was to, we both got back what we wanted.

Again, i had to screw things up. I started to take her for granted, I treated her like crap, wasnt there when she needed me to be, Didnt give her the respect she deserved, dispite all the warnings she gave me, so she left me.

So here i am sitting here, trying to find myself. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant stop crying. I dont know how to deal with the pain i am feeling. I cant handle it alone, i have bothered her to the point that she doesnt even want to talk to me. I love this girl more than anything in the word. I need her in my life to be happy, I want to marry her, i want her to be my wife and the mother to all my future children. I cant imagne my life without her, I cant imagine coming home to anyone else but this wonderful person. I just want us to be happy. I dont think she realizes how devistated i am, how ruined i am. I cant move on i cant find someone else, because anyone else would just be settling and second best. I need my smookums I want my smookums, I would do anything to hold her in my arms again.

Everytime my phone rings, or i hear a beep, i am praying its her, wanting to say something to me, but its not, i need her, i want her, i cant stand being without her.

So if you havnt figured it out this page is devoted to us. Because, Amanda, you are my world, and I cant stand to be without you. I really hope you have read this and know how much you mean to me, and how badly i want you to be my wife and to continue to be my best friend forever. I love you with all my heart.