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1001 DIFFERENT TESTS
ABOUT BRIAN SCOTT
COMPLICATION
RECOVERY
SURGERY/HOSPITAL STAY
THE COUNTDOWN
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TAA WATCH
Friday, September 8, 2006
I'M ALIVE....AND WELL TOO!!!
Mood:  happy
Topic: RECOVERY
Ok. My last entry was on Aug 20th. WOW! Unbelievable! I'm sorry for the disappearance mates. I did reply to all of you who sent me e-mails. Well, as you may know by now, I'M ALIVE AND WELL. The last feel days were quite busy. Yes, I know, it's not an excuse, but to be truly honest with you, I think I needed a break from all things related to the surgery including this blog. I was finally feeling a bit better and I wanted to forget all about my medical problems. And as I said before, I was busy. I was busy LIVING! I was busy enjoying my new baby brother, my family, and being dedicated to my future wife.

On Aug 24th was my 1 month surgery anniversary. My family had prepared a party to celebrate both my succesful operation and my new baby brother entering this world. The party was a hit as it usually is in this household. My family was always the party thrower type of crowd and now coupled with my brazilian bride to be who has a flare for entertaining guests, it seems that our agenda is booked with parties, dinners, friends visiting, and other social events for the remainder of the year. So, if any of you are planning to invite us to attend a social event, please send the invitations to us as soon as possible. But most likely, we will be having the pleasure of having you in our home.

Last week we planned a little get a away with my immediate family. Paul, my little brother, also came along. We went up North to Traverse City and vincinity. Those of you who live here in Michigan know very well how beautiful Traverse City is this time of the year. The vegetation is already changing colours making the scenary a sight that should not be missed. The summer crowd was gone and it made it for a very relaxing trip. My fiancee and I had the opportunity to spend some real time alone from everybody else. We both needed that. It felt great to be able to enjoy her company. We went for long walks by the lake and into the woods nearby the resort. We even manage to set up a Lual for the both us (no other family members allowed). Unfortunately, I still can't drink so I could not savour the Bejoulais we picked for the Lual. She's not as stressed out anymore knwoing that I am recuperating well from my operation. It's amazing how our bond is stronger despite all that has happened with my medical problems and all. There's definitely a stronger appreciation for her from my part. She helped me through this whole ordeal since day 1 and I'm still not sure how I will ever thank her for all she's done and still doing for me.

As to my health, I can definitely feel now the benefits of the surgery. My blood circulation has considerably improved. Yes, I still get tired often, especially right after certain more demanding physical activities ,but in general, I feel good. Funny, I can actually say that now. I FEEL GREAT! Granted, I still have a long way to go until I am fully recovered but I am happy the worst part was left behind. I can sleep on my side now (but not on my stomach). I breath normal now, but yawning, deep breaths, coughing, sneezing are still quite painfull and bothersome. The incision on my chest is healing really well and the scar may not be too big afterall.

So as you all can see, Mr. Aus here is recovering well from the surgery (both emionally and physically. And once again, I apologize for the disappearance.

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 1:46 AM EDT
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Sunday, August 20, 2006
THE BLOOD CLOT THREAT
Mood:  surprised
Topic: COMPLICATION
Well, well, well. Yours truly just went through another scare yesterday. It all started on friday during my weekly check up exams. As you all know, my aortic valve seems to be healing in a slower rate than the rest of my body. I've been feeling quite fatigued lately and sometimes short of breath. I was suspecting that something was not quite right but I was told that everything I was experiencing was "normal and expected". Well, as the results of my chest ultrasound showed a blood clot around where the graft was connected, I was proved right. Not that I minded being proved wrong this time around.


So, another angiogram was scheduled in a hurry and the results confirmed the blood clot. My surgeon was called in and thankfully enough he was able to injected a clot buster drug through a catheter right in the location of the blood clot. This was all done during the angiogram procedure and there was no need for "extra" surgery. Now, there are some risks associated with this clot buster drug. If the doctor miscalculates the right dose and he injects more than it is necessary, there's the risk of internal bleeding i.e. the blood will flow from my graft to the chest area. As I am here, after going through several exams early this morning, I assume things are ok.

The doctor has also replaced the anticoagulant I was taking to a stronger one. As a result, I have to test my blood every 6-8 hours to make sure that everything is ok i.e. check whether the right dose of the anticoagulant was prescribed. The new anticoagulants make me very tired, nauseated, and it causes pain all through my body. I'm not sure the reason why, but I was told it is one of the side effects.

I have to say that this is all very frustrating. I know life sometimes is not fair but I can't help but feel a bit frustrated and yes, a little depressed too. I've been very diligent about my recovery process. I've been taking care of myself and following all of the instructions. I'm still anemic and now I just had this blod clot complication. I know it is not anyone's fault and those are the risks associated with this type of surgery, but I wish I could have a little break here. Please, I am not being ungratefull by no means. I do appreciate the fact I survived the aneurysm itself, and the surgery. I know that blod clots if caught in the early stages (like mine was) are not such a big deal. But both my mind and body are tired, exhausted from this recovery process. I'm glad everything turned out alright but this last scare sure is not very motivating.

I don't know, I guess what I am trying to say is that I was about ready to celebrate my 1 month anniversary of a succesful TAA repair surgery, but now, somehow, I don't feel like celebrating. Am I wrong? Am I being ungrateful? Am I being inpatient? It's not just about me. I'm worried about my family too. I don't think they can take too many more of these "little" complications. They are also tired. Both my fiancee and my brother stayed awake all of last night taking care of me, making sure I was ok, making sure I had taken my medications, was properly fed, and that I didn't have any adverse reaction from the procedure. She denies it, but I am sure she cried again today, and it looks like she already lost some weight again.

I don't know, I guess I'll stop here for tonight. Perhaps I just need a dose of patience. Who knows?






Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 10:31 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, August 20, 2006 10:55 PM EDT
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Friday, August 18, 2006
THE SURGERY - AS PROMISED
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: RECOVERY
Ok, I know, I've been delaying talking about the surgery itself. But as I've promised some of you the following is the detailed account of what happened in the operating room.

As you all know, the surgery was to repair both an aortic aneurysm and an aortic valve. The "technique" used was the Modified David's Procedure. It is a version of the David's procedure (as the name suggests) in which the aneurysm is repaired while the patient's own aortic valve is preserved. This method helps to avoid the use of long-term anticoagulants and reduces the risk of stroke, heart attack, or other complications. I don't quite understand what's the big difference between the David's procedure and the Modified David's procedure, but I was told that while the first is a technically difficult procedure, the latter helps to determine the appropriately size of the aorta graft, maintains the left ventricular outflow tract , and improves outcome when using the valve-spring method.

Once I've been having a hard time trying to write this particular entry, I will quote from the literature in order to explain how the Modified David's procedure is performed.

"The aorta is cut, just above the aortic valve annulus and the coronary ostia (openings where the coronary arteries are attached to the aortic root). The diseased portion of aorta is removed. Sutures are placed just below the aortic valve, around the left ventricular outflow tract. A collagen-coated, polyester graft is used for the portion of the aorta being replaced. Sutures are placed through the graft."
See the picture to the left



"A special piece of equipment, called a Hegar's dilator, is placed in the left ventricular outflow tract, through the aortic valve. The size of the dilator is based on the patient's body size and the expected size of a normal left ventricle outflow tract.

. The sutures are then tied around the Hegar's dilator, to shape the bottom portion of the aorta graft, similar to a natural aortic root. Next, either the aortic valve is repaired or remodeled and re-implanted or a new bioprosthetic aortic valve is sewn into position within the aorta graft. The valve is tested to make sure it opens and closes properly. See picture to the right.

Then, small holes are produced in the aorta graft for the coronary ostia (openings). The coronary arteries are re-attached through the small holes. The graft is then sewn to the aorta. If the aortic arch needs to be replaced, a separate graft is sewn from the aortic arch to the aortic root graft" (as illustrated below

".


Once my aneurysm was actually in the descending aorta, my graft was a little longer than the one depicted here. At first, I did not need to repair my aortic valve. The need for repair arose due to the partial dissection of the aorta.

I hope this information answers the questions some of you have asked me. Please, keep in mind I am not a doctor and you should direct the more technical questions to your cardiologist. As each aneurysm case is unique, only your surgeon can determine what is the best procedure for your particular situation.

More information can be found at
:http://www.avisishealth.com/www/7/1002018/displayarticle/1006686%2ehtml

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 11:09 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006
THE 20 DAYS POST-OP MILESTONE
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: RECOVERY
Well, here I am 20 days after my surgery. It's incredible how the days go by so fast. I am also astonished by how fast I am recovering (so I was told). But I do feel a lot better. Yes, there is pain still and I can't sleep on my favourite position, but last night for the first time I was actually able to get out of bed without feeling an excruciating pain on my chest. I even managed to reduce the number of pain pills from 8 to 6 a day. Bending over is still a problem though and I still need others to help me with my trousers.

Today was particularly a good day. I slept in only to wake up around noon. My fiancee stayed at home in the morning, prepared an excellent breakfast for me, my favourite: stuffed french toast with mascarpone and fresh berries. A recipe she acquired during our trip to Puerto Vallarta last October. And that's something I'm planning to do again; travel more often. I have always enjoyed travelling to new and distant lands. We have not had the opportunity to do a lot of travelling this year but we are sure planning to get back on track.

