I am so hurt
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Case-Faded Picture
Topic: My Man
If you don't know D you are so lucky. He has hurt me so bad today. He told me that he hated me and he didn't want me sexually. He saud all the time I put him down. He said why is it that when a woman is pregnant the man has to take the woman and the child. I am 5 months pregnant and he wants me to get a job. His mom was the one that said I shouldn't get a job. To make him work. I hate him. He is so damn emotionaly abusive. I don't know what to do I want to give my child a childhood I never had with a father around. I can't raise a child alone and give it everything I want to give it. He said that he didn't want me anymore. I am over 100 miles away from him. I've been calling him asking him how his day was. I don't know If avoiding him will keep him but I know I am just so tired of being treated like shit. I told him he was tearing me apart and he said that that wasn't his problem. I have been so faithful to him. He always accuses me of cheating I have done a damn thing on him. I want to curse him out so bad but I am so hurt that I couldn't say much. I love him but he is just so damn abusive. but you know what i am going to avoid him. I am also going to pray for him because God is the only one that can change a man. If D doesn't want to be with me then so be it. God don't give you what you can't handle. Also we were talking about getting married. He said I wasn't the marrying type. He just hurts me so much. But see I am the type of woman that can't stand to see a man make me cry. So I guess to get revenge I am going to get me a friend to talk to. He has before why can't I. I am not staying with him. Also, he so damn mean I need someone I can talk to and not get off the phone crying. I don't want another man. I want my man. But my man don't know how to act like a mna so I'll get me a man frined. That's what I'll do! Oh it is so amaziing what writting you feelings down can do for you. Fuck D. He is man enough to treat me like shit. I am woman enough to dish shit back. But don't get me wrong I do love him I don't want to loss him but I can't loss something I never had.

I am buggin' out
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Tank - One Man
Topic: My Man
Well, it is me agian. I just can't stop thinking about D. I miss him more than ever. I is just not fair. I want him so bad. I've tried and tried to call him today, we talked early in the morning this morning but I haven't been able to talk to him again today. My mind is wondering. I just think he is playing games. I know it is just me. I just want my baby around me like he always is. I know he loves me fromt the bottom of his heart. I know I am carrying a little peice of him in my belly but I just miss his laugh and smile and his chest and ohhh you know I miss the D. I guess that's what i will call it today. My D has a the D between his legs.(you get what I am saying?) I miss that alot. Especially my hormones are going crazy. Lord, I got to see him this week. I just wish I wasn't so far from him. I wish his mom wouldn't be so her. I did stuff for her I guess that wasn't enough. OHH if I knew I could curse and not get into trouble on here I would. But anyway I guess I will write more tomorrow.

Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Sisqo "Incomplete"
Topic: My Man
Hey, right now I am thinking of my D. I miss him so much. I wish all this bull shit that happened lately hadn't happened at all. In some ways I am glad it did happen because I had been feeling like D didn't really love me, but through all this I know my man loves me from the bottom of his heart. I just wish I could fall asleep next to him not just thinking of him. I look at his picute everyday and I call him as much as I think he is at home. I know everything will be alright and we'll be living together again. I can't wait. I just hope it will hurry up a month is a long time away. We had also been talking about getting married. August the 35. I am still down for it. But I just hope we have house by then. I am pregnant with his baby and I just want him so much. His baby has been hurting me so bad lately. I am 19 weeks and I think the baby is begining to kick, I know he or she is moving. I miss just miss my baby. I know I am about to go call him to see if he is home from work.