Well, back to today's events. After breakfast, I showered and was of to the hospital to visit my mother and my newly born brother. Mom is doing fine although she does look a bit older ( I guess the pregnancy took a big tow on her body, especially considering she's 52). Paul, my brother is doing great. He eats a lot and he loves to be touched and held. I held him for a minute or two (the amount of time I can hold him without forcing my sternum too much).

My father is very emotional and overwhelmed with joy. My brother Rob literally drulls all over Paul. He is so happy that he let a comment out: "I need to get myself one of those" as he was pointing to Paul. No need to say I burst out laughing. Which made me cough and pain soon followed it. Not good.

Izz today carried Paul for the first time. She is not known for being a "kid" person, but as I watched her hold him so carefully with a big smile on her face, I could not help but imagine how it would be when the time comes for us to have a baby of our own. It's a powerful sight to watch the woman I am about to marry holding a child in her arms.

As to my health, things keep on improving. I've been eating a bit more everyday. I stopped losing weight although I did lose a few pounds since the chocolate stunt I pulled last week. The great news is that my body temperarure seems to have stabilized. FINALLY!! Well, at least it has been stable for the past 48 hours or so. I can walk about 1/2 mile without becoming winded but I do get very sleepy afterwards. I can now go up the stairs taking only one break to catch my breath. Going down the stairs doesn't seem to be as much of a problem as going up for obvious reasons.

I still have to do my couch exercises as fluids are still building up on my lungs. I guess the lungs still give me most problems. But don't you worry, my lung problems is due to 2 things: the fact I used to smoke quite a lot before the surgery, and a previous car accident in which my right lung was perfurated. So yes, my lungs are taking a bit longer to heal this time around, but not all patients who have open heart surgery have this kind of lung problems.

My blood pressure is still a bit on the lower end, but the cardiologist reduced the dosage of the hypertensives and the beta blocker to control the situation. I am still on anticoagulants and I am not sure for how long I will still need to take them. I am very carefull when walking or doing things around the house so I don't cut myself. If any of you will need to be under anticoagulants for a while like I am, my advice is to always wear long sleeves, pants and shoes. I did get a papercut today and trust me, not only stings but it was non-stop bleeding. I have never imagined one could bleed so much from a paper cut. I would hate to find out how much I would bleed from a real cut. So, no more cooking lessons for me and no more cutting vegetables. Somehow I like that. LOL.

I truly enjoy the fact that Izz is working from home. It is a calming and relaxing feeling to have her around. I try not to disturb her while she's working, for the most part I try to take advantage of that time and work on my thesis. But it's nice when we both lift our heads up and we cross eyes. It sends shivers down my spine.

So, I believe that both my body and mind are recovering quite well from the operation. Now I just need to figure it out how to keep the new puppy from shredding my heart pillow to pieces. This was the 3rd one as of yet. I am glad my brother had bought a spare one. This is it for tonight...and I can definitely see light at the end of the tunnel.

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 2:09 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, August 16, 2006 2:02 AM EDT
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006
FEELING STRANGELY FINE
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: RECOVERY
First things first, I just need to get it out of the way. IT'S A BOY. Yep, my little baby brother was born last night Aug 13th at 9:37pm weighing 6.8lbs. He was born 3 1/2 weeks ahead of schedule and he is a bit tinny, but he is in perfect overall physical condition. He is red, hairy, looks like a knee, and he is my brother!!

I'd like to thank everybody for the wave of support messages I've been getting all along. Some from family, friends, co-workers, and well wishing people I have never actually met. I am surprised at how many people were following my story as it unfolded. It has a huge positive effect on my attitude during this recovery process. Thank you all for your support and well wishes.

I do have to say this: for more than one can prepare yourself for this type of surgery, there is not such a thing as preparing enough. With all of the research and having the physicians on my family explaining in details about the procedure and recovery process, I feel now as if I had never read or heard anything about it.

Coping with the recovery process is not an easy task. I became dependent on other people even to do the smallest tasks. It's a long and painful (literally) process. I do have to admit that even though I am anemic and constantly tired, I do feel better than before the surgery. I don't like to admit to this but the truth is that I was dying, slowly, but surely. The blood flow on my body was seriously undermined. The partial dissection of the aorta had reached my aortic valve which in turn it was not working properly. The valve was not closing properly and allowed blood to go back into the heart. The last 2-3 days before the surgery were the worst. I couldn't do much of anything. It was amazing how quickly the whole thing developed.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am thankful I had the surgery. I know it is a long recovery and I still have a long way to go before I can be a normal functioning human being again. I know I will have some limitations, especially when it comes down to exercising. With all of that in mind, I can't help to be grateful for another opportunity I was given. I look at life with a different perspective now; not better nor worse than before, just different. Strangely enough, I found myself to be more patient with the people around me. I was known for having quite a temper. But now I just want to enjoy my loved ones. No hurry. No schedules.

My family, especially, has been very supportive of me. I don't know how I will ever be able to repay them for their kindness. My fiancee has been sacrificing her work in order to take care of me. In fact, I believe I became her full-time job lately. She goes the extra mile to make sure I am comfortable and properly taken care of. If I in the past have ever doubted her love, all of the doubts are now certainly gone. Her actions in the past few weeks said it all. The support, the understanding, the attention, the endless home cooked meals, the caring for me in not so glamorous moments, and the love she's been giving me only made me appreciate her even more. People say that it is in times of trouble when we are able to truly know who our friends are. And that she is: my best friend, my guardian angel always looking over me. I have always said I could entrust her with my life, but now I have proof I can.

Thankfully she seems happier as she realizes I am getting better and better as the days go by. She's been working from home most days of the week so she can keep an eye on me. I don't know how I will ever be able to return everything she's been doing for me. But then again, I have the rest of my life to figure it out. I want to do right by her and do whatever I possibly can to keep that beautiful smile on her face.

OK, let's go back to my daily updates. Today I've been feeling exceptionally well. I think that Paul (my baby brother) had a big role on that. In the midst of all of mayhem caused by my surgery, Paul brought us all happiness and hope. There's always hope with a new life. Hope that everything will be better tomorrow. Holding him in my arms today, even if it were for a brief moment, made me realize how sacred life is. Yours truly, of course, overwhelmed with joy and mesmerized by the miracle that is life, just had to cry. I am not ashamed of it. Once again, I am not a very religious man (actually not religious at all), but as I held my new baby brother in my arms, I could not help but to thank God for allowing me to be here, 2 and 1/2 weeks after my surgery, sitting on a chair with Paul in my arms.

I'm still weak and the pain still remains. But today none of my "inconveniences" really mattered. I was just plain happy to be alive.

Once again, I'm sorry for putting you all through this ordeal. Thanks to my family for supporting me. And thank you Izz for always being my tower of strength. You are one of a kind.

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 1:06 AM EDT
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Sunday, August 13, 2006
2 STEPS FORWARD, 1 STEP BACKWARDS
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: RECOVERY
Once again I have to apologize for my disappearance for the past 2 days. It was all my fault. This past thursday I was feeling quite well and decided to take 2 long walks during the day. I don't mean my general walks by the lake. These 2 walks were almost 2 hours each.

Well, my body didn't like all of that extra work out. If that was not enough, I got the craves for chocolate. Making a long story short, I spent all day eating nothing but chocolate, chatting on the computer, and taking extremely long walks.I know, know, it was a day of luxury and indulgence. Shame on me.

Well, my so not recovered body was not too happy about my indulgences. By the end of the afternoon I was a mess. Body temperature reaching 102F degrees. No need to say that my stomach did not like all of the chocolate so vomiting soon followed it. Non-stop. To add to this picture, I had only 3 glasses of water during the day (mainly when I took my medications). Well, no need to say that with the lack of water and coupled with the non-stop vomiting (which it hurts like hell) I soon became dehydrated. My temperature reached a dangerous 103.5 F degrees. I was treated for the "fever" which was a really a symptom of dehydration, and the vomiting. Had an IV hoocked on me again with glucose solution plus some medication for nausea.

But the best part was next morning. I was scheduled to have an appointment with my cardiologist. Oh boy, was he mad, or what? He went on saying I have a death wish, I'm suicidal, and things alike. I amazingly enough, listened to everything very calmly. Perhaps it was because I knew deep inside that he had the right to be angry at me. I'm not suicidal nor do I have a death wish, but spending the whole day eating nothing but chocolate and pushing myself to do so much exercise was not the smartest thing to do.

After he was done lecturing me, he decided to run a few tests on me to make sure everything was fine. Well, it turned out that both my valve and the stent are doing great, but it seems that my little stunt took a tow on the rest of my body. Anemia really kicked in this time, liver and kidney not doing so well due to the dehydratio and from working on the clock to get rid of the toxins from the chocolate.

The conclusion of all of this is that I was prescribed more iron pills, an electrolyte type of water (which it tastes funny, not bad, just funny). I was put back on anticoagulants until I was not dehydrated anymore. The end result? I can't go for long walks anymore. My lungs are also suffering; More fluids built up. Meaning that I need to go back to do my cough exercises more often now.

And the worst part is that I was told to reduce the dose of my pain pills. At first it didn't seem too bad of an idea. Oh boy, how wrong was I? Now I know what they were talking about. All those e-mails and reports I'd read about the chest and rib pain after heart surgery. For the first 2 weeks and a half I'm thinking to myself, "Hey this ain't so bad, I'm a little sore, and yes, it hurts, but it's not unbearable." But no! It was not to last. Since last Thursday night I have been shown the real truth. The truth. The truth that my body is not a happy camper. You can't just go in and have your chest sawed open and ribs stretched apart without paying the inevitable consequences. Pain. Unbelievable, piercing, searing, jolting and just generally aching pain. All around. Front, back and sides. My rib cage has got "da blues". It's hard to describe any better. I've never experienced anything like this before.

So yes, I am a bit cranky today. And I know this will sound a bit paranoid. But I am sure my doctor told me to reduce the pain pills on purpose. It was an attempt to slow me down so I can rest more and not "run around" all over the place as he said. He said too many times on friday that I am doing too many things for a person who had recently undergone thoracic surgery. Little does he know I have already gone back to the general number of pain pills. He made his point and I learned my lesson. There is no reason to suffer in pain for too long. I'm already fatigued enough and I have no energy to enduring an around the clock pain.


Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 2:56 AM EDT
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
THE 16 DAYS POST-OP MILESTONE
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: RECOVERY
As many people have been asking me about the technique used on my surgery, I will post an entry explaining the procedure as soon as I gather all of the information with all of the medical terms. But for now, I'd like to share some of my thoughts and post an update about my "at home" recovery process.

It was exactly 16 days ago that I was rolled in to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit having just undergone an operation to repair an aortic valve and a partially dissected aortic aneurysm. I won't go into detail about it again because truthfully, it's hard to believe it all happened. Except for the fact that it feels like there's a very fat person sitting on my chest right now, I still have trouble coming to terms with the severity of what they did to me in that O.R.

People keep asking me all the time: "So, how do you feel about the fact that you were actually dead for a moment when they stopped your heart and lungs?". I really don't know how to answer that question. However, I concluded that perhaps because of that reality, I am currently subconsciously content with the fact that I am not doing much these days. Perhaps because I am deep down so happy just to be here that I am not as concerned with the day to day stuff. The need to achieve and do all the things I did before, has suddenly left me. I know it will return, but I think even when it does I will be looking at things with an entirely different point of view.

Actually the scarier part for me occurs when I think about what could have happened had I not found out about the size and partial dissection of the aneurysm. Ok, perhaps I might have been fine for a while, but eventually, boom! I would have been toast. Or more descriptively, - chili falling off a piece of toast. It is so hard to imagine that sudden kind of thing happening to one's life. I know it happens all the time to people. And I can't believe my luck to have found out about my problem while there was still time to fix it voluntarily. On the other hand, it's probably not a bad way to go, just as long as you're ready to go. But how often does that happen?

On a lighter note, despite the constant pressure-like feeling on my chest, the pain has dulled quite a bit and now it really only hurts when I take deep breaths,laugh, sneeze, cough, burp,yawn. But I have been able to talk now without having to endure terrible pain. I am also more comfortable being up and not sitting in bed all day long. The "clothing against my incision" thing is still an irritant, but today for the first time, I am really feeling like the worst part is just about over. I still get tired and short of breath from simple stuff, but yet my walking endurance is building. And so is the stair climbing ;-)

It was an awesome, summer day with temperatures breaking 90 degrees F. The sun poked thru the clouds every so often and I took advantage of that time to go for my walk. It was my longest one yet. My fiancee took a long lunch break and decided to join me. We were gone for about 1 hour. When we got home I was so tired that it felt like three hours! But it was great.

The neck seems to have improved very little if at all. I am starting to get concerned about even though my personal physician (my brother) tells me it is "normal and expected". The bruises on both sides of my neck are almost gone, but the soreness and the swelling are still there.

The good news is that I am finally being able to actually lay in bed. Getting in the bed is not as difficult anymore, but it still hurts a great deal getting out of it. My fiancee also seems to be getting better as she is smiling and sleeping more. With all of that in mind, things keep getting better on a daily basis. I know this is a long recovery and it will take me a few months until I am fully recovered. There's no way around it. I guess I just have to pile up on some more seasons of South Park to keep me entertained.

And that's all for tonight. I'll post the details about the procedure tomorrow.

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 12:47 AM EDT
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Tuesday, August 8, 2006
2 WEEKS AFTER SURGERY
Mood:  happy
Topic: RECOVERY
Tosay is my second week aniversary after the surgery. I went to my doctor's appointment so he could run a few tests on me and I am glad to inform all of you that Mr.Brian Scott here, yours truly, is officially fixed. Not that type of fixed.LOL.

The graft is working well, my circulation has improved considerably. The great news was to find out that my aortic valve is also doing a great a job allowing the blood to flow my heart to the artery. For a while after the surgery, my valve seemed to be a little "slugish". The cardiologist told me if it didn't improve in the very near future I would have to undergo another open-heart surgery to replace it with either a organic valve (pig) or a mechanical one. I was not too happy about that. The last thing I wanted was to go back to the RO for another surgery like this one. As the tissue around it healed, my valve is now working perfectly. Thank you all for the prayers and positive energy.

Below is a list of the things I can 15 days after surgery:

I can walk around the block and not become winded.
`
I can take 10 steps in the stairs before I need to take a break. I'm really working hard on the stair exercise. Can't wait until I can go up a flight of stairs without feeling like a ran a marathon. I was told I am only allowed to do certain exercises after being able to go up a flight of stairs without getting tired.

I can almost raise my arms above my head.

I can sleep more than 3 hours in a row.

I can spend 20 minutes on the phone with HP customer service before giving up.

I can dress myself and not just in gowns.

I can make a meal that consists of more than 2 ingredients (but not more than 4).

I can breathe somewhat normally.

I can fold laundry though I still don't enjoy it.

I can check email, chat online, and occasionally regular mail.

I can read the NY Times but I am a little slower than usual at catching the CIA leaks.

And that sums it up for tonight.


Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 1:12 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, August 8, 2006 1:27 AM EDT
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Sunday, August 6, 2006
NIGHTMARES
Mood:  sad
Topic: RECOVERY
OK, here I am, past 2am and I can't sleep. I'm not sure whether it's the surgery or the Vicodin I'm on, or some terrible combination of both, but I just had two of the most horrible nightmares I've ever had. Something is seriously wrong. There is no way I'm going to sleep again tonight.

Sleeping has definitely being one of the majors drawbacks of it all. I have not been able to sleep more than 3 hours in a row since I had my surgery. While I was in the hospital, the constant coming and going of nurses, the scheduled walks, and the breathing/coughing exercises were keeping me from sleeping. Now that I am at home, I've been having constant nightmares. I often wake up startled and drenched on sweat. My brother and cousins (they are all physicians) tell me that the Vicodin and/or the Toporol may be causing the nightmares. I guess I'll have to call my cardilogist and ask him to replace them with other medication.

Another factors preventing me from sleeping are the pain caused by getting in and out of bed and the fact I am not used to sleeping on my back. In order to avoid the whole nightmare that is the process of laying in bed, I've decided to just stay in a position where I am half-sitted in bed. Half sitting, Half laying. Well, yes, I avoid the trouble and the agonizing pain caused by getting in and out of bed without using my arms, but my neck has been suffering a great deal. It is still very swollen and of course very sore. Part is due to the catheters placed on my neck arteries on both sides (jugular), but part is due to sleeping in a bad position. It's kind of like sleeping on an airplane; your neck is always hanging to the side or worse to the front. Izz bought me this neck pillow that actually keeps my neck in place so it doesn't hang to the side anymore. But the problem with the pillow is that now my head tends to tilt forward.

My body temperature is back to playing tricks on me. I was up to 100 degrees early in the evening, but now I seem to be back to my 97 - 98 degrees. I, at first, thought I had a fever but it turned out to be a "normal" expected event after surgery. My brother told me that the stress from the argument with my cousin this morning put a big tow on my body causing the whole temperature roller-coaster I had througthout the day.

On a different note, while I was surfing the web, I came across a site that sums up what one should expect after undergoing open-heart surgery. The article is intended for people who will have coronary bypass surgery, but for the most part, it can also be applied for TAA surgery. I apologize for not making the link active, but I have not yet figured out how to do so. The URL is shown below, you can always copy it and paste it into your address bar.

http://www.sts.org/doc/3563


I'll stop here for now. I'm tired and very sleepy. Even though I'm afraid to fall asleep again and have more nightmares, I don't think I can actually avoid falling asleep.Wish me luck.

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 2:24 AM EDT
Updated: Sunday, August 6, 2006 3:30 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 5, 2006
DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE,...OKAY, LET'S GO WITH ANGER
Mood:  irritated
Topic: RECOVERY
I was up at sunrise for another walk before the neighborhood awoke. I'm feeling a bit better today, Izz (my fiancee) got me a neck pillow which allows me to sleep a lot better. I went to visit my mother this morning which brings me to the heart of the matter, no pun intended.

This was supposed to be a family gathering. My aunt Nancy, uncle Petrosor, and cousin Mike were there. My mother and aunt Nancy had prepared a wonderful breakfast for all of us. As they announced food was ready, I quickly sat down and started to fix myself a plate. Everything was looking delicious and I was hungry. A bit of eggs, bacon, potato pancakes...which it seems that my choice of food apparently means that I'm stupid and I'm going to have to schedule another heart surgery within a few months or something. Or so I hear...

Now, here's the thing, first of all, I did not have a "heart" surgery. Ignorant of you who thinks so. I had an aortic aneurysm repair surgery, and the problem with my aortic valve was due to a partial dissection of the aorta. My heart is doing fine, thank you for asking. Second, I don't have a cholesterol problem, my arteries are not clogged up with fat. I have always exercised a lot and eaten a healthy diet throughout my entire life. I do eat a high protein diet so I can build (or now not to lose) lean muscle.

Last but not least, my surgery doesn't give the people around me the sudden high moral ground to pass judgment on every decision I make in my life of what type of food I put in my mouth. Honestly, it is insulting to suggest that somehow it's all been that simple; that I ate myself into my aneurysm and valve problems.

So I'm going to sum it up for the person who made these comments and everyone else who seems to think they can comment on my diet and lifestyle: FUCK OFF or be prepared to get the same in return. I can be a bloody flaming asshole right back. Everything that happens to you both personally and medically can probably be oversimplified into something simple and insulting. You want to play this game? Well game's on...

On the other hand if you would like to discuss such things civilly, I'm more than happy to explain things to you, including how I got here, and how I plan to not be back here again. And then, let's talk about your health for a bit...

The sad thing about all of this was that my cousin and I ended up getting in an argument, making my mother stressed out. Fuelled by anger I was raising my voice, breathing faster, and moving my arms a lot. I guess we don't feel much pain when we're angry. But after things cooled off, I was struck by this extremely sharp pain in my sternum followed by cold sweats, low blood pressure, and dizziness. Thankfully, I sat down for a while, took my pain pills, and the pain went away.

What was supposed to be a family event turned out to be a battle ground. My brother took my mother upstairs so she could rest and not listen to the argument. Perhaps, I should have ignored Mike's comments. Perhaps that's what I should plan for the near future: take a conflict resolution course.

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 2:06 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, August 6, 2006 3:24 PM EDT
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Friday, August 4, 2006
"AND I HAVE BECOME COMFORTABLY NUMB" Pink Floyd
Mood:  spacey
Topic: RECOVERY
I apologize for not posting anything in the past 2 days, but I had a couple of "off" days. For starters, my lungs were giving me too much trouble and I had to get them suctioned. Which by the way it is not a very pleasant experience. For those of you who will be undergoing open heart surgery, I suggest you to take your cough exercises very seriously. I do feel better now that my lungs are fresh and clean, the gunk is gone for now. I feel refreshed and I don't get tired as often.

I have also found out that my mother is not feeling too well (she is 7 months pregnant and it seems that my new baby brother is anxious to enter this world). With all the resources available today, premature babies are not quite as big of a deal as it used to be in the past, but my mother is 51 years old (yep, she gave birth to my brother and I when she was only 16), therefore it is an added risk factor. I'm a bit concerned but as both the baby and my mother seem to be doing fine (although she has to rest at home for the remeinder of the pregnancy), I try not to worry so much. Afteral, there's nothing really I can do about it besides feeding Godiva's cookies to my mother.

I have also realized yesterday how hard this whole ordeal has been on my fiancee. Not counting the first time she learned I'd need to undergo open-heart surgery and she cried, she handled the whole ordeal like the trooper she has always been "It is what it is Aus, so let's find you the best surgeon, hospital, and treatment available" she told me once. She dealt with the preparations for the surgery as she was planning for a big project at work. She was the one who pulled the "plan of action" together and made us stick to it. Even when my brother (who is a physician) seemed to be falling apart, she was there, standing strong (my tower of strength), focused on what had to be done. But now that the surgery is over, I find her sad and crying every so often (mostly when she thinks I am not around). I guess now that the adrenaline rush caused by the operation is over, she has allowed herself to feel emotional about it. Deep inside I know this is only a phase, and she will be back to being her normal happy, perky self soon. I think she only needs time to adjust and recover from all of this. But I do have to say this; it is heartbreaking to see someone you love suffer because of you. I wish I didn't have to put her and the rest of my family through all of this. And to them I have one thing to say: I'm sorry, I am home now, and I promise you I will do anything I can (or the doctors tell me)to recover as soon as possible.

One a more whimsical note, on my walk this afternoon, it occurred to me that I am now entirely without agenda. I don't have any plans for my day or for the week or anything that needs to be done in the next minute, hour, day or week. It's an odd place to be. I'm not sure if I'm okay with it, but then again, as my fiancee says "it is what it is".

Back when I had a life, I usually had this mental list of things I had to get done before noon, before the end of the work day, that evening and sometime during the week, but I honestly have nothing of that sort anymore. Sure, there are things I plan to do: learn how to cook, sort through some financial stuff, visit my mother, decide on the wedding day, plan our honeymoon (YEAH!), but none of this really need to follow a pre-established schedule, wich somehow gives me a sense of comfort.

As for my health, everything continues to get a bit better each day. My sternum probably gives me the most trouble, but the pain pills seem to make this not so bad. My temperature has settled at about 97 degrees and the thermostat issues are not so drastic. I even feel a bit better on each successive morning walk. I'm not ready to head back into life quite yet, but I can see that "there will be light at the end of this tunnel".

"There is no pain, you are receding. A distant ship's smoke on the horizon, You are only coming through in waves...." Pink Floyd

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 9:27 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, August 4, 2006 11:34 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 1, 2006
GREETING THE SUNRISE
Mood:  lucky
Topic: RECOVERY
I was up to greet the sunrise this morning. My fiancee and I set on the steps of my deck overlooking the lake, with our dog (Legolas) for about one hour. We didn't exchange words, somehow we found the silence and the view very comforting. We just sat there sipping on an excellent cup of Java, holding hands, and staring at the horizon. Every so often we would look at each other and smile, but no words were really exchanged.

It's an unfortunate thing how we take things like that for granted. And it seems to take such an extreme incident to make us appreciate it. Sunrises now have a whole different meaning to me. I'm grateful each and every day for the opportunity that was given to me. The opportunity of "sticking around" a little longer so I could appreciate such a view. In the normal course of my life, I did not see many sunrises, but I have always enjoyed that part of the day. And I just want to clarify that by saying that we are talking about a Michigan summer sunrise here. Winter sunrises often happen late in the morning after most of us are at work so they aren't quite the same.

So we listened to the birds sing and watched the neighborhood wake up around us and I even dozed a little bit while I sat there. As my fiancee had to go to work, I then took the opportunity to get a nice walk by the lake (always accompanied by our faithfull dog). I believe I walked about 1/4 mile round trip. I had to make a few stops so I could catch on my breath and rest a little, but I think I did just fine. During the day I think I am a bit of a scary sight, lumbering along very slowly and glazed eyes. I imagine that parents pull their children inside when they see me or cross the street to avoid me. And this may happen for all I know, but I don't really worry so much. I'm out for a walk, not human interaction.

As I enter my 4th full day of this recuperation at home process, I am trying to catalog everything involved in my rehabilitation.

There's my heart which is filled with fresh supplies of blood (thanks again to my brother who kindly donated some of his blood to me), but it is still healing from the long exposure to the air, the surgery, and having been stopped for a period of time during the surgery. As a matter of fact, I find that piece of knowledge odd as I can not imagine myself lying on the table, heart unbeating while they worked on me. Nor do I care to imagine those breathless moments when they restarted my heart (twice) as if they were jump starting an old Toyota. I hope the doctors were not asking themselves: "Now, does the ground wire go on first or last? I can never remember". Anyway, my heart is recovering without much intervention from me. A walk or two each day plus these special socks which help the blood circulate is all it needs.

The lungs get kind of beat up all the way too. Being under anesthesia doesn't help and fluid build up during bed rest is a certainty. I have this little plastic device that I have to suck air through several times a day (shown below on a earlier entry). It doesn't exercise my lungs, but it does make sure I keep taking deep breaths which is all the lungs really need. My lungs are doing fine at the moment, but not ready yet to hmmm... make love.

The digestive track is another matter. Now I'm going to spare any gory details, except to say the entire process, beginning with the anesthesia, works to slow down digestion. Not stop it, just slows it down. So when a meal normally could pursue it's course in a 8-12 hours, it now takes closer to a week. The big downside to this is that I entirely lack an appetite which means I eat very little, and I have to believe that at some point a lack of nutrients is going to be a problem (so I am trying to suplement my diet with vitamins). I was assured that this problem will take care of itself.

My thermostat caught me by surprise. In the last few days in particular my body has had a hell of a tough time regulating its temperature. I've been hovering around 96-99 degrees which isn't even the bad part. The bad part is that at any given moment I can be either sweating like mad or with the chills. External regulation just sets me up for a bad roller coaster ride. I'll be cold so I'll throw a blanket on, and three minutes later I'll be sweating. Throwing the blanket off just makes the chills even worse. And a cup of coffee or tea will mess me up for hours. Once again, I was assured that this is normal and will work itself out. I just hope it will happen sooner rather than later.

My breastbone and ribs are also working on repairing themselves. Mostly this requires me to take it easy on this part of my body. Which sounds simple until one considers that anything we do with our arms pretty much affects the chest as well. Try getting in and out of bed without using your arms sometime, it's not as easy as it seems, though I have almost mastered the process by now.

The incisions have so far been the easy part. They don't give me much pain or trouble. I clean them each day and leave them alone for the most part.

I've been taking the opportunity during showers to fully assess the battleground that is my body. On the whole, I can't complain since I knew what this was going to entail. There's a nice long scar down the middle of my chest, a couple of half moon shaped scars below the chest in which the drain tubes were placed, and a whole bunch of dots and bruises from all the other equipment. For some reason the lower half of my left thigh is a beautiful shade of purple, but they tell me that's not alarming.

Oh, I have to mention all of the other marks and scars on my body. The worst is my neck where three different tubes went in at one time. I hear this looked real nasty though I never did see it. The site is very tender and the muscles are sore, making it difficult and painful to turn my neck very far in either direction. The rest of the areas, including all kinds of patches of red, itchy skin where something was taped down, are being found on a daily basis.

I did feel a lot better after receiving some e-mails from people who also had to undergo open-heart surgery and they too assured me that all what I'm going through right now is normal. And said that, I guess I am looking forward to a sunset pretty soon and another beautiful sunrise tomorrow morning. All let you all know how it went.




Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 7:21 PM EDT
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THE BIG CELEBRATION
Mood:  happy
Topic: RECOVERY
I was going to post another entry yesterday telling the details of my recovery as of yet, but you know what? I've changed my mind. Yesterday was my one week anniversary of a VERY succesful TAA and Aortic Valve repair surgery; the beginning of a new life. I apologize for not posting my daily dose of "what to expect if you have to go through open-heart surgery" comments last night, but I didn't feel like spending my time writing about some of the not so good details about it. Not last night. Last night my loved ones and I celebrated (don't worry, I did stick to lemonade or soda). My fiancee, being Brazilian, has a flare for celebrations and parties. And as always, she had prepared a nice "gathering" with family and close friends. She came home late from work (that was the excuse) only to surprise me with 3 nice gifts: a DQ Blizzard (which she carefully kept inside of a thermo the whole trip), the "little" gathering with family and friends, and of course, the joy of her presence. Somehow, she was able to decorate the deck and sneak everybody in while I was totally oblivious about it (ok, I will blame it on my pain killers). I should have suspected that something was up when she first came home, handled me the Blizzard (and how tasty it was), gave me a nice but rather short kiss on the forehead, and told me to take my time on the computer (she generally gives me a hard time for spending too much time chatting online). That should have been my clue, but somehow I missed it. Not sure if it were due to the medications or because I was having a good time chatting with a good friend online. I guess I thought she needed to settle down and take a shower after a hard day of work. Who knows?

After I was done chatting online, my brother and my fiancee asked me to go dowstairs for a little celebration. So here I go, hugging my best buddy tight to my chest (yes, you guessed it, my dear heart pillow). When I got to the bottom of the stairs (about 15 minutes later. PHEW!! WHAT A WORK OUT!!), my brother led me to the deck and for my surprise, I encoutered a group of 18 people (I did the head count later on of course) yelling my name. Now, I loved the surprise, but I have to admit my heart skipped a beat at that moment and I did feel a bit dizzy (not a good thing to happen under my conditions). I also felt completely overwhelmed with joy and love at the same time. And yours truly, of course, just had to cry (OUCH!). Yep, a 35 years old man crying like a little boy (not quite like a little girl yet, but throw me one more of these events and I may just do it). I was and still am surprised about the number of people who managed to attend the party, especially considering it happened on a monday around 10pm (people do have to work on the next day. Not me though :D LOL!!!).

I do have to point out that Brazilians have this great gift of throwing simple but rather planned out events. And it all seems to come as second nature to them. As usual, food and drinks were plenty. We had a nice Brazilian style BBQ (well, as Brazilian as one can get here in Michigan). It was a hot evening and the non-stop serving of well chilled champagne seemed to be very appreciated by all. I was showered with "Get well soon" cards and little gifts (most of them were jokes and pranks, all of which got a good laugh out of me OUCH! OUCH!). Unfortunately, I had to hold of on the urge to hug everybody. I can't still move my arms much and handshaking turned out to be somewhat painfull too. Of course, I could not join my party-goers friends on the dance floor as I stayed comfortably settled on my favourite chair. Nor could I join in the champagne sipping. But as far as I was concerned, my diet pepsi had a taste of victory. Afterall, I was there, on my deck, enjoying the presence of family and friends, and tasting some pretty good Argentinian beef (no such luck finding Brazilian beef over here) only 1 week after my surgery. All of the guests had prepared a little speech for me. Most of the speeches were funny stories about something goofy I have done in the past. But my brother, my twin brother (not sure if I have mentioned that before, but Rob and I are twins) my better half, went on telling his take about my surgery from the moment he learned I had to go through an open-heart surgery until the moment I opened my eyes after the surgery. It was then, I truly realized how hard it all must have been for him, and once again, tears were running down my face. The party lasted about 3 hours with the guests leaving around 1am. The event was wonderful and emotional. And it will be forever remembered. Thanks for attending the party and for those of you who were not here, well, you missed out on some great beef and some bloody crispy diet pepsi (I'm sure the champagne was not that good. LOL).

And last but not least, thank you my Brazilian beauty for preparing such a wonderful event. I know I put you through a lot and I promise you this is the last scare I will give you. Thank you for ALWAYS sticking by me. You never stop surprising me. And each and every day I fall in love with you more and more. Over and over. Again and again. I'm truly blessed for having you by my side.

Stay tuned for more updates about my recovery.



Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 10:12 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, August 1, 2006 11:38 AM EDT
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Sunday, July 30, 2006
RECOVERY - 2ND DAY AT HOME
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: RECOVERY
OK. My second day back home and I have to tell you, it feels great to be home again. I think I've been doing very well. But there are a few things that are bothersome. I can't do too many things on my own yet, and today was another "nausea and pain" day. I think the nausea is due to the medications I've been taking. Which reminds me if anyone needs any beta blockers, ace inhibitors, antibiotics, antihipertensives, iron supplements, acid reflux suppressors, diuretics, pain killers, swelling reducers or anything else, just let me know. The picture below is what I take each day for all sorts of things. When I test positive for steroids I will have an alibi.



Below you will find a list of the things I can't do as of yet:

*I cannot make small talk unless I know you well in which case we wouldn’t be having small talk anyway.
*I cannot sneeze or cough without enduring brutally sharp pain in the center of my chest.
*I cannot sleep on my left side, right side, or my stomach.
*I cannot walk the dog.
*I cannot lift anything more than 2lbs.
*I have zero appetite for anything, besides foot and head massages and kisses.
*I cannot drive or sit in the front of a car.
*I cannot feel my toes.


Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 11:53 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, August 1, 2006 11:39 AM EDT
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SURGERY AND HOSPITAL STAY
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: SURGERY/HOSPITAL STAY
MORNING OF THE SURGERY

I had to arrive at the hospital at 6:00 AM the day of the surgery, which means I was up and out of bed sometime around 4:30 AM! Once arriving at the hospital I was taken to the prep area. The first event of the day was a fellow coming in to shave my body from neck to toe, literally. As I understand it, the idea is to have the entire body prep'd, just in case the surgeon finds it necessary to make additional incisions, harvest arteries, etc.

Next step was to shower with a special antibacterial soap (I had to used the same stuff at home the night before). After that, it was a clean surgical gown and I was good to go. Perhaps a strange expression for someone that was about to undergo two-plus hours of open heart surgery, but I think that, after weeks of anxiety and anticipation, it was a relief to know it was almost over with.

Once back in bed, the nurse gave me something to help me relax. This is a bit of an understatement, since I don't remember much of anything after that. Seems like someone came by and said it was time to go, but to be honest I don't remember being wheeled out or entering the operating room.

When I had the Angiogram, I was wide awake for the gurney ride to the Cath Lab. Once there, I remember the surroundings, remember meeting the anesthesiologist, remember him talking to me as the anesthesia took hold, and remember waking up, still in the Cath Lab. None of this with the Open Heart Surgery. If I'm given a choice the next time I am in the hospital, I think I'll go with the "see nothing, feel nothing" approach used this time during my surgery.

AFTER THE SURGERY - FIRST MEMORY...

I wish I could tell you what happened next. I remember hearing a voice off in the distance saying (shouting?) breathe... that's good, now breathe for me again... and again... Next thing I remember is what had to be the worst pain of the entire time in the hospital; at least I think it was. I was sort of in a fog and really not sure about much of anything. I don't remember seeing anything, but the next thing I heard was something about we're going to suction out your lungs or something to that effect. Again, there was a sharp pain. As you can see, this was to be the (10) for my pain scale. Fortunately, it only lasted a few seconds and then it was over. It wasn't until later that I learned that pain was when they removed the ventilator tubes from my lungs and suctioned out fluids that had accumulated (not necessarily in that order). Of course I didn't know it then, but that was as bad as it was ever going to get. I guess what amazed me most was how they were able to time it so precisely: not quite awake enough to panic or resist, but yet alert enough to respond to verbal instructions. Bless them for that! Whatever they did, my guess it is best done before you are fully aware of what is going on.

AFTER THE SURGERY - FULLY AWAKE..


My fiancee tells me I was fully awake around 8:00PM. Fourten hours had passed since I arrived at the hospital. Considering what I had been through during those 14 hours, I was amazed how well I felt. It was over and I was on my way to full recovery! Absolutely amazing.

There was some discomfort, but certainly not bad. I'd give it a (3) on my pain scale. The nurses, bless their hearts, frequently asked if I was in any pain, it there was anything they could do to make me more comfortable, etc. They would stop by often to take my vital signs, administer medications and take blood samples. This was done via the IV tubes, so there were no needle sticks, in fact no sensation at all.

The "call button" was rather interesting. Here I was in a state-of-the-art medical facility, with the latest and greatest everything, and the nurse comes in with a little mechanical bell like you might ring at the bakery for service. I asked about this and she said that they have never had one fail or break and never needed to call engineering to fix one. Hmmmm, I guess in some cases, simple is better.

Their was even a ring code: One ring for "Please stop buy when you have a chance." and three or more rings for "HELP!". Fortunately the few times I used my bell were "One Ringers", though I could hear that others on the floor weren't so fortunate.

SURGERY (+ 1 DAY): "THE DAY OF PAIN AND NAUSEA"...

What I am assuming was the next day (see 1) had to be the worst of the four plus days spent in the hospital. One of the nurses called the day after surgery the "Day of Pain & Nausea". I'd say that pretty much sums it up. Fortunately, there were very effective medications for both. In a relatively short time, I was feeling better, though was very aware when the medication started to wear off again. The key, is to keep the nurses informed as to how you were feeling and to notify them as soon as things change.(see 2)

Apparently, when you are on the ventilator and when you've spent a long time flat on your back relatively motionless, fluids tend to build up in the lungs. If there is too much accumulation there is the danger of infection, pneumonia, etc. They could stick a tube down your throat and into your lungs and vacuum out the fluid, but take my word for it, you don't want this. The other option is to cough up the mucus, just as you would if you had a bad cold. To assist you with this they give you the tools shown below (the names I used are my own creation; I have no idea what they are really called). The "Exhaler" provides a controlled resistance as you exhale. The idea being my increasing the pressure in your lungs, you cause the alveoli (the terminal air sacs of the lungs) to expand. The "Inhaler" measures lung capacity, but unlike the tests your may have had at your doctor's office, this is done while inhaling rather than exhaling. Difficult to see in this small photograph, but there is a scale on the left that indicates lung capacity in ml. The hospital's "Respiratory Therapist" teaches you how to use the equipment, and also sets your "goal" (based on weight I believe). My goal was 3500 ml and the indicator on the side was set at that number as a reminder. I'm not sure if the therapist said this or I imagined it, but I got the feeling that I wouldn't be allowed to go home until my goal was achieved. FYI, the first time I tried it I was lucky to pull 1500 ml; I had a long way to go...























Unfortunately there are two things wrong with this scenario:

Keep in mind that, at this stage, your rib cage is held together with string. When you inhale, your chest expands and... Well let's just say your body is none too happy about it; i.e. it smarts a bit!
When you breath deeply with your lungs full of gunk, it makes you cough (the whole idea of this exercise). In the beginning, coughing feels like someone hit you in the chest with a pick ax. It gets easier with time, but I can assure you you'll never forget that first cough after surgery!
The sequence goes something like this...

Exhale (30 times per session)
Inhale (10 times per session)
Cough (typically once per deep inhale)
OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! (PC substitution for F@#$!!!)

You might be wondering what the "heart pillow" is for. Well... you know how small children will latch on to a stuffed animal and it becomes their best buddy? Same thing. This small pillow will become your best buddy while you are in the hospital and for some time after. You are instructed to clasp the pillow tightly to your chest when you feel you are going to cough; doing so helps stabilize the sternum (breastbone) and makes the pain almost tolerable. To this day I walk around the house clutching my little pillow like a security blanket.


NOTE:

(1)Time spent in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) is rather surreal. There are no windows, the lights are on around the clock and doctors, nurses, and patients are constantly coming and going. I couldn't see a clock from my bed so I had no idea how much time was passing, or even if it were day or night. About the only cues I had were the particular meal that was being served at the time. Well that, and I figured it was most likely the doctors were there in the morning, rather than late at night; the nurses were always there, working twelve hours shifts.

(2)Pain and nausea are extremely subjective and as far as I know, they cannot be monitored directly. The nurses must depend on you to tell them how you are feeling. You don't get anywhere with the "grin and bear" approach. Chances are if you tell the nurse what's bothering you she can fix it or at least make it a heck of a lot better.

SURGERY (+ 2 DAYS): SECONDARY ICU

The hospital I was in had two levels of ICU (Intensive Care Unit). The primary ICU was the area where they took you directly after surgery. As mentioned earlier, this place probably has the highest nurse-to-patient ratio in the hospital. It is nonstop 24 hours a day. I can't even begin to guess how many hours of sleep I got while there (not including prior to coming out of the anesthesia). With no way to tell day from night, no clocks, and nurses coming and going all the time to take samples, check readings, and administering medication, it was like one very long day.

On the second day after surgery I was moved to the secondary ICU. This room was quieter with less activity and they actually dimmed the lights at night (at least I guess it was night). This room was the transition room between ICU and the cardiac ward. You'd think that with this new found quiet and at least some indication as to when it was night, I'd have slept like a log. No such luck...

On the wall was an EKG constantly monitoring my heart. The nurse set it to sound a (loud) alarm, whenever my heart-rate dropped below 50. Yes, you guessed it, every time I started to drift off to sleep, my heart rate would drop below 50, the alarm would go off and I'd be wide awake. To make matters worse, every time the alarm went off the nurse would come running. The first few times were comforting (i.e. it was nice to know they were there should anything go wrong), but it didn't take long to go from comforting to annoying. All I wanted to do was sleep!

To make matters worse, each time the nurse came in, she would warn that if there was much more of this, I would have to go back into surgery and have a pacemaker installed. Let me tell you, the thing you least want to hear after going through open heart surgery is that you may have to go right back into it for more work. In addition, I absolutely did not want a pacemaker. I tried to explain to the nurse that, prior to the surgery I had been on Beta Blockers and my heart rate was often below 50, but to no avail.

My mind was racing trying to figure out how I was going to avoid the pacemaker. It was then when I looked over my shoulder and noticed that I could just make out the EKG monitor behind me. I then started moving whatever body parts I could in the hopes I could get my heart rate up. I tossed and turned, moved my legs up and down, held my breath, breathed faster, everything I could think of. With all the wires and tubes there was a limit as to what I could do, but fortunately it was enough. By keeping this up all night I was able to keep the alarm from sounding, the nurse from coming in, and hopefully eliminate the need for the pacemaker. Of course it meant no sleep, but I figured that was a small price to pay. Fortunately I only had to spend one night here.

That was the day I also went through a little scare. With all of this tossing and turning, one would think that it would improve circulation. Again, no such luck, and yours truly had to go through another angiogram like surgery to take care of a blood clot that was forming in my right leg(I'll give you the proper name of the procedure later as I do not recall it right now). With the blod clot all taken care of, I went back to the room and finally was able to get some sleep (probably because of the anesthesia).

SURGERY (+3 DAYS): MOVING DAY - Out of ICU and into CSU

After a rather uncomfortable night, it was time to move again, this time out of ICU and up to the CSU (Cardiac Surveillance Unit). This area of the hospital is equipped with remote EKG monitoring equipment. You are equipped with a small EKG transmitter and it broadcasts your heart's activity to the nurses station via several antennas located throughout the area. The big advantage is that you can be mobile, no longer tethered to the bed with a hardwired EKG.

The real high point of this day was getting the various tubes removed. The PA and a floor nurse came in that afternoon and removed the two drain tubes from my chest, the Foley catheter, and the IV. Just after surgery there were 2 IV lines running to either side of my neck. As I remember, one of those was removed the first day. Now they were removing most of what remained. One of the remaining IV lines was removed, leaving behind a short catheter. This would be used throughout the balance of my hospital stay to inject medications and take blood samples. Certainly a much better system than having them constantly sticking needles in your arm. Injections through the neck catheter were completely painless, but occasionally there would be a slight discomfort when they took blood samples. The wires for the temporary pacemaker were also left in place, just in case it was required.

All-in-all the tube removal process was relatively painless. Certainly not what I expected. The drain tubes in my chest were rather large, perhaps as much as 3/8" (~1 cm) O.D. I was sure it would hurt like heck when these were pulled out, but fortunately that wasn't the case. More of a strange sensation rather than a pain. Removing the Foley catheter wasn't painful per say, but the sensation is one you will have to experience for yourself to fully appreciate.

The real blessing of having most of the plumbing removed was being able to finally move around without dragging the collection bottles behind me. May not sound like much, but it is a true milestone, second only to waking up in the ICU after the surgery and realizing it is all over and you're OK!

The balance of this day was rather uneventful. I was still a bit weak, but able to walk short distances. I was able to use the bathroom (finally!)

NOTE

I should note that the above pain ratings do not include what I call the "Tape Factor" or "TF". The TF is the pain caused by ripping off the tape used to secure the tubes, wires, etc. to your body and is proportional to the amount of it used. Nurses, bless their hearts, will tape anything to anything. They have rolls of the stuff hanging from their stethoscopes and their belts, a few rolls in their pockets, and, just to be sure they don't run out of it, each room seems to have a dozen roll backup supply sitting on the shelf. I had more tape on my body than King Tut.

The tape nurses use has very special characteristics. Not only does it adhere like epoxy, but it also has a built-in hair detector. Should there be a single hair remaining anywhere on your body, the tape will find it. Oh yes, I should correct a previous statement. I said that they shave you from your neck to your toes, but I forgot to mention that they don't shave your arms. Guess what part of your body ends up with the most tape on it?


SURGERY (+4 DAYS): THE LAST DAY!

This was my last full day in the hospital. Early that morning, they removed the remaining IV and temporary pacemaker wires. As far as I was concerned I was ready to go home. I felt great and and could see no reason to remain in the hospital, but was told it's best to stick around awhile longer to make sure there was no adverse reaction to removing the last bit of hardware.

I spent most of the day walking the halls and hanging around the nurse's station looking at the EKG monitors and other gadgets at their disposal. I'd walk for 30 minutes or so, stop by my room for a short rest, then I was back on my feet again. Unfortunately, I was restricted to walking in a rather limited area since I had to stay in range of the wireless EKG monitoring equipment.

SURGERY (+5 DAYS) - GOING HOME!


Early the next morning I was released from the hospital, just about 120 hours after I checked in; truly amazing considering what I had been through. As per hospital rules, they had to summon a wheelchair to take me down to the car, but the way I felt I could have just as well flown. I felt fantastic. The few minutes I had to wait for the wheelchair to arrive seemed to drag on for an eternity. Don't get me wrong, the treatment I received in the hospital was first rate, as were the doctors, nurses and support staff who took care of me during my stay. Be that as it may, as the old saying goes: "There's no place like home" and that's where I wanted to be. As Julius Caesar said: "Veni, Vidi, Vici (I came, I saw, I conquered )"; now it was time to go!

SIDE NOTE:

As a side story, one time in ICU I decided to try to get from the chair back into bed on my own. As luck would have it, I must have caught or stepped on the tube from the Foley catheter to the urine collection bag. Fortunately, the coupler pulled apart rather than the catheter being pulled out (knowing how it feels when they remove the deflated catheter, I can only imagine how terrible it would be to pull it out while it is still fully inflated (the catheter, not me). Anyway, when the nurse came in to clean up the mess, I asked him to try to estimate how much urine had spilled, and put that on my chart. This gives you some idea how desperate I was to get the "numbers" necessary for an early discharge.

Well, I guess that was it for the hospital stay. I will keep you all posted as how my recovery is going. Once again, thanks for all of the "wish you well" e-mails.







Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 7:06 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, August 1, 2006 11:07 AM EDT
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Saturday, July 29, 2006
"VEDI, VINI, VICI!" HOME AT LAST
Mood:  happy
Topic: SURGERY/HOSPITAL STAY
I've made it! I'm home and I am on my way to recovery! As Julius Caesar said "VEDI, VINI, VICI!" (I came, I saw, I conquered). And that says it all. I've conquered open heart surgery!! As I will post entries detailing my surgery, the hospital stay, and my recovery later on, this one will give you all a quick overview of what happened in the last 5 days.



*Total time between entering the hospital and leaving - 120 hours (5 days).

* Duration of the actual surgery - ~ 5 hours

* Fully awake - ~6 hours after the surgery

* First time I was able to sit on the edge of the bed - 1 day after surgery

* First time I was able to get out of bed and sit in a chair for an hour - 2 days

*Drain tubes and Foley Catheter removed (yeah!). - 3rd day after surgery

*First time I was able to get out of bed and walk around - 3rd day

*First time I was able to walk around unassisted - 4th day

*Wires for temporary pacemaker removed. Walked several times in 1/2 hour segments. Felt great!- 4th day

*Dismissed from the hospital - Morning of the 5th day

FUNNY FACT: The first day I was able to leave my room and walk the halls of the hospital, an elderly woman passed me like I was standing still (the tortoise and hare scenario). I looked at her and noticed she too had a fresh Sternotomy scar. I asked the nurse about her and was told she was 86 years old and had the same operation I did. If a 35 year old chicken going through this doesn't convince you that you can as well, think of this 86 years old woman sprinting down the hall!

There are some other things I would like to point out:

1) This is something you do because you have to. This is something you do because if you don't, things are going to get worse and eventually beyond the point of repair. For some, like myself who are symptomatic, it is a non-decision; your quality of life diminishes to the point where you will do anything to make it better. To others, who are relatively asymptomatic, its a more difficult call. My cardiologist told me that my aneurysm was so severe that, if left uncorrected, it could become a life-threatening situation in a short period of time. Due to a partial dissection of the aorta, I also had to get some work done on my Aortic valve.

2) This is major surgery and there are associated risks. There are many things you can do to minimize those risk such as:

*Find the very best cardiovascular surgeon you can. This person will literally be holding your life in his or her hands! In my case, I was very lucky to find a surgeon that went the extra mile to save my valve, rather than take the much easier path of replacing it with an organic (pig) or mechanical valve, both of which have associated risks and / or limitations.

*Have your surgery done at a hospital that specializes in cardiac surgery. Your surgery and rapid recovery depend not only on the surgeon, but also on the nursing and support staff. Hospitals that specialize in cardiac surgery are most likely to have the best of the best, with the experience to handle any situation that may arise.

*Undergo throughout cardiovascular screening prior to your surgery. If any thing else need repairing (like the aortic valve in my case), it is best to do it at the same time. Believe me, you don't want to go through this any more times than absolutely necessary!

*Ask your surgeon how many units of blood will be required for your surgery and donate that blood ahead of time at your local blood bank (Autologous Blood Donation). There is no safer, more compatible blood than your own. Check with your doctor first and if he says it is safe to donate blood, by all means do it. If you have any health issues such as a bad cold, sore throat, etc. get these attended to prior to banking your blood. It is also a good idea to have your hemoglobin level checked and supplement your diet with iron pills or iron rich foods if necessary. The blood bank will not collect your blood if your hemoglobin levels are too low.

*Yes, there is pain involved, but it is manageable. Pain is relative and highly subjective. Each of us has our own pain threshold and level of tolerance. Fortunately, with the medications they have today, it is fully manageable. Keep in mind, even though it is possible to completely block the pain, this isn't always a wise thing to do. Pain takes over where common sense fails.

*The anticipation is far worse than the event! As with every medical procedure I've reported here, the anxiety and anticipation was far worse than the actual surgery. In fact, since you sleep through the whole ordeal, it is pretty much a nonevent. Yes, there is a certain amount of discomfort during the post-op recovery, but it is certainly manageable.

*Knowing what's involved, how do you do it? I've been asked this question several times and my answer is always: "You just do it: step-by-step, day-by-day, you just keep going until it's all over with". Seems like a simplistic answer, I know, but that really says it all. You aren't doing this because you want to, but rather because you have to. Once you accept that fact, and go with the tide rather than against it, the sooner you'll be able to come to terms with it and the sooner you'll be able to invest your emotional energy in what really matters... in getting well. It took me a very long time to learn this lesson.

I want to thank all of you for all of your prayers and kind e-mails. Special thanks goes to all of my family and friends who supported me (and still are supporting me) through this. I have reentered the atmosphere. I'm home!

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 4:16 PM EDT
Updated: Saturday, July 29, 2006 4:28 PM EDT
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Sunday, July 23, 2006
RE-ENTERING THE ATMOSPHERE
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: THE COUNTDOWN
This is it. It has finally hit home. No more denial. It is really happening to me. Tomorrow I'll be "turning" myself in for a TAA repair surgery. The operation is scheduled for 8am, but I need to be there at 6am so they can run final tests and prepare me for surgery.

As this is my last entry before the surgery I don't really have much to say besides what could be a bad analogy and a couple of observations. Let's get started with the analogy, shall we?

Today I was watching the movie Apollo 13 and I realized that my whole surgery thing can be compared to the re-entry of a space craft into the atmosphere. It was a dramatic moment when the craft was re-entering the atmosphere. It was dramatic, because it was dangerous, but also because during this time we wouldn't have any contact with the astronauts. Then, they'd break free into the atmosphere, hail Houston and everyone would cheer as we'd watch the capsule descend under three white parachutes. The capsule would land, and then it would be retrieved by a waiting ship. The astronauts were then put in quarantine where they could talk to, but not touch their loved ones for a few days.

I see the surgery tomorrow as being that re-entry. I'll be off where nobody can communicate with me in my little coma. Everyone will hold their breath and I'll open my eyes to everyone's collective sigh of relief. But the thing is, the surgery is dangerous, but it's the necessary path home. And honestly, the dangerous period has already passed. This is exactly as it was with the Apollo program; by the time they entered atmosphere most of the dangerous stuff was behind them. And that's where I'll be tomorrow; with the danger behind me, doing what I need to do to come home.


With that out of the way I have a couple of comments to make. First, a few minutes ago I figured something out. I figured that being a patient is the easy part, all I have to do is lie in bed and try to get better. The people (my family and friends) who are going to sweat out the next 24 hours while I lie in a near-coma, they're the ones that have the bad end of the deal here. And all I can say to all of you is that I'm sorry, I'll be home soon, and it will all be okay.

And the last thing I have to say is that I'm not good at this. I'm not supposed to be the guy lying in the bed. I'm the one who sits at the bedsides, or paces the hallway, or does what has to be done to make it easier for others. I don't know how to lie in bed and let others worry about me. It's not what I do, it's not what I'm supposed to do, it's not what I want to do. I know I'll be okay, I just wish I didn't have to put everybody through this to get there.

So, I guess I said everything I had to say. Thank you all for all of the support and e-mails. I'm slipping into the atmosphere now. I'll be back here soon (5 to 7 days). I'm coming home....

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 8:15 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, July 23, 2006 9:35 PM EDT
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PRE-OPERATIVE CONSULTATION....ERR...TORTURE
Mood:  on fire
Topic: THE COUNTDOWN
Yesterday I had my pre-operative appointment which amounts to a couple of hours of explanations, counciling, signing, and being poked and prodded. It was far from what I would call a positive experience, but then again I didn't expect to spend the 2-3 hours eating cake and ice-cream anyway.

It all started with the nurse, who in addition to bringing a "goody bag" also brought lots of paper-work. Now the goody bag wasn't exactly full of goodies, rather it was full of mostly plastic medical things that just made me curious in a not good way. I'm going to spare the details, but none of them were exactly welcome presents. The paperwork was full of disclaimers and a lot of words to remind me that lots of bad stuff could go wrong, and if it they did go wrong, it wasn't really anyone's fault. She also gave me all kinds of information on what to expect post-op and quite frankly none of it was real good. She actually said that it is common for patients to be terrified by all the contraptions they are attached to when they awake. GEE, THANKS LADY, feeling better now already.

Then the anesthesiologist paid a visit. A nice guy who seemed to mumble at my charts in between imparting valuable pieces and bits of information on me. "Yes, you will be on a respirator when you wake up". "And you'll be tied down so that you can't take it out on your own". TIED DOWN? That does not sound too appealing. "You'll also be heavily sedated, so much so that you probably won't remember it (more on that later)". "Yes, you will also be on a heart-lung machine during the surgery which means your heart will be stopped during the surgery". Thanks for reminding me I will be half-dead. That's something one likes to hear before an open-chest surgery. Great social skills pal. "Oh, and we run some extra tubes into your wrist and carotid artery to monitor stuff". "Add those to your wire/tube inventory for when you awake". Incidentally, I think that total inventory amounts to thirteen wires, four tubes and the respirator, but I'm sure I've missed something. And he goes on, "Yes, you will absolutely look like crap when you wake up; you'll be pale and pufffy and generally zombish, though not as lively". This guy is great, "zombish", "not as lively", oh yeah, I'm so looking forward to that. Can anyone tell me why the hospital allows him to talk to the patients? Then he imparted one last nugget of information; some people remember more than others. "You see, some people remember being on the respirator, and some people remember the surgery. And, oh yes, that includes the pain of the surgery, but that's a pretty rare occasion so don't worry about it." That was when I decided I had enough and not so politely asked him to shut up or else... C'mom, I don't want to know there is a slight possibility that I will be able remember something. Remember the surgery? The actual surgery?? AAAHHHHHHH!!!

What could possibly be next? Well, I had a chest X-ray which was uneventful and an EKG which was also uneventful, a chest MRI, and then they saved the best for last. That's right, the blood draw. Now, I'm scared of needles, but I was prepared to be poked so I already had this all worked out in my head. But the blood drawing person says we're doing this special type of blood draw that requires arterial blood and yes it is quite painful. I've been around enough medical professionals to know that when they say it's going to hurt, it is going to hurt A LOT. They didn't disappoint me either, I was a bit more than nervous and explained this to them. They had this great idea that I should just keep talking while they poked the artery in my arm. "Talking you help you to relax". Didn't work, as a matter of fact, I was so tense that the needle bounced off my artery repeatedly, and I felt each bounce. Three words: OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!. This means only one thing, time to try the other arm. This time I waved them off and asked them to forget the "keep talking" plan and just give me a minute to collect myself. I went "away" to my "ice cave" and managed to relax enough to get the blood drawn. My reward: a kiss on the forehead by the cute brunette nurse (that was so nice of her!!). The drawback: pressure bandages on both wrists. So now I look like I must have been suicidal.

Well, everything seems to be ready and in order for the big day tomorrow. Blood donations done, all of the exams done (well, I still need to do a few of them right before the surgery), pre-operative TORTURE done. It seems that I only have to sit back, relax (if I can), and wait the hours go by...so slowly...


Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 5:42 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, July 23, 2006 5:46 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 20, 2006
OH BOY, WHAT DID I JUST DO?
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: THE COUNTDOWN
Ok. One more day has passed. Today I met with my surgeon so he finally could explain all of the details of the surgery. My surgery is scheduled for monday July 24th. Yep, Just 4 days away!! UGH!! After analyzing all of the exams, my surgeon had decided to perform an open-chest surgery. Nothing new here once Endovascular surgery was never really an option in my case. But I was really hoping a Half-Median Sternotomy (a 4-5 inches incision is made in the chest and only part of the breastbone, sternum, is split in 2) could be performed in my case. No such luck though. Due to the location of the aneurysm, the doc has decided for a Full-Median Sternotomy (where a 10-12 inches incision is made and the whole sternum is split in 2). I was also hoping for an off-pump surgery. Once again, no such luck. I will need to use a heart-lung machine as the surgeon needs to bypass the blood flow from the aorta. I have to say I am a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. My surgeon and family keep telling me it is normal. But I just wish I could sleep today and only wake up a week from now when the whole thing is over.

As the doc was explaining everything in detail to me, I decided to mention that I have been feeling quite tired all day long (generally I have a hard time falling asleep, but today I felt so tired that I slept a good portion of the day). Oh boy, why did I mention I was tired? As just the word tired was coming out of my mouth, the surgeon jumps off his chair and says "Well, let's take a look at that, shall we?". At this point, I was sure he was only going to perform some routine check-up exam such as check on heartbeat, blood pressure, take my temperature. Once again, how wrong I was...

The next thing I know, I am being wheeled out of his office and dragged to another room. The nurse asked me to change into a hospital gown. I guess I was so surprised by all of the commotion, that all I did was to comply with the nurse's request. Soon after, I was having one nurse collecting blood samples from me and another nurse preparing me for an EKG. After the EKG, I was told they would need to perform a MRI of the chest. At this point, I had totally regreted telling the doc about feeling a bit tired. But at least, all of the tests came out ok. I guess no news is good news now. Later on, I was told the reason for all of the tests was that the doc thought the aneurysm had ruptured. And the blood tests were done in the event I needed to go to surgery right away. Apparently, fatigue and drowsiness are symptoms of a ruptured aneurysm. Knowing that, I forgave my doc for making me go through an additional set of medical procedures. As the old saying says "Better be safe than sorry". Lesson learned.

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 12:12 AM EDT
Updated: Thursday, July 20, 2006 7:08 PM EDT
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Tuesday, July 18, 2006
PREPARING FOR THE BIG DAY
Mood:  hug me
Topic: THE COUNTDOWN
Well, no more tests for a few days. What a relief it is! But it seems that every day I have to take one step preparing for the surgery. Today it was mostly work related things. Making sure to delegate responsibilities and ensure things will get done while I am recovering from the surgery. By now, I just want to get it over with. I am a nervous wreck! But it's always nice to know I can count with my brother and with my fiancee for moral support. They have been doing a great job in keeping my morale elevated. She's being a real trooper, supporting me at every and any step of the way. She was a bit sad in the beginning when we first heard I'd have to undergo surgery. But now, she's keeping herself busy making sure I take my medications on time, I am properly fed (I hope I have not gained weight), and giving me excellent back rubs. I do have to admit I am being spoiled by her. My only hope is to, one day, be able to return all of the affection, love, and attention I've been given.

I also would like to take this opportunity to answer some of you who has sent me an e-mail (I do appreciate all of them) asking to either remove the compass from the page (apparentely it makes it harder to read) or to explain the meaning of it. Well, the compass is a metaphore for hope and sense of direction of one's life. It reminds me that no matter how lost I am or may feel, there's no reason for despair. There's always hope as long as the compass still is pointing North. And I have to say North is where my heart is. North is where my family is. Thank you Rob, my brother, and thank you Izz, my true love, for always being there for me. For supporting, and helping me not just now, but also through the past years. So, for those of you who asked me to remove the compass, I can only say; I am sorry, but the compass will remain.

Posted by planet/briantaawatch at 1:19 AM EDT
